He's 30 and she's 29 so they are not kids.

Someone asked, I wasn't trying to be a smart (you know what):eek:

Well, the BF and I have been living together for over 2 years, and moved to another state together, and I feel the same way, isn't it about time? But I've harped on him a lot and now I don't think I should have pressured him. And the reason we don't do it yet is because we want to both have our credit in line and he wants to buy me a ring that he likes. No, these things don't matter to me that much, but I know that he feels like he is only going to do it once, so he wants it to be right. We could have jumped into it a long time ago, and I did know a long time ago that we will eventually be married, but it will happen when the time is right and I won't want it any other way. So maybe there are other reasons instead of cold feet why he wants to wait. Maybe he has debt to pay off, or wants to be able to pay for a really nice ring or a great ceremony. Just be patient. You will know if it is time to walk away.

I don't think that there is a specific amount of time that you have to date before marriage. Dating for a couple of months is probably not a great idea, but I don't think you need a long courtship either. I understand that most people these days are fearful of marriage. It's scary and the media depicts it in very backwards ways.

What I think is the most important thing is that two people are willing to work at it together no matter what (within reason). Divorce is such a given these days, it's terrible. You're going to fight. There will be highs. There will be lows. You will change. There is no point in your life where you stop changing. You're different now than you were at 20 and you will be different at 50 than you were at 40. The important thing is to commit to growing and changing together through the good and the bad.

At the end of the day you need to really decide what you want. 29 is a reasonable age to desire commitment. If that is your bottom line, then you should be clear. A lot of us fear rejection, but it's better to be rejected now than down the line. If your bottom line is that you are looking to settle down, you should be upfront. Make it clear that you are not looking to be married in 3 months, but that you need some sort of timeline.

Personally, I don't understand the whole "getting my life in order before marriage" thing. Obviously you should not get married if you are unemployed and living in your parents' basement, but I don't get waiting until everything in life is in order. It makes no sense. We live in such a demanding generation! We expect to own a home, have a car, etc. before marriage! My parents didn't own their own house until I was in 4th grade!

If your bottom line is that you need some kind of commitment, maybe you should consider researching counselors on your own and presenting him with a list. Without stressing marriage or setting dates or anything, just let him know that this is a step that you need him to take now. It's not unreasonable to say "look, if we're committed to each other right now, regardless of what happens in the future, I need you to try and work through these commitment issues with me now. A year is a long time, especially at an age where you are ready to commit. It's understandable if he needs more time before going all the way, but he still needs to meet you halfway.

I really hope it works out, it sounds like a healthy relationship for the most part!

Sarah

I asked before I read the whole thread. hehehe I was just wondering if she was like 21 or so. That's too young in my opinion to be worried about marriage. But, she is my age (well, I'll be 31 in 6 days), so it's okay for her to want to get married. LOLOL :D

You said in your post you were 29 but it says in your profile that you're 26.

Definitely read "He's Just Not That Into You."

That would be because one of my co-workers filled out my profile for me when I got Chloe...HA...I should change that riiiiggghhhtt now...

Your post hits very close to home. My daughter has had the same feelings you are going through. Her question was, "do you see a future for us?" His answer was "if I didn't, I wouldn't be wasting your or my time" They went to counseling together the last several months which he requested. Tonight was the 3 year anniversary of their first date and he proposed. She's 33 and he's 37.

Sometimes she felt very discouraged but she also knew this was the person she always wanted. My advise would be don't rush, give him some time.

Yea it's great when you're dating guys, good stuff to know. I don't need it, all the stuff in it i basically knew already, i also have one of his other books..

I didn't see anyone say that people don't know what love is when they're young. Love is love. And sometimes it doesn't make a marriage work. I've loved a lot of guys; in fact, I STILL do love them. But that doesn't mean I was meant to spend the rest of my life with them on life's journey. Some people find their person when they're younger; some don't. Some people are married for 30 yrs and get divorced....some don't. You just never know what life will throw at you.

No where on this thread did anyone say that...I am saying it. I dont feel that age should factor in on the decision to get married is all. I think its impossible to say oh she only (insert age here) she/he is too young it will never work. Why I feel that way is because two people at 18 yrs are totally different. one can be into dating, hanging out, going to clubs and not want to settle down while the other has marriage, family and commitment on their mind.
Marriage is so not easy but a young couple can make it work just like an older couple can...in some cases even better. Thats what I meant with my how age comment :)

Patti that was such a nice post...52 years! congrats!:)