Is this a rape or not??
 

I was wondering , this happened to 1 i know, does this count as a rape or not??

She was meeting her friend (well she thought he was her friend), just for a cup of coffee and nothing more, he drove to a place that no one was , and they had sex but she didn't want do, but though she could not say no cause she was scared of him.

Would this count as rape or not??

This is what we call "date rape". Your friend was traumatized by it I'm sure and should get counseling. The problem with calling it a “rape” is she didn't really have the courage to say “no”, and this means that she needs more self-esteem, she might have been afraid, but I think part of her didn't feel like she had the right to put up a fight. The guy's a slime bucket, but it wouldn't be right if he were punished the same as a guy who broke into your house and raped you. If this girl doesn’t get help, she will find herself a victim for the rest of her life and people will use and abuse her.

This was a terrible thing that happened to your friend. This happens more than we know, because most of the girls do not have the courage to come forward and tell what happened to them. You be sure and tell your friend she was NOT to blame for what happened to her. Encourage her to tell her parents or some trusted family member, so they can get her the counseling and emotional help she really must have. There could also be medical issues that she needs to have checked out....sexually transmitted diseases that she could have been exposed to with this encounter, that can cause her major problems if left untreated. She needs to regain the emotional strength, self esteem, and confidence required to be sure she can go forward in her life, stronger, more confident, and not a victim. THIS WAS NOT HER FAULT and she needs the strength and confidence in herself as a young woman, to go forward in her life.

What a great answer!

I dont think this is rape she because she consented she wasnt unconcious or in a situation that she couldnt say no. She needs to get concilling to build her self esteem and self worth

Legally probably not since the man's attorney would no doubt say the man had no way of knowing she was consenting against her will unless she communicated her wishes for him to stop to him. It is hard enough to communicate with one another when we use words and gestures or other means of expression of indicating our wants to another but the law in her state is probably written so that words telling him "no" or "stop" or "I don't want to do this" or constantly pushing him away in anger or with tears, screaming, etc. or hitting/slapping him would have really communicated her fear and real feelings to him.

I sure pray that she can find some peace and resolution in dealing with this terrible experience.

Please try to get your friend to come forward and report it. Go with her to the police station and report it... let them figure out if it is rape!!

Too many women do not report this type of thing because they think it was their fault.... NOT SO.... if it is not reported he will continue thinking that his behavior toward women was appropriate.

Reguardless of who it was or the situation Rape is still Rape !!

I have to argue this point, rape is a horrible crime, but try to look at it from the man's perspective, how's he suppose to know that's she's doesn't want it, if she didn't say anything? Seriously, there is so much out their telling men that women want don't like it if he's ask's to kiss her, they want a man who's "in charge."

Well, I think the State would have to prove to a jury of his peers by a preponderance of the evidence or reasonable doubt - don't know how the law there is written - that there was an actual or implied threat so severe that she feared for life and limb and that is going to be hard to do unless there is a lot more to the story than offered here. I've heard they think it would be too easy for some women just to say they were in fear if they didn't set the standards pretty high for the State. But if she were threatened this way, she should report it to the authorities and let them investigate.

I agree if she were threatened, but I didn't see any indication of that in the OP's post, just that the friend was afraid to speak up. ". . . she could not say no cause she was scared of him."

I agree also if she were severly disabled mentally I would say it were rape because they could consent without really understand

Yes, but in that case, the OP wouldn't have had to ask the question. That is rape by any definition.

Laws differ in most states and I'm sure they are different overseas as well. However, if this occurred in Kansas, yes, it would be rape.

Chapter 21: Crimes And Punishments

PART II.--PROHIBITED CONDUCT

Article 35: Sex Offenses

Statute 21-3502: Rape. (a) Rape is: (1) Sexual intercourse with a person who does not consent to the sexual intercourse, under any of the following circumstances:
(A) When the victim is overcome by force or fear; (B) when the victim is unconscious or physically powerless; or

(C) when the victim is incapable of giving consent because of mental deficiency or disease, or when the victim is incapable of giving consent because of the effect of any alcoholic liquor, narcotic, drug or other substance, which condition was known by the offender or was reasonably apparent to the offender;

(2) sexual intercourse with a child who is under 14 years of age;

(3) sexual intercourse with a victim when the victim's consent was obtained through a knowing misrepresentation made by the offender that the sexual intercourse was a medically or therapeutically necessary procedure; or

(4) sexual intercourse with a victim when the victim's consent was obtained through a knowing misrepresentation made by the offender that the sexual intercourse was a legally required procedure within the scope of the offender's authority.

(b) It shall be a defense to a prosecution of rape under subsection (a)(2) that the child was married to the accused at the time of the offense.

(c) Except as provided further, rape as described in subsection (a)(1) or (2) is a severity level 1, person felony. Rape as described in subsection (a)(2), when the offender is 18 years of age or older, is an off-grid person felony. Rape as described in subsection (a)(3) or (4) is a severity level 2, person felony.

History: L. 1969, ch. 180, § 21-3502; L. 1978, ch. 120, § 1; L. 1983, ch. 109, § 2; L. 1993, ch. 253, § 1; L. 1993, ch. 253, § 2; L. 1996, ch. 258, § 3; L. 2006, ch. 212, § 8; July 1.

This discussion could go on for days... so I will say my peace now and be done with it.

Two of my close friends and my sister were all raped by a so called men who were "in charge".

One, by a so called friend and her fiances best friend.

One, who was only 14 and raped by a neighbor. Who on August 16, 1975 gave birth to a baby boy at the age of 15 yrs old. Later to be found that her rapist was the father.

The other a 50 yrs old church going women by a man very well know in the medical community who she had dated for a short time. This was her first relationship after being divorce for more than ten years. She had every intentions of keeping her purity and remaining celibate.

Three very different circumstances where the man was in charge.... !! None of them reported the crime.

I myself have been in a few situations where the man wanted something form me that I was not willing to give. But it did not stop them from trying to force me. I was one of the lucky ones, I had a little more fight in me than some do. I refuse to give up my "right" my "choice" to say NO.

And the word "no" means just that. I think if I were a young woman dating in these times, I would be inclinced to carry a taser, just in case some joker just could not read the dictionary! And I know where I would touch the taser!

You missed my point, I'm certainly not saying any women should want a man who's "in charge", I can't stand that type of man, but it is a message men learn. I've heard women say they wouldn't date a man if he "asked" for a kiss, that that is such a "turn off". Women have to take some of the responsibility for what happens. We can't legislate morality, these things are wrong, but they aren't necessarily illegal. Many women are brought up to be people pleasers, and little girls are even brought up to be seductive, we need to teach our young women that it's okay to say no, and they have value beyond sex.

In the case you are talking about where the person is underage that is statutory rape and apparently incest, both serious crimes that should be reported. In the other cases you mentioned, did the women protest, did they say “no”? Or were they willing, but just didn’t want to make trouble, and things got a little out of hand? If you don’t protest in any way, I don’t see how it’s a crime, except where as Chachi mentioned of someone not mentally capable of giving consent, and those cases where the victim is underage.


By the way, a man's profession, doesn't give us much information on whether we can trust him, so just because someone is in the medical profession or even the clergy, we have to use our God given woman's intuition, about their true character.

I believe that aside from mental defect, that obviously this girl perceived danger, that fear was instilled in her by some means...enough so that she did not or could not or was to afraid to protest..otherwise we wouldn't have a girl feeling raped...any sex that is forced either through fear or violence IS RAPE.

Sorry, maybe I did miss the point.

And yes I can say with everything that I believe in that all three of the women said NO and tried to fight them off ! I am very close with these women... my best friend and my sister and my neighbor who I've known for 25 yrs.

There is no question in my mind. I grew up with the two men (brothers) who raped my best friend and my sister. One of them was one of the men who tried to force himself on me.

Did she say "no" or "stop"?

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

In this situation it wasnt said that force was used just that she was afraid. Im sorry I just dont think that could hold up in court. If she were mentally impared I would see how it would but otherwise she could have said no and they would be able to establish force was used. How would any man know you were afraid if they didnt use force and you didnt say no or try to get away from him. Rape is a serious crime and it needs to be treated seriously. If there werent any way to establish if force was used many men in dATing situations gone bad could unjustly be accused of rape. Im sorry this girl didnt have the self esteem to say no but she needs concilling with that or she could find herself in this situation alot.

This is date rape. She will need lots of support and couciling. This was not her fault she needs to know this.

She didn't say "no" as someone else stated. He is not a mind reader. Not sure if she needs counceling for the incident or maybe she needs a class in assertiveness. You cant be all meek and quiet. He probably didn't even know she felt uncomfortable with this. She was scared so she did it??? Come on I don't believe it. Does every guy have to get a written concent form first???

As a parent of 2 boys and 2 girls this is my opinion on the whole situation. Her life is not ruined by this but his could potentially be ruined by such an accusation.

Well whether this is Iceland or INdia, or south of the Magnus line; this girl/woman is going to need help

Whether she has a legal leg to stand on in Iceland should be pursued with the support of her family and friends. At the very least she will bring this man to the attention of the authorities.

How-ever legalities aside, I suspect this woman is going to need a whole lot of help, and a way to find her voice.

And for all the men here, the numbers are very sobering, at least one in three woman have been abused by the time they are woman..... At least these are N.A. statistics.

Saying No, is said if different ways, and not just by voice alone.

Come on Really ...

Is this what you would say to your own daughters if they had a simular situation... is this solid advise to give a women who has just been traumatized?

Sorry, its not rape because you didn't say No
Sorry... get some self esteem.
Sorry... you feel violated because the man cant read your mind!!

Well what did he say when they left the coffee place? Sounds fishy to me- If she didn’t want to she could have said no, I don’t buy the whole “she was scared” She wasn’t too scared to get in the car with him alone was she? Unless in the middle of the act she said No, or stop or made it obvious she didn’t want to do it to him then I wouldn’t consider it Rape.


This whole things is fishy to me, why would someone post this? Why hasn’t the OP came back on- If she was really concerned for her “Friend” you would think she would have came back on-

It is what I would tell my daughter because men have rights too and no man should be expected to read a womens mind that she didnt want to have sex yet actively participated in it which told him she did want it. Its like someone said if she were afraid of him why did she leave the coffee shop with him. Im sorry but as the OP has explained the story it was not rape.

I agree this just doesnt pass the smell test.

No it doesnt.

Cha chi. REally not in a situation she couldn't say no. She lived in ICELAND. Probably 5-10 minute drive in any direction into wilderness. What is Iceland's pop maybe 360-400,000?

Have you ever been in the wilderness? Let's see Iceland in winter at -30 to 40 degree below zero, frostbite in 5minutes, hypothermia in 10 minutes.

This boy/man picks her up for coffee and instead of taking her to the Icleandic equivalent of star bucks, drives off (not too far) to the country

So what is she to do? Take me home? Awh come on now sweetie, no worries, let's just see the Northern Lights.

Does she REALLY have the option to say STOP let me out here? Sure if she wants to die in the cold.

So yeah I can see how she was in a situation that she would put her life in danger by saying NO