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I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks :D |
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I'm sorry you're going thru this - and hold my breath daily waiting for my turn - I have 4 children - Oldest 17 then 16 - both girls - my son is 13 and I have another daughter who is 11 - I count my blessings constantly because so far - so good. My husband and I decided a long time ago - if we had a difference of opinion on something one of the kids were doing - we would discuss it away from them - In front of them we are a "UNITED" front. The kids need to learn respect - I would not tolerate them back talking nor would my husband - I can't remember the last time I had to smack one of them - I know it was on the butt and a long time ago. but I believe they fear me beating the blankety blank out of them if they ever disrespected me or my husband. They all go thru some sort of "stages" but my way is nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. Please don't take this as me saying I beat them into behaving because its far from it - You'll need to punish her and stick to it - And your husband needs to get on your side!!!!! Good luck - |
Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear what your going through! The problem seems to definitely be with your husband. She is completely playing off the situation and knows she can get away with it so why on earth would she change her bahavior. Kids are the worlds best manipulators and it starts when they're babies. Your husband has got to back you up, you've got to be a united team, especially when dealing with a teenager. He's completely undermining you and disrespecting you by taking her side (especially in front of her). It's one thing to disagree with you, pull you aside, talk to you about it and the two of you come up with a solution but if I understand correctly he's taking her side and sticking up for her in front of her. If this doesn't change the problem will just get worse as she gets older. If you take away privileges does he give them back to her? I wonder how your husband would feel if he told her she could or couldn't do something and you turned right around in front of both of them and told her the opposite? Have you tried turning the tables to see if this might possibly make an impact on him? Maybe if you were to be able to make him see how if feels to be in your shoes he might change his behavior. Not only is this completely unfair to you but he's also doing such a disservice to your daughter, he teaching her it's ok to disrespect you. I'm so so sorry you're in this situation, it's a tough one:( |
Denise your 100 percent correct. If you don't nip this in the bud, can you imagine what she'll be like by 16? I never had trouble with the talking back because I never had any problem with a bar of soap in the mouth. Maybe that seems harsh, but it worked. If I didn't do that I'm make them write a 500 word essay, on what they did, and why they shouldn't. They hated that the most, because they could only use a sentence once in the essay, so it really made them think. |
I feel your pain. I haev two 16 year olds and a 4 year old. Even the 4 year old will try to play you! You and your hubby have to be a united front. If Shane always sided with the kids I would feel VERY disrespected. I think you will see a huge difference and proably feel more connected to him if your hubby starts backing you. Good Luck, Angie |
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LOL, not yet- I keep waiting for all that payback that my mom always promised me.:p So far, luckily she doesn't seem to take after me. Now the monthly emotional roller coaster- that's another story. |
Thanks guys. I take my 3 year old Lexi to work with me and he just off of work and came in to get her cause i don't get off til 5:00 and was being sooooooo overly nice that i just wanted to puke. lol i wrote him a very long crappy email earlier letting him know how it hurts me when he does that stuff and he said, hey i was so busy today that i just didnt want to read your email and get into it cause i didnt have time, but if you want to talk to me about it tonight, then we will.... i said...no thats ok and buy the way, you might want to pick something up for supper or cook cause i don't have time either. lol you should of seen the look on his face...it was priceless!!! |
Golly gee, Denise! I think you outta have Dan read this thread! Everyone is right in the fact that as long as he sides with Lauryn, this will just go on. I remember, as a kid, if we didn't behave, Mom would say, "Wait till your Dad gets home," and we knew we were in trouble then, and Mom wouldn't forget to tell him! Dan just has to start backing you! Children need structure and discipline and it doesn't work if the parents aren't together on decisions and discipline. They quickly learn how to get the parents arguing and then they disappear and do their thing. I think the withholding privileges and material things works quite well, but don't threaten with something unless you can carry through with it. It's so hard to withhold something important, but it pays off in the long run. I think you should stop catering to everyone and just take time for yourself. One thing I used to do that would drive my daughter crazy is put on headphones and listen to music, rather than to her. If she got too much in my face, I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door. I think you and Dan need to have a serious talk. Tell him that if this continues, she will possibly get out of control, because she knows Daddy will stick up for her. Disrespecting you should NOT be allowed! How can we get that through that hard head of his? If a good talk doesn't help, just let them do the cooking and cleaning as someone else suggested. Pamper yourself and do something special, just for you! I hope things can look up for you. Dan needs to back you up and that will make a world of difference. I sure am glad my child rearing days are behind me!!! Hugs to you!!! |
wow...that has to be difficult. I have this issue but with my stepson. So hubby and I have been going to couseling and I feel like it has helped alot!! I would ask your DH if he is willing to do this. I think your daughter would think twice about it if your DH and you were on the same page about how to handle it. Kids LOVE to manipulate if they can!! GOOD LUCK and I feel your pain! |
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i'd love to make a punishment....fine talk back, now go pick up the horse sh...t lol lol lol that would be awesome!!! |
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haha, your too funny:) |
My mom had this issue with me! She says I have a mouth on me, I can be sarcastic, have smart-*** comments, etc. Now that I'm older I regret it though, and I have apologized to her for it. I still get urges to say things but I bite my tongue or just leave her house or hang up. For me I think it was more of a phase, and I notice it with a lot of other teenage girls that they go through it as well. Occassionally if my mom makes me really mad, I might talk back to her or say something I don't mean, but now that I'm older I usually bite my tongue or just leave. Now that I'm older though, I feel really bad about it, so maybe it's just something she's going through. I hope things get better, and take it from another daughter who talked back, I hardly doubt she means to hurt you by it. |
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I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It will get better with your daughter. I was a defiant little brat myself as a teenager and now I can't go a day without talking to my mom and telling her how much I love her! Bad news is the "phase" may be kind of long! Just how long is up to your daughter. My advise would to be, ALWAYS stick with your punishments. No giving things back for good behavior or getting out of being grounded early. And if she dosen't do her chores she dosen't do anything. And if she is being a stinker while she is doing her chores she can go to her room and get grounded/loose privileges longer. Also talk to her friends, ask them if they are like that at home and try to be as fair as possibile. If she does something good let her know! This really worked for me, trust me! But it sounds like you have that part under control yourself, now your husband is another story. I have only been in my relationship for 5 years so I don't know much, except good communication is key. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best of luck! Oh and if you want to go somewhere warm with good tequila, I live 2 hours from Mexico, escape is as close as salt and a lime. |
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I put my mother through some changes...if only we can take it back right. Its so crazy how you think you know it all at 14...15..16 and you know nothing! lol |
I think they need to come up with a shot that will last from 13 to 18. My 14year old daughter has a boy problem. As a mother sometimes I think its a good problem to have. See my daughter doesnt have A boyfriend she has 8 boyfriends, which I feel is good she isnt getting attached to any of them. The problem is the kids at school (girls) call her a slu. and other words. All she does is talk to them at school. She isnt allowed to talk on the phone with boys. We go to different churches she goes to one that has a great youth pastor. Well they have to go hunt her and some boy down every week. They are either outside or in a room together. They are just talking but they are never where the are supposed to be. So this Sunday I had to take her church away from her. I feel so bad but I didnt know what to do. On the other hand my 14 year old niece is trying to have a baby so she can get married. I cant tell you all that has went on with that one. I think when a kid turned teen there brain goes on the fritz.. People keep telling me it will get better, I just cant wait. |
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So what was for supper tonight? lol I hope you to can get this all straightened out, I know it sucks to argue! |
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:eek: nont uh.... (no way) want me to pop knot her for ya. :rolleyes: I feel all ya'alls pain. I won't get into it but I can totally empathize . |
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I put my mother through so many changes...if I could go back and change it I would:( It is so crazy how at that age you think you mom knows nothing but as you get older you understand what she did and why she did it. |
I know what you are going through. My niece is going to be 12 shortly. My sister tells her to go to her room and clean it. She is not to get out of her room until it is clean. She will stay there until hell freezes over, and still not clean!!! She has the computer taken away for a few days, up to 2 weeks and that really hurts. She also has a cell phone and a tv in her room (that one is my fault - I gave her a tv). I really don't get it because with all the stuff she has - she is still "bored" - at least that is what she says constantly. She has dance classes 4 days a week, school, homework and she is still "bored". She reminds me so much of my sister when she was growing up (I am 16 years older) that I just laugh at my sister!!! I think that if your husband cannot back you up, he should stay out of it. |
When my kids were little and wouldn't clean their room, I once brought out the big green hefty garbage bags and just went on a rampage and tossed everything. (Of course I just put it in the garage) All i left was their clothes, bed, and dresser. That crap sat in the garage for 3 months, didn't even phase them. :( |
I knew one guy whose daughter wouldn't make her bed so he took it away for like a week. She slammed her door, he took it off the hinge and stuck it in the garage for like 2 weeks. |
Oh I remember being her age. I was sassy too, but not nearly as bad as my brother. My dad was the strict one and my mom I pretty much had wrapped around my finger. I took advantage of everything she did for me up until the end of my junior year of high school. I kept threatning to run away, drop out of school, you name it. She didn't need to go through that and you don't either. I remember telling mom I was working over and I was going to be late, (I worked at a local fast food place), and instead I was hanging out with older guys in the parking lot into the wee morning hours. Mom decided to go out and talk to me at work and she caught me hanging with them, and these were guys I KNEW I wasn't suppose to go anywhere near. They were only trouble. She basically told me to get my butt in my car and go home. She and I had to longest talk ever. It was Easter morning. :( My younger brother was in tears and so was the rest of the family. I was letting everyone down with my attitude. I got my cell phone taken away, I had to ride the bus to school (that is what killed me the most), no going out, you name it. I basically went to school, work, then straight home. I deserved it. Ever since my mom and I talked we haven't argued nor have I sassed her. I'm also now going on 21 and very mature for my age. My mom and I are best friends. I'm sure this is just a phase and you and Lauren will grow to be the best of friends. :) I'm not sure what to say about the situation with your hubby. I wish he would understand where you are coming from. |
I have a 12y/o son,, yeah that's fun! My kids and hubby are spoiled rottenI clean cook, go to work, whatever needs to be done because it's easier for me to do it then wait forever for my hubby to get it done or dealing with the whining and stomping feet:( I keep asking my mom to bottle whatever she did as a mom so I can have it, I was never disrespectful (at least not to her face), I would have had my teeth knocked out if I spoke to my mother like my kids do me. My biggest problem with my kids is that they don't want to do anything and usually I lose it and then they lose the puter, tv, vcr, dvd all game systems (basically I've killed them:rolleyes: ) My husband usually takes my side but if the kids are getting on my nerves I usually have to tell him to do something before I do (he acts like he can't hear the fighting and such) oh well, I guess I still haven't seen anything yet:eek: |
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omgosh...its funny you said that about riding the bus to school. i was thinking bout telling her she could just leave the house 1/2 hour earlier than we do now and get up earlier and take the bus to school. I'll have to try that. She gets up sooo early now cause it takes her forever. Plus the bus will be cold and on rainy days it will be heck. Maybe I'll do that till she can start appreciating me. |
Hi Denise, sorry you are going through this difficult stage in Lauren's growing years. I might maybe shouldn't say what I am about to, but I think that the younger generation is just given tooooo much, far too much. I also believe that far too many don't see parents having respect for each other and their consideration that ought to be for one another. I also think that the younger folks need to be able to do volunteer work in either a hospital or nursing home, or if there is a childrens hospital near by to go there and volunteer on a regular basis, sometimes seeing others without the pleasures and joys in life puts them on a different outlook and helps to appreciate that which they have, including their parents. I personally believe they learn in life at this age it is not in gaining ( by getting a job and earning money) but in giving that helps them to grow and mature in more of a caring and loving manner. Denise, Dan sounds like a great man. I think he just needs to be reminded that it takes two to have children and so therefore it takes two to work together in discipline and rearing them. Our children grow up and one day are out and on their own but then Mom and Dad have each other, it is important to build on that relationship at the same time in rearing our kids, so that when that day comes their is peace and harmony in a marriage to grow old together :) :) I pray that things will get better and they will, prayer and patience is the key in rearing children and all things in life. Lots of prayer and God's continually working to make things better in our lives, even though sometimes we don't see it, it will come to be. Oh and in closing want to say if you ever want to send Lauren out our way, she would be more than welcome to come and visit for a few weeks, especially this spring as I have tons of outdoor things I didn't get done and will put off till then :) Love you Denise, things will be better. Prairie Bea sends you her special kiss's, she is so precious, she is gaining as she should but really can't say she is getting big. She is still real tiny in size, got the cutest little face I have ever seen. She melts ones heart just looking at her. How blessed we are with our babies. Hugs, Patti and Jack |
I'M SORRY:( Kids are starting to talk back earlier these days.. |
Sorry to have to tell say this but, welcome to the wonderful world of teenage, I know everything and you can't tell me what to do!! My girls are now 24 and 29...so I have been through it...my girls put me through alot when they were teens and I didn't get any help with ANYTHING from their father (not married to him anymore). They are such good girls now, they both have their own business's, my oldest is married and just informed me that she is giving me my first grandchild (YEY!!!). I am so proud of both of them. All I can say is there is light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better...unfortunately it will probably get worse first..All of a sudden she will wake up one day and be a different kid...of course it probably won't be for another 5 or so years!! Hang in there! we've all been through it... |
Checking in to see how everything went last night. Can't wait to hear about dinner.;) |
I have 5 boys!!!! but only a 19 yr. old and 13 yr. old at home now!! I promise you that this will work----- Everytime she mouths off to you-- you take her cell phone and tell her she can have it back tomorrow because if she cant speak nicely to you then she cant speak on her cell phone.... it took about a week of being very consistant with this but i saw each and everyone of those boys suddenly stopping and thinking before it came out of their mouths---of course they still had there moments of mouthing off but boy they hated me taking their cell phone and they learned self control!!!! good luck |
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