Why do friends do this? I am so hurt right now, so please excuse my venting.... My best friend and I have known each other since 6th grade, and we've always been close. Once we graduated, I went to college and she started working full time. Of course we lost touch a little bit since we were on different paths, but we always found time for each other when we had it and never forgot things like birthdays and such. Well college has come and gone, and now we are even less in contact. I got married last October, and of course she was my Maid of Honor. We kept in touch till right after Christmas, and then she started hanging out with new people where she works. I totally understand that we have our own lives now, and of course since we are grown up now we are going to talk less, but in February she completely forgot my birthday. It wasn't the first time she's done this (she forgot the year before too), but this time it really hurt. Maybe because I live in a new area, and had to basically find new people to talk too. It has been really tough. :( She did send me an email the day after my birthday just to say hello, and she asked me what I did the day before!!! :eek: I couldn't believe it because it was my birthday that day, and I brought it up saying I went out because it was my birthday. She responded, but didn't acknowledge what I said and started with another topic. After that I was like whatever with it, and if she ever needs to talk to me I'll be here. But tonight I logged into my Myspace account and saw she posted a new photo album. I clicked on it, and it is pictures she took from her new friend's 23rd birthday party she hosted!!! It just really hurt, because she didn't even remember mine, and of course I remember that hers is in two weeks. I know this might sound petty, but it just really hurt and I don't understand..... I've always been considerate of her feelings, and I've put up with a lot. But with this it just makes me feel like she just doesn't care anymore. |
my friend did the same thing to me.. we were friends for 8 years and ever since she started dating this new guy... she has blown me off time and time again. she didn't come to my birthday.. she said she had to do something with her mom then come to find out she just went to hang out with her new friends instead.. i finally just told her i didn't want to talk to her anymore.. so i deleted her from my myspace and stopped associating with her..it's hard and it sucks..but sometimes that's just what you have to do! You don't deserve to be treated like that and need better friends that care about you |
I am so sorry your friend stiffed you...... d |
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OH Sonya, I am sorry you are feeling BLUE. I am here for you...YOUR new Melbourne friend. :rolleyes::p Oh and Hey Did I miss your birthday? LOL... Okay so that is not funny Caren GEES!!! :D:p I am sorry though you are sad. I bet she did not mean to make you feel that way. I would personally talk to her about how you are feeling friend to friend. I mean if you guys were that close at one time I am sure she will understand. Who knows she may not even know what she was or is doing and when she finds out she may be really sorry. I think it takes A LOT from us as we get older to keep in touch with our friends because lets face it life just happens but things will change again, watch you will be surprised. Hang in there girl - Head up and Hugs coming your way! :love-hug3:love-hug3 |
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Thanks for the encouraging words... it means a lot, and I'm so happy you are one of my Melbourne friends! :) |
oh, bless your heart. I can completely relate and understand how you are feeling. it's terrible because those that we love the most are the ones that have the ability to hurt us the most. I just went through a very rough patch with my best friend and we have come out much stronger because we both sat down and spoke VERY openly to each other. we hurt each others feelings very bad during that talk...but we got it all out and we came out a lot stronger and more aware of what was going on in our lives. maybe you need to sit and talk...hash it out really good....and see what happens from there! I hope you all work it out...it obviously means a lot to you. I will be thinking about you...please update us if you 2 talk...I'll be wondering how it is going :) hugs!!! |
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I wish it wasn't this way, but I think we all go through it @some point in our lives. I do agree to try and talk things over with her. Let her know how you are feeling. Maybe she is jealous, wants to prove something with starting new friends in her life, you never know. She may not admit it, but at least you are trying to mend your long friendship. Most often, no one says anything & you drift further apart. :( I hope not! Most guys seem to just say what they mean & get over it. Girls, not so much, we take things personal. I wish you the best. ;) |
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I know how you feel. You wonder what happened? Or if YOU did something wrong to alienate them? When all the time, probably there are just people who realize how valuable a good and long time friend is over new acquaintances and those that don't. Sometimes it's just, like you said, our paths are different. Some people are more thoughtful than others too, and the other person doesn't realize how much it hurts to be forgotten, or replaced. Sometimes you go out of your way all the time for someone else and they just leave you in the dust and you have no idea why. But the thing is, it's usually THEIR self esteem issues; not yours. They just make you wonder. It's really sad and very hurtful; I know, I've been there. I hope that you can either talk it over with her and at least get some peace of mind. It sucks that she was too busy with someone else's party to even acknowledge your special day. Maybe this will help you feel a little better: When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. |
I thought I was the only one that had the same experience with a best friend. I am much older than you now but my best friend of about 30 or so years has put me through similar stuff. it is kinda late right now but I will pick up with this thread again tomorrow. I really can not believe that these things happen to people...the ones that get hurt and the ones that do the hurting. I share your pain....been there and to be honest till I read your post thought I was very alone in the confusion of it all. It sounds as if your friend is very jealous of you and just won't admit it to "herself" and that is why she is taking it out on you. i don't or didn't think I could say that in my situation cause my best friend was nominated best looking in high school....so how could jealousy be the cause of our "falling out" (for lack of a better term). But listening to you I guess her short comings got the best of her too...just like your friend (:eek:). Hope I helped to ease the confusion cause sometimes that is what keeps the hurt there and sometimes it takes a long time to realize it. To be continued....if you would like to talk more. tina |
