Engagement broken :(
 

I Know that this is totally off yorkie talk, but im need of some deperate advise.....here it goes:( My fiance has just broken up with me. He said hes tired of arguing...we always argued for stupid stuff. So he said that this is not going to work. I really need all the imput i can get from you guys.. I dont know what to do, we live together. So I drove 4 hours last nite to come to a friends house. I can stay here for a while and try and heal a bit. Any suggestions....? I dont know were to start my life again...No job, and no apt. Please give me some good advise....in desprate need. Thank you

Sorry to hear about the breakup. Do you know why you guys argue all the time. Who starts it mostly, in your post it sounds like he doesn't like to argue so is it you? If you're wanting to get back together, why not suggest premarital counceling? If he doesn't want to go, you should go yourself.

I am a firm believer that even though a woman can love with all her heart and soul...she should never be dependant on anyone else. Get yourself a job and start supporting yourself. That way if in this relationship or another, whether it's he who breaks it off or you, you have the means to take care of yourself without depending on someone else. Good luck to to you.

i agree with you in getting a job asap. He hates to argue, he is a non confrontational man. He does not want to do premarital counseling because he things that its just not going to work out. Im just so sad....

I'm sorry that it sounds like it will not work out with you and you fiance. I still think counceling is a great idea, you can go alone, if you're totally honest with the counselor, it can be a big help in future relationships. It sounds like he doesn't want it to work, so I would put my chin up, be proud of yourself and move on. There are plenty of things to do to help you, if you can't find a job right away, then volunteer somewhere. There is nothing like bringing a smile to someone else to make us feel better. Good luck!! :)

Thank you i trully appreciate your advise...i am in a real time of need

Don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed with all of this at once and let it get you too down. I know it is easy to say but hard to do. I don't know how old you are, but one of the things I have learned in my forty plus years is things always LOOK worse than they are. Can you stay at your friends for a few days, just to give yourself time to replan your life?

As much as it hurts your BF is probably doing you a favor, it doesn't seem like it now maybe, eventually you will see; what is so devastating today, will seem small later in life. Don't know what the source of your arguments are, but I do know the arguing will not go away on it's own. My teenage son and his GF are always fighting/arguing, and I tell him this is not the way love is supposed to be.

Look at this as an opportunity. Try to turn a very sad thing into something that is good for you. Use this time to reevaluate YOUR life and the direction you want it to take. Don't make decisions about what you are going to do too quickly, take time to think things through. Good Luck:) :)

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Break-ups suck. My take on it (and I by no means consider myself an expert) is that your fiance has been thinking about this for a while and agonizing over when to tell you. If it came out of the blue and not during a big fight, that means he has been contemplating this for some time and it wasn't an over night decision. Once most people have given something a tremendous amount of thought and made a decision, it's usually done.

That said, my best advice to you is to give him total space. Don't be psycho girl and call him every 5 minutes begging him to take you back. You will only look back later and regret that. Let him miss you. If he calls wanting to talk, good...do it like a rational person. Admit your own faults, but don't take on on the problems as your fault just because you are desparate to work things out. It's a two way street. If it doesn't work out, that's how it's supposed to be. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make yourself a stronger person because of it. These things are real learning experiences and really help you get to know yourself and understand behaviors you need to work on to get along in the world, as hard as it is to take right now.

Many times on hindsight you look back and say, "whew, that was a close one...if I had married him, I would have never met the most wonderful man in the world, my soulmate". Although I believe in fate, and that things happen for a reason, I also believe that YOU make your own choices. Choose the right path, don't make stupid decisions or let your emotions make them for you. Things will work out. I only wish the best for you!

Great Advice!

I'm sorry you guys are having trouble....Only because I'm older I'll offer any advise:p IF you guys are arguing this much BEFORE you get married - then it's bound to escalate more if you actually make it legal - I hope things work out for you ....but to tell you the truth - this may be a blessing in disguise.

I know you'll get LOTS of helpful replies here - but I just wanted to add my 2 cents and tell you ...Keep your chin up -

sometimes a big CHANGE in our life is the scariest thing to face - but in the long run ...can be the best thing for us - we just don't know it when we go thru it ...

