I CANT get over my mothers death!!! HELP!
 

I posted a while back about my mom dying and since have rarely been on YT. I find myself running from the things that I did while she was here so that I dont have to think of how much better it was when she was here. It had been a little over 7 months, and nothing is gettign better. i am so angry at everything, i have no motivation for school, and at times i just want to die. I would never take my own life, but i am sad to say that the thought crosses my mind. i feel that i can talk to my friends because none of them understand and i feel like a burden with all these issues. My family just says the same things over and over, but it seems like they are all moving on so much better than me. my mom was my everything!!! i cant explain it....i just wonder if maybe some people dont get over these things. maybe you love someone so much and have such a connection that life is never the same without them. will i ever be happpy again? i have moments of happiness, but if one little thing in my life changes i get seriously depressed. i cant handle anything going wrong...and i used to be so strong! i just dont know who i am anymore! when i lost her i lost myself!

i am sorry this is so long, i just didnt know where else to turn!

I lost my mother too to cancer at the age of 50. That was in 2001 and I felt robbed along with my kids. I know what your going through and in time you will be better. I was angry as well as the day she passed she asked me to leave on a crazy mission for her and when I returned she had passed. I was upset she didn't want me there.

Have you tried talking to a professional? I did and so did my oldest son (he was 7 then) and it helped me alot as well as medication. I still miss my mother as she was my best friend she has truly missed out on so much.

I'm here for you if you want to talk.

Have you tried bereavement groups?

I am so sorry for you. I wish I could help you more, but I think time is the best healer. When you lose a vital part of your life, it is normal to be sad...some people take longer to heal than others. Just 'hang onto' the happy moments that you feel and try hard not to dwell on the sadder moments. If you feel like you might want to discuss this with a doctor, you should do that. We are here for you. (hug)

One of the hardest things in life is the loss of a parent. I have been there with both my parents and both my In-Laws. You really need to stay strong, they are watching over you. My Mom was my best friend, we did everything together, I was lost when she left us. My Mother In Law was the best of the best, we too were best friends. I felt lost, who would answer all the questions I always seem to have? I had to lean on some very strong friends, because when it comes to a lost loved one, I'm weak. It breaks my heart to see pain in my friends eyes. Yes, I support my friends 100%, but they don't see the tears inside me.
Please find a good friend to sit and talk to, or maybe a support group in your town. You must go on with your life. Your Mom still lives in your heart and she always will. Make her proud, she's watching you.:2hearts2:

May God Bless You.:hands:

Your post has me in tears.

Honey my Mom has been gone 4 /1/2 years , my Dad passed 2 years ago this coming New years day and I haven't been the same since. I will lash out,it seems like it is coming out of the blue.
I often say my soul died with them. I sometimes feel like Im going to move pass it,that is short lived.I too have had fleeting thoughts of suicide bit would never do that too my family.
I try to stay busy and my sewing/crafting helps me alot and my furbutts.
Some people don't understand the loss we feel,they think you grieve for a month then it is done.Maybe they don't love like we do,I don't know.
There is not a hour that goes by that Im not saddned by thier passing.I miss them so.
Maybe talking to someone will help,greive support groups are free and are in almost every city,I think it helps knowing others feel the same as us.
Hugs,Debi

i dont know what that group is??

as far as talking to someone, i did. i have trouble opening up to people, and i also tend to keep things like this bottled up. i want to ignore it bc thinking of it hurts so badly! my therapist lives in fort lauderdale, where my mom used to live, and i currently live 4 hours away. i am moving home in mid decemeber so i will be able to start seeing her again soon. i was supposed to go on medication, but my boyfriend at the time (now ex) made me feel so uncomfortable that i stopped taking it. maybe its time to go back on it. i wish there was guidlines on how to get over this type of thing, it is so incredibly hard!

Really, seven months is not that long to mourn someone you love. As long as you don't let it get stuck in the depression... anger is a part of the grieving process, too, so is denial - all normal stuff on the way to acceptance. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It sounds like maybe you were closer to your mom than the others, so it WOULD hit you harder. The others may also be stuffing it and getting on with life, but it will come back and get them sometime.

Counseling or a loss support group can do wonders! Please just even look into these so at least you will know there are others feeling the same things as yourself.

take care

I know how you feel. My Mother passed 7 yrs ago when I was 35 and I had a nervous breakdown. It was not only hard losing My Mother especially because I am an only child but also some things My Aunts and Uncles did during the funeral time made it harder. I went to counciling and got on meds. It took a couple f years but it helped. My Mother was My family. My Dad and her were divorced and he never had anything to do with me. He died a couple of yrs ago also. It does get better even thoughh it seems like it wont.

