DH has no sense of money management it seems.
 

I'm really stressing out. We thought we had this all planned and it's all falling apart. I was going to quit my job and stay home literally all the time with my son and not work at all. Mike was going to make about 45K before bonus checks working in the KC area nearby and life would be good. Then one day it all got ripped apart when he got a transfer to a store over an hour away in another town and we found out he doesn't make quite as much as we had thought and realized also that not only does he not make more but add on gas and the fact that he'll take on two people on his insurance and he'll barely make enough to cover the mortgage on one of those paychecks a month. The other monthly paycheck will barely cover the cost of other bills and a few groceries to survive on. Throw in baby expenses and we're going to be barely scraping by. I know it's stupid to complain about money when we are at least able to work and have some, but I hate constantly working paycheck to paycheck and never getting anywhere. Our roof is in desperate need of repair BEFORE it starts to leak, we drive old crappy 99' cars with bad gas mileage and horrible luck with breaking down lots. And though our house is beautiful it's expensive and it's all we can do to pay the bills sometimes. I know when we stop eating out and going out we'll save a bit there, but what we save we loose in insurance premiums for a family. This whole thing is starting to suck and he's starting to pressure into working at least part time outside the home which is putting a strain on my joy over being home with my son not to mention what's the point of working a part time job that literally just barely covers the cost of the babysitter I would have to have because his schedule is so darn all over the place that I can't work set hours because they will always at some point conflict with his hours and we'll need a sitter. I'm in a town where I don't know anyone and don't trust anyone to watch our son, and if I did the cost would be more than the 8 bucks an hour I'd be making.

I'm in a nightmare and I can't stop it. Baby is coming nothing we can do about that now, not that we'd want to. We have mouths to feed, diapers to buy, and things to pay for and now guess what DH wants to buy a car!! WTF is he thinking. we cannot afford to add a 200 or more car payment to this already VERY tight budget we're going down to. He's nuts and not thinking he keeps saying it'll save in gas, but the small amount it might save us in gas it'll kill us in car payments. He doesn't THINK about that and he's horrible with budgeting and seeing the whole picture. He doesn't have a clue what kids will cost and how hard they are to raise. This is going to be super horrible and I have a feeling I'll end up with a child raised by daycare workers who don't give a shiz about him and I'll be a miserable working mother trying to make a living just to pay for childcare and missing everything I treasured most about staying home with my son. :(

VENT OVER....just need hugs and love. WHEW

Sending prayers and lots of hugs.

It does sound like a sucky situation. I'm not sure your husband is totally wrong though. Yes, going out and buying a brand new car - and an expensive one at that - probably isn't the right thing to do. However, relying on '99 cars, even after the baby comes, well, is that a good idea? What are the chances that you will HAVE to find a place for it in your budget in a few months anyway...

I think it would be great for you to stay home and I know that's what you want, but maybe this isn't the right time? If you can't find a part time job that would pay more than daycare expenses, then maybe it is best to just keep your current job? I mean, babies do cost a lot of money. I'd be very concerned that it already looks so tight. What happens if you have unexpected expenses..

My sister and BIL were in pretty much the same spot. They were very stable financially, then she quit to raise the kiddo and got a part time that he could go to with her. They have savings for 6 months that they could live on in an emergency. They also paid off a new car before all of this. And things are VERY tight for them still.

Rachel, you will get through this, so calm down a little and relax. Things always have a way of working out. He may have a car payment, but he will save gas money, and have a warranty so if the engine or tranny blow, you will not pay a penny. When I got maried, I was a new Marine Officer making around $550 a month. Bought a car, had rent off base, and first child was not far off. All of our wordly possessions fit in the trunk of the car. It was though then for sure. Hang in there. If you love your husband, have some faith in him.

Sending you hugs:girl_hug:

If you can get a new car at one of the really great deal prices that are going on right now, you might be able to get a payment less than 200:) Factor in the gas savings and no repair bills and you could end up better off;) Why not just explore the possibility, and then if it's not feasible, put it off until things calm down. This is the time of year to buy a new car, though, and I keep seeing ads on TV for $99/mo payments, etc. If your credit is good, you can get a good deal.

Have you considered working at night, so that your hubby would be with the baby, instead of a daycare. My sister had to do it when they lost one car, so that they could share the car, and it's worked out wonderfully for them. She's now an assistant manager at a WalMart and makes really great money. She started out stocking shelves for just above minimum wage and now two years later makes about $20/hour plus benefits.

Things WILL work out. Just remember that you're in it together and keep the faith:love:

Just a thought, Rachel, maybe it would be beneficial to lease a car for your husband now that he is going to have to travel to his work. You might want to call whoever does your taxes, or an H&R Block if you do yourselves, and ask about leasing a car bc traveling is part of job and writing off mileage on your taxes.

Another thought, maybe there is a way to get the word out more about your PupTarts. Ppl are always looking for healthy snacks - pet supply business is supposedly growing.

I really do feel bad for this younger generation coming through. I know I've said it before on here, but this economy is not good - and employers know it! I'm sorry they didn't follow through on what they promised your husband. His best way to turn it around is to do really well at this store he really didn't want. Then, hopefully, he will get to transfer closer to home.

^^If Walgreens has a Flex plan, those pre-tax dollars can be used for gas/commuting expenses.

If you end up looking for a different job, part-time work, many hospital jobs offer flexible schedules, pretty decent pay, great benefits (sometimes child care), and bonus opportunities. When I was in school, I clerked in different units, and we were paid $25 bonuses for covering shifts on short notice, time and half for working holidays, and so on.

I want to say don't panic. You two can do this! A new car is Not a bad idea, what are you paying on maintenance for your old clunker? And that clunker can break down at any time. You would want a good gas mileage car, etc. Get an extended warranty if not too costly.

Also another idea, once your hubby settles in have you two consider ride/share? Maybe other folks are travelling from your area to where hubby works, and they can take turns driving each other. This wouldleave the car at home a few times a wk for you and the baby.

Shift work - night work is an option. And yes if you get this - it will be exhausting as likely you will be up in the early am with baby..... But you won't need babysitting etc. Another idea is jobshare with another woman in your boat. You look after her kids when she is working, and she looks after yours, when you are working. Of course that means a part time job for both of you, but no babysitting costs!

How about a home based business? Any good at grooming the toy breeds? Ears nails etc? That can be quite lucrative and with small breeds a small capital investment (which you probably have already made with your crew).

Dog walking? Dog training? Doggy sitting day care?

But I have to say thinking about supporting a family at $45K a year just can't be done where I live. I'm envious with that income you two can do it.

Budgetting on a penny can be done. Do you make menu plans for the week and only shop to those plans? I saved the down payment on my first house by doing this. And saved that in two years too.
Do you have a programmable thermostat for the house? ONce I put one of those into our house we saved about $40 per month on our heating bills. Temp went automatically down at night, went up for waking hours, down for the hours we were out of the house, and up again when we got home.

One of the things about saving on gas costs for your car is to make sure the tires are balanced, and properly inflated, that can make a huge difference in resistance to the road and resultant cost savings. Also a well tuned car. frequent oil changes etc.

And yes I was a professional accountant at one time. I'm here if you need in setting up a family budget.

Unfortunately even keeping this job is not an option i work 2-10pm and there are no daycares around here that offer this type of time frame and babysitters are not an option when you don't know anyone and your town keeps having babysitter's killed the kid stories.

My hubbie works for walgreens so his shifts are anywhere from 5am to 12am and sometimes overnights too. I can't rely on him to be home when I'm working and he can't just not go to work when he gets called in and i'm needing to go somewhere too. logically quitting was the only real option because we also can't put a child into daycare that only accepts full time for 240 a week infants when there are days of the week dh is home and other days he's not. not realistic to pay that kinda price tag when you only use it maybe 3 days a week some weeks and 5 days a week others. the best option was always me quitting because i could at least save us the daycare money and my salary now would literally be cut in half by daycare costs with him not even being there all the time. :(

Yeah, I can see how his changing shifts would kill that plan. But you know what? When you stop working, there will be less expenses associated with that, and you'll have a little more time to shop the grocery sales (I hit three different stores each week so we can afford to eat decently). I check out the ads online for two stores, and of course WalMart has basics that I know the price of, so I can find the cheapest price on items. I take a cooler with me for any cold/frozen items, so I just make the one trip in a big circle;) You will find creative ways to save, from your posts here I can tell that you are an intelligent and determined woman and you're going to do just fine.

It's all going to work out, you'll see. You'll both find a way to make it work, and you'll love being able to be with your little one full time. Maybe as he gets a little older, you can find part time work somewhere that would fit into your lives. Things have a way of coming together.

