So frustrated
 

Hello everyone. I just need someplace to vent. My best friend of 16 years from back home was scared last week that she might be pregnant, and I'm the only person she told. She's just 21 years old and she's supposed to graduate from university next year, so she was freaking out. She was so scared to tell her boyfriend, thinking he would leave her. They've been together for 2 years, but they've never discussed the possibility. He always told her if it happened they would deal with it then. So anyways I was urging her to take a test, and she said she would on the weekend. Well, Friday night she ended up telling her boyfriend about it, and he cried. So of course she felt even more horrible and she decided there that she's not pregnant. The next day she was all happy and told me she's not pregnant, because she has no other symptoms other than a missed period, which she said is just because she messed up her pills. This is after she told me she had headaches and nausea for a week. So I still told her to take a test to be sure but she told me not to make her worry again because it was the first time she was happy in a week. So I left it for the day and spent the whole night talking to my pregnant cousin, and getting information from women's health communities and websites which all indicated that she should DEFINITELY be taking a test. I was ready to show her all this information last night, but she called me almost in tears about fighting with her boyfriend. She thinks she should break up with him even though in my opinion, she just picks on him for every little thing he does that she doesn't agree with, like staying out an hour too late with his friends so he calls her later than she expects. Anyways, she was so upset last night I didn't have the heart to keep pushing her to get a pregnancy test. It's like it's totally out of her mind now. She lives 8 hours away from me, and if she was closer I would be at her door with a test. I'm so worried if she is pregnant, she's going to just continue taking her birth control pills and drinking alcohol and anything that's harmful because she's in total denial. I feel so helpless, I cried last night and didn't sleep at all. I don't know what to do and I can't tell anyone. I feel a little better just letting it out here.

If she's doing all that it sounds like she doesn't care whether she's preganant or not. It seems to me that she would just "get rid of it." Am I wrong? :confused:

I speak from experience as I had my oldest at just 17....I also didn't really know till I was 2 months along. Having my son was the greatest thing in MY case...but being a mother at a young age is NOT for everyone.

I think she needs to find out NOW if she is or isn't. For one thing...if she is NOT...then she can just move on. IF she IS...then she has some HUGE decisions to make. Is she mature enough for a baby ? It takes alot of self sacrifice at that age....

I was lucky and was able to finish high school after my son was born and he even got a tiny diploma with his name on it when I graduated....he was the only baby in my whole school and everyone loved him....This was my angel at 1 year old...right after high school

Please talk to her about a taking the test or see a doctor because my one sister's was in total denial about her pregnancy also. My sister did not say anything or see a doctor until she was 7 months, and the doctor said that she was very lucky that her baby and her were healthy. If you are that worried about it your friend, you can always go and tell her family. I know this is betraying your friendship with this person, but when it comes to her health and well being you can not just stand back and watch her hurt herself. She will be mad at you at first, but in the long run she will understand why. My sister had to tell her best friend's family that her husband was beating her, and her friend did not speak to her for a least a year. But after my sister's friend got the help she needed and left her husband, she forgave my sister and they are now closer than ever.

If she is pregnant she definitely wants to have it. I guess coming from her history, her mom had her when she was 17, and her dad left shortly after. She felt her whole life that she messed up her mom's relationship with her dad, and only this year did she actually willingly start talking to him, and accepting him in her life. She has never really been with a good guy before until now, and I know she's scared of losing him. As soon as he got upset over it, I guess she just started looking for signs that she's not pregnant, and convinced herself, and him, that she's not.

Aww he's adorable!
My friend is one of the most loving people I know and she's great with children and she would make a great mom. I wish this time she wouldn't put her boyfriend first. He's a good guy and if she wants to go through with the pregnancy, he wouldn't stop her, but if their relationship is already on the rocks, which it seemed like from our conversation last night, I don't know if she could emotionally handle everything at once. I want to give her a hug and be there for her SO BAD but I can't, I have school and priorities here. Last night I prayed for the small chance that she isn't pregnant. We're so close it feels like I'm going through it too. I just seem way more worried than her!

Oh, I get it. Then she really needs to check for sure. Did he get upset that she was pregnant because he doesn't want it? Because it sounds like that if she is just searching for signs that she's not. If that's the case, would she rather have the baby and lose him, or keep him and not have the baby? I know the ideal would be to have both, but let's face it...21 is not the ideal age to have a baby and keep your man. Men usually disappear, sorry to say. :(

It sounds like she is more worried about him then herself and a possible baby. If her boyfriend is going to get mad at her because she might be pregnant, then she needs to drop him like bad habit and start taking care of herself. If they guy really cares about her he would not get mad her and he would help her thru this situation.

I'd suggest giving her the information you found and strongly urge her as much as possible to take another test. If she does want to keep it, drinking and birth control pills can have a devastating effect on a baby as we all know, and if she is in perhaps not the right frame of mind, she may feel guilty about it later on if she is pregnant and she has the baby.

She needs to take the test now.
If she is, drinking & taking the pill can hurt the baby,
I'd tell her to be 100% sure, she needs the test.
Good luck to her!

Yeah neither of them want her to be pregnant. I wish I could slap some sense into them both for not being careful. Not having the baby isn't even an option for her. She is dead set against abortion, and she knows if she carries it for 9 months, she'd be too attached to give it up for adoption. I reall wish things would work out between her and her boyfriend. He really does love her and they've talked about getting married for a year already. Just judging from every fight they've had, I just think she needs to mature and get some self esteem. She relies on him for anything and everything. If there was no possible pregnancy I would definitely be urging her to break it off for awhile and find herself, before she gets serious about a relationship.

I really don't think he was mad at her, but just upset over the whole situation. But crying in front of her was definitely not the right thing to do. She needs someone to be strong for her.

Sounds like she has all the information she needs but is not making the right decision to get tested. How about express mailing her an EPT? Maybe if you make it easy on her, she'll do the right thing. It'll cost you a few bucks, but if she's drinking, the kid at least will appreciate what you've done some day.

Speaking from experience, sometimes denial is just an easy way to avoid the problem (not that being pregnant is always a problem). I do it often. I put off thinking about things until they absolutely need to be acted upon. Maybe she just needs a few days to come to her senses. Maybe she's afraid of knowing the truth.

I think you should mention it again when the time is right. I"m 20 years old and this is my first pregnancy and it was VERY hard for me to tell my parents and my boyfriends parents because of a situation that i'd rather leave out.

But after everything it's brought our families closer and it makes me appreciate life. i know some people frown upon young people have babies so soon, but i've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and he hasn't left me and he won't. ;)

I think she'll realize if she is pregnant, the baby will bring her a lot of joy, I know it has brought me a lot of joy (and stress as well) and it's all worth it :)

I agree with alaskayorkie... mail her a pregnancy test.

My (x) husband went out and bought me a pregnancy test and left it on the kitchen table. It urked me for 3 days then I finally took it and it was positive. I did not think that I was pregnant, the doctors had even told me that I would probably never get pregnant and there I was... pregnant.

If you mail the test to her it will be there, urking her too, and she will eventually take it. Maybe she is too embarrassed to go out and buy one for herself...

I would hope that she will seek council and give the baby a chance for a good life if pregnant. God never makes a mistake. HE, knows every human that is going to be conceived way before conception occurs.
My opinion is, if you are old enough to do what it takes to have a child. You, should be woman enough to take on the responsibility. That responsibility is caring for the welfare of the child and that may be giving the child up for adoption to someone that can love and care for it. JMO
Attached is a picture of my granddaughter who is adopted from a mother that was to young to care for her. The mother was a senior in high school at the time of pregnancy, dating a married man. Go figure!
Look at this child now, she just won beauty and bow in junior high in December. What if her mom had gotten rid of her? What a wasted life it would have been.

I agree with your statement that you should take responsibility for your actions. I know if she is, her family would be supportive since the same thing happened to her mom, and I'd like to think her boyfriend and his family would be too. I have a few friends who have been adopted, and I also know people who have been pretty messed up from their family life who SHOULD have been given up for adoption. It's a tough decision to make, and whatever she chooses I'll be behind her completely. But more than anything I hope she's not pregnant and will not have to make this decision at all.

she is one fortunate girl to have a friend like you. Just say a prayer for her that whatever the results she will make the right choice.