thank you suzi... that was sweet.... he is coming over tonight and we will
talk.. i know it will be ok....

Gina-
I hope things work out for you in whatever way is best. Please NEVER settle - so make sure you get everything worked out and stick to it. Only true respect for each other will get you to the right place. See this as an opportunity to begin again. Good luck!

I hope everything works out. I will be the first to tell you that I am a biotch sometimes, but my fiance' and I have come to an understanding we are both adults and we will treat each other as such. We don't even say shut up to each other because that's not how grown people should talk to each other. I agree with Suzi talk to him about your expectations and listen to his. I think a lot of times we expect things but don't verbalize them to our partner.

Dr. Phil here,, on the show right now..

Questions to ask..
1. Isolated or pattern
2. Own it or excuses
3. Insight or Oblivious
4. sorry for choices or sorry got caught.

its all good now. thank you .. he just apoligized to me and now we are gonna
talk tonight.... i have to be calm and not snap so fast too

Something to think about...
 

I think you need to explain to him how a MAN behaves or is SUPPOSED to behave towards a woman. He needs that. Here's some info from Dr. Phil.

How to Fight Fair
How you argue — especially how you end an argument — can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship.

A primary requirement for any fight is to maintain control. You do not have the license to be childish, abusive or immature. If you have legitimate feelings, you are entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.)

"Disagreements are going to occur," says Dr. Phil. "The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You'll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It's not a competition, it's a partnership."

Here are Dr. Phil's specific rules for fighting fair.


Take it private and keep it private.
Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. It can and will scar them emotionally — all because you don't have the self-control to contain yourself until you can talk privately.


Keep it relevant.
Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all.


Keep it real.
Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated.


Avoid character assassination.
Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling.


Remain task-oriented.
Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it.


Allow for your partner to retreat with dignity.
How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you — perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke — and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement.


Be proportional in your intensity.
Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do not have to get mad every time you have a right to be.


There's a time limit.
Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely.

Nobella..:thumbup: Can I say.. LOVE Dr. Phil, did ya see his primetime show last night, We can go OT cause as she said..."its all good now. thank you .. "

I know but I HAD to post it because I see so many people sell themselves short because of fear of never meeting the right one. But this was it for the advice..lol...I promise.

got this in an email....sharing

a man wrote this....
Ladies,
read it slow, think about it, and take a long look at your life.
=
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you,
nothing can make him stay.
=
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
=
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
=
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
=
Slower is better.
=
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
=
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't
mistreat a friend.
=
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he
probably is.
=
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
=
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
=
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any differently?
=
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
=
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.
=
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
=
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
=
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he
has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
=
He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
=
Never let a man define who you are.
=
Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll
cheat on you.
=
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
=
All men are NOT dogs.
=
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a
two-way street.
=
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship.
=
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
=
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
=
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and
you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
=
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
=
Share this with other ladies.....You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices and another woman PREPARE.
=
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget
them.
A kind word picks up a friend when trouble weighs him or her down.
_________________

Nice post Stacey :thumbup:

I have too many friends that sell themselves short, and put up with way too much B.S. cause they think " that" is better than being alone,, god forbid, you don't have a bf, ya know.. believe me the're are much worse things.. It's sad. Being ALONE and being LONELY are two different things.

Never let a man define who you are.

with or without one.

what the heck did i start? sorry gals...

It's odd to me because I enjoyed being single soooooooo much. It was fun to date and I definetly did'nt want a boyfriend. Women don't need to be in a relationship. I agree so much with the healing in between relationships part. So many women are relationship junkies and can't ever be alone. I spent the better part of 29 years alone and I am so glad that I did. Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend. However, I don't need him, he just compliments my life.:)

Hey Gina,
I know what you mean when you say that it's you also, 1because I think I've been in the same kind of bad relationships in the past that you have been. Do you think maybe you might subconciously be trying to push him to test him and try to see if he's at all like those ex's? That is what I had done to my husband when we were dating. I would push his buttons and say things that I didn't mean to see if he would act like them. Although I don't condone him saying the F word to you I think things will get better in time. Remember that it is good to have little fights sometimes, it sure is better than holding it all in and not talking to eachother.

With time you guys will get to know eachother and learn what to do to calm the other person down during these fights. Some people need a moment by themselves to think so that things don't esculate. But everyone is different. I can tell that you really love him and with time you will be ready to give your heart to him completely. I am glad that you guys texted eachother. It takes a lot of pride to tell the other person that you love and to apologize. Good luck with everything.
Cher

Gina, honey, this is your SISTAH talking...
 

You need to go with what your heart :love: AND your head:angel: tell you. If you think this morning really was your fault,:eek: and your man has apologized SINCERELY:) for cursing at you when he KNOWS :confused: you do not like that, then talk it out and get past this, and go on and be happy.:smlove2:

But if this is only one in a string of incidences, :eek: you need to consider the good old "pros and cons"...Like so many before me have said: "DO NOT SETTLE". :thumbup: You have too much to offer, honey girl. Don't don't don't sell it short...:p

Luv ya!!!:goodluck:
xoxoxox

Come on now. No one here has gotten angry with someone and in the heat of the argument said “F-you”? I’m not justifying it or saying it was right, but it’s not like the guy called her a dirty whore and drug her around the house by her hair.

Sounds like they are on their way back to Luvaville, anyways. I love happy endings.

