Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Shadow · 01-23-2008, 09:19 AM

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!? Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.? No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.? The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!? The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hu rt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.? Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white s**t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the a**hole is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry?Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a? fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what' s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Amy81 · 01-23-2008, 09:32 AM

That's hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing.. that poor guy.

Thanks for sharing i needed the laugh

janelles · 01-23-2008, 09:36 AM

Hi
That is just sooo funny. sounds like our Canadian winters. And isn't it the truth, that there is always something so exciting about the first snowfall of the season, and by March we're ready to throw in the towel.
We're barely into a month of Winter, and I've had it. Any place sunny and warm would seem like paradise right now.
Thanks for giving me my laugh for the day.
Janelles

Rosey07 · 01-23-2008, 10:51 AM

OMG Funny

We got our first snow in about 6 years lol and by the next day we had had enough.

JCarlson2004 · 01-23-2008, 11:00 AM

OMG!!!! hahahahahaha I love it!!!!

celstu1 · 01-24-2008, 07:39 AM

Sounds like New England this winter! We caught a break though, we are 10 days now of no snow!!! Of course it has not been warm enough to melt any of it that is already on the ground. I am sooo ready for winter to be over!

itsmeagain05 · 01-24-2008, 08:55 AM

funny. thanks

Amber_lv · 01-24-2008, 02:36 PM

Hahahahahhaha Omg This Is Hilarious!!

Jenn218 · 01-24-2008, 04:55 PM

That was GREAT!!!

yorkiesmiles · 01-27-2008, 09:02 PM

oh, my gosh this is hilarious!

But way to true - I'm single living in a house that I have no business being in, in part because the driveway is so long & down a hill. And I'm on a snow route, so the plows seem to live on my street and keep packing in my driveway. But today it got above 40 degrees, but I still went & shoveled the loose stuff, because all I need it to do is melt & refreeze tonight as ice

I'm looking for spring.

I'll have to send this to my dad - exactly why my folks moved to Florida full-time about 6 yrs ago!

MeganS · 01-27-2008, 09:25 PM

I am litteraly LOL. too funny!

MyFairLacy · 01-27-2008, 09:30 PM

LOL That makes me think of THE SHINING...how he went crazy up in the mountains LOL

011011 · 01-28-2008, 05:52 AM

That was terrific.... We will take your snow all of it.You can keep the ice though.

01-23-2008, 09:19 AM	#1
Shadow No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: California Posts: 5,368	Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler December 8 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!? Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.? No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.? The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!? The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hu rt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom. December 20 Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.? Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white st fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ahole is lying. December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow. December 25 Merry?Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a? fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave. December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!! December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. December 31 I set fire to what' s left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

01-23-2008, 09:36 AM	#3
janelles YT Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 324	Snow Lovely Snow Hi That is just sooo funny. sounds like our Canadian winters. And isn't it the truth, that there is always something so exciting about the first snowfall of the season, and by March we're ready to throw in the towel. We're barely into a month of Winter, and I've had it. Any place sunny and warm would seem like paradise right now. Thanks for giving me my laugh for the day. Janelles

01-23-2008, 11:00 AM	#5
JCarlson2004 Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York Posts: 8,287	OMG!!!! hahahahahaha I love it!!!! __________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You

01-24-2008, 07:39 AM	#6
celstu1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 10,534	Sounds like New England this winter! We caught a break though, we are 10 days now of no snow!!! Of course it has not been warm enough to melt any of it that is already on the ground. I am sooo ready for winter to be over! __________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz

01-24-2008, 02:36 PM	#8
Amber_lv Peeka Boo I See You! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Salt Lake Posts: 7,161 Blog Entries: 3	Hahahahahhaha Omg This Is Hilarious!! __________________ Peeka-Boo-Daisy-Designs <---Click Here Peeka's MyspaceDaisy's Myspace Peeka's Dogster

01-23-2008, 09:32 AM	#2
Amy81 No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Palatka, Florida Posts: 6,523	That's hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing.. that poor guy. Thanks for sharing i needed the laugh

01-23-2008, 10:51 AM	#4
Rosey07 No Longer a Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: way down South Posts: 860	OMG Funny We got our first snow in about 6 years lol and by the next day we had had enough.

01-24-2008, 08:55 AM	#7
itsmeagain05 Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: CA Posts: 62	funny. thanks

01-24-2008, 04:55 PM	#9
Jenn218 Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3 Posts: 17,329	That was GREAT!!! __________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts!

01-27-2008, 09:02 PM	#10
yorkiesmiles Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 9,493	oh, my gosh this is hilarious! But way to true - I'm single living in a house that I have no business being in, in part because the driveway is so long & down a hill. And I'm on a snow route, so the plows seem to live on my street and keep packing in my driveway. But today it got above 40 degrees, but I still went & shoveled the loose stuff, because all I need it to do is melt & refreeze tonight as ice I'm looking for spring. I'll have to send this to my dad - exactly why my folks moved to Florida full-time about 6 yrs ago! __________________ yorkiesmiles Loved by Bubba & Roxy *Holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come*

01-27-2008, 09:25 PM	#11
MeganS Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,016 Blog Entries: 1	I am litteraly LOL. too funny! __________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All

01-27-2008, 09:30 PM	#12
MyFairLacy Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: DFW, Texas Posts: 11,003	LOL That makes me think of THE SHINING...how he went crazy up in the mountains LOL __________________ ~Magnifique Yorkies~ Purchasing from backyard breeders, pet shops, and puppymills perpetuates the suffering of other dogs. Educate yourself and buy from reputable breeders or rescue.

01-28-2008, 05:52 AM	#13
011011 YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: minnesota Posts: 1,432	That was terrific.... We will take your snow all of it.You can keep the ice though.