I hate to tell you this but if he cannot control himelf when he drinks. He IS an alcoholic.

People tend to think that alcoholics drink all the time. Not all of them do. But if you cannot stop yourself, the you have a problem and should not drink.

And those that go and pick them up and take care of them are enablers.

You sound like a very smart girl, and if that is you in your avatar, you are beautiful! Don't sell yourself short. Listen to yourself here. You deserve so much better than this. It will not change. By loving him, is to help him and you are only helping him continue down a long and ugly path. I was MARRIED, a newlywed! You don't think I loved my DH then? He tells all his friends now what an impact that made in his life and he respects me so much more today because of it.

Sorry Sweetie, but THEY are not responsible for his drinking. HE is the one that should take responsibility.

THEY did not put a gun to his head and make him drink.

I am sorry you are in this situation, But ONLY YOU can help YOU out of this.

I see a lot of grief in your life, unless he gets help or you move on.

.

I know you were thinking about breaking it off , because you said he didnt call you, forgot to call you , wasnt around as much as you wanted him to be, he was putting you second, just please do yourself a favor, dont become " old faithful" !! What I mean by that is, dont let him turn you into the girl he see's Monday thru Thursday, then on the weekends he disapears and gets drunk with his buddies , or stays late with the guys and forgets to call/ see you !! My daughter HAD a boyfriend like that , and it bothered me so much that she couldnt see it with her own eyes, I called her OLD FAITHFUL.. she always there when he had nothing better to do, always there when he got drunk with his buddies and needed her to pick up the pieces. Everything he did that was inexcusable HE used to try to sweep it under the rug , well I finally told her that the rug was like a mountain and it was time to say goodbye. She didnt listen for about a year, she is now with someone much nicer and puts her first, and if/when he goes out with his friends she is always invited and he is much nicer to him...

Yea I know...you're right.

Thanks. Well I mean he does have a problem. I think the reason why I helped him this time is because I really don't do it. One other time I can remember this happening and it was a couple years ago when we went to visit friends at their college. That is the only other time i helped him..that one time. He disappeared for the night on campus and I went to pick him up at the hospital the next day. When i think about it, it's happened quite a few times but it has happened around our friends and all those other times they usually all are there so it's not on me. But this time i felt like his coworkers made him my responsibility.

No I know. He was saying today they were making him drink and I told him 'you are responsible for what goes in your mouth not them, so you can't blame them' i completely understand it was his own fault. What i meant was they were with him. If it were me there i would have not let him drink anymore.

You know what? We would all go back and do things differently if we could. It is done it is over, and the only thing that really matters is what is ahead and in front of you. You have gotten some great advice here. Good luck to you. And don't ever think you cannot do better for yourself. Because you can and you deserve it. If that is with this guy, great! If not, then the next one will no doubt be better anyways.

How in the world does he still have that job?! :confused: Around here, the restaurants do not allow workers to drink where they work....not even off duty. I only know this because many years back, my friend's boyfriend was fired from a popular chain restaurant for attending a birthday party where he worked. He was not on the clock, but he was let go even though he was not drunk (just a glass of wine in hand when escorted out). They said that it reflects poorly on the company's reputation. Maybe rules have changed or just do not apply for certain restaurants.

I think that you owe yourself much more credit and should find a guy that has goals other than hanging out at work and getting drunk. You don't want to marry a guy like that (I can only assume anyway)...so why waste your time now with him? But then again, I am much older than you and I, too, wasted my own time with guys that were never going to grow up. I finally decided (not as soon as I should have....28 years old) that I wanted a NICE guy. I am married with two children and have a husband that would rather sit on the couch, dring hot chocolate and watch movies with me. :)

Hugs to you...I just hope that you get it sooner than what I did. ;)

Thanks for that. Yes i was getting frustrated before because he would always stay at work and drink with the guys, and wouldn't call. These guys are not good influences but well anyway. I did talk with him about that and that is when we almost broke up. It was our 4 yr anniversary and something happened. I was fed up with him doing the same old things so i decided not to hang out with him when he had off work, the day after our anniversary. He changed after that. Well he got angry first, because i ditched him for our 4 yr and then we spoke about it. Since then he's been calling..a lot. I actually stopped calling him. So he's been calling me..he's been telling me what he's doing and spending a lot of time with me. We'll go out more together and have our dates. He even asks me to spend even more time with him but this time I say no. Before i would say yes and go to his house really late after work because he lives 5 min away. But now i tell him i am busy..and if it's too late i won't go at all. I'm not going to let him treat me like that anymore. Before all this happened he did put me first and treat me like a princess. Then things changed when he started working.
But If he ever goes back to his old ways i'm done for sure..not even thinking twice about it.

Thanks:)

See...here's the problem. His MANAGER was there and drinks with them! His manager is only about 22, 23. He's the one that called me first, then his other coworker called me. They are all friends. There are 2 managers and he's the more 'laid back' one. He doesn't care that the workers drink as long as they clean up when the shift is done. They even drink with customers...that's what happened last night. It was a private party he was working and after 12 they started drinking. I know when i worked in a restaurant they didnt let us drink...neither did i want to. I do drink socially, with friends but i drink my girly drinks or beers...i dont like the taste of liquor. But when i was working i never wanted to drink. There are some restaurants though that the managers in charge are young and don't care. Anyway yea..I do want a mature guy. I think the problem is we are the same age and he is not as grown up yet. Your hubby sounds wonderful:) I would much prefer a guy that likes to stay in and watch a movie, rather than go out with friends.

I see that you are beginning to understand, but still no quite there. It is not ANYONE else's job to stop him.

I know he is young, but this is where it starts. This is where one learns that YOU are responsible for yourself. NO ONE ELSE.

Keep reading and keep learning, and keep on him about taking responsibility for himself. If you were to marry this guy and have children, you need a partner, not another child.

I get do get how hard it is to let someone go, I truly do. But you have to get to the point that you see that you are loving that person more than you love yourself. You then have to ask yourself why...why would you give someone else more thought than yourself. ?? Especially when they do not offer you the same in return. :( Life is too short to give so much and to never get it in return. It should be equal and the male in your life should want to make you happy as much as you want to see him happy. I know that I am sounding old right now. :D :rolleyes: I just hate to see you do the things that I did when I was in my early 20's. Do you know, some of the best times that I had when I was your age was when I had no boyfriend and could just go out with my girlfriends on the weekends. It's so easy for me to tell you all of this because I am 37 and have been through a little of what you are dealing with, but trust me....you WILL look back on this time wasted on him and wonder why. You are at the age that you should be focusing on yourself and just having fun.

What if you have a daughter one day...is he the type of guy that you would want to see her dating? If your answer is no, then why do you think that you don't deserve better??

Hugs to ya!!!
Tammy

Good for yhoue.

And also JMO, but if, after 4 years, a guy has not figured out whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he is just waxsting yiour time.

I hope you doln't think we are ganging up on you. this is just girl talk, and many of us have been with Mr Wrong and tried to make it work. Made excuses for them, overlooked their short comings, decided they were better than being alone, Well if you are the only one trying, then time to move on.

As I always told my daughters, You cannot meet Mr Right while hanging on to Mr Wrong.