He doesn't want me but doesn't want to be without me either.
 

Any words of encouragement? Advice? Has anybody been in this situation?

This about an ex (I know I know) we started talking again and he says he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesn't want a relationship with me because we are different and don't work together.

He doesn't tell me how we are different or a specific reason, but I know for a fact the reason is a new woman he just started dating.

He wants me as a friend with benefits, he basically wants me to be there for him and text him all day, have sex and all that but without being together. Like an emotional and sex crutch until he gets that from the other girl... And to feed his ego maybe?

He kept stringing me along, telling me to go on dates but he wants to keep seeing the new girl as well.

Until I just gave him and ultimatum that either we are back together or we are friends and thats it. He chose to stay friends. But he still wants me in his life because he can't let me go, saying he loves me and can't be without me.

I told him I need time and that please dont text me for awhile and I will do the same and he got really sad and upset ....

I dont understand if he loves me so much and can't be without me... Why are we not together?

Anyways I blocked him from my phone because I want to start my healing process and forget about him...

Can someone talk to me :(. I dont want to do this alone. This is my first day without him

Oh Sweetie, I don't have any advice for you. I have been married to the same man for over 40 years but re read what you just typed and you can see what a toxic relationship this is. You deserve better than he seems capable of giving you. By blocking him is a good start. I hope you have some family close to help you through this.

This is going to be hard to hear but it is the truth. You are doing the right thing by leaving him He is using you and has no intention of ever giving you a long term relationship. If he loves YOU he would not want to be anywhere near another woman. If he comes near you, run the other way or you will get hurt. He will say everything that you want to hear in order to get what he wants - sex. That is all he wants. The first step is the hardest but you have taken it. Now keep on walking and don't look back. There is a bright future out there for you and it does not involve him.

This titty baby has come right out and told you all he wants from you is ...........you KNOW what! If he is going to treat you like a prostitute ("friends with benefits" all cleaned up!), and this is something that you find attractive in a relationship, at LEAST get paid for it! He is insulting you and shucking and jiving and grinning while he insults your personal integrity and your code of values! What an insult!!! Tell him if he wants a "hoe" it will cost him $500.00/date, not a dime less, for 4 hour + dinner date with benefits at the end of the evening. Tell him can add an additional $180.00/hour over 4 hours......what an insult to your integrity and your character.....that scum bag! Tell him if he wants a relationship with a hoe you are more than happy to oblige him, but it will cost him! Tell him you wonder if his new girlfriend would appreciate you being there for him just for sex....suggest you discuss it with her and get HER input! AND THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! This two bit jerk insulted you and thought you would not even catch it!!!! Run, run like the wind from this POS!

I'm really glad that I blocked him, no more texts from him trying to get me to go sleep with him because he misses me and loves me lol ... BUT he doesn't want a relationship.

I told him: "Our relationship failed, that's fine, but I'm not going from a girlfriend to a booty call, I have standards and I won't lower them. When I think about you in the future I want to think about an ex that was incompatible with me, I don't want to think about how I ended up being a sex toy"

And he starts telling me "but life is short we can have sex while we are single and when someone gets commited then we stop. LOL because I love you blah blah and we should take advantage of the connection we have...

Omg I kept telling him no and no, I won't be his temporary girlfriend until he finds someone else.

Btw the a**hole tells me that he falls asleep after 8pm and thats why he doesnt reply at night, but I've gone to his house after 8 and he's not there, and then the next day, he tells me sorry I fell asleep on my couch hahaha

I don't stalk anyone but I needed to see with my own eyes that he's lying, keeping me on a string for sex....

So he's blocked from everything, iphone, facebook, email ....

Keep him blocked. Yorkiemom is right. He is asking you to be his ho. Oh hell no!

He is an ex for a reason. There is NO reason for you to keep any type of relationship with this person. It's a toxic relationship whether it is romantic or platonic. He says he wants to "stay friends" so he can still have power over you. Keep him away. He can go F himself. I had an ex that was very over controlling. He wanted to remain friends afterwards and all he wanted to do was brag about his new gf. How smart she was, how rich her family was, blah blah blah. I finally realized he was just trying to control me and put me down to make himself feel better. He can go F himself too.

Hey, is this the guy you were talking about a few months back?

This guy?
http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/off...ful-names.html

If it's the same guy then he can DEF go F himself.

Oh I never heard from this guy again. He kept trying with me unti april until I decided to block him because he wouldn't leave me alone.

Oh yes, run, run like the wind!
This guy has no respect for you and is a user of the first order!

He sounds soooo manipulative. I agree with Jay... run like the wind from this loser.

You go girl...block him and keep on blockin' him!! That's what a strong, confident, independent, self-respecting woman would do - and you're doing it. He's very clear in his messages to you, in that he just wants a bed buddy. You deserve better, period. You're worth SO much more than that!

Thanks for all the advice, all of you can see his controlling manipulative ways ... My friends said the same thing about the control ... It's like everyone sees it except me. I was completely blinded by feelings and I was being strung along without knowing about it. In hopes we were going to be back together.

It's been 2 days since we last talked, and everything started to get more clear now. :)

I'm now seeing this whole situation from a third party perspective. It's hard to believe that the man that once saw me as relationship worthy, wants to take me to his family, takes me on dates, he now wants a booty call and nothing else.

How to get rid of him.

The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths : Lovefraud.com – sociopaths, psychopaths, antisocials, con artists, bigamists

He likes to have control over me. He feeds off the drama and I'm just an ego boost. He wants to feel like I'm there waiting for him in the shadows.

As soon as I want to disappear he tries to get me back using mind games.


