should i tell her he's cheating?
 

okay guys here i go, i have this couple that i am babysitting for, "he" is my husbands friend, and i do not really like "her", the reason that i do not like her is because she really mistreats her stepdaughter(it's his daughter from a prvious marriage that he has custody of) and she is just soooo snobby. anyways i heard from my hubby and a couple of other friends that he has been messing around with 2 airforce girls. how do i know this is true welllll, my husband is on a volleyball team, "he" has been telling "her" that he is going to practice for thiss volleyball team, but my husband told me that he is not apart of this team, and that he uses that as an exscuse to go see these girls :eek: so idk what to do! i see "her" everymorning when she drops off the kids, oh ya and she is 5 months pregnant :eek: and i just think to myself how could you not know, i have droped hints that he is not on the volleyball team so many times that even a 3 yr old would figure it out! i even asked "him" in front of her, "so how was your volleyball practice" and he wouldn't answer me. i feel like i should stay out of it, because it is none of my buisness and plus i do not like her AT ALL. see let me explain why i don't like this woman, her son is 5(this boy is "their" son) i taught him how to stop wetting his bed, how to brush his teeth, how to fold clothes, how to tie his shoes, and not once has she EVER said thank you :mad: she makes her stepdaughter clean the 5 yr olds bedroom, she grounds the stepdaughter for every little thing, the step daughter who is 8 told me that the last time "she" has ever gave her a kiss was when she was 3 :eek: and i believe her because when she drops them off in the morning, she gives her 5 yr old son kisses and hugs galore, but when the stepdaughter tries to hug her she just pats her back doesn't even trie to hug her back :mad: how mean and cruel is that! then the stepdaughter tells me that "she" grounded her because the new puppy chewed "her" laptop cord!!!!! :eek: :mad: well hello how is that the girls fault! ahhhhhh, i swear guys i just can't stand stepparents like that, soooo what should i do? should i tell her or not?

That POOR girl - the Step-daughter not the mother :(

I hate to say this but if I were you - I would stay out of it - people tend to shoot the messinger. It sounds like the guy NEEDS to find someone better than her to love his daughter...but then the son would suffer for that. So that's a really tough one to try to offer any help with....

You sure are in a hard place... but if it were a FRIEND of mine - I would probably sit her down.....with a Non-friend ...I would not get involved.

I sure hope she's not abusing that poor girl ...actually she probably is - Emotional abuse can be just as devestating as physical.... and no child should ever go thru either

my thoughts exactly v, she just doesn't give a hoot about this little girl, and i feel so bad for her, sometimes she says to me well "she " was nice to me today :eek: that just breaks my heart and pisses me off!

As mean as some people can be no one deserves to be cheated on. Your in a tough stop.
It might be tough for you to be the one to break the news to her because you don't seem to be friends or even like the woman. She may not even believe you which could cause problems with your husbands friendship with her husband.
On the other hand if this woman finds out (i imagine she would leave her husband) and that might be a good thing for the kids sake by the sounds of it.
I don't know what to tell you. Your in a sticky situation.
Good luck!

If I were in your shoes - I'd sit the MAN down and tell him what you think about how his daughter is being treated - maybe HE can talk to her ...and you could always let on that you know what he's doing at his Volleyball "practices"...

maybe since you have something on him - he'll listen ?

Sounds to me that basically, you've already hinted enough that if she wanted to know, she'd know. So she doesn't want to know. It's probably time to drop the relationship with the family entirely.

oh my god v, you do not know how bad i want to tell him, but to me if he was a better parent he would talk to his daughter and he would know. i did advise the daughter not to be scared to talk to her dad. the stepdaughter told me that she is only mean to her when her dad is not around, how evil is that. and i know he knows that i am aware of his infedelity. hell everyone knows but her! idk,i think i will just stay out of it, i am sure that the cat will come out of the bag soon. but to be honest i think that she is the type that even if she knew she would let it continue and act like she doesn't know. he is the dominating type and she is the " hi dear to you want me to wipe your a%% for you" lol..you knwo what i mean.

Villette's right in situations like this it is the messenger that
usually gets shot. But let's say what if she didn't know you
were the messenger then that might be a different case eh?
I would mail her something anonymously...Then play dumb
for the rest of my life!

Very good advise and this is something like I was going to say. Just stay out of it. We can see problems in other peoples lives but it really is none of our business. The husband certainly knows whats going on with his little girl and he is the one that should be doing something about it . Sounds like they deserve each other.

i would but i am close to the daughter, and i feel like i am the only mommy figure that she has. so i feel that i need to be there for her. :(

stay out of it hes cheating cause shes a snob :D

To be honest, I would sit down with the husband and just talk about his daughter. Let him know that although his wife seems nice to his daughter, she really mistreats her when he is away. And if he doesn't believe you, have him ask his daughter himself. You could mention his infidelity because they seem like the kind of people that don't want to face problems. They just want to lie and hide. Even if it ruins your husbands relationship with this man, why would you want your husband to be friends with someone like that anyway? I can't stay out of stuff like that, especially if a child is being hurt in some way. This little girl needs you and you might even help save this family.

i wouldnt get involved either..... BUT, if you feel the need to do SOMETHING without having it known that it was you, i would mail her something anonymously. Just the facts TYPED OUT (so she cant identify youre writing) on plain white paper and plain envelope.

