Be kind to heavy people
 

I'm having a little bit of a pity party today. Maybe more than a little bit. The good news is I haven't smoked for 4 days. Lance Armstrong inspired me the other day when he was on Oprah to "live strong."

The problem is....I used to be very trim and pretty and now I am so huge. I hate myself and I just can't help it. Last night a friend came back from a trip and brought ankle bracelets back for all the "girls" in our group. Mine wouldn't fit around my ankle so I had to put it on my wrist! I was horrified, embarrassed and ashamed! My husband still loves me, but i know he isn't as attracted to me as he once was. I don't know what to do.

After my son as born (I gained 100 lbs. with him due to gestational diabetes), I had my stomach stapled so I didn't eat for 14 years. Then 2 years ago I had it unstapled due to scar tissue build-up and have gained over 80 lbs. Then to top it off, I had knee surgery about 3 months ago and it still hurts to walk very far, so exercise is difficult for me. When we were on vacation, I felt like an invalid! I was always the one who couldn't walk very far and held everyone else up, even though I tried not to.

I'm sorry this is so pathetic. I just needed to vent and I can't talk about all this with people face to face.

I can completely understand how you feel. Society puts pressure on us to be "skinny" and we (whether we realize it or not) fall into a deep depression when we are not what is known as picture perfect.

Your body has been through a lot. You will be able to lose the wight, just take it one day at a time.

Just like you, my weight has fluctuated.

I had a friend over for the weekend and she took a few pics of us together. It wasn't until then that I relized how much weight I put on. I knew it was a few pounds but it's different to see it for yourself.

I've decided that once the kids go back to school I will be going to the gym EVERY day. I want to feel better about myself.

So you see, you're not alone. You are one of the millions (like me) who get down and out. Take that sadness and anger and use it as motivation!

YOU CAN DO IT!

Elizabeth, honey, you are sooooo fun and I know all the people in your life love you just the way you are. Weight is an issue with so many people, me included! I have lots of health probs that keep me from being able to maintain a healthy weight and it sounds like that is what happened to you. Unfortunately our society is so unforgiving when it comes to heavy people. I have the same issues when I'm with friends who are able to maintain their weight. I've used humor to cover it up for years. My husband is not critical either. But I know he really feels that I would be happier if I was smaller and didn't have these health issues.
But you hang in there. PM me anytime. One thing has helped me is to go cold turkey off chocolate and sweets. I allow myself a muffin with coffee or cereal for b'fast. Other than that, I eat whatever I want. Really. I lost 40 pounds that way. Once I'm off sweets then everything else tastes better. Unsweetened Special K Red Berries and Special K Fruit and Yogurt are realllly good for the munchies. I do treat myself to flavored coffee as often as I want and I don't feel deprived. To be honest, I suspect that sweets make me hurt all over, kinda achy.
Girl, this forum wouldn't be the same without you! You and Wexy are my comic relief!! Bo says, "Wizabet, doan be sad! Cause you n Wexy mak me happy!!!!" I am so serious! PM me anytime! Maybe we can support each other. God Bless, Cynthia

It is not what is on the outside......., my mother is 100'bs and miserable because she can't gain weight..she has always been scrawny and has to eat like 5 meals a day to stay at 100lbs...you may think not so bad but she is 5'6 and just doesn't look healthy in a bathing suit, her pant sag etc. etc., I myself joined a aqua aerobics class (I got a gym membership in a raffle) so I figured I would check it out and it is alot of fun plus it helps tone your body!!