Even the last time we talked and I ask him not to text me until I do. He asked me not to block him. I said that I wouldn't block him because he was going to get angry. He wants to leave an open window to communication so when days go by and he doesn't hear from me, then he could text me, test the waters and see if he still in control.

That's why I blocked him, everytime I start to get better he pulls me in again, and then he changes his mind when I'm there again....

Please keep running. Do not go back. It doesn't ever stop, him expecting he can leave you in a position and have you still waiting with a plate of cookies and a clean bed to sleep in, a few bucks for a pack of smokes and an @$$ to tap. He is a liar and even if he believes his own lies you cannot. Don't let him use you like that, it is so selfish of him, trying to manipulate your emotions to mask his shameful misuse of you. Next thing you know you have his babies and when he says he's bringing pull ups he ends up at the bar, pops in every few months so the kids and you can shower him with love and adoration telling him how much you missed him and when his ego is full he will leave again until he has been rejected and hurt so many times elsewhere he comes running to your forgiving open arms. Close them and turn around. Run far away and give yourself the worth you deserve. Don't ever see this man again, the brokenness he has inside of himself that allows him to act that way is not your fault or your problem and you can never fix him. Decide what is important to you and stick with it, you truly deserve more so start acting like it and reject scum like him. Seriously- make a list and be more discerning, allowing that kind of emotional manipulation and abuse in your life is so damaging to you and everyone who cares about you. Start caring more about yourself and elevate your standards. Stop feeding the beast of his own mental illness and perpetuating a social cycle with ego inflated £u€¥€£$ like him. There are entirely too many self righteous, self serving, inconsiderate jerks like him around and even one more moment of your day should not be spent fueling his ego.

How do you block someone? I know how on fb but not on phones. I have every spelling of my A-hole ex's name blocked on fb.

I have an iphone. So I just go to contacts>Contacts name and then on that window it says block caller.

So when they send you a message, it will go through on their phone but you will never get it. And when they call you, it goes straight to voicemail, but you will never get this voicemail.

This is good because they don't realize you are not grtting anything, they will feel ignored and leave you alone.

If you don't have an iphone, you can google or look on youtube "how to block someone on xxx phone"

I have to agree with everyone that responded. You are a smart gal, do not lower your standards to be just a booty call. You need to move on, find someone that is worthy of you. Wonderful that you block him from all contacts. As women sometimes we get weak, want to believe what they tell us, but this jerk made it more then very clear what he wants from you, sex, nothing more, nothing less. He wants his cake and eat it too, BS to that I say. Stay strong, no is no. Move on, there are many good men out there, you will find yours. (((hugs)))

It has been 3 days since I blocked him, I thought the first day was going to be the worst but it feels just as bad.

I wish I didn't know about the other girl. That's one of the things that makes everything harder, missing him and knowing he's with someone else ....

Like they say.. Ignorance is bliss ... Wish I didn't know

Shouldn't that fuel the flames of your passionate anger towards him; knowing that he cares so little for you that he IS with another woman? It sure would me. It sounds like maybe you are weakening. Please don't do that. Stay strong and keep listening to all the good advice others have been willing to share with you. I understand from what you said that you are missing him so that must mean, to me anyway, there was a good relationship at some time with him. But he is ending it as you said. He does not want you but does not want you to be happy without him.

He is being totally disrespectful to the other woman too! This guy is basically just a POS. Leave him blocked. To me, as a person who doesn't know you, it seems you are attracted to A holes. Many women find "bad boys" appealing but honestly it's not a good idea.

Please know that everyday I come here and re read all of your advice. It's been hard and trying to keep busy.

The days go by slow and hoping for the day that I dont care anymore

Get out, take puppy to doggie park, go where there are ppl. Staying home makes one dwell on the past, the good times, then we get weak. Idle time on your hands is no good. Take the puppy for a car ride. Find a state park with in driving distance from you, walk the trails of the park with the pup. You have to keep your self busy, keep your mind occupied. Take the pup to town, window shop, just get out of the house and do something, anything that will keep your mind off what was, focus of the future, what are your goals, what you want you want from life and work for that goal. Your puppy is your companion, your partner, your buddy, take him someplace and have a bit of fun with him. Stay busy, days will fly by. Stay STRONG. (((hugs)))

The first 3 days were terrible, I did push myself to be out there but I felt so weak, I just wanted to be in bed ... Watch tv and sleep. I didn't even have motivation to study.

Today I feel better, motivated to go to the gym and get a lot of things done I've been meaning to do for awhile.

Not even a week has passed since the last time I talked to him, and it feels like a month ...

I know it will get better and it takes time. But at the moment time is going by slowly

Thanks! :)

Yup, as a guy I can tell you right now that there is nothing positive to be gained in communicating in any way with this guy. There is no upside in having him in your life.

I know time must be going slow for you but you are doing great. Just keep it up and it will get better. He would love to know you are suffering without him like you said you were doing the first three days. It would boost his ego for sure to know or think you can't make it without him but you CAN.

It's going to take some time to get over this guy. Please don't think within a week you will be over him but I hope each day it gets easier. Keep yourself busy and put one foot in front of the other each day. We all have had things happen in our life where we didn't want to get out of bed in the morning but you have to push yourself to go on with your life even if you don't feel like it. Keep plugging one day at a time and don't give in and let him back into your life. You so deserve better than he is capable of giving you.

each day will get easier, why not type out all the things you hate or dislike about him, LOL make yourself remember the bad not the good, take up a new hobby, join a gym, take a yoga class, take a craft class, take a trick training class for pups, just keep making your self do fun stuff

Writing everything you hate about him is a great idea! I wonder what is it about him that makes you lonely? You have not said one positive thing about him in this whole thread.