Thanks those were some helpful tips. I will keep looking at it. I'm worried a bit, but I know God does have a plan and will work it all out with time. for now i'm just working here until baby comes and then taking a couple months with him and then we'll find something i'm sure. just got DH to understand that while it's about 200 a month in gas, it's not 270 a month plus wiping out our small nest egg on a downpayment plus another 100 or more still in gas a month...we will look but it's not time to buy yet.

aww thanks that's great advice and I do feel great about being with him all the time, just trying to get dh to understand the reality of how much things cost. he doesn't shop groceries with me, and he does the check books but he doesn't realize how much it's going to change adding baby and loosing income. but we'll make it i'm sure.

Some how it's going to work out. I know I have to work after the baby comes, but just in the last couple months, I've learned that my job is extremely unstable and it is likely that I will either get laid off or transferred to a location much farther away. We absolutely cannot make it off of just DH's income. Like someone else said, I wish 45K could last in our area even living paycheck to paycheck. I am worried about my potential job loss, but I'm trying not to think about it and take it day by day. Stressing too much is not good for the baby, so I'm just trusting God.

i think in this day and age that's all we can do. Trust God that He will always provide and protect us no matter how much harder the times get. they are supposed to get hard, it's the end times I really believe. always ups and downs but i think it will only get harder the closer we are to the end. just pray that He protects and keeps us safe and sound and provides our basic needs. anything more is a blessing.

i did just talk to Banfield about possible interview for a vet assistant position. depending on pay and flexible hours it might be a great start to get really experienced in vet care. not my 1st choice of hospitals to work for because i doubt i'll totally agree with all their ways, but at least it's mostly hands on and lots and lots of experience and they are more willing to take a chance on someone without a degree to learn the procedures and then i can move up and on to a bigger and better hospital with better practices. gotta start somewhere so we'll see how that goes.

Sorry to butt in from all this way away!! :) It's just that I do think this is a worldwide problem and it's very scarey.

I had to go back to work 6 weeks after my son was born (30 years ago now, aaargh!) - fortunately my mum was able to look after him. I did pay her - but nowhere near the going rate (sorry, mum!! ;)). But presumably that's not an option for you?

I too was going to suggest you doing doggy day care - but my first thought was how about setting up your own child care facility in your own home?

I had all the 'criminal checks' (!!!) and took a course in child minding, then was able to look after babies and children at home. It sorted our child care issues and the money really added up. Worth a thought? Sally + Harry x

Sorry Rachel! I'm no good in any of that. I've never had my own family I worry about. I might not be able to give you advice on that, but I do know cars! That's all me and my friends talk about. (I don't have a lot of girlfriends:p) there are very affordable new cars out there that can help stretch your dollar. I'm not talking about the expensive hybrids either. They're also not very "cool." They'll get you need to go without spending an arm and a leg. I'll help you research cars when you're ready. :)

Day care ??
 

Maybe since day care is such a problem others are having the same problem in your area? Maybe you do babysitting as a job? just a couple of kids could really bring in the money. Good Luck and God bless

i've thought of this off and on i just don't want to bring another child into my home or my child into any other homes. it bugs me to think i might bring germs into my house and make my infant sick and i don't want other people's kid's slime and snot and poop in my house on my nice things. your own is different, someone else's not so much

First child Syndrome.....you get over it ;) ~ ;)

I'm so sorry your having a hard time. We went through this with our first born too. I helped by babysitting for other Mothers in the same spot. It worked for us. Good luck.

What about buying a slightly used car? When my last car broke down last year (it was a 96 Corolla w over 200,000 mi) my dad found me a 05 Hyundai Accent. It's just a dorky looking like hatchback but gets great mileage 30+mpg, insurance is cheap as hell, with only 30,000 mi on it for less than $6000. Driving around a car like that isn't really all the safe either, esp when you will be driving around with the baby.

And very, very quickly!!! ;) Sally x

I just want to encourage you on staying home with your son if at all possible. Getting a job for when you know your husband would be home with the baby would be okay too.

You'd be surprised how much money you can save if you don't eat out, and pinch and save here and there.

My son had to go to a babysitter's house the first four years of his life. :( I was miserable about it. When I finally got to quit my job and stay home was the happiest I've ever been in my life. I was able to stay home with my next two kids the entire time. NOTHING can replace those years when your child needs you most.

I'm a very strong supporter for staying home with your kids if it is at all possible. Sometimes it isn't, and it is really sad when that is the case. Good luck to you!

