Did you ever have one of "those friends"?
 

*sigh*

I have this friend, A. We have been friends since I was 15. So that is....18 years now.

She is one of those people that I call "grey" people. (don't know why...I've called them that since I was little) You know, the kind of people that just seem to suck the life out of you and leave you exhausted even after a few minutes with them.

Everything is about her and only her. My problems don't matter/aren't important/get casually dismissed.

She gets angry/jealous when I don't have time to talk to her. For example, she is busy pouting and whining right now because Saturday I drove my kids to Alabama. She called right as I was walking out the door to come back home so I told her I'd call her in a little bit. Well, she refused to take my calls for 2 days and finally called me last night and went on and on about how I never have time for her. I'm always out doing something. She just went on and on and on about it. **NOTE - The ONLY things I am ever out doing are things like going to the grocery store, picking up and dropping off kids, going to the post office. That sort of thing. SHE made it sound like I'm always out partying and having a good time without her. :rolleyes:

I have tried several times to end this "friendship". It is just so emotionally draining for me. A good portion of the depression I've been in lately is directly linked to this. It is causing issues in other aspects of my life. I can't have any other friends because she gets so jealous. For example, I just recently met someone from this town on myspace. I was excited because she has kids who are close in age to my kids, and we had several other things in common. So I was happy to have FINALLY met someone here that I actually like. Well, A, went ballistic. She sent the lady a message saying all of this stuff about me. Well, even though none of it is/was true, I still lose out on a friend because they can't deal with A and her craziness.

Also the times I've tried to end it she has become "suicidal". She calls and calls and calls and emails and emails and when that gets no response she does things like show up on my doorstep at 2 in the morning crying and threatening to kill herself. Finally the last time I told her (out of sheer frustration) that I loved her, and really hoped she would choose not to take that route, but if she really felt like that is what she needs to do then I wish her the best of luck. That sounds like a HORRIBLE thing to say to someone who is threatening suicide, and I don't think I could live with myself if she had actually gone through it, but I feel like its just a cry for attention and I was tired of playing that game with her.

HOW do you end something like this with someone like her? I have now blocked her number, blocked her emails, removed her from my myspace, and once before I actually called the police and had her removed from my property. NOTHING works. Its like that song, "The cat came back, the very next day...it just wouldn't stay away away away away...."

My word girl that's not a friend, that's a stalker!....It sounds like you did all the right things to get rid of her you just need to stick to your guns and not give in this time....All the other times of letting her back in your life just reinforced things to her that you weren't serious.......

Eventually she'll see your done with her and she'll find someone else to wrap her tentacles around and squeeze the life out of them.....Good luck....

That's exactly what I'm beginning to think she is.

It is to the point that just the thought of her feels me with dread and saps the energy from me.

LOL My best friend of 38 years is like that. She is jealous because I'm married, have kids/ g-kids and a good looking hubby. She always set her standards too high and never did find anyone. She's almost 53 and lives with her Mom still, yet she gets upset that her nephew is living with his Mom(her sister) and he's only 24. She does childish things all the time, tells her mom what to wear and what not to wear, and when I go home to visit my Mom, she is over there constantly. But, the thing is she has also always been there for me, so, I take the good with the bad. Luckily, I live 800 miles away.;)

And you know, if she was there for me when I needed her, I would probably be willing to take the good with the bad as well. However, she is NEVER there for me. Yet, she expects me to drop everything and run to her side if the slightest little thing happens to her.

I asked her once, not long ago, to just ride with me to another town (that she knows her way around a lot better than I do) because I needed to pick something up. All she had to do was ride with me and help me not get lost. She couldn't do it because she was "too tired". :rolleyes:


I am starting to see that Mike could have possibly been right all along. She is ungrateful, manipulative, and she takes advantage of me. :(

Is she married?
Does she have any other friends?
She's probably like my friend and feels so alone. It's too bad you couldn't move 800 miles away, it sure is nicer when it's that way

She is not married and has no children. She DOES have other friends and she does date. She claims marriage just "isn't her thing".

