I need your prayers!!!
 

I will try to make this as short as I can. In 2007 my daughter was diagnosed with anorexia. Due to lack of medical treatment for eating disorders here in Ontario Canada my child became so ill that for most of 2009 she was in hospital and we almost lost her twice. Prior to being hospitalized her doctor and counsellor asked me to quit a high paying job that I loved as my DD needed 24hr supervision. She was becoming very ill and with no support available from the medical community the job of keeping her alive fell to me. I had been off work for a year due to a serious medical issue myself and had only been back to work for weeks when I left to care for my child. In April she couldnt bear the pain any longer and at age 15 attempted suicide, because I was home I discovered her attempt very quickly and at that point they hospitalized her for the first time.

She spent months in the hospital and was getting worse. I lived there almost 24 hours a day sleeping in a chair. This was at the request of the hospital because the level of monitoring she required could not be provided. Due to lack of medical care I was living off my line of credit so that I could do what they could not, I was told that there was no money in their budget to provide constant nursing. In total combining lost income and the out of pocket costs for everything that they couldnt offer that she required our family lost over 80,000 dollars. Due to our tax laws most of it we couldnt claim.

In October she was dying and they could no longer keep her alive. If she wasnt transferred to a residential treatment center in the U.S. she would only have days before she succumbed to complications from the eating disorder. Her heart was failing and her organs were starting to shut down. We tried feeding tubes and I.V. as a way of providing nutrition but she was so sick that the illness would make her sick and she couldnt keep anything down. I even stopped sleeping so that I could get fluids into her via the feeding tube when she slept so that it wouldnt trigger the illness.

So in October she went to Utah. I had to pay for all the travel costs and any other costs besides the basic cost of the per dium fee the centre charged our health care system. We are currently in serous debt. I have only been able to find a job working three days a week as I am limited by my own medical issues. We never go out there are ZERO take out or restaurant dinners and I spent almost nothing. I use coupons and price match and we eat what is on sale. I was okay with this. I knew that God helps those who help themselves and I maintain a positive outlook. I count my blessings everyday and I thank Him everyday for all that I do have.

I think I hit my breaking point today. I got a letter from Revenue Canada ( the canadian version of the IRS). Somehow they managed to conclude that I owe them 3100 dollars. The letter said that if I dont pay that they will take it from my pay before I even get my pay cheque. How is it possible to make almost nothing but owe 3100 dollars? I am sure that I will hear from friends and family that it must be a mistake and that it will be fine but I have no faith in our government. There was a time in my life when I believed that our system would never allow my daughter to almost die simply because her illness lacked funding. I never thought that I would have to lose so much just to keep her alive. I have been treated so horribly by any person I have had to deal with from our government and when I was begging them to help my child I was actually told that she wasnt sick enough and I was trying to get them to do my job for me that I was her Mother not them!!! So yeah no faith in them at all.

I need prayers. The letter said that they are going to take this money right off my pay cheque. I have so little already and I dont know what I am going to do. We have managed to hold onto our house through this hell but this may be the end. I might just be losing what I have left.

I need a miracle, I am scared and I was holding on by thread before this. My DD is getting sick again and now with this too I dont know how much more I can take before I crumble.

I'll pray for you and your family... it's always darker before the dawn...

I'm praying for you and your daughter.

Praying for you and your family.

I am so sorry for all you have been going through. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

I am so very sorry for all you and your daughter are going thru. Plese know that I am sending my prayers your way.

Sending hug's to you as well.

Here in the US we have people that specialize in Tax problems (Public Accountants). Would you possibly have someone like that there and would one of your friends there maybe specialize in TAX help. My DH was PA for several years and did nothing but write letters to the IRS and try to straighten out Tax problems. Can a letter be written asking for clarification? If there was an oversite on your part in the past,you could be looking at alot of penaltys and interest (at least that is how it works here). Sometime here an extention can be asked for until something can be worked out. You need professional help with this,especially if you dont think that you made a mistake.
I am so sorry about your DD,you are describing someone in my family as well. This is an illness that alot of people dont see as an illness. My heart goes out to you.

Prayers being said for you and your family. I pray that you have the strength to get through this and things get better soon.

Tina21 - My heart truly goes out to you. Why is it that stuff like this always seems to happen when we're at our lowest? :(

In the UK, we have a free service called The Citizens Advice Bureau who will go into this kind of problem very thoroughly for you - do you have anything like this? Would you be elligible for Legal Aid as you're on a low income? I'm so sorry, I don't know how your system works.

You have got to stay strong for your daughter, as you have been doing - please don't crumble now. Are there any charities that might be able to help you? We seem to have charities for almost everything over here - most of which are only to willing to help people going through extreme circumstances.