I can honestly say not only have I never ever ever said F--K Y-- to anyone in the heat of the moment, especially not the person I supposedly love, but no one and I mean no one, especially not the guy who's supposed to love me, has ever said that to me in the heat of the moment. And we've definetely have had very heated moments, but we walk away and cool off then talk rationally like adults. I honestly see no difference between calling someone a dirty whore or the F word. To me it's all the same, he might as well have. The hair dragging will only happen within a matter of time when the temper can't be controlled. If someone is exhibiting these tempermental behaviors now, I would hate to see what kind of hair dragging could go on in the future. Just my opinion from observations and experiences.

Very good Post Stacy !

I have. :eek: :rolleyes:

You are absolutely right, it is disrespectful. You asked him not to say it and he didn't respect that either. Deliberately and willfully disrespectful. Not a good situation. Arguments are one thing, disrespect is another.

Sounds to me like his not appologizing is the least of it. I know it's a tough spot to be in but a girl deserves better. Pray about it and have faith and the right man will come to you.

Have faith. If you don't have it, ask for it.

Never. And if any man had ever said it to he, he would have seen nothing but tail lights. Resorting to vulgarities may as well be draggin her around by the hair, it's disrespectful.

Real men don't cuss at women.

I'm not saying this to disrespect you Jeanie (so please don't take it that way :D ) but, she (we) live(s) on the East coast. I truly think men are different here. And, Italian ones? Forget it. :eek:

PS. I'm Italian too. :p

LOL...Nicole you are so right. You know what I have cussed out my DH and vice versa. Some relationships can take that for what it is...blowing off steam. As long as he doesn't put his hands on me it's all good. The F thing doesn't phase me. I have been with DH for 14 years and counting and that is not something that bothers us. I think each relationship has to learn what is a no-no and where that line is that you don't cross.

If you are one that doesn't care for the language then that is something you lay out in the beginning. Part of growing together is learning the paramaters of what you will and won't tolerate in your relationship.

Not to disrespect anyone but honestly I think that the younger folks on here...especially us East Coast folks are not phased by bad language. Words and arguing don't always equate that a man/woman that will be violent. DH and I can cuss up a storm but I would never ever worry that he would put his hands on me.


Lex...girl been there and gotten up on the wrong side of the bed and been grumpy. Sometimes we just get in that mood and you know what each of us can catch a mood. So talk to him and if you feel safe and are ok with who he is then be happy.

Glad I'm not the only one! LOLOL And, I wake up on the wrong side of the bed every morning! LOL Can you imagine men up here saying Yes Ma'am and No Miss? That would be the day.

Wow I guess I found a good one then my fiance' has never cursed at me and we have been together for a few years. I have actually never had a man curse at me and vice versa. Now have I thought it in my head sure but to verbalize it never and I can get pretty hot headed at times. Oh and I am 28 too and he is 34. We never even say shut up to each other. He doesn't really curse much at all even when he is watching football (can't the same for myself though:D ).

Lol
 

Everyone has their thing. DH is a good man girl I wouldn't have spent 14 years and had three kids if he weren't. Girl I am a Leo and he is an Aries...those are both firey folks. I love DH to death but the cussing doesn't bother us. We both can cuss up a blue streak but we know what is a total no-no that will be something that can't be taken back. Each couple learns what their limits are. The FU doesn't bother me but hold on if he calls me a B or tells me I am like my mamma (who is a nasty mean drunk)...lol. Those would hurt and be past that line.

Here is a good one..I know this chick that won't allow the fiance to cuss because that is disrespectful yet they can shove each other and break things.

Every relationship has it's way of doing things. I definitely would tell anyone man or woman to walk away from someone that is loose with the hands. No person should deal with that one.

You know what.... with time you get to learn and see when your spouse is having their off moment and know to avoide them and let them be them. Lexi and her man are fairly new so they are still feeling each other out. When he learns to see if she is grumpy and vice versa they will know not to pay it any mind or to just not bother to let it escalate.

Oh don't get me wrong I curse like a sailor. I am gemini and so is he so we have split personalities or so they say. When he gets mad he gets quiet when I get mad I call my girlfriends and tell them how he has lost his mind:D I do think it is a regional thing for the most part, my girlfriend is single and swears it's something in the public water here because most men have zero manners and consideration LOL. Oh and you sound like my SIL call her anything but DO NOT say she is like her Momma! My nephew found that out when she punched him and put him out of her car:eek: Now that is crazy you can't curse at me but you can push me, that definitely doesn't work at all. I agree new relationships need to feel each other out and lay down what they expect from each other.

LOL...your SIL is a funny girl...lol. You see you know his swings and what to expect from him. Lexi and her man are in their learning/growing phase.

Girl them is fighting words and for sure would hurt like a knife if he ever dared to call me my Mamma...lol. Just like if I were to call him just like his ex nasty arse step-father....lol. We know them are no-no's with us.

I got a giggle out of this! My Big Daddy is Italian and he can be a firecracker sometimes. We can fight hard and he has used profanity but so do I. We blow off steam and then make up:p I can be a hard ass sometimes and my hubby will just look at me, roll his eyes and announce "Oh, Robo Bitch is coming to dinner tonight" It doesn't phase me because in fact, I can be a robo bitch, LOL. It's sort of a funny joke at this point.

You never know what really goes on in a relationship between 2 people so I generally tend to refrain from passing any kind of judgement.