She just called me stupid
 

I do not like my about to be 14 year old daughter very much right now. I still love her more than life, but what she said was just very hurtful and I am pretty hurt and angry right now.

We got into a little argument over a totally unrelated topic (I won't let her go out with a certain boy), and she said that she wasn't dumb like me who didn't even finish college. A lot of it was what she said, but a lot of it was the WAY she said it too.

No, I didn't finish college. It is a VERY sore subject with me as I am very embarrassed about dropping out. I didn't finish because I got pregnant with HER. I made the decision to be a stay at home mom. It wasn't because I wasn't smart enough to graduate. If I had stayed in school I would most likely have my phd by now.

I've attemtped to go back over the years, but it seems like something always happens and I'm not able to finish. I had two other children, then I had a cancer and a hysterectomy, then all the stuff started happening at the old house, etc.

I know she is only a child and she said it because she was mad at me. I think it just was just the wrong thing to say at the wrong time of the wrong day.

I had to just walk away and come in here and sit down for a little bit.

It's just that she honestly doesn't realize all the sacrifices I've made for her and sometimes that hurts. Its crazy that it hurts, because she can't really be expected to understand and be grateful when she doesn't have a clue because I've never told her.

Sometimes being a mom is just HARD.

It is hard! She will appreciate all that you have done for her someday. She just picked something she knew would really hurt you to say because she wasnt getting her way. She is entering in the more challenging years. Ive been through it once with a Son and will be going through it again in a few yrs with a Daughter. Dont take what she sad to heart she was just lashing out

I'm sorry what she said hurt you so much. I think you did the best thing for both of you - just walk away. Later on when you both are calm, maybe you could have a conversation and tell her how much that it hurt you to hear her say that and tell her some of the sacrifices you've made for her.

Aww, I'm sorry you are feeling down about what she said. Don't worry, one day you will be best of friends and she will appreciate all that you have done for her.

I'll admit, when I was her age I was a rotten little b*tch to my mom. I think it was from about the age of 14 to 16. She still reminds me of the time I said "You are SO pathetic!". I'll never live that one down. I'm 25 now and thankful for the lessons she has taught me and consider her a friend, and not just a mom. :)

I know she was just lashing out and that is the one thing she KNEW would get me. I'm actually a little shocked she said it. She used to not be so brave.

14 - 16, huh? Wonderful. Well, this is going to be a fun 2 years. :eek:

I am 16 years older than my two younger sisters. When the next-to-the-youngest was 14, none of us in the family could stand her - she knew everything!! We would say that we couldn't wait until she is a person again. Well, she turned into a person at 16 and now is getting it back 10 times over with her 13-year old daughter. I am guessing this is a girl thing because my other sister had two boys and they did not go through something like this. Just grin and bear it, keep your sense of humor and it will be over before you know it.

I know what you mean! My 16 year old son gets mad at me and gets mouthy. Partly it's my fault because I spoiled him though. So when he doesn't get his way he gets a little lippy. I just walk away and ignore him then he's nice again. My 21 year old son thinks he knows more then anyone. Hopefully they will grow out of it someday! I teenage boys and girls both think they know more then their parents. I just tell my boys that I hope someday they have 3 kids that act just like them!!

I'm 21 and I'm going to tell you something that will hopefully put you somewhat at ease.

When I was in my teens, my mom and I argued all the time - now I realize that it was all mostly my fault. She always told me that one day I would look back and realize that she was right and I'd regret the way I acted. Well, I do. My mom kicked me out when I had just turned 20 last year around this time. Being so far away from her now really gets to me and now that I look back at how I acted, I really honestly whole heartedly regret it. I've said things to her that I wish I never would've said, did things I never wish I would've done but I really think that's part of growing up. A lot of the things I said I didn't mean but I said them out of anger.

Believe me, your daughter will come around when she gets older. There isn't a day that goes by when I talk to my mom or my younger brother who she's currently struggling with that I don't tell them how much I regret being the way I was or saying the things I said.

I can only imagine how hard it is being a mom.

this is a phase.. it will pass i promise!! ;) sorry you have to go through this.. i know those teen years aren't the easiest! :rolleyes: hang in there hun!! :hug:

She actually apologized last night. Maybe there is still some hope after all. I apologized too. We talked. Things are good at the moment.

We had a very good morning before she left for school. I hope it continues.

Yes teenage girls can be mean. I found the best answer to them was "listen Little Girl, I've been where you're at but you've never been where I'm at."

I have a 30 year old Daughter in law that called me a "Stupid old woman" Now that is pretty bad. But I told her the same thing.

Your daughter knows that is your weak spot so that is where she attacks. I know it's hurtful but it really isn't worth getting upset over. She's just a kid trying to get her own way. she really doesn't believe what she says.

It does get better. Just stand your ground and she might not like you but she will respect you.