Sweety don't feel bad. I am in the same boat. I was always the skinny one till I got pretnant with my first. I was only 118 before hand and gained 75lbs. And not because I was sick or because of gestational diabetes. I was just lazy and ate alot. I felt horrified after the birth of my daughter. I was not able to get back to my normal size after that. I would drop 20 and 30 but gain again. I got pregnant with my son and gained another 35 lbs. The last visit to the doctor right before the birth, (that I try and forget) I got on that scale and it read 224. I was so depressed!!! I had my son and was determined that I was going to lose the weitht if it killed me. It took me 2 years and I did it!! I wasnt as small as I used to be, but was happy and was where I wanted to be. (135) 2 months after getting to my goal,,,,,, I got pregnant AGAIN. I took better care of myself this time around. I only gained 30 lbs. Needless to say it's been 9 years since my daughter was born and still am not at my goal weight. And have put on an exra 10 or so. I hate taking pictures of myself. And will only keep ones that only show my face. I also know my husband loves me but I know he wonders "What happened to that hot girl I married?" He has gained quite a bit too over the years, but he seemed to gain in all the right places. I love my babies more then anything in this world and wouldn't trade them for anything. But wow, what they did to my body,,, I just look at their beautiful faces and say to myself if this is what had to happen to get these babies,,, It helps me through and makes me want to do something about it. Believe me you are not alone!!! Take it form me, it's not easy but you can do it. You are not pathetic. And you can PM anytime you need to vent.

Don't be unhappy with yourself. I know it's hard for you but none of us are perfect and you are loved here sight unseen and irregardless of whether you weigh 80 pounds or 800 pounds! I hate it that society is so judgemental of each other, we all have something wrong with us physically. Try to rise above it and be your beautiful self, I'm sure your hubby would say the same thing - you are gorgeous just as you are!

I love you all so much! We just all have to meet somewhere! Let's have a convention in St. Louis! Its kinda in the middle of the country!

Please do not feel llike your weight is what will dictate if you are attractive or not!!! This makes me so sad, but I can sympathize! This is the first time in my life I have been what I would consider heavy. I have gained nearly 15 pounds in only about a month. I attribute this to being away on business for the last 2 months and being remote from friends and family, plus not working out...

Then again it could easily be that I have started eating, for years I was in an environment (my family) that caused me to demand perfection from myself. If I was not a size 2 I was obviously nowhere near perfect, and would abuse myself until I was a size 2. This hurt just as much as being a little heavier like I am now...

Everyone feels preassure to have their body be a certain way, whether your skinny or overweight. It is a painful thing, until you can learn to look past it and realize while being healthy is important, your body is just a house and not at all a reflection on the kind of person you are. I have only been on YT a brief time, but after having read many of your posts I can see you are a fun, loving, and sweet person and that is what matters! I am sure everyone in your life would describe you that way before they would even notice your size!

Oh sweetie !! If you have your health and are happy in your life - do NOT give it a second thought - we are far more critical of ourselves then we should be....I've been thin my whole life and since hitting 45 have really been depressed also - but sometimes we need to remember the kind of person we are - Are we content that we are the best person we can be ? If you can say yes to that -then weight shouldn't enter into it -

We see too much on the media about looking good - and yes - sometimes we feel better thin...but if it's HARD to stay thin or difficult to get there ...then sometimes it's just not worth it !! It doesn't change the person you are inside.

Look arround you - there are MANY large women out there - look at Kristy Alley - she is GORGEOUS and will never be thin - she looks GOOD heavy and is very popular - I love what she's doing with her ads...but I also know she will always be a big girl - makes her no less in my eyes !!

My best friend battles her weight and she can out excersize ME !! course she's in her late 20's but she can kick my butt working out !

You have a husband who loves you - many woman would be envious of you for that alone !! I have an ill husband and feel sorry for myself (and him) sometimes - but then I always see someone who went thru worse and think we could be far worse off - So it's all in how you feel about YOUR life - If your life is good - then know that you are beautiful.

Society is always cruel to those that are not in the upper echelon. Even then, those in the upper echelon, are not necessarily happy.

You've been through a lot,...this is obvious. But more important than anything else,...you are loved.

There are things that you can do to change your physical appearance, all relating to nutrition and exercise. Not everything works for everyone. You just need to find what works for you.

