Need help with childraising problem (not yorkie related)
 

Ok, my stepdaughter (see avatar) is staying with us this summer. She is an only child and very spoiled.

She doesn't usually mind me, and I get aggravated. Well, today, just now, she picked her nose and showed it to me (she did this yesterday). We just got on her for that and for burping out loud, and how it wasn't appropriate for a little girl. Well, when she showed me what she found in her nose (she is 7.5 years old), I told her that was disgusting and not to do that, and I went outside to tell her dad.
When I came back in, she asked "what did he say?" Then she said in a smart aleck way, "I bet dad is sick of you tattle tailing on me!" Oh, GOD, I couldn't believe she said that to me!

I, being raised in Catholic schools, and had the fear of God put in my by the nuns, RARELY ever disobeyed my parents (being that it was a 10 Commandment and everything). Now, dealing with her, I am just dumbstruck. What should I do? I am miserable in my own house having her here.

Help me!!

Oh I feel for ya, at 7 1/2 she should know better! Don't go to your husband when she does something you don't like. She's safe, you know that, just pretend she's not there. It's a tuff age, what time is her bedtime? You can always dock 1/2 hour, and let her know when she acts her age, she will get it back. The next time she wants to do something, only let her do it, if she's treating you right. She wants to push to see how far she can go, don't let her. It's not easy, and someday it will hit her just how miserable she made you, it will take a long time for that, but it will hit her.
When we adopted our youngest daughter (7 at tie time), she thought she could do anything she wanted, always ran to daddy. I put a stop to it right away, I began treating her the age she acted, she did'nt like that at all.
It's going to be a long summer if you don't talk to her now. Show her the difference of what she can do now, from two years ago. Let her know it only gets better as you get older, but you need to earn things, and the way she's acting isn't going to cut it. Too bad she has to pull something so gross, she really is cute.

Best of luck to you.:2hearts2: :2hearts2: :2hearts2:

Thank you Mustang. I try dealing with her, she is just slick, and I am inexperienced. And the thing with her bed time, she doesn't have one. We just got her to start sleeping in her own bed, and that is with my husband staying in there until she falls asleep. She use to sleep with us:eek: ! She is way too old for that. Anyway, we have to have consequences for her bad behavior, but Mike doesn't want to do that because he says he only gets her for the summer and wants to make sure she is happy-which means NO DISCIPLINE. He is learning that this is the wrong idea.

I agree with Gina, she knows how to push your buttons. Ignore her as best you can. Once she see's it doesn't get a rise out of you the thrill will be gone. I also think you need to sit down with her dad and set up acceptable behaviour and punishmnets f or not complying, ie privileges taken away. It is a difficult postion being a stepmom. I to was raised in all Catholic schools by nuns and boy we were taught respect. I have taught that to my dtr as well. I told her you can't control how smart you are but you sure can control how you behave. good luck

Yeah, she definitely pushes my buttons. I have had that problem my whole life, people just can easily push my buttons, I hate it. And when I child does it, it just infuriates me. I don't know how to fix that. I am just easy to read, and I react to everything.

You will have to beat the sweetheart at her own game. Next time (and ther will be) have a camera ready, take a picture and then proudly display THIS PIC of her......

Be creative..... don't get mad, just win. Everytime you get upset and tell her fatherr, then she has won another battle, so be clever and be creative... you will have to beat her at her own game.

Yep, too bad the schools have changed, I know a few of the one's I had would put her in her place.
NO DISCIPLINE would be out of the question!!!! He needs to learn now, that's not a good idea. We had some friends who let their only child get away with everything. She was so mean, no one liked her, she thought she could buy friends, it didn't work. Great student, but when High School came around, she said she wasn't going, and they couldn't make her. Yep I know it's the law, they have to be in school, not this kid, and her dad's a cop!
She left school, had a baby, and has been nothing but trouble for years.
Even got herself arrested, yep, dad bailed her out.:eek:

Did your husband get away with this stuff when he was her age? He really needs to wake up, yes I know he wants to be the best dad for the time he has with her, but in the long run, he's going to loose her, and that would be sad. He's not her best friend, he's her parent, and parents need to step in
when things are out of control, not close their eyes and pretend things are great. I'd ask him what he really thinks about the way she's acting, because if it's OK for her to do this at home, it will be OK for her to do it anywhere, and No, it's Not OK.
Good luck to you, I have a feeling you're going to need it.:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

On second thought, send her to me, I'll have some fun! We'll end up loving each other ....:D

You are in a tough situation because your husband needs to support you here. He also should know that deep down kids are NOT happy when they don't have rules and boundaries, it makes them scared. The reason she keeps pushing your buttons is she wants you to establish boundries. Be very clear about where you draw the line and what will happen if she goes over it. Also, try to catch her being good and reward her for that. And I don't mean with things, just say things that are positive. You are in a tough situation, I hope that it works out for you.

You might want to find something she really likes, and take a class with her,
If she's good she gets to go, if not, Oh well she can stay home.

Love the picture idea, hmmmmmmm I don't think she would want the boys to see that! She really is cute, I sure hope Dad is ready for the boys!


Being good gets you stuff, being bad gets you nothing.
That's what I was always told. :) :) :)

I will definitely try the camera thing. I keep telling her dad that if he doesn't get control now, God knows how she will be when she is a teenager. I want to warn him that her disregard for authority, and not being held accountable for her actions will lead her to serious problems when she is older, i.e. teenaged pregnancy, drugs, etc. I work in the social services field, so I know what poor parenting leads to. But, there is only so much talking I can do. I try to discipline her the best I can, but if he doesn't back me up, it is a wasted effort. He knows I am right, but he is just not sure what to do. He wants to make her happy all the time. She is just naturally a hard to control child.

Hmmmm you said you are her step mom, are you friends with her other mom?
For some reason, I don't think she would pull this with her. If you are friends, try and talk to her about it. If not, get that picture and show it to her.;)

I think that your husband needs to allow you to disipline her. He needs to do it as well. It would be good for you to become more of an authority figure. You should be able to take away or give her some things. You need to seriously sit down and have a talk with your husband that you're not happy in your own home. Ask him if this is the way things are going to be when you have your own children. It's time to set some rules and boundries. He wouldn't like it if a child disrespected him and the parent let the child get away with it.

Yeah, I did have a relationship with her mom, but we haven't talked lately because she has been difficult with Mike, which makes me mad. Anyway, Mike told me to call her about it, but I feel uncomfortable with it. Plus, she lives in Florida, so I don't really know her that well. But, I do know that she has a lot of trouble keeping Hannah in line as well. Che' sera', sera'.

Yes, exactly. He needs to see it from my point of you. I am working on him, though. Hopefully, we can get it straight. Or, I can just wait it out until the end of July when she goes back to mom.

I am seriously considering going to San Diego to visit one of my friends, and stay there for a long time, just so I don't have to be here.