In the meantime, a great big hug and lots of prayers from me :) Sally x

Im so sorry, you and yours will be in my prayers.

I'm so sorry for all that you and your daughter are going through, it's just heartbreaking. You said your daughter is getting ill again, do you think she is relapsing? Have you tried any of the eating disorder scholarships in the US, where their treatment is paid for by the institution?

I am so sorry for what you are going through, both financially and especially with your precious daughter. I pray that God will give you strength and that he will heal your daughter.

Wylie's Mom can you please delete the second posting sorry that happened I am having problem logging in and also posting :confused: Thank you.
Patti and Jack

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I am reading these while here at work and am in tears. Sadly there is no help for famlies that are struggling with a child with an eating disorder. There are a couple of places that offer group support by in a pretty limited fashion and there is ZERO financial help. In fact I submitted 15,000 dollars in expenses that were validated as essential by the medical community and provided highly detailed letters from my DD's doctors and the center in Utah and only 3,000 was deemed valid by the government. I am calling Revenue Canada on Friday (my next day off) to ask how they decided I owe them and if they insist on me paying this amount if there is a way to pay slowly so that we dont have to look at selling off our belongings. I am less devestated today and have been having LONG talks with God and asking him for strength. Thank you again for your prayers. They mean more to me than you will ever know.

Tina

Sounds like you are getting the fighting/protective mommie person back. Remember who has your back at all times.

"If God is for me,then who can be against me"

Blessings ,keep us updated so we will know how to pray.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry.:(

I am taking your comment to mean that you too have a loved one with an eating disorder. I am so sorry to hear that. Is your loved one able to get help or are your experiences like ours? I pray that he/she is on the road to recovery. I know too well how painful it is to love someone suffering from this disease. Not only are you scared and hurting but you have to deal with the ignorance of others who believe that it's just a diet out of control or that the person just needs to stop.

I have been told that she is just looking for attention and that I should basically make her life hell so that she will decide its not FUN anymore! I have heard -if it were my kid I'd make her eat. I ve been told that I should take her stuff away to punish her for not co-operating and my favorite, the reason that your broke and in this mess is that you chose to coddle her. I wonder if she had cancer if I would be told to ignore and punish her or if I would be told that I am broke because I chose to care for her.

Having a child with a mental illness is very lonely and scary. Its hard to have anyone you love suffering with an ED. So while you send prayers my way please know that I will be praying for you too

(Hugs)

Tina

Oh, I will be praying for you and your sweet daughter. You sound so desperate - my heart is breaking for you and your girl. As the one poster suggested, are there none of the companies there that will help you fight your tax bill or arrange some type of mediation with the government as we have here in the States? They advertise a lot here and if you can't find such a service in Canada, maybe a call to one of the larger offices who fight the IRS in the U.S. can direct you to a service in your country to help with at least that portion of your problem. As for your poor daughter, all I can do is pray and pray for her and that eventually and from out of the blue, maybe she can get a hold and decide to fight this disease for her own life.

I saw a show on "Dr. Phil" just last week about this problem. They mentioned a center on that show that the girl in trouble was going to be admitted to and had one or two previously very ill girls on that show that had gone to that center when they were under 80 pounds and now they have gained weight and look normal again, having regained all or much of their help. Could you maybe find out about that center, contact them and see if they know of a similar situation in Canada who could help your girl? I'll bet if you Google Dr. Phil, anorexia center or link to his web page and contact them, they could tell you who those people are. Apparently getting good and competent help worked wonders for those girls on there who were so very ill and it sounds like your daughter needs urgent help from someone who is the best. Who knows, maybe an email to Dr. Phil's show could result in someone contacting you - maybe it is worth a try. I will be praying for you two and I know that God is big enough and able enough to help you and I pray that it comes very very soon. God bless you both!

Hi Yorkietalkjilly,

Sadly there is only one residential treatment center in canada. It is in B.C and it was started by three mothers who had lost their daughter to an eating disorder. It only has space to treat 8 and only adults. I know that this sounds insane but there are no other centers. There are some private out patient clinics but they are very costly and having spent all of our money ( we even cashed out all of our retirement savings) to treat her so far we simply have nothing left. They only thing we have now is the house and if we sell that we are truly headed for total disaster. We did send our DD to Utah to a place called Avalon Hills. She was there for 5 months. When she came home she was amazingly healthy. She was strong in body mind and soul. However once back in Canada she no longer had any support outside of her family. In the states after a child leaves residential treatment they enter transitional treatment and finally outpatient treatment. With that system of support in place a patient does very well and the outcomes are often wonderful. In my daughters case she came home and all she got was 2 hours a month of medical monitoring. The treatment ended when she came home. She started to struggle and had nowhere to get support. As her mom I am here to listen and comfort and although I never judge and I provide non-stop unconditional love I am not a trained professional. Most mental health professional do not treat someone with an eating disorder because as her doctor at the clinic put it ED's are the cancer of the mental health community. They are VERY difficult to treat. Recovery is very hard to reach and almost impossible without the right support. In the past 5 years I have researched constantly looking for help. I have found resources that the clinic was unaware of. The bottom line sadly is that there is almost nothing here for children or adults with an eating disorder. I could send her back to the states but in order to get her there I would require money and I would also require OHIP (government) approval.