I know you've been through a lot, but you've survived it all. We all fall off the bike a bit, just need to get back on it and keep going.

If you want some ideas on things you can do regarding nutrition and exercise, send me a PM.

I have no advice (there is better than I can give in the above messages), but we luv ya! :D

You're not alone!! I'm overweight myself. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think to myself how disgusting I look. I know I'm overweight and at times it gets me down. But I am a beautiful person inside and out. The love of my boyfriend and my family keep me grounded. Don't feel so bad about yourself. Just look at the positive things. You're a good person, that's all that counts!!

Don't be sad!!! We love you for you!!! you are such a great person! dont get yourself down over something like weight.. i promise that probably 8 out of 10 women are not happy with their weight! so dont stress!!!

When i met my matthew i weighed 195 btw we got married 4 yrs later i was at 275 he loved me regardless. They know its whats on the inside they married 'YOU' matthew puts it best...he says you never hear a man say ya know i would have married her if she had just been 10lbs lighter. They marry us because they love the people we are and they grow with us.

Dont be down about yourself. You are just as beautiful as each and every person out there, whether they be 90 pounds or 500 pounds. Please be happy with how you are and dont let being down ruin your life. I some times wish that I wasn't such a freak about things. I have had a few people tell me that they wish I had my body since I have 2 kids and I am tight and toned. And I always tell them that they can take it. If I could give it away I would, along with all the body issues that I have that go along with it. I have always been active. I had my kids and became obsessed with working out. Its like a drug for me. Honestly it is. Watching every little thing that goes into my body and working out dictates my life. I have seen a therapist about my issues with this and they put me on meds. But they didnt help. So I deal with it.
I look in the mirror and see another area that needs work. Or I have a moment where I am inactive so my mind wanders and I think that I am about to turn 30 so I need to make sure that I keep healthy since metabolism slows in your 30s. I wake up every day without an alarm clock and run 7-10 miles. Then I hit the gym, after that I go to work then hit the gym then run. Its an obsession that unless I want to dope myself up on meds that make me feel like complete sh** all the time I have to deal with. If I dont work out then I feel like hell.
I wish everyday that I could be happy in the body that I have even with the flaws.

On a side note though, people always think that because I work out and stay fit that I am stuck up or whatever and feel the need to point out heavy people to me. Now you all know that I am about as sarcastic as they come so I make sure that when they point out some one who is heavy I point out a flaw that they have, then I point out how f-ing rude they are. My mom is heavy and has battled with wieght issues all her life. She makes jokes about how ironic it is that I am the complete opposite in my battles with wieght and fitness. And to be honest. Its not a joke. I know that I am obsessive about things but I can not help it. I am sorry to babble on but I just wanted to point out how it is on my side of the fence also.
Just remember, you are as beautiful as any one else in this world. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I really understand it must be tough going through what you are going through!
As you might know I work with overweight people here and I'll give you a little piece of advice for you to get started on treating yourself better :)
Maybe you can use and maybe not....

A LOT of overweight people are emotional eaters. How can you tell if you are one of those? Well, from today and for one month you are not going to eat or drink anything between dinner and breakfast - at ALL! You can drink water and that's it.
If you are an emotional eater you will find yourself being depressed, angry, anxious, tired, restless - or a combination of these things.

So what do you do if you are an emotional eater?

Most people can't do this by themselves and emotional eaters are often people who put everyone before themselves, so they are not very good at asking for help. But take the chance to help yourself get a better life and go see a therapist.
You need to establish what the food does for you?
It could be against boredom or loneliness. It can be a way to repress feelings instead of dealing with conflicts and negative feelings, you shove food on top of them and hope they go away.
It can be a way of filling that big empty hole inside of you that sometimes feels so intense you wanna cry - instead you eat till you no longer feel it.

When you have established that you must find another way of fulfilling that need - here, your network in very important - you need to learn to talk about yourself to your surroundings.

