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She, wheelchair bound, CPAP, right foot amputee just smiled and nodded. |
My mother had cancer and I took care of her myself. My sister wasn't involved, and when I called on her for help she was too busy or didn't have money. Yet she was going out drinking and partying and having fun. We were 20 when Mom was diagnosed, and 21 when she died. I dropped out of college, took time off work and almost never left the house while she was ill. Its hard and so draining to go it alone. The last 3 months of moms life I ended up drinking heavily when she went to bed. |
I am SO GRATEFUL that my parents had the forthought to put money away!! Although their intentions was to travel in the RV it just didnt turn out that way. Because my children are kept up to date on everything that is going on with their grandmother and they see how draining it has been,I have given them my permission to put me in a facility if they can not have a life and care for me. Many years ago my great-great-grandmother lived with my father's family,he was a little boy, and everyone helped. But when you are alone and noone is willing to take the time and it be a team effort it is almost impossible. My friends tell me " the caregiver can not give care if the caregiver is not recieving care". All of you remember to take some time for YOU so you can give the very best of care. |
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I have had the same conversation with my son - please find the best home I can afford and put me there! Do NOT spend your life taking care of me. I will have had more than my fair share of life - it will be my son's turn to have his. Upping my 401K in the hopes I will have enough money to afford the NICE AL with the fancy dining room and activities!. |
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Blessings for your efforts. ~Joanne~ |
Having walked this road with my mother and now mother in law and her 92yr old mother. Be sure that not only are the funds there. But make sure that someone has power of attorney,both financial and medical. If you have more than one child you can split the responsibilities between them. Make sure that your kids understand your wishes as to how things are to be split up and PUT IT IN A WILL. If you are unable (like my mother) and the kids cannt get to your funds then they can not pay your bills. |
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Just wanted to offer some support...I really feel for you. I don't have a parent in a nursing home, but I took care of my Mom as she was dying from cancer (when I was 19-21), but she was at home. I have experience in nursing - and I can tell you, nursing homes and/or elder care can be so hard on the whole family...but especially the person who is the main caretaker (like you). I wish you the all the best, and I hope it helps to talk/vent about it. |
My Wife works in an AL facility, they have support groups available for siblings going thru this. One of the staff is involved as a liazon. Also, check out your health care provider, they can offer some assitance in certain area's. Good luck, and my prayers gowith you. We too, will be dealing with these decisions shortly. |
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