I too lost my Mom 7 months ago and some days I just burst out in tears or other days I get so angry. I aso have to take care of my 88 year old dad who my Mom was taking care of with my help and some days I resent him as my Mom ran herself into the ground taking care of him, I know it's not right but that's how I feel some days. I am on an antidepressant which has helped, I personally don't know what I would have done had I not been on them when my Mom passed. I would try and find a supportive doctor and explore options ie meds, counseling, support groups. I joined a support group for the first time a few months ago to have aplace to talk about my birth son coming into my life 36 years after I gave him up and it helps so much to talk with people who know exactly what you are going thru and help you see that what you are feeling is normal. Hopefully like veryone says time does help heal our hearts.

I lost my mom in June and still cry everytime I think about her. I was her only girl and we were so close, I miss her so much and am also having a hard time getting over it. This time of year is especially hard because it was her favorite. She was 68 and my dad is 88 and has alzheimers, she spent the last 4 years of her life taking care of him - and he is So mean, I know it's the disease, he was never like that before, but I really resent him and everytime I get around him all he does is put down my mother (by the way he isn't my biological dad, he adopted me when I was 3). I can't hardly stand to be around him - I feel like I kinda lost my dad too, but it breaks my heart when he talks bad about my mom, she was a wonderful person and put up with a lot from him and gave up a lot for him. I know he doesn't understand but I just can't help it.

Few years ago , I lost both of my parents in a car accident .

Thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time .

Joy - I feel for you. I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose your mom at such a young age. I remember your last post about your mom and it broke me heart.

I haven't lost my mom, but I did lose my aunt (my mom's youngest sister) not quite three years ago. She was not only my aunt, but my best friend and like a 2nd mother to me. I miss her every single day. I wish I could say time has made it better, but it has not. I smile more often when I think of her (multiple times every day) now, but my heart still aches.

The only thing that helps me is to surround myself with things that were meaningful to both of us. Both my furkids are in rememberance of her and their names have a purpose to that end.

I'm just a PM away if you ever want to talk more. Sending you hugs and lots of care!

I'm wondering where your ex-boyfriend got his medical degree? Please do go back on the medication. It will help take the edge off the pain. Also, don't wait to talk to someone sweetie. There are grief support groups all over the place all you have to do is call. Funeral homes and hospitals both will be able to give you the information. You keep things bottled up which is a major contributor to your holding on to your pain differently from the rest of the family. You need to talk about it, to let it out. PM me if you need to talk. I care.

Yes, Holding it in,makes it harder to deal with,you need to talk about it. I know in my situation when I tried to talk about it to my husband,daughter,they would change the subject so I quit talking about it.

I think you should call the therapist that you have seen before. She might be able able to talk with you over the phone. Until you are able to return home.

Never let anyone talk you out of medication, if you need it. The other person is not inside your head and seeing things from your point of view. I think medication is a personal choice, between you and your therapist. If you are unsure of doing medication, you could always do a trial period... for 6 months.

Sound like I did, when my MOm pased! You lost your best friend-one you had all your life-since dayone!its's hard! In time you will begin to feel better- and it does take time!try and be thanklful that you two were so close. I often wonder about people who stray from family,have no connection,or a big fight, then something happens to one of them. How could they stand it!You were close-cherish that! It is hard-you are just normal!I feel for you!

I know you feel that you are the only one that has ever gone through this because I remember feeling the EXACT same way you do!!!!!! My dad passed away and I COULD NOT recover from the heartache!!!! I cried uncontrollably everyday!!! I tried everything....diet, excercise, went to a therapist, talk to my preacher, talk to friends, read books, etc... Finally after 5 months of DEEP depression I went for professional help!! My OB doctor immediately saw how depressed I was and he gave me a medication for depression. Wthin weeks I was back to my normal self. I only stayed on the medication for about 3 to 4 months but it really helped me!!! Sure I was still sad at times but at least I felt like I could go on with my life. Now with no medicaton, I still really miss my Dad but I have moved on and only cling to the fond memories of him. I pray that you will be able to do the same!!! Your mom would never want you to be this sad. I cannot tell you what to do.....I can only tell you what helped me. (medication is not for everyone but it was the right thing for me) I will be praying for you!!!

I also know how you are feeling my parents where my best friends,my mom passed 5 years ago it was hard we knew she was gonna pass she had been ill for 3 years it was hard but it does take time ,my father passed 3 years ago that was really hard to get over it happened without notice he was in a car accident the hospital did a cat scan and said he was fine so he came to my house so i could take care of him he passed at my house 12 hours after the car accident in my bedroom on my bed he had a slow bleed on his brain he went in my room to lay down and never woke up . i blamed my self for a long time wondering what if but the doctor told me that no matter what i would have done he would still have passed.he was fine all day just a little sore but that was all that was wrong with him .:(

What I missed most and still do since my mom passed were the daily phone calls. It's been almost 3 yrs and I still cry sometimes, but I laugh a lot more. Another thing that bothered me A LOT was I didn't dream about her until just recently. I dreamed she came back for 24 hrs and I spent all that time just hugging on her and kissing her sweet face.