When this is done, you will find that you loose weight automatically because you only eat when you are hungry.

If you are not an emotional eater, there is only the tough way - altered lifestyle - and with your knee that will take a while. But you can still go swimming in the local "swimminghall" (don't know the word for that in english)
That will also benefit your knee.

I feel with you and I hope you get through this - for hating yourself is so unhealthy for you - but also for your surroundings. It is hard to keep loving someone who thinks they don't deserve it.

Good luck! :hug:

OMG!! You have just described my life! Thank you for the advice. I think I will try the no eating between meals and see how that makes me feel emotionally. Thanks again!

I've battled with my weight my whole life. People have said horrible things to me, even my own father has crossed the line. It does get me down, but there is so much more to life that just the way a person looks.
You are not alone in your battle--keep your chin up.

Can't people say the meanest things? Usually its someone who can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce! I usually come back with "Thank you for kindly pointing that out! I wondered why my clothes didn't fit anymore!"

Thanks for the kind words. I'm better today. :)

I'll take that a step further - tell them with a SMILE...."I may be heavy but I can always lose weight..... Ugly is forever".

LOL :lol tears I'll have to remember that one too!

Eensor, I'm glad you're feeling better today--we're all with you! :)

I agree - hope today is a better day !

Glad you're feeling better too! Something to think about:
Imagine you go to the mirror and when you look into it you see a skeleton draped with saggy skin? Imagine people telling you that you can wear anything you want because you are so skinny - and knowing that you can't because tight pants make you look like a chicken and belly tops show that extra skin that won't go away no matter what you do? Imagine people asking you if you are sick, telling you you should eat more, hugging you and not wanting to again because you seem so fragile and they can feel your bones? Imagine the horror everytime you get sick and start to drop a few more pounds?
I've been on both sides of this fence, and believe me I would rather be back up to 175 on my 5 foot frame than where I am now. I still have the skin and the stretchmarks and they will never go away. But - I learned that no matter where I am at physically, if I find the good inside myself others see it too and I feel perfectly fine with who I am even though I am imperfect, I haven't met anyone yet who is!

You're so sweet! Actually, I too have been on both sides of the fence and believe me, too thin is better than too fat! When I met my husband ten years ago, I was way too thin! He must look at me now and think what the hell happened?

When I met my hubby 15 years ago, I was at a good weight, had breasts and hips and even a butt! Now, I have nothing but skin. I asked him one day if it bothered him that I had gotten so thin - and he told me the sweetest thing: When we got together I knew that one day you would get older, you would wrinkle and sag, your hair would turn gray and you would get fatter or thinner. But I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you no matter what, just don't change who you are on the inside because that's who I feel in love with, that's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with - and you still have the cutest butt I have ever seen! God love him, he is so good to me and I am so blessed to have him, so I strive to stay the same on the inside just for him because that's who he is in love with!
You are in my prayers and my heart - us imperfect people have to stick together you know!

awww thats sooooo sweeet!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember it's just between dinner and breakfast - all other "in-between"-meals are rarely the trigger of anxiety. Good luck! :hug:

I can understand the frustration, I to am extreamly overweight. 284lbs to be exact, and on a 5ft5in frame. I have been heavy most of my life, but never like this. I actully started a weight loss program and lost 40 lbs, and then for some reason just quit. Which as you know just packs back on the puonds and then some. I figured out I had to be ok with me weather I was 300lbs or 135lbs, without that I would never lose the weight. I have struggled...a lot, but i relized recently that I want to change, and I am finding reasons to encourage myself everyday. I am back on that program, and down 7 lbs from my restart weight. It is a long hard road, but never get down on yourself, i found that is the worse thing you can do. In fact when I do that I eat more, dont exercise and gain weight

You have my support and if you need to talk I am here

Hey maybe we should start a YT healthy living buddies, we can coax each other a way from the cookie jar! :dribble: :dribble: