Can someone answer my question??
 

I know this is long, sorry. We have never been real fond of our next door neighbor. My husband is trying to be a good christian neighbor. So for the past 3 1/2 months, at least, she has been using our electricity by an extension cord. She is always asking for money. Which alot of times is for beer, and cigarettes. She has only repaid us $9 out of all the money we've given her. She is living with a man and neither have jobs. They both had a job for a couple of months maybe, but not anymore. We are a family of four, who live paycheck to paycheck, with 2 kids to take care of. They both have family, I know that for a fact. So it's not like they don't have anywhere else to go. I am not a selfish person at all. I LOVE to help anyone with anything as much as I possibly can!! But, come on. How long is this going to go on for? When is the point when you can say enough is enough? I am feeling like we are being taken advantage of! I told my husband a couple of weeks ago I don't want to know anymore when he gives them money, it just makes me so angry. Am I wrong for feeling this way? My husband makes me feel like I am a horrible person for feeling this way. We have gotten into a few arguments over this.

They were sitting their trash out with ours, because they haven't paid their trash bill in forever. A day or two ago the man that lives across the street, who works for the trash company that picks up our trash, said if the neighbor gets caught putting his trash out with someone else, both parties will get fined $1000.00. <......No, that isn't a typo. I had no idea!!

So, now I'm worried that if that is illegal,is it illegal to let them use our electricity also?

I would say that you wouldn't pay them untill they find a job. Or for whatever they need you will go out and by for them personally so you know where your money is going and that its being used for good and not beer and ciagrettes.

We also had people that acutally LIVED with us for a few years, stole everything in site to get drugs, of course we didn't know it at the time. We kicked them out after they took the car and tried to hide it. :rolleyes:

i think you have been generous enough and i think it's time to cut the cord; literarly. i believe it's illegal to use extention cord and sharing electrecity. i believe these people have been playing the victim card long enough and you are just enabling them. they need to get up on their own feet. i know your husband wants to do good; however what he's feeling is guilt and pitty and that's not the right way to go about it. you, him and the kids come first; so you will be doing them a favor by cutting them off; believe me they will survive; humans are meant to thrive and they will figure out a way; good luck

I don't think you are being a bad person. For 3 1/2 months they have been using you...period. You are letting them do it.

Tell them that they can't put their garbage out with your as you found out you will be fined for it and you can't afford to pay a fine. Also tell them that with them using your electricity, that your bill is too high and you can't afford to pay your bill any longer. With the way the economy is, It is reasonable. I know your hubby is tying to be nice, but it is a different thing if they are using you and you keep enabling them.

I hope it works out for you.

Man, I wished I lived next to you! The sad thing is many of these people know exactly what their doing and think it's funny getting money out of you. You've heard of the term enabler? This is when someone helps someone hit rock bottom. You are not lifting them up, you are actually pushing them down. If your a real softy, you might want to give them notice on the electricity, and stop with the money immediately. These people might even be getting government assistence, but they have learned how to manipulate people. Your number one priorty is for your own family and it's future. I would tell them that the use of electricity was just for short term, and you no longer can afford to support them. We did the electricity thing for someone once, but it was only for a couple of days.

I agree with everyone else. It is great to be a good neighbor and help someone with a specific need, but to continually give them money, electricity, and trash service is wrong. They have no incentive to straighten up their life. It is easier to mooch. I would repeat the term "enabler" to your husband. Explain that it is doing them no long term favor to encourage their lack of responsibility. I could go a long way if there was a child involved, but two adults need to get their act together. Cut (unplug) the cord now.

If your husband just wants to help people (which is commendable) maybe check with your pastor or a community outreach program for people that maybe could use a nice one-time helping hand to get back on their feet. Lots in that position these days.

I totally agree with all of you!! I just need to convince my husband. It's just that it causes a big argument every time I bring it up. He is shocked and can not believe I feel this way. He has told them that they can't put their trash out with ours anymore. So that's one problem down. I was hoping I could find proof that it is illegal to share electricity. Then, I would just have the money problem to deal with. I am such a weak person, and I just hate arguing.:(

Unplug the cord. You are enabling them. People like that are parasites and they making a living by living off of other people. That IS their job.

