I have an odd question - could use some help
 

I have a question I debated on posting about. But I'm serious in trying to find words for a particular situation. (it's only because it just happened again walking my girls that I decided to ask)

I've been asked way too many times lately by total strangers and or men at my apartment complex if I'm married. Lots of you know my husband died and it's strange to be asked that. I never know how to answer. I'm starting to despise that question.

What I WANT to say is None of your freakin business but - they're sometimes neighbors - sometimes strangers - and I don't want to be a b*tch about answering .....

I want to say I'm married but that would be a lie ....then again, it would convey that someone lives with me ....(I'm not used to being alone and a bit paranoid) ...but still a lie ....and I don't lie

I don't use the word 'widowed' cause I just find it too hard to say ...and I don't want someone thinking I'm alone and an easy target. I don't think telling a total stranger my husband died is right either ...for the same reasons. Again.... it's none of their business !

any ideas ?- I need a standard answer because every time I get asked that stupid question I get a little resentful they asked ....and don't quite know how to answer it.

Thanks - This isn't normal for me to come ask questions like this so I feel kind of funny asking ....

one I'd love to say is : "yes I'm married - haven't you ever seen my husband ?? He's 6'7 and built like a pro wrestler.....I can't believe you haven't seen him around with your NOSY SELF"

Your personal life is no ones business. I feel strongly about that. I didnt marry until I was 33 years old. I was Miss Independent.

If I were you, I would tell them that you do have a special someone. Your husband will always be with you & God is by your side too. This way, you are not lying. :D

Red, I would just tell them no I am not married but I am not interested. You need to be truthful and go with what your heart tells you. When you are ready you will know...

hmmmm would work - or I just though of what I could say and can't believe I didn't think of this earlier - I could just say "I live with someone". (my son moved back in with me 4 months ago) so that would be true AND let them know I don't live alone.

Wow - just asking the question outright really helped -

and you're like me - it's different with people you connect to when asked that kind of question.... but I really HATE when a total stranger does it. Not even good looking total strangers either :) which wouldn't matter - I'm still married in my head.

I like this too :thumbup: thank you

if I said what my heart says - they'd want to kick my butt

In this case to protect yourself would it really hurt to lie? It's only a sin to lie if it hurts someone. Who is this hurting. Unless of course the guy looks interesting, then you could mention that your son lives with you.

I would say go ahead and say yes. Or wear a ring?
I knolw a lot of widows who wear their wedding rings, just to keep the wolves at bay.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

You might respond differently to different people--I know I feel more comfortable with some than others. So, I dont think there HAS to be ONE way to respond to nosey people. :p

This same question could apply to any woman living alone - how do you all handle it ? I know I'm hypersensitive about it because I've never lived alone before - but there has to be lots of you that do - how do you all handle it gracefully ?

This last time it happened was just an hour ago ...I stood there for a full 30 seconds debating on how to answer without being rude - he's a new neighbor but still - I don't trust anyone these days especially now that I'm living in an apartment vs my house.

I still wear my ring but always had an emerald engagement ring to hold it in place ...it was always a bit loose on my ring finger.....but lost the stone recently :( so now I have my wedding ring on my middle finger ...

though I can flip them off while showing my ring right ?:D

and you have a point - I guess saying I'm married would be easy enough.
I keep a low profile where I live and I guess I shouldn't let this get to me but it really did more today than other times.

hahaha well aren't YOU a big help ! :p:p:p I really do want to have a standard line that would shut them up AND not know I'm alone

only because my first post was so long I didn't mention this - but right before The Nosy new neighbor asked me that question right out of the blue - the girls and I had walked by 2 men at their cars - they started towards me and one asks if the they were Yorkies....I DID lie ....I said "yes they are but they bite" (only cause the other guy was walking toward me too fast)

they don't bite but I sure stopped them in their tracks :p

I live in a pretty small complex - where are these jerks coming from ?

How about

"Can I get back to you on that?"

V, after my husband passed away I always wore my ring which helped to keep people from asking that question, but once I had gotten to know that person would I then explain what the circumstances were. I don't think it is telling a fib, because I always continued to feel married in my heart.

That's pretty much what I've done with the few people I associate here with ...and you guys are right - It really isn't hurting anyone to lie but I try not to because I always feel wrong doing it. I'm with you - still married in my heart and even though it's 2 years now ...it feels like just yesterday he was with me

haha ...oh that'd work real good - my purpose is to cut OFF communication like that.....:p

but that's always a good line if you don't know the answer to something

V - evil people count on nice people "cannot tell a lie" and because of this many nice people put themselves into dangerous situations. I remember when I first got on the internet I thought it was a sin to delete an email from a stranger and boy how many virus's did I get (on my computer :p) before I learned I must protect myself first. If I don't know you or your subject line doesn't tell me something then I delete without a second though.

Unless these people are interesting them just say you live with a loved one (or what ever you are comfortable about)...and then change the subject. You are a very attractive woman so men will hit on you all the time but until you are ready...then you control the situation...and LIE :D..If down the road you become friends they will totally understand why you did what you did and for everyone else who cares.

And one final thought how many times when you were young and men wanted into your pants they lied and told you they loved you...:eek: paybacks are a *****.

Ha Ya time to get even.

:lol tears:sidesplt::sidesplt: boy isn't that the truth!

Cindy as always.....you crack me up ! Now I know why you never answered all my emails lol

and you're right of course - you all are - thank you !

V - you can always say, No, I am not presently married, but I am shacking up with a younger man. I like my men YOUNG!

How about a simple "I'm involved with someone". That certainly isn't a lie. You are involved with a lot of people, they don't need to know to what capacity.

HAHA ! Oh man ....and right after I shoot out THAT one liner ....out of the apartment comes my YOUNG good looking Son - that'd work real well Cindy :D.....a bit incestious maybe but works for me :p

(My youngest actually did just move in 4 months ago)

and Jeanne - you're right - this thread really helped. I was kind of miffed earlier and trying to find out why I feel that way .....but just reading your replies made me laugh it off

Villette, if you weren't so hot looking you wouldn't have this problem!!!lol When they ask if you are married I would just say yes for many years. Not lying but not giving them any info.

When l started to read your post, l thought oh these guys are trying to pick her up with these tired lines. But you're right its personal and annoying at times. Since your sons live with you thats good they can watch out for you.
When l get asked that question l always lie and say l'm still married... but l'm divorced it just annoying at times. Could it be they want to get to know you to date or something.:p l mean its possible.

Ya you could try to ugly yourself up a bit. and trade the cute little yorkies in for a big ugly dog.

Well... you could always say...

I am not married however the "equipment" you offer is not what I look for in a mate.

I would tell them, yes...I am, I really would still consider myself married(no lie). If some where down the line you'd like to clarify it...I think any decent human being would understand.
I hope you are never put in that sticky situation again. Good luck, and watch out for yourself, okay?

THAT IS good ! and you are sooooo lying on the hot stuff - but I love you still :D

and charly....I knew if I came here I'd get some good replies - but you are so right - it's annoying. How total strangers can just blurt out that is beyond me. Now if it were Tom Selleck back in his day - YUM

I remember driving home from work one day - this guy was craning his whole head out the window - it was ridiculous - he would speed up and slow down right along with me -

I ignored him and then finally looked over with my "Whast the H**l are YOU looking at" ???? face .... and omg - he gave me this huge smile....the man had NO front TEETH !

I busted out laughing and thought... this is really sad....I must need a makeover :p

Alrighty now!! Go Flopsy-Mopsy! Great advice! :D