The only way that the government sends a child to the US is if the child will die in a short period of time without help. My DD literally has to be on her death bed in order to be offered proper treatment. Thats why she was sent the first time, we were told that there was nothing more that the hospital could do and that unless the government approved her application for out of country treatment she was going to die.

Our health care system is beyond broken. There is almost no funding for eating disorders. Our government provides 14.6 million dollars per year for the entire province for the treatment of eating disorders. I have been very active in my pursuit of change. I have been in contact with politicians and have been interviewed by the media and have appeared on national tv in an attempt to force our government to see what is happening. I have met many young girls with this illness one young girl was in hospital on a feeding tube as she had been sick for some time... she was nine years old. It is a crisis but as there is a stigma surrounding mental illness many families feel shame or guilt and say nothing. Thats why there is no money because politicians will fund whatever gets them votes.

Sorry now I am ranting. I wish that I could tell you that I hadn't researched my little heart out and that there could be help available for our family but there isnt. There are prayers and love and so long as our country ignores the issue thats about the best we can do. I cling to the hope that she will not get as bad as she was. She is still hanging in there. She has lost a fair amount of weight since leaving Utah but so far not enough to require intervention medically. I have been trying to pay down the insane amount that we owe from our battle to save her as my greatest fear is that is was round one.

Thank you for your prayers. I truly believe in the power of prayer and that God IS taking care of me through all of this.

And thank you so much for all of your advice. You put a great deal of time and effort into your post in an attempt to help, that means so much to me.

Tina (hugs)

You and your daughter are in my prayers and I hope that there is a silver lining in this cloud soon!

I am praying for you and your family. I know it's so hard to see any light but with God there is plenty. I pray your struggle will soon be lifted and your life will be better. He is our Savior and is always with us.

Hi again Tina, sorry to keep butting in from thousands of miles away!! :D

You've probably done this - but wondered if you've had a look on Legal Tree? Apparently they've a list of free legal advice organizations in Ontario?

www.legaltree.ca and just type Ontario into the search box on the right. Hugs and prayers to you both :) Sally x

I will keep you and your family in my prayers also!

Sending our prayers also. I can't imagine the stress you must be dealing with. {Hugs}

I'm sorry that our system has let you, your family and most of all your daughter down! It is certainly not a perfect system, but until you run into the need for services that are NOT available, we often don't realize all the challenges.

I have to believe that you will find the help you need, that someone, somewhere will listen to reason...but then I heard on the news only today of a woman who's been cut off social services because the Gov. believes she is dead...and she can't seem to convince anyone with power that she is NOT!

Eating Disorders are indeed misunderstood, and under-funded, not to mention a life-long battle for those who are fighting. I know 2 women who have fought EDs in their lives, and although "healthy" now, neither would ever suggest they are "cured." I hope your daughter will be able to fight the disease, and find the support she needs to help her in her battle with mental illness.

Tina, My friend went thru the same thing with her daughter, she had heart problems and almost died when she was 16, she is now 20 and back up to a healthy weight plus some. Her too put herself in debt. Her medical hardly covered a thing. Little phych care too. I know from her what you are going thru. The family is back on their feet now and her daughter is doing extremely well. Prayers to you and your daughter. Please remember the LAW of Attraction. Our thoughts control our lives. THINK abundance and health for your daughter and it will come to you. I will pray for you, but it is you that will shape this situation by your possitive thoughts.

I will be calling the government on Monday to try and understand why they decided that I owe them so much. I am praying its a mistake. Once I know the reason then I can decide how to proceed. It has been a real rough road and as I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression and PTSD its hard to respond to additional stress. I have actually just gotten out of bed since 6pm yesterday! I have to get moving and try to get going or I run the risk of getting stuck (again) Thankfully little furface hasn't left my side... she knows when I am sick or hurting and that helps. Also my DH understands and has been wonderful. So tomorrow I have to make a fresh start. Outside of that I will let the Lord take care of it. Thanks so much for all of your kind words.