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup, but better to know this now. Counseling will only work with those who are eager and willing to fully engage in it. If this isn't him, then that won't help. From the little you said, it doesn't necessarily sound like he is willing to put in the effort to make things better. Take some time for yourself to figure out what it is you really want. I suggest making a list of the ideal person for you - dream big. Even though this seems like the end of the world right now, there is something else out there for you. I wish you the best of luck.

When my husband and I got engaged, we argued more than ever. I think it's something about the stress of being not married but more than dating that really gets to you and scares you about your future. We even broke our engagement off once for 2 months! ....because the arguing got so bad......it was scary, you know, arguing so much before marriage. Now, I can't say my marriage (2.5 years) has been the smoothest road but we did it and don't regret it.

I am so sorry

i say, move on with your life, you now need to take care of yourself.
remember your number one..ive been there,done that,, its all you now
sweetie... keep your head up, chin up and take care of you first..
fighting it just not worth it cause it never gets better... your worth more..
we are here for you always..

I wish this was the case with us. Our fear and cause for most of these fights were because we were scared to loose one another...and now we have :(

Why not temp out... for awhile until you get on your feet? Where r u now in Texas? I am in South Texas and run a temp service if that helps you any... the weather is great over here....good luck with your decision.;)

OMG thank you!!!! Im in el paso texas how far are you?

I'm just a year older than you, but I have been married almost 4years. My husband & I didn't live together before marriage & once we started living together it was rough. We couldn't agree on anything & fought about everything. I was constantly pouting about something. So I talked to some married people & found out it was normal. I had always thought that if you married the one everything would be perfect...no fights just love love love. It's not like that marriage & love for that matter is a choice. It's something that takes work & patience. He may just need some time & he may be feeling over whelmed. Getting married is a huge decision especially if you were raised that divorse is not an option period. He may just be scared & think that the little bickering is a sign of something bigger. Give him some space & see what happens.

As far as a job, my father's company just bought a plant in El Paso, we make wire, that might be a place to try & get a job. PM me if you want the contact information.

11 hrs and 50 mins....... Im 4 1/2 hours from San Antonio...... we have a office in Austin if its closer..... but you moved from el paso where did ya go?

Oh my gosh...my husband and I fought more for the 6 months we were engaged than we EVER did the whole 2.5 years we dated. It was AWEFUL! We did often say to each other that we probably shouldn't get married bc we just fight WAY too much. We did "call off" the engagement a couple of times (although we never "officially" called it off), but after we both cooled down then we reconciled. Also, we did not live together before we got married. But, we DID go through pre-marital counseling. Boy, did that help 100%. Our counselor, who was the preacher that married us, gave us this book that taught us how to "fight" the "right" way. We hardly ever fight anymore, but if we DO fight, we do it the "right" way.

Give him a chance to cool off. Don't call him. Give him a chance to call you. If it ultimately does not work out, then I promise you that it will be a blessing in disguise. Keep your chin up! Find a job or a hobby or something that will keep you occupied and keep your mind off of this whole situation.

I drove to alburquerque nm... i will be here for a week.

IC well if you decide you want a change of nice beach weather head this way... South Padre Island is about 30 minutes away.... good luck and yes keep your head up!

I hope all works out! :(

Amen to that. Never put yourself in a position where you are dependent on anyone that you are not married too.

I don\'t know how long you have been engaged, or what your arguments are about, but you should try to get counseling, even if you do get back together.

I know it is hard to let go and move on, but somethimes that is the best thing to do.

Pray about it and keep your mind open for an answer. God will always answer, but it isn\'t always the answer we are hoping for. Ultimately, God is still in control. And this man might not be who you are supposed to be with.

EXCELLENT post! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

AMEN! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

I am not good at giving advice, but you two are in my thoughts and prayers. Relationships are hard at times and everyone goes through trials like these.:(

Thank you guys all your advise helps me get through the day a lot easier....Peanuts came with me so he can play with a 7month old 90lbs labrador...its funny.. but i doit for a few mins and under very careful suppervison..:aimeeyork :animal36

Was there a trust issue??? That will do it everytime

Yea, it\'s hard to get over trust issues. Were there things in your relationship that happened that made you two think one or the other was going to leave?

Crystal

it seems im like that...im scared to get hurt...But i wanna get rid of that, i just realized yesterday that i gotta doit for my own well being and happines....

yes, hunny you do; get rid of that security issue and you will see a different light and it is a beautiful one. Has he given you a reason to get hurt?