That's what I can't understand. Its OK for HER to have other friends, and go out and do things with them, but if I have other friends she just goes nuts. She is CRAZY jealous over Mike (my DH). I spent a weekend with another childhood friend of mine and A called my cell phone over 300 times. I finally called Mike and told him I was turning my cell phone off and call me at friends home number if he needed me.

Sometimes I swear my 5 yr old is more mature than she is.

Whoever said this is not a friend but a stalker is right. I think you need to get a restraining order out on her. She is nuts and someday she may snap. I would also ask her why she is this way, sometimes we are sooo surprised to hear what the other person has to say! Tell her how you see her and maybe there is a compromise... but honestly I'd just tell her that you cannot take her anymore and if she calls/emails/comes around you will put a restraining order out on her. I know its drastic, but she seems drastic... desperate times call for desperate measures!

I couldn't agree more. Definately need to put a stop to all of this sooner rather that wait for something bad to happen. How scary! and strange.

I agree, it's restraining order time. What you're describing is CRAZY. Threatening to kill herself because of something you did? Also, it sounds like you have tried to end the friendship several times, so this is clearly something you yourself don't want in your life.

I would try maybe one more time to explicitly break ties with her. Maybe you can provide her with some numbers to counseling services. If she threatens to kill herself, call an ambulance for her. If she persists, it's time for a restraining order.

Creepy!

You did the right thing... cut all ties. I would just be tough and make sure she does not find a way back into your life.
You can care for someone without being involved in their life. Just pray for the poor girl and STAY AWAY! If she is crazy enough to attempt suicide, call 911, it is illegal and she will go to a place that is better equipped to deal with her mental status.
Tough love is the way to go in this case! She sounds like a teenager! No offence to the teens on here!

She seems to be obsessed with you! Definitely stalkerish. She may have a disorder that makes her need to be center of attention all the time.
I also had a friend like this and I cut the ties after a year. I couldn't handle it. It was unhealthy for me and seemed to poison my other relationships too.

This is an extremely dangerous situation and I agree you must warn her first about the restraining order and with the first phone call she makes after being warned, do it. JMO

I think the best thing to do would be to cut off all communication with her and make it very clear to her that you do not intend to be part of a friendship with her which it sounds as if you've done.

If that doesn't work, I would get a restraining order to protect you from her harrasment immediately. If you've called the police to have her removed from your property and she continues to bother you after you've made it clear you have no desire to be in the friendship -- I think there are very deep issues that she has and that would worry me.

:yeahthat: Restraining order is definitely the route I'd be inclined to take! What a FRUIT CAKE!!!

Thanks ya'll. That is pretty much everything I've been telling myself. I think I just needed to hear it from an outside source.

((((hugs))))

Aerrika, if you lived in TX, I would think you were talking about my mother!!! That is exactly what she does to me....except the showing up on my doorstep and that's only because we took her car away when she wrecked it.

Im afraid for you. Do you think she would ever hurt you?

OMG!:eek: and I thought i'd had some pretty s****y friends in the past! she needs to be dealt with asap! hugs to you for putting up with her for so long!

Ok wow, i just read your first post and i HAD a friend who was the same exact way! we had been friends for 10 years and i finally broke it off with her because i just couldn't take it anymore. she was making me so crazy i went on anti-anxiety medication! She too went "suicidal" on me MANY times but it was all a cry for attention. She liked to think that she was a great listener but it was always all about her. Oh god, and then when i got really serious with this guy she went ballistic even tho she herself was very serious with a guy and was living with him. it was a very very bad and unhealthy siutation for me.

finally i just couldn't take it anymore and told her flat out that she was slowly killing me and i needed a break from her. I told her i couldn't deal with her attention seeking behavior anymore and her crying 'suicide' all the time was making it a thousand times worse. every time she did that i of course would drop everything no matter what i was doing or what time it was or where i was so i could go to her. Well not anymore. if she was seriously 'suicidal' then she would have done it already. she was her boyfriends problem now and not mine any longer.

well its been 2 years now and i haven't seen or heard from her since. personally i've been so much better off. not on meds anymore. and just happier in general.

a friendship is not a true friendship if it is harmful in any way.

