See when my son lived with me there was never an issue except for when he'd come home from his fathers weekend visits then we would have a listening and rule issue. Some of you know that I had a preemie with undiagnosed medical conditions. My ex used my preemie's medical issues as a way to keep my son with him and not with me. So my son has been put through the ringer as in going back and forth. I swear on my life I've never spoken to my son regarding court or even bad mouthing his father when he is around or even within earshot. My ex on the other hand does talk to him about it.. Jeremy is 7.. My ex lives with his mother.. He goes out frequently and leaves Jeremy at home with his grandma to watch over him. Jeremy has no boundaries or discipline in that home. Where in my home there are rules. No jumping on furniture, no running in the house, he back talks like crazy and now if there is something he doesnt want to eat he demands something else or pouts. My son never did this. Prior to the mediator (who is a pyschiatrist) talking with the schools I sat down with both Jeremys teachers and the principle of the school.. Not once did they ever even suggest that Jeremy maybe ADD or ADHD. That was never brought up until recently. I'm not saying that my son doesn't have it. Who knows he just might. But considering the different living arrangements and house rules plays a big role in all of this. My son gets up at 4 am to watch cartoons or play video games because his father leaves for work and his nanna is sleeping. At my home, there is no tv or games you stay in bed until 7 am. Now that may sound harsh to some but it worked because my son would get a book or his cd player or color in his bed until it was time to be able to turn the tv on. He has a gamecube at my home but does not spend endless hours on the stupid thing. I think the video games has definately altered his ability to focus and participate in class and even interact with other kids. But to consider my child ADD/ADHD without even seeing him just talking to his peers at school worries me. Medicating my child and her first suggestion was Rittalin and that was with her saying she's never seen him or talked to him but he showed signs.. Anyways medicating my child scares the hell out of me. I just really wanted to know what my options are out there and get some feedback. I appreciate everyone that has responded with their own stories and issues it helps ALOT..

Jeremy isnt dreamy he's very bright and focused when he's with me unless he's into a game or cartoon then its a pain to get anything done. He does have issues minding but is that from ADD/ADHD or because there are rules at my house and not his dads? There are many what if factors here and I just dont know where to turn or what to do.

Sounds like you are a wonderful mother....too bad that he cannot be with you all the time!!!
I hope it all works out!!!

ADHD... they need structure. Change or lots of different going ons... runs their little brains ragged. When mine first starting goig through it... he was 3 :eek: in preschool... on the tables, under the tables, sneaking up behind the teacher and tripping her, hitting her, walking by & hitting kids on the head etc... there was really not a time he was calm. His little head was trying to process everything around him so it was going 90 MPH.. All the posters EVERYWHERE... different learning stations... etc... it was too much. During his 2nd year of preschool... it was worse, many calls from the director (to me about him) and visits with the teachers about the days happenings ... It was acutally one specific incident on Memorial weekend I will NEVER EVER forget that pushed me over the edge and made me seek professional help. A part of his life I don't know that I would EVER be able to tell him about... :(
The pills slow them down long enough to know if they are doing right from wrong because their mind is able to process things BEFORE he does them. I dont know if your son is having to much change in his life right now...it sounds like there isnt alot of consistancy between the 2 homes which is difficult for ANY child. I dont know that I would say yes to the diagnosis ... maybe just a rough patch in his life. Good luck hon... 2 homes is difficult on those kiddos... You're doing a good job momma...Give him big hugs!!!

I wonder if it is something i could have prevented or not done or done better at? I know my step into leaving a terrible marriage is partially but is there something else? I can't help but think I've done this to him some how.. Is it hereditary?

I believe its hereditary as it is in both sides of my family!! So don't blame yourself!

Do not blame yourself! I believe it is hereditary and if it is ADD or ADHD, its like anything else someone has to take medication for. Its a medical condition that can be, thank God, treated successfully with medication and education. You are being a great Mom by recognizing that there might be a problem and doing something about it. It was really hard for some of my family to accept one of my sons have ADD, but since its been diagnosed and treated, he is a different child and much happier! Keep up the good work in trying to find the answers! Big Hugs!

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Agree with you totally Angi!