I'm shattered...
 

Two days ago, I discovered something that I've always feared. While trying to check my Facebook, I ran across all these awful websites in our laptop's history... I feel like my entire marriage has been a lie.

I've discussed this subject with my husband so many times before we were married because I knew I couldn't handle a spouse who had issues with it. He always said he didn't and that he agreed it was the same as cheating...

Come to find out, he's had issues with it the entire time we've been together. I feel so betrayed and worthless. Am I really so unattractive? He swears it doesn't have anything to do with me...but I can't believe him. I can't sleep or eat and I can't even talk to him without cussing. (which I NEVER do normally) I'm so disgusted.

He says he hates it and he promises he'll never do it again. The computer is now solely mine, as are all of our thumb drives...but how can I ever trust him again? How can I ever sleep in the same bed as him?

Has anyone here ever went through this? I don't know if the subject matter is correct for YT and if not I apologize... I just really need some support right now. My world has totally collapsed.

Hugs and love to you, dear. I'm sending you a PM.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have not dealt with this myself, but I do know others who have and they made their husbands go for counselling...and for some it helped...best wishes

Oh I"m so sorry. Someone just posted within the last two days regarding
the same thing. Sorry I can't remember who it was.
Prayer's coming for you sweetie to stay calm and think clearly.
Maybe it can be worked out if you want it to be. I am sorry.

Oh sweetie... I can understand your being hurt and upset by this. I would be upset and bothered by it as well. What would upset me more is not so much the act (I assume we are talking about pornography here) but the fact that he knew how you felt about it and openly lied to you about it. It's like a secret life, and that is what would bother me the most.

I guess some guys really do have an addiction to these types of things... though I can't understand it myself. It really does NOT have anything to do with you though, but I know I can't convince you of that.

I hope you can work things out with your husband. Try to keep in mind all the good things — like the reason why you fell in love with him in the first place. If he's still that person, then I hope you two can get past this. :)

... I am so sorry you have to deal with this .... I hope the two of you can work this out ....

Sorry I can't give you any advice .... :(

I feel so bad for you. I know I would be upset too. You do have to remember though that men and women view sex differently and in his mind I'm sure he doesn't think that what he did was the same as being physically unfaithful to you. That probably isn't any consolation but I had to say it. I think you should seek some professional help. A marriage counselor would be the best thing for you and your marriage. Good luck I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Lou

I am so sorry for what you are going through.. Porn ruined my marriage my husband had an addiction to it and it ate away at his entire soul and then things got out of hand...It turned into an even bigger issue... I dont kow how to search and link my thread to this one... (((Hugs))) We are all here for you, I will pm you

Thank you all so much for your thoughts & prayers. I just want so badly for all this to turn out okay.

I'm so sorry. I know how it feels. It became a problem for me when it replaced our intimacy. When my husband preferred the internet to me that's when I took issue. But trust me, it's not you. Please don't start doubting your sense of self worth. I know it's hard, I had all the same thoughts and it made me very insecure.

What ever you do....don't blame yourself. It is his problem and not yours!!! You will be in my prayers.

your in my prayers.. i hope it all works out for you sweetie. please do
not blame yourself

Again, thank you all. I'm trying really hard to not blame myself. Does anyone know if Tricare covers the type of therapy needed to deal with this issue? I really do not want to have to call and ask my PCM. Thanks.

Tricare ??? Are you Guys in the Military then ???

He is Army. Fun stuff.

oh sweetie Im soooooooooooooooooooo sorry! I have a brother in-law that had this same issue... he ended up going to that program kind of like A.A. but for sex... it seemed to help him... although it was a LONG road and he still slips everyonce in awhile... but its better then ALL the time! I know it was REALLY hard on his wife... but there is hope... Im really sorry again sweetie... <<<<<HUGS>>>>>

I think there are 2 woman going through something like this right now here. :( Its so heartbreaking and sad. Im very sorry you are going through this. It scares me to no end to think the person I thought I knew inside and out turns out to be someone so different and not in a good way! My heart goes out to you!

Oh, I'm really sorry you are going through this :( I hope that you able to get through this. I definitely think counseling is a good idea if it is something you both are willing to do. Good luck

I am so sorry. I would strongly recommend you follow thru with therapy. You need a way to express this too - I am so sorry you are hurting so bad

I hope you get your answer about Tricare. I wish I knew!
I just wanted to add that even if your husband won't go in for counseling, you need too. This has damaged you and you need help in healing.
My first husband was unfaithful to me and I can't begin to tell you the mental problems I had until I finally got some help. It isn't your fault and it isn't because you aren't enough for him. Men are pigs sometimes and this is one of those times. Hopefully he can learn and manage to save his marriage.
Again, good luck - I am still praying for you both.
Lou

I am so sorry this happens to you. It really does not have anything to do with you-a lot of guys are like that. Mine does not do it behind me so I feel at least he is being honest with me and not lying about it. I will have a problem if he lies about it but to a certain extent, I do feel less attractive.

I am sorry, I have no good advice, I would just want to kill him, but you can't do that. Seems like none of us are safe from this sort of thing, it it happening to a lot of great people. I just don't understand people who would risk it all for something so shallow. I went through the phone sex thing with my EX husband It was VERY hard and confusing to me and I kept thinking for 1000 he could have got a real live woman if he didn't want me.

Good Luck,
Angie

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I wish I had some advice but I don't. I"ll keep you in my prayers though that everything turns out o.k and you guys are able to get through this.

What kind of Tricare do you have? Standard or Prime? If you have Standard then you can pick whoever you want & go see them & they WILL cover most of it. I have Tricare Standard & I see a psychiatrist (I have three mental disorders) & they cover most of it. I believe each office visit is about 300$ & we only end up paying 10$. If you have Prime, you will have to call Tricare & find out who they will allow you to see. With Prime, you won't have a pay anything, BUT you cannot pick who you want to see. They will assign someone to you & you have to see whoever they assign to you.

Amy

Trust me I know it is hard. But if you and your husband want to survive this you will. Counseling does help major too. I see a therapist due to my husband's unfaitfillness (made out with two females in the last year) and one was this last March! He also goes to AA. But for now we are both trying (he even moved states for me) and it is working. It takes time patience and A LOT of work. We don't have children except for the furbabies so we are doing this on the pure fact that we love each other. I was (still am) going through the same body image issue. It is not worth it. Don't blame yourself. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. So very sorry.

Don't give up
 

I can only say to you ,don't give up. I'll PM you .

So I can tell ..... mine is in the Army too .... LOL
I think if you go talk to them they WILL give you something for the pain ....

Hope you feel better sweetie ..... :)

A quick update
 

I just wanted to thank every person who has commented here and also PMed me. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to some of you; I've been SO busy with work since Wednesday I haven't had time to think! I will be responding within the next few days, I promise! Please know how much it means to me to know how much all of you care!

Just an update...the hubby and I are actually doing pretty well right now. I finally calmed down enough to ask the questions I needed the answers to and also to actually LISTEN to his responses. We cried together for about an hour straight and just held each other. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get past this. THANK GOD!!!! :) I'm thankful we are dealing with this sooner rather than later, because hopefully it won't even be too much of a factor in the years to come.

O and we have an appointment Tuesday to start dealing with all this.

Again, thank you all so much! I seriously do LOVE my YT family :)