If they can afford cigarettes and Beer they can afford to pay their own bills.

Just say NO.

Yes it is illegal for them to be using your electricity!

What I would do is tell them that need to find a different way for the electric and the trash.

Only offer to buy them groceries. That way you know how the money is spent, plus your still helping your fellow neighbor.

Ask your husband to read this page Leviticus 25:17 Do not take advantage of each other, but fear your God. I am the LORD your God.

Hope this helps.

Blessings

You know I forgot about that, but you are correct it is illegal, and the electricity company would probably turn off your electricity if they found out.

I agree with JeanieK!


I would explain to your husband...that the more you hold them up the longer its going to take for them to stand on their feet. I have had a similar situation with a friend that I ended up moving in to my house, me not working, my husband being the only one in the family working, we have a young daughter, paying her bills and ours, buying her groceries, it was never ending! Then she started getting in to legal trouble.

We ended up making her move out and find her own place...regardless of her financial situation. Then once we did, she started taking care of her self.

I know you want to help them, but some times helping someone is letting them help themselves.

that was your chance to cut everything when you cut the garbage service. i don't think you need to waste your time and energy finding excuses and laws to cut them off. you have to sit down and talk one last time with your husband and tell him; this is not worth getting into an argument and it's not right putting strangers before your family. ask your husband how would he feel if these people kept taking advantage forever; i mean why should they get a job if they can get everything handed to them. they are acting like victims making people feel bad for them and taking advantage of nice people like you. enough is enough and you need to make that clear; even if you have to talk to them yourself. these people have no shame taking money and electrecity, using garbage service;...... what's next your kidney??.......come on this is so obvious to any outsider; i am not sure why your husband is not seeing it........ what kind of story are they telling him to guilt him into this................. and by the way sharing electricity is illegal; you can do some research or even email the electricity company; and like the other person mentioned; if these people are poor then they are elligble for state help; food stamps, electiricity assistance program, welfare...............

Thanks, I will get him to read it. He likes to mention Matthew 22:39 "Love your neighbor as yourself" and another one but I can't remember it at the moment.

i agree with everyone else
and the beer and cigerattes will never END for some people..it comes before food and responsbility...i kno that are on OXYGEN but wont stop smoking and are drunk by

quick not ; if they both have families and they don't want to help why should you; i believe they are not helping them because they dont want to enable them; and i believe they know that money is being wasted on beer and cigarettes; so what are they doing with their time; just sit there , drink and smoke and take advantage of people; they are leeches and you have to take a stand and make the decision; sometimes it's not all up to the man of the house; i know you respect ur husband and he's religious, however he's not thinking clearly. there's a difference between "love thy neighbor" and "let thy neighbor destroy you and suck you dry"

i agree with everyone else
and the beer and cigerattes will never END for some people..it comes before food and responsbility...i know a older couple that are on OXYGEN but wont stop smoking and are drunk by noon.. they have 1200 a mo in RX but would rather buy want they think are neccesities...smokes and beer...they are dying..and have had many chances to improve their health but wont...the father has been told he will die any day for about 2 years now...i hate giving them cash...i buy food...but when i did that it was thanks but i really need cigerattes not food...in their sixtys!!! one of the sons live with them and he is just as bad and enables them....

your husband needs to stop...i dont care how religious a person is this is ludicous (no disrepect meant) i can see helping occassionally but paying for the electric?? they most have some money because they are paying for the home...it might cause some trouble being they are right next door...but i cant understand why your husband feels obligated to pay for their bills? have you ask why he feels that way? i think there was a thing in the bible that says something about showing a person how to fish and they can catch their own food...im not a big bible reader although i would say im baptist...but paying once is helping and being christian, neighborly but constantly paying is only making the neighbor worse and more lazy....

who sees the electric bill at home? if he doesnt show him and show how you would probably have 100-200 extra a month

sorry for so long but i have seen so many pathetic looser take advantage of people i just dont have a heart for people who dont help their selves first before begging and being lazy

good luck with it all!!!!!