I am really sorry you feel this way. When I ws younger and quite a bit more stupid, I went thru this situation. Only I was the other girl. The one that became distant and stopped talking to my friend. We had been really close for many years and then all of a sudden she decided she was gonna move to Alabama with her boyfriend. She told me and then 1 week later she was gone. In my mind I couldnt handle it. On the one hand I was very jealous and whenever she would try and talk about this new life she had that I wanted (not with her man, but in general. I thought I was terminally single at the time) I would act like I didnt care or say something mean or change the subject. On the other hand I was like what the hell? We have been friends for 10 years you have known him for 6 months and he is more imortant than me to you???? Whatever I dont need you anymore. Well things didnt work out....and she came home.....it took us a few months to mend things, but luckily she is very forgiving and we are as close as can be. But to this day I am still ashamed of my behavior....that my jealousy kept me from being able to just be happy for her. |
Uh I know how you feel! The same thing is happening with me and my friend from home. It really sucks, especially after being friends for soo long. Don't worry tho, I'm sure it'll all work out. She'll soon realize that her new friends can't replace the friendship you guys had. And, you always have YT to vent to. If you wanna vent some more you can always pm me. Hope you feel better! |
Thank you everybody for all the encouraging words! YT has such awesome members, and I do feel better just venting here..... :) |
That really hurts when friends do things like that. Unfortunately, people change as we grow, and it's not always for the best. My best friend completely changed on me around the time I was getting married, and it got so bad I ended up having to ask her to step down as my maid of honor in my wedding :( It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it was the best decision I've made-so much more came out of the woodwork after I asked her to step out. It was painful, but I realized there was much more to her anger and bitterness, and it was just a matter of time before that ugly side came out to get me. Hang in there, and surround yourself with people who care for you, and try meeting new friends who have common interests. You may just meet some interesting people! |
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either way, I think it is a "win" situation. |
Ya know what? This is something like what Im going through with my best friend of FOREVER recently. She is VERY self-absorbed and is treating me horribly. Ive called her out on it, but she says we are fine, nothing is wrong. Noone knows her like I do, so I KNOW something is wrong, but I won't push the issue. yesterday it all came to a head for me, for 3 months shes done or said nothing NICE or considerate to or for me. So I decided that Id rather just stay away and let her get her head straight. She could be jealous bc of some aspect of your life that she wishes she had. Maybe she feels that now that you are married you dont need her as much, so maybe shes put out by it. In thinking about MY friendship I thought I have tried to talk to her, Ive yelled at her a couple times when she was being rude, Ive tried to pretend I didnt care and Ive kissed her butt for months now. So I figure, Ive got 2 choices really at this point. 1 - try to get her to talk about whats wrong again or 2 - remove myself from the situation until she comes around on her own. Ive decided to do #2. I almost sent her an email today saying something like "the way I see it is you have 3 choices 1 - talk to me and tell me why you have been the way you are being so we can get over it and be fine again or 2 - don't talk to me, but cut out the attitude and rudeness towards me or 3 - keep going the way you are going and you are going to put a huge rift in our friendship that you may not be able to fix when you ARE over whatever it is you are pissy about. I would think that temporary jealousy is a strong motivator and that takes time for a person to get over. Im sorry your friend is hurting you. You should tell her what she did wrong and how you feel about it. Find out the reason for her behavior if you can, before the hurt goes too far and deep in you. |
I don't post often, but I do want to speak up about this issue. I too have been through this problem. I got married young (last november) and I'm 23. My best friend from 2nd grade was not my maid of honor (I had my wedding in Hawai'i). She didn't come because of financial reasons. We've always been there for each other. We were super close in high school and then came college. I went to a university near the area where I grew up and she started working full time. She also had a child while I was in school. I try to be involved and attentive in her life and somehow our relationship took a backseat while other priorities took the front. We just send emails once in awhile and it never grew into anything. She called me one day and we started talking and such. She mentioned that I don't ever call and we started a full heart to heart discussion about our friendship. We cleared the air and everything was fine. After the talk, we both agreed that our lives have changed and we're not on the same path, however, we can still share stories about it and such. We're not in contact as often as before, but when we do meet up and talk on the phone, it's like not a day went by since our last conversation. I also had another friend that "dropped me like it's hott" when I said that she was acting depressed and she almost had a 180 about life. One week she says she cant wait to get married and have kids and then all of a sudden, she's like, "I don't care if I get married. Who needs that baggage anyways? Kids are a PIA anyways." I was completely shocked (not to mention - I was getting married at the time). Nonetheless, she "broke up with me" through an email. I haven't talked to her for almost a year now. It's really different for me b/c she lives near me and we used to always hang out (she was basically my other best friend). It's amazing how difficult relationships are in general. You never know what will happen. I hope that you talk to you friend soon to clear the air b/c honestly, friends are "it" besides family. It's easy to make acquaintances, but friends - real friends - take time to make and to build the relationship. Don't ever give up on them. At the end of the day, know that in your heart that it's not your fault b/c friendships are two-way streets. Traffic's gotta be coming and going.... Alright...I think I rambled on too much. Sorry. :p |
Most of us women go thru similar situations as we mature... Sometimes the person that you so call your best friend, betrays your friendship, intentionaly or unintentionaly.... As we mature, get married, have children and so forth, we distant ourselves from our friends... Life goes by so fast, that before you realized it your children have grown and friends that didn't care about your friendship don't matter anymore!! I for example, have suffered alot by my so called b/f, I've been betrayed like you wouldn't imagine... Now a days I rather not have b/f, I have lots of acquaintances, from work and gym, and I maintain our friendship away from my personal life at hm... Besides, with my 3 :aimeeyorkfurbabies, my 2 children:girl::boy:, my hubby:dog:, and YT friends :ghug:who has time for best friends... I know every situation is different, but don't feel so down, one day she'll realize what a wonderful friend she's lost... :cry: Now you can make new friends at YT... Andrea |
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