Funnies
 

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Sure you can trust the government, just ask an Indian.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I drive way to fast to worry about cholesterol.

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants, but you couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now but leave a message and I’ll call when I”m out.”

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It’s a bitch to fold it.

Keep honking while I reload.

<-----------The information went data way----------->

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I poured spot remover on my dog, now he’s gone.

Never say Oops, say Aaaahhh Interesting.

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

All men are idiots, and I married their king.

Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.

Cover me! I’m changing lanes.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become word at any moment.

I put contact lenses in my dogs eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I really love cats. They taste just like chicken.

Corduroy pillows- They’re making headlines.

I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.

Always and never are two words to always remember never to use.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it’s students.

Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

I love these!