Your right, James2:8 says the same thing. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Does your husband love himself that he would take advantage of someone else?

I know that was a strange way of putting that, but there is also the eighth commandment. You will not steal. Taking advantage of something without the thought of repaying it, is stealing. The trash service, electric, asking to "borrow money" ect. and not repaying it. Is stealing.

I hope this made sense, I'm very tired. you can also read Isaiah 55:6-7. Not saying your neighbors are wicked but apparently they need to change their ways.

Again I hope this helps.

**Update**

As of today, The Durst National Bank, Durst Electric Company, and the Durst waste Removal have all shut down!! I showed my husband where it said we could get fined up to $500, and have our electricity cut off. The next day he told the neighbor, but said he had to give them a little time, he can't just cut it off right then.:eek: They have had MONTHS of time!! So today, 10 DAYS LATER. I pulled the plug myself!! The extension cord is up and in my house! A little while later the neighbor guy came over, and HAD THE NERVE to ask me to turn it back on. I said, are you kidding me? NO! You've had your 10 day notice, It's over, we're done! I called my husband and told him what happened. I expected him to be mad at me, but he wasn't. I really think it was starting to sink in here in the last couple of days. They went to court last week, and have to be out by the beginning of Oct. I feel sorry for the next neighbors they get! Thanks all!!:)

great news; and good for you for taking the action yourself; how dare he come over and ask you to turn it back on; he doesnt care if you get in trouble or not ; they are so selfish. don't give them anything anymore; not even a grain of sugar. are they getting evicted; where are they going. on the other hand who cares, as long as they are away from you. good luck.

Yes, they are getting evicted! As far as I know they have no idea what they are going to do yet.

They might want to move in with you if they're evicted, cut all ties now, stop helping them, they have to learn to help themselves and they wont do that while you're propping them up, using extension lead is dangerous and what effect does that have on your power bill, mines dear enough already without neighbors using my power, be strong they sound like bludgers

Yay! im proud of u

be careful; knowing they took advantage of u all this time; they might be thinking of moving in with you for a while; don't let that happen. if they are financially challenged like they claim; there are state assistance programs that they can take advantage of and housing in every state for people like them. but then that's not your problem; they should have prepared for the future.

I agree with everyone else. Tell them to stop using your electricity and putting your trash out with yours because it's illegal and YOU could get in trouble for it. If they ask for money, don't give it to them and if they say they need it for food, go to the grocery store and pick them up some necessities, if you feel like you should. If you don't, then don't do it, but do NOT give them money. Do some research for them to get public assistance and if they don't have a phone, offer them to use yours or if they don't have a car, you can take them to where they need to go. They need jobs, so maybe sit with them and help them create good resume and help them apply for jobs. Also, share the gospel with them and witness to them. Bring them to church with you. God can do a mighty work in them and change them for the better. There are still plenty of positive ways to help them get back on their feet without enabling them by giving them money for beer and cigarettes and letting them bum off of your electricity and trash.

ETA - I didn't read all the posts until after I posted this and now I see your problems are pretty much taken care of.

Good for you!! We are proud that you made a stand and I'm glad too that your husband supported you, rather than was upset. We are here for you! :p

Good for you! If you were on "Dr. Phil" he'd say cut the cord, and quit being a door mat. You have done more than enough already, and shouldn't let "takers" take the fun out of giving. Stand strong now and let then find their way on their own; you will both be better for it.

Glad to hear you were able to extricate the leech. Who knows, maybe this will be a wake up call they can't ignore and they will start getting their act together. But even if they do not, it is not your duty to raise them. You and your husband already went above and beyond Christian generosity.

DITTO, DITTO:thumbup: Oh! thats great too hear. lt's really terrible when some people take kindness for weakness.