I think being a parent is the most thankless job in the WHOLE world. Im not a parent myself but I remember what I put mine through. Man oh man.... you would literally DIE to save your child and you get "I hate you" in response! Thats GOT to hurt quite a bit, and you are supposed to just 'take it' because they don't know. Im sorry your daughter hurt you. I know someday she'll realize it and you'll probably get a huge "im sorry I was awful to you when I was younger" I know I did that to my mom when I got older and DID understand! :)

That is soooooooooo great. I raised 5 daughters. 4 of them were teenagers at the same time. It's not an easy path, but well worth it now that they are grown.

Oooh, I feel for you and hugs to you!

Yes, she is still a child and doesn't fully understand that you're role as a parent is not only to see to her needs but to protect her from harm, as well.

One day...probably in her 30s, she'll truly understand all that you have done and sacrificed for her. Maturity comes with age, as everyone knows.

You can do what my mom did to me...LOLOL...put the "Mother's Curse" on her. My mom and I got into an argument my senior year of high school...we never argued until then and my mom said, "I hope that one day your kids do to you what you've done to me!"

I'll never forget the curse and so far, it hasn't shown it's ugly head...but I fear it is coming. My daughter is 13...so not much younger than yours.

I remember saying things like this to my mom when I was younger. I feel bad for it now, and I feel grateful for her sacrifices now. I understand now because I have had to make many sacrifices for my son.

Mother daughter relationships always go through the "ruff patch"... Hugs to you, it'll get better :)

So sorry that you had to go through this:( I never talk back to my mom if I had I would never had front (dientes)theeth:embarasse

I was terrible at that age. But please, read my recent thread "my son's friend died" and give your daughter a hug and be so thankful she is there to hug.

I am so sorry your daughter said that! I have to concur with just about everyone else- I was SO MEAN to my parents when I was a teenager. I mean, I was horrible. I feel so bad about it now and have for the last couple of years (I am 25). I do apologize to my mom all the time but we are great friends now! Teenagers can be so mean but it's usually to cover up hurt feelings or insecurities or whatever- totally unrelated to you I am sure!!

Good luck and just keep remembering all of us who where mean to their mommies and now regret it!! She will too. :p

Sorry you had to hear that from your daughter. Sometimes people say mean things, things that they know you're sensitive to, to hurt you. If it were MY daughter, now that things are patched up I would sit down and tell her how much her comment hurt you, and that even though she apologized, you want to know why she was trying to deliberately hurt you. And that if she ever does that again, you'll take away any and every priveledge you've worked so hard to provide for her. Even though it's great she apologized and you guys patched things up, I think it's important for her to know and understand her boundaries. So she doesn't think she can just say anything hurtful and aplologizing for it makes it all better.

loooooooooool too funny

Prepare yourself for more to come for at least the next 2-3 years. This is the time-frame I refer to as living in "Snotty Little B*itch Land". My daughter settled there for MANY years and only started becoming human again around 18. It is something about girls and their moms and I think if we women are truthful with ourselves, we will see that we all lived there to some degree as well.

That being said, don't allow her to be abusive. My daughter spent much of these years in her room!!!!!!

Aww, I'm sorry - blame it on the raging hormones. Not to worry, it will get better - by the time she's 30;). I went thru it twice. My last one blamed her behavior on us - it was our fault we spoiled her:rolleyes:. There were times I would be so close to tears, I'd have to walk away. Apologies always came from them. Either in words, cards or little gifts. Sometimes, they would even clean their rooms, or better yet, the rest of the house. The biggest problem was thinking before they spoke and just what effect their words would have on the people they spoke them to. I just kept drilling that into their heads. They actually both outgrew it by 18. Just remember, you are not alone, and everyone one of us who has been there, loves and appreciates you - as you are:) - a very special YT'er:):).

Take heart...and fasten your seatbelt:) I survived three teen daughters all at once! There were days I thought for sure I was going to be one of those moms who ended up in the psyche ward or in prison!...lol
Just try to remember growing up with your own mom, although we were all much better behaved "back then":) She was just being 14:(
Good luck:rolleyes:

LOL! I know what you mean!....I remember those precious moments also when the little pumpkins muttered those kinds of things, the other phrase that we might hear is....I hate you!....then followed by the feet stomping so loud you'd think their feet where made of concrete and then the joyful sound of the door slamming......music to a moms ears.lol ... I'm sooo glad mine are grown :rolleyes:....

Sorry she hurt your feelings. I have raised and teenage girl (now 28) and work with 17-18 year olds everyday for 20 years(high school teacher). Just try and remember that 90% of the time they speak before they think(and most of the time it's garbage!). They get angry and lash out because they are only thinking of themselves and what they want ! And you do have this ray of hope......by the time she is 25, she will know how smart your really are.

PS.
Don't think a college diploma always means you're smart. I've seen alot of really stupid acting people that have that piece of paper. From your posts...you sound pretty darn smart to me! Take care.