Too funny!!!!!
 

I got this in an email today and thought it was hilarious!!! I hope it does not offend anyone! :D

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first
saw it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to
finish a text.

-Was learning cursive really necessary?

-I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

-Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

-How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

-I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a d1ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

-Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

-MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

-Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

-Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

-"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

lol @ "Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first
saw it.".....I was thinking the same thing the other day.

I'm not offended at all.
I relate to most of them:p

I am asking myself that first question more and more these days. My 17 yo son has a very deep voice. I have the hardest time hearing his low tones. He gets aggravated with me always asking "what?" and I get aggravated having to ask. I hate this is happening because it really has started to affect our communication.

The second one I picked out is really funny to me. I was in the Navy and had to learn the official phonetic alphabet -- but I still have trouble sometimes remembering "G" -- it is "as in Golf." I think it should be "George" like it was in the original one, much easier to remember. I think most people just make up their own words for the letters now. Then I think to myself, that is not right, it should be "B as in Bravo" not "B as in Baby" (as an example). This is one of those, "you had to be there" posts I think......probably only funny to someone who actually had to learn the phonetic alphabet and has a warped sense of humor.

OMG I LOVED this :p:p!! Thank you so much. I am laughing out loud over here :D:D:D

Rolling over here!
 

:eyetearss:eyetearss This is absolutely hilarious! I'm in my office literally laughing out loud as I read this and everyone is asking me what's going on. I sent it to one other and now they are laughing too.

Thanks for a great laugh!

Lmbo, as l was reading it, l was saying yes, yes and yes. of course relating to alot of those just made me smile.

:thumbs up for the :lol tears:lol tears :D

Thanks for making us laugh! :D

I related to so many of those I said oh my gosh yes or exactly through almost the whole thing. The "how many times is it ok to say what before you just smile and nod" one every time i work and answer the phone. I really wish their was a right answer to that.

hilarious!

Lol this stuff is so true. I have to share it with my friends lol!

Soo funny! :D

What's really sad is I actually take pride in being able to think up good words on the fly. I get a little charge out of rattling off a stream of analogies to someone on the phone. The most improvisational thing in my life... I think I'll go cry now.

LOL That is too funny!!!

I had NO idea there was a phonetics alphabet though! So there are standard words you should use for each letter when spelling over the phone?? I think I need to go study now! :p :D