Depression
 

There are a lot of people in the world who just don't get depression so I wanted to share this article Things You Should Never Say To A Person With Depression - How To Talk To Your Depressed Friend - Cosmopolitan

dog
 

Thanks for sharing that. Unless you have had depression it is very hard to understand it. Lots of love, prayer and understanding is needed.

thanks
 

I've been depressed for a long time and have heard all of those things. A lot of people and therapist seem to think depression is just like being lazy and can be fixed by getting out more, which has never helped me.

As a nurse, I am all about better living through chemistry. (PLEASE take your prescribed medications.) Just do NOT think that coming to the ED weekly will help because your decision to drink alcohol (a depressant) and not take your medication has rendered you suicidal. (Sorry, this is a generalized statement to the public at large, not to anyone here!)

It is a chemical imbalance, helped by proper medication therapy.

Depression is so sad and confusing to me because while I know meds are the way to go I know several serious cases where nothing seemed to work. 10 days ago, a close friend's 29 year old daughter took her own life. She was a highly skilled nurse at the U of MI cardiac care unit. She performed excellent at her job and then went home and harldy left the couch. 15 years of different meds, doctors, and counseling yet nothing seemed to really help this gal. She had high hopes and was always striving to kick it, even had an appointment set up with a new doc that she had heard great things about. Yet after her shift she went to a seldom used area of the hospital and overdosed on her meds. My mother in law has been fighting this for 20 years, she has had shock therapy and been on at least 10 different kinds of meds through the years, but she rarely gets dressed anymore and cries multiple times a day, I think the only thing she cares about are her dogs and her husband, she seems to care little about her children or grandchild or friends she once had. It has gotten so that we no longer have a relationship with her. She was a nurse and my father in law a doctor, so they have not hesitated to rely on medicine yet nothing has lifted this cloud from over her head.

If you have an infection you can take an antibiotic and it clears up, if you have an ache you can take aspirin or something to make it go away, but with depression the medical solution seems to still be a mystery since it does not always work for everyone.

thanks, but I've tried anti-depressants and am still on them, I have tried different ones, none have helped. I have also seen 8 different therapist, who have all made things worse for me. Medication and therapy are not the cure all for depression. I think "see a therapist and take medication" might need to be added to that list as I've heard those quite a bit too. I know they help some people, but they aren't the answer for everyone.

Did these women have a therapist and do daily therapy?

Its can take a long time to find the right therapist and the right combo of medicines.

Um, your own THERAPIST states depression is part 'laziness'??? If so, PLEASE seek a different therapist bc that's unacceptable, and that therapist is horrible. Don't listen to him/her or take in what they're saying to you bc it's BS. Keep pushing for the right combo of meds/therapist/whatever helps you...never ever give up.

So sorry to hear all of this. As someone who has very treatment resistant depression, I understand what these women go through. I so wish your friend's daughter was still here, and still fighting the fight - it's such an inexplicably excruciatingly painful fight, so I truly feel for both of them.

It sounds like your mother in law has tried so many things. Has she tried any/all combos of meds, including the newer ones, I wonder? I hope she hasn't given up on continuing to try different combos. Really good psychs will try more novel approaches like cytomel, the MAOIs, abilify, ritalin or adderall, and more of the mood stabilizer drugs like lithium or lamictal.

I completely hear you and understand. I'm so sorry if you're still suffering and not feeling the relief you deserve through the meds and therapy. It's so painful, it truly is...and it's such a deadening, hopeless pain at times. Please keep fighting though, bc I truly believe you will one day find a better combination of things that work. Keep asking your prescriber to try something different, as many times as it takes!!!

Taylor, I don't know every detail and unfortunately my father in law is in control of everything, he is an old style doctor that does not like to be questioned or given advice. He is also a difficult person that has never had a good relationship with any of his three children so there has always been a distant between us. The mother always took a back seat to my FIL so this makes it even harder to be involved so we don't know the nitty gritty. I will say this has lead me to understand that this a real medical condition other than a behavior problem because it runs in my husbands family. His younger sister has been on meds and therapy for at least 25 years and was just granted disability for it, because in spite of a degree from Purdue could not hold down a retail clerk's job. On the other had many in the family believe my mother in law is so depressed because she has lived with my FIL for 55 years. All this has lead to not knowing all the details but only that they keep trying different medicines and all types of different therapies.

I do know my friends daughter was on at least 10 different meds over the years with multiple MD's and therapies.

[QUOTE=Wylie's Mom;4363592]
So sorry to hear all of this. As someone who has very treatment resistant depression, I understand what these women go through. I so wish your friend's daughter was still here, and still fighting the fight - it's such an inexplicably excruciatingly painful fight, so I truly feel for both of them.
It sounds like your mother in law has tried so many things. Has she tried any/all combos of meds, including the newer ones, I wonder? I hope she hasn't given up on continuing to try different combos. Really good psychs will try more novel approaches like cytomel, the MAOIs, abilify, ritalin or adderall, and more of the mood stabilizer drugs like lithium or lamictal.
QUOTE]

We all wish Carla was still here but her mom said they are taking comfort in that she is no longer in pain and that in some way they feel like a weight has been lifted because they were so affected by her struggles and suffered along with her and for her as she tried to find something that would help her. The memorial was held at the hospital since being a nurse was a big part of her life. There were many co workers that spoke and you could tell how much they thought of her, they talked about her infectious laugh, her off beat sense of humor, her practical jokes, how much her patients liked her and her willingness to help out all the other nurses even on the most difficult cases. A few of our friends were saying later, how could someone like that be depressed enough to take their life. I think one of the things that made it harder for her is she worked the night shift and she would be taking her meds at different times and then taking stuff like Benadryl to get sleep after a long difficult shift. Her doctor advised her to change shifts but I guess having low seniority at the hospital made that difficult.

As you can tell from my above post about my mother in law we have always been kept at arms length so don't know all the details. If this was going on with my mom it would be different since I would have a lot of control. But my husband's family are very distant with each other. Even though my MIL was not in the throes of depression while my husband was growing I get the impression she was always a bit removed and not overly close and loving with her kids. My husband does not have that much compassion for her either, first because I don't think he ever felt that much love for her, but also because when he first started his career he struggled with panic attacks which he muscled through with meds and therapy and a kind of tuff love on himself, so since that worked for him, he can not understand why his mother and sister can not do the same.

It's odd because like I have said before on cancer seeming to surround me so does mental health issues. My sister's husband is bi polar and twice the year before last tried to take his life, one time he was so close to death he spent a full week in ICU. He used to state that he did not want meds because he could accomplish more in a week in his manic state than most people could accomplish in a month, but then when the depression would set in he could hardly get out of bed and that state would last longer. Now he is pretty good about taking his meds but I know they don't make him feel that great, if he takes them to early in the evening he falls asleep, if he waits to late he can't get up in the morning to get to work at a reasonable time, he also seems to not have much energy. Thankfully he runs his own accounting practice and can work to an extent at his own pace.

I of course don't know the answer to any of this but it does seem like while there is a large variety of medicine on the market some people just can't seem to find the right combination to feel good or the side effects
keep them from wanting to take it.

My little brother is depressed Actually I don't know if it's just depression of something more serious like maybe he's skitzophranic. He wont work, he has been just trying to freeload and live off of everyone. He seems very paranoid which as lost him jobs when he does find one. My other brother said he's heard him talk to him self. If you drive in the car with him, he will sometimes tell you to stop out of nowhere so he can just get out and walk right there in no where in particular. It's really weird. He is a young good looking kid who could easily get a job if he wanted, so no one knows what to do. It is a really tough place to be in as a family member. I told my mom he needs help. I just dont htink he functions in his head like everyone else and it's making it impossible for him to function and hold a job. It's tough.

Btw... he's also very manipulating too. He likes giving guilt trips about his situation like to my mom. But he will just stay at her house and eat all her food and ask for money. I know he's not right in the head, but at the same time he can't just keep doing what he is doing. It sucks.

The majority of the therapist I have seen have told me that if I make friends and get out and about more then I will be happy. Even when I used to exercise they dismissed that as "unsocial activity." Glad I got a yorkie and a kitty, they bring joy to my life.

I think depression makes you lazy because you have no motivation to do anything because you are unhappy. Not because you are a lazy person. The key is figuring out what is making you depressed and fixing it.

I've gone through my own periods of depression and I know, when I did I didn't even want to get out of bed.

Oh my gosh :eek:! Okay, I have been SO lucky with therapists bc they've all been amazing. I had one back when I lived in Minneapolis, and 2 different ones here (I haven't been in therapy for a few years now though). And they were all utterly amazing...never dismissive or simplistic or dogmatic or plain silly ("get out more, yeah that's it!"...never).

If ONLY it was so flippin' easy as flipping a switch by "going out w/ friends" or being social. Puh-lease! Like we wouldn't have tried that a hundred times if it was *that* easy!!!??? What they're saying to you is simply nonsense, so don't take it in as fact. Your feelings and illness are way more complex than that and if anyone should know that, a therapist should. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with someone being dismissive toward you like that...you deserve better care.

Always feel free to vent here about it, bc many of us have been where you're at...you're not alone :).

Yup, totally agree. It can take forEVER to find the right combo, and I mean years...meanwhile, the person sinks deeper and deeper. I do agree that for some people, it seems there is no answer bc they don't get better. I believe there is almost always a combo that will work, but it takes a good psych, a willing patient, patience, and advocating for yourself if you're not feeling better. The fact she's had shock treatments and didn't get better is a real shame. They do some deep brain stim now that's supposed to help some people. Of course, maybe she never even hears of these things given how sheltered she is, which is too bad.

Poor guy :(. Has he sought help for a diagnosis? I hope he does bc it could change his life around. Plus, you don't want him getting worse and decompensating if he truly does have a serious mental health issue.

When I was in the stage of not being able to get out of bed, it didn't have anything to do w/ laziness. I literally just could *not* do it...just couldn't function as a normal healthy person would be able to. I see laziness as when I'm capable of doing something, but I don't do it. When truly deeply depressed, the capability isn't there, imo.

I agree, and that is what I mean. Depression makes you lazy. Not that you are lazy, but it makes everything seem not worth it. It just kills any motivation. I've been there myself. I do not in anywya think it means someone is lazy. I totally understand where it puts someone.

I agree about my brother. He seems to be going down fast. My mom caught him sleeping in her back yard on the cement last week. She is a nurse. She must have resources. I've been working on her to do something before it gets too out of hand. It makes me really sad.

Yup, we're on the same page. It just kills all energy and brings you to your knees.

Your poor brother...so sorry your family is going through this; it must be so hard to watch it, and you probably feel so helpless :(.

Yes, that is exactly how I think we all feel. I do think he's skitzophanic. It scares me because I know people do unpredictable stuff in that state. I don't have much to be able to help him, so I am talking to other family members and pushing my mom too. We all don't know exactly what to do about it. I pray about it.

These are not the norm and not good therapists.

It's a chemical imbalance so it's just not easily fixable and that's what a lot of people don't get.

:thumbup:

I very much agree with this!

I agree. Different degrees of it. I was just unhappy with my life when I had my depression.

Lots of wisdom on this thread!
Lazy is a choice. Lack of motivation from depression is not a choice.
Emperical and research data is very clear that it takes both medication and psychotherapy for depression treatment to be successful.
Unfortunately, there are therapists on every corner, but not all are wonderful and there are fewer psychiatrists than are needed - and then again, not all are good and caring.
Getting the combination right takes time and effort - neither of which is good for the depressed individual.

The major issue for bipolar and schizophrenic individuals is not taking their medications.

Again, unfortunately, there is no one size-fits-all medication and treatment. One of the greatest gifts a depressed person can have is sincere people who care about them!

I have family that deal with depression and all are on medication. With the help of a therapist and medication, they are able to lead fairly normal lives. It does take time to find one that works for them and the right dosage. Yes, it is a daily struggle and they still get really depressed. Winter really effects the moods and makes it worse. I have found that it is better to let them talk and just be there to listen and support and not try to "fix" or advise. It is a illness and people really need to have compassion and not make lite of it!

Many Wishes that your New Year will be brighter
 

.....You have been in my prayers, as I explained to someone here, I was in a deep depression after one child of ours was born, so I can relate and it might be of help to know, never again.

I was on a website from the UK once that had a section just for people dealing with depression and I know how it helped them to talk to each other every day. I wonder if it might be a good idea to keep this going beyond the holidays for people to pop in who need support and others to offer good cheer. Of course it's totally what you all think about the suggestion.