First of all, I would have a long talk with this guy on how this woman treats his daughter. While he's out screwing around, the wife has to know something/suspect and may be taking it out on the little girl. That is not right AT ALL! Also, if he's not going to protect his daughter, maybe someone of higher authority will (like his first shirt if he's Airforce). I knew of a little girl that was killed at the hands of her stepmonster and she was only 3. You don't know the full extent of it since you're not in their home and it can't get any better but will only get worse.

As far as the cheating, it's not your concern. I would say different if she was a friend but seriously, I'm more worried about this little girl and the long term damage she will suffer from this monster. Protect the innocent...protect the children. Forget the adults, they made their own beds...now they can lie in it!!!!! :mad:

But NOW you have something you know about HIM and I have a feeling that would get his attention - call it a bargaining chip....You don't tell & he starts acting like a man and putting his daughter first.....


I feel so bad for you - you're a great person to try to help her and she'll remember you for the rest of her life.

Kimberley - I just saw your post - Well said girl....

GREAT IDEA Vilette :thumbup:

OH SORRY..... i thought you were friends with the woman, i need to stop skimming....... yeah..... dont tell her ..... :thumbdown

I wouldn't say anything. Normally is true, the messenger is shot...you will likely end up being viewed as a troublemaker and they will find someone else to keep the children. Sounds like a horrible situation, but I would stick it out for the little girl.

it's your husbands friend and it will probably break up their friendship and you don't need trouble with your own husband so i would stay out of it. maybe he don't love his wife but feels stuck because he has a child by her and already raising his own daughter by another woman. i would just make sure the little girl is cared for and let everything else go. thats my advice :thumbup:

I would say stay out of it. Someone else's marriage, especially someone who is not a friend of yours, is none of your business. Also, could it possibly be that you want to tell her BECAUSE you don't like her and you want to hurt her? Devote your time to keeping your own house clean instead of cleaning someone else's.

Always remember, that a PICTURE is worth a thousand words. I'd take a picture of the dude with his girlies and mail it to her. Just a "group shot" taken publicly with him acting like a silly school boy.

absolutley not! believe me if i wanted to hurt her i wouldn't even have to bring up the cheating issue, just by me telling her what i think of her would hurt her, and if those were my intentions, then i would have done that already. i do have a heart, and that's why i have not told her off. my words cut like a knife, i feel that it is my obligation as this girl's daycare provider to make sure she is safe and being treated right. she is only 8 yrs old for god's sake! this woman says cuss words at her and everything. and she is sucha sweet girl, she always says yes maa'm everything. so why not try to look out for her. and as for me keeping my own house clean,believe me i do it everyday, i dare and challenge anyone to try and find something wrong with my household.

Then why is the title of your thread "should I tell her he's cheating" as opposed to "Should I help this little girl"? For the record, I'm not saying your house isn't clean, what I AM saying is your time is better spent taking care of your own business and leaving others' alone. As far as the little girl is concerned, if you feel she is being mistreated by this woman, speak to her father about THAT. Anything else ( his extra-curricular activities), is none of your business.

your absalutely right about the little girl . i don't blame you also for taking that affensive. i would too. if i was you though i think i would talk to my husband and tell him you don't feel right about the whole situation and make a decission together about what to do :thumbup:

Absolutely stay out of it. She is not a friend of yours, and she will not be grateful. It is impossible to know what is going on in another couple's marriage, and although you might think you understand the dynamics of their marriage, your probably do not.

I believe most women know when their husbands are cheating, and if not the husband will get tired of the situation at some point and probably ask for a divorce or 'fess up.

I have been in this situation a few times. The older you get, the more you will see it happen. It's sad, but it is not your problem. The only time I would get involved was 1--if one of the people involved was my sister or 2--someone was being physically abused.

yes i know, exactly why i was asking "should i", if you go back and reread my post you will see where i say i think i should stay out of it. as for the little girl, now that is my buisness...

As a daycare provider, by law you are obligated to report any type of abuse, so that one is a no-brainer. As a grown woman with common sense, getting involved in someone else's marriage where 1: the man isn't your friend he is your husband's friend and 2: you don't even like the woman and she isn't a friend of yours is insane, and is also a no-brainer. Go with your instinct and stay out of the marriage, but protect the child. :)

I totally agree with you. She probably just 'doesn't want to know'. If you have made it that clear then she is probably in denial. It sounds like she is in her own little world anyways to be treating her stepdaughter the way she is. She makes the horrible name for stepmothers...

problem
 

I would not say anything, so you can remain in the children's life. You are no doubt one bright spot in their difficult life. Expect nothing from this woman in the way of thanks and appreciation, you already know you are not doing it for her, you are making an emotional impact on the children and they will never forget it. Most children can grow up fairly stable if they know at least one person who cares about them. You have an opportunity to make the world just a bit better for another human being, lucky you.

These are my thoughts exactly... :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: