LMBO- That is funny!!

I've got one of those .... and yea he's all mine !!

Just what is it about MEN and their junk? :confused:

I can guarantee that once those lounge pants go on, that that hand is going down the front. Not just any hand, the right hand because the left one is for buggers! Seriously.... in and out in and out of the pant and the nose all night long. Than he tires to touch me...OH Hell NO. :love-hug3

I would love to be there when he gets the two hands mixed up !! :rofl28ib::scratchhe

Omg...I just got an image! Lmao too funny! Hehehe

My hubby thinks its funny to pluck his facial hairs which he then puts on his face to dust later in the sink. But he always tries to make me kiss him before he heads to dust off. Talk about GROSS! Lol

I saw a bumper sticker on a minivan the other day: "Daddy farted...and we can't get out!" I totally checked out the driver when we passed him...hehehehe

BEST IN SHOW!! Love it. :D

Lol! Just wait til after you're married. Just WAIT. I swear, my hubby is a 12 year old boy at times. He too thinks his farts are just the funniest thing on earth.

Pulling finger? I'd trade for that any day over a dutch oven....

Oh the joys of the first year of marriage!;)

LOL......I couldn't help but think of this joke while I was reading some of your man stories........


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return n to bedroom wearing l long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

OMG LMAO :sidesplt: :yeahthat: :sidesplt:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA :sidesplt: :sidesplt: :sidesplt: :D

I am in stitches! Sooooo funny!

Read this joke out loud to my best friend and husband....After I was able to pick myself and my best friend off of the floor from laughing, my husband's response was, "I don't do that!"


LMBO! Amazing post!

That's what they all say....

OMG it is totally sooooooooooo true...

Lmbo- Was someone watching my Dh and wrote this after he took a shower!!?? This is to the T my DH!! We both peed are pants on this one!!

I am laughing so hard I am crying, this is so my husband and he is 71 years old. I am sure he is teaching the 18 year old son all of this

I have got to copy this and take to work for the girls, we have one man that works there. should leave it in his locker

Man that was the best!!

LOL.....I'm glad some of you loved the joke...but then I see it wasn't a joke for some...:D

I have to say I laughed the first time I read that...I still can't get half way through it before I bust out laughing all over again!

LOL Life is for jokes like that, and laughing!! If you have anymore I would love to hear!

If I win the lottery I'll have to buy a husband like that.

I don't know if this is allowed, but here goes.....


You don't know Jack Schitt...
The lineage is now revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt," but now you can handle this situation with confidence!

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N.Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dump Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Scherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspapers announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. They created a bumper sticker and made millions. You've probably seen it...

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride Pisa Schitt and they are expecting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

This is awesome I am dying of laughter! I haven't heard a good one like this for a long time and my husband is laughing too. If Kinder wasn't sleeping maybe she would be barking in laughter. Thanks for the good one.

I got a haircut today in what I thought was a completely different style. I asked my dh if he liked it (because he didn't notice it:rolleyes:) and he said it looks the same as it always does. UGH!

Jpm - LMBO! :D

In addition, I'd add...how about the post-shower naked dance men are prone to, where they shake what their Momma gave them? I really don't need to see it. As if I'm going to be like "oh honey, that's so hot; let's totally have a quickie" -- NOT.

LOL....Nude dancing??!! Eewww, not a pretty picture......If they only knew all they had to do is run the vacuum and we'd be turned on.....

Oml roflmao
 

:DGAls I've not laughed so hard in a long long time:D

I would like to "point" out in "small type", unless it is long enough to do the hula hoop, I'm just not interested in after showering dancing parts.

On the subject of open doors, well let's face it gals, we all have dogs ( the four legged kind), and I don't know about y'all, but if I try to close the bathroom door, I have 4x4 four leggers whingeing, whining, scratching, meowing, low barking, huffing, n chirping to get in Depends on the day and personal strife going on with my crew. You gotta know it is easier to leave the door open a notch; then of course 4 legged one comes in, kisses me, leaves, four legged 2 comes in kisses me n leaves, etc, etc, until I am done.
I am eternally thankful that when we have company, the pups are so enthralled with the company, I could fall through the toilet bowl and no-one would notice:eek::p

Have a great day all - you gotta love this thread And BTW hubby still hasn't noticed the hair cut!:kiss2:

Thanks Ann, I can't get the image of naked people out of my head, and it ain't pretty! The rule is, if your dancing nude and you can hear the sound of skin slapping you need to put clothes on.....:rolleyes:

:sidesplt: everyone is asleep. It's so hard to keep from laughing!!!!

I guess I should be thankful. My husband is not gross. I feel bad for some of you. :rolleyes:

LOL :D!!!! And I totally agree.