The little cutiepie has way too much time on her hands and way too much "stuff". As far as taking care of physical needs, we are required to provide three things..... food, shelter and clothing.....Beans and cornbread with a salad thrown in makes a good nutrutious meal; shelter does not include a tv, xbox, computer, telephone, etc., it is a roof over their head; and good clothing can always be secured from Goodwill or Salvation Army.

Everything else is an extra.... Put everything into perspective by having your step-daughter start "earning" everything that is not a necessity. Pick your battles wisely and be prepared to do whatever it takes to win them. :)

This is not an instant fix, it is VERY hard work on your part cause it requires you to be sweet all of the time, and never ever let Sweetcheeks make you angry or come between you and your husband. It will require great strength and nerves of steel.

btw.... whining IS most definately allowed....but only in your bedroom.... with the door closed cause whining is offensive to you and cannot be done in the "public areas" of the house.

No, please don't run away from the problem. What if someday she loves going there so much (because of too much freedom) and wants to live with her dad more? I know her dad would love to have her around more. But I feel that your marriage would be doomed...
I hate to say it, but most of the problems with kids are because of the parents. I know it's hard because technically you're not her parent, but you are married to her dad. But he needs to be a man and stop letting his daughter walk all over everyone. It seems like she's the one who runs the house. He needs to set some rules. First one beginning with a set bed time. Kids NEED routines and it is not healthy for her not to be getting a good night's rest.
Most of all the three of you really need to sit down and talk to figure out why she's acting this way. Does she think it will get her to go back early? Does she hate you because she wants her parents back together? Does her mother tell her to act this way? Then I would suggest working on the relationship between the two of you. Plan a special, fun girls day out. Maybe she's acting out for attention from you.
I know it's easier to run away from the problem. But it doesn't fix it. Communicating to your husband and the little girl is best. Be sincere and know that it's okay to look in her eyes and tell her that she does have a valuable role in this house now. Don't forget to feel empathy for her. Divorce is tough. A stepmom is still a mom and you are going to have a part in raising her. Good luck.

I wouldn't leave your house to get away from her although San Diego is a wonderful place;) My neice who is 10 and lives with us sometimes plays both sides and will go to my fiance' to get what she wants. I just tell her if you go to him there wil be consequences i.e. earlier bedtime, no friends spending the night etc. I also agree with the fact that she has too much time on her hands. Get her into a camp so when she comes home she is tired. I agree with chattiesmom don't let her see you angry and don't let her see you running to him to tell him what she did. You are a grown women you shouldn't have to run and tell on a child. I think you need to handle it yourself as hard as it may be it will be the best thing for you, your husband and her because obviously there isn't much discipline in her life. It doesn't seem like either parent it teaching her much. Like I tell my niece you may not like me now, but you will love me for it later. I can't stand a smart mouth child because I know they become smart mouth adults.