I have been a stay home mom for 25yrs. When I quit my job,we had no debt except a house payment. I cut our income by 2/3s and my husband was shocked that I decided to stay home. I told him that I wasn't giving birth to babys so someone else could raise them. He and I have done without,I have made something from next to nothing,re-evaluated what is and is not important,made bday and Christmas gifts out of not much,literally used the change in my piggie bank so I could purchase lunch out with my friend. I have friends that gave up their car so there would not be gas,payment or insurance costs. I would take them places and they would cook a roast for me. I sew and made nice things for my friends and they would purchase a piece of fabric for me that I wanted. Twice a year my two best friends and I would get together and trade kids clothes around as well as our clothing. Between the 3 of us we have 16 children,so whoever was pregnant got the maturnity clothes. I stayed out of the malls unless it was winter and then it was so my kids could use the playground inside,I even packed lunches for the foodcourt but purchased a cookie for each of them. We did not eat out for several years,we planned dinners at each others house for Fri nite or Sunday lunch.
I would never trade what other people would consider "the tuff times",I learned so much and have passed it on to my 6 children,they have thanked me for it. This seems to mean alot to you and I believe that you will make it work. You may need to be the one to take care of the bills and budgeting for a while. I did that too,so I wouldnt spend money and to relieve my husband from having to do it. I also made sure that the house was clean and the yard was done. I didnt want my husband to work away from home all week and then spend the weekend in the yard.
You can do this! If this is your dream to be home with your child,you will figure out a way.
Blessings to you and your family

What about work from home jobs? Like medical billing/transcription? My fiance's sister does this..... she makes GREAT money $17/hr, and her hours are pretty flexible. I mean she can do the work in the morning or evening or even overnight (if she had small children). Hospitals & doctors offices do this from across the country, so you may get a job doing this in another state and be able to do it from home. Having children unfortunately for most people requires lots of sacrifices. Having 1 newer/safer vehicle at least with a new baby is not a bad idea...
I know how stressful money management can be. I owned my own house and even w/o children or a sig other, I had to figure out the bills when my pay kept going down and my bills kept going up. Its stressful but you get yourself on a budget, you coupon shop, you stop spontaneous spending (one of my issues!), you love steak, you eat turkey, etc... and slowly things will get easier and money will increase with raises/bonuses, etc... as the years go by.
Good Luck sweetie... but remember if you do need help, the whole world is not bad and there are many private day cares run by wonderful people who will give your child the individual care he'll need or you'll want him to have.

First let me say being the mom of 3 children I know where you are coming from, but I think most moms here are going to tell you there is NEVER enough money EVER, so keeping that in mind you just have to figure out a way to make it work! When I had my first two children we were VERY young 21 first baby 23 second.. My husband worked odd hours but did have weekends off work, I decided to waitress ( even though I never had before) I made a few hundred just working the weekends ( cash tips), and he has special times with the kids. Later I had another baby when my kids were 12-9 years old... they were in school so I was all set... I needed a babysitter so I could work part time, I called the local high school and was lucky because they had a " child care" program for kids who wanted to do that when they graduated. You could try that and get a responsable teenager , good grades etc....You can still manage with working evenings even if you have to hire someone for just a couple hours till hubby gets home. I found waitressing the most profitable with limited hours , cash in had , I used my money for Gas , groceries and take out food, it certainly helped and I was able to stay home all week with the baby!

This might be a great start, I know in my area they are open certain evenings as well as weekends... A neighbor works as a vet assistant and then on weekends for extra cash is a groomer assistant... Like I said where there is a will there is a way. Another job I had part time was working at Gymboree ( childrens clothing store) again I worked evenings and 2 weekend days per month... I actually worked my way up to assistant manager, it was a great job, very flexable with hours and I got 40% off all the clothing I purchased.

Rachael it is fine to vent here. I can see why you feel stressed.
I really don't have any new advice to offer. My husband and I worked oppsite shifts for 12 years so we didn't have to pay a babysitter. I also traded babysitting with other moms, when hubby was still in Army (it was like being a single parent) Being crafty I sold craft items at the flea market and street fairs. I taught puppy training classes and beginner's quilting classes. I went to church and met other young moms we traded play dates and babysitting. I learned I could save hundreds of dollars by clipping coupons and making a shopping list. I only grocery shopped. I stayed out of super stores that sold everything. I did not buy my tiny babies designer clothes or fancy stuff. They out grew all that too quickly. I took back most of cute pricey baby clothes that were shower gifts and got diapers instead. I breast feed and saved tons of money that way too. I prayed a lot. It will work out. Someday you will be giving advice to a new mom and your own hints.
In my opinion staying home with your son is well worth the financal sacrfice. I am so proud of my daughter in-law she is a stay at home mom by choice (she is a lawyer).