I don't know if this as been sad before or not....but...if she says she is going to kill herself again I would call the police because they maybe able to commit her. That is just what I would do.

I don't *think* she would ever hurt me....not physically anyway.

OMG and to hear HER tell her it, she is the sweetest, most wonderful person in the world and *I* am the bad guy.

It is just frustrating, and draining, and for my sanity I really need her to leave me alone and stay away from me.

I HATE having to do this to someone I care about and who I considered a friend at one time, but I just don't know what else to do. If I don't put a stop to this I'm afraid I'm going to be the one who ends being carted off by the men in white.

Uhh....I'm actually kinda scared for you. I seriously think you need to get a restraining order against her. Really. Yikes.

I agree with all that say this woman is a nut case! I would seriously let someone in authority know what is going on.....just in case.......god forbid if anything ever happened, they would know who to look for!! It sounds as if she is capable of trying to ruin other aspects of your life by being dishonest....lying about you and your family, etc. I would definitely take measures to let her know and the police that you aren't going to stand for her shenanigans!

Oh My!!!!! I think your friend has serious issues. Can you say STALKER!!!!!! Next time she comes to your house or calls tell her you finished the class Drama Queen 101. If she calls or contacts you , you will go out the next business and get a restraining order on her..... Good Luck she is very fortunate to have had you this long as a friend!!!!

Wow. I am not afraid for you, but I am afraid for your children. People like that who are truly psychotic, will tend to go for what would hurt you the most. If she completely lost it, she may go after your children because she *knows* it would be far more tragic for you than actually hurting herself or you.

Please consider getting a restraining order. It is good there are already police records regarding her at your residence. Aren't some people just *crazy*?

I don't think there is any need to be afraid - except for your sanity! This woman clearly has a lot of problems - but they are NOT your responsibility. Threatening suicide seems to be an attempt to manipulate you back into a position where you are all things to her. If she chose to take her own life, then that is absolutely HER responsibility, NOT yours. You've already given this woman years of your life and your energies. You owe her nothing. You owe yourself some peace and stability, which can only be achieved without the presence of this emotional vampire. You've made the right decision - so don't feel bad about sticking to it. It's her life, and she can't expect you to live it for / with her.

I don't know if it helps, but I am a psychotherapist - and I think you've done absolutely the right thing!

I had in the past, but I have learn to keep my distance;) I just hard to deal with critical, negative people somentime:(

DUMP HER! Get this woman out of your life. You have a husband and children to think about. Plus you would be setting an example for your children about not dealing with these kinds of people in your life. Everything you do carries over to them. Another thing, what is this suicide crap with people? My daughter has a phscho ex who tries this stuff thinking it will win her back. I told her that people really want to commit suicide generally don't tell others about it. Usually no one has the slightest idea they are even considering it untill it's done and over. Anyone that is announcing it to the free world is just trying to get your attention. Next time she does it, don't show up just call 911 and report it to them and let them deal with her. Good luck with this. I never had patients for these kinds of so called friends. Anyone that tries to monopolize my life (unless it's my kids) and keep me from doing things I need or want to do is booted out. Give her the boot!

She called last night (from a different number so my phone didn't block it) and screamed/ranted/raved for 45 minutes. I put it on speaker so Mike could hear.

I told her AND sent her an email (so she has notification in writing) that I no longer wish to have contact with her. I also let her know that the police would be notified and a restraining order issued if she showed up at my home. I also let her know that the police would be notified the next time she threatened suicide.

So far today has been peaceful...no emails, no messages, no phone calls. Then its not even noon yet so we'll see.