Sometimes when I'm sad at night, I pray to Jesus that he will let me feel mom's presence. And then I can actually feel her arms around me and I fall asleep so peacefully.

You know, life is like a ship. You can see it till it moves out of site over the horizon. It's really not gone. You just can't see it anymore. And though you had to say goodbye, all her relatives, friends and Jesus are saying " Here she comes" as that ship comes over the horizon on the other shore. She's still there, just waiting on you. But, as she lived her life, you need to live your life in a way that will make her proud, because she's watching over you. You needed her when she was here, and there are others who need you. Dedicate the rest of your life in memory of all she taught you. And know that the grieving is for a season. Joy WILL come in the morning.

I'm so sorry about all of this. I am extremely close to my mother, as well. She is my best friend and I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

Contact your church or affiliate. I'm sure there are help groups out there to get you through this very difficult time.

Anger is part of the healing process but don't keep it bottled up inside. Maybe your family physician can prescribe something to help you. No one should be made to feel bad about taking medication...so good riddance to the boyfriend.

Hang in there and know that even if you don't have someone to talk to, you can always turn to your YT family.

I lost my mom 24 years ago and I still miss her and wonder what my life would've been like if she never had cancer. Then last year we lost my baby sister to it as well. I have to say that with time it does get easier. It always still hurts though. Especially when I see others enjoying what I imagine I would have if my mom were here and especially when they take it for granted. I think that the advice about therapy is good advice. I was in counselling years ago after we lost her and I think it did help although my brother disagrees so I guess it depends on the individual. I wish I could give you wonderful advice and it would make things all better but unfortunalty there is no rosy way to look at this. Although, I think my faith in God is a comfort and honestly has done more for me than counselling. After I lost mom, though, I was only 18 and I was pretty mad at him for a long time and I think that's ok. I imagine he understands that anger too. And sometimes I think that no matter how painful it was to lose her, I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's, even that person out at work who still has her mom and she's always been there to help her thru everything and she doesn't appreciate it half as much as she should. I would talk about it and if you're the type, I would start a journal. Oh, and I would recommend reading about it as well. One of the books I liked was "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom. I have to honestly say, that sometimes especially when things are really tough like when we were losing my sister, I could feel my mom's presence and I hope that you are able to feel that as well and I hope it will bring you some comfort. Theresa

Oh sweetie, I know how you feel, I lost my Mom when I was 36 and my Dad when I was 40. She had been ill for many years and Dad passed suddenly from a heart attack. I am now 51 and I still miss them all the time,( I was an only child) but the pain is not there anymore. I grieved for a long time, but it DOES get better. One of my worst experiences was seing Mothers Day cards at the newsagent soon after her death. I sobbed there in the store.
Now whenever I think of them I smile, the pain does ease and the memories become happy. Give yourself time, grieve at your own pace, don't let anyone tell you to get over it. You will, but when your heart is ready.
Sending you lots of hugs.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...you really should talk to a professional that will be able to help you sort through your anger and your hurt. I can't imagine loosing someone so precious. I'm sorry and know that we at YT are here for you if you need to talk. God bless! T

It takes time, so hangin there and make your mom proud of you . She is always there with you! In you heart! I lost my dad in 1998 and still yet I think about him and well cry! Don't let anyone try make you move on! Everyone moves on at their own pace! Lily

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time and I can say I truly know how you feel. Everything in your post I can relate to. My Mom died almost 9 months ago and I still cry every day...feel at such loose ends...like a lost soul...like I exist and nothing else. I still call her phone number by mistake. I used to do that when she was alive too...and Mom would answer. Now I get that, "The number you have dialed is no longer a working number." My sister and I were talking the other day and we wonder if we'll ever feel joy in our lives again. It is so hard to lose a precious Mom. My heart ached for you when your Mom died and it does now. No matter where we go, or what we do, there will be reminders of our Moms. I hope some day soon, the heartache will ease up for you and all of us who have lost our Moms. It is just so hard.

I think that a bereavement group and possibly antidepressants can help you through. It is hard talking to people who haven't experienced a loss, but in a group, everyone would understand your sadness.

Sending big hugs to you and I'll be thinking of you and praying.

:hug: You are such a great lady Connie and I feel blessed to have you as my friend.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Moms are really special ... they never leave our hearts though ...
it takes time to deal with the reality and to heal .. (and it seems like forever)...
I still say "oh wait until Mom hears this," ...
and I wish there were "Heaven On Line" so we could still communicate. I miss her wisdom ... she was a woman ahead of her time and a woman to be admired.

I really have little advice on how to get "over" this, time will help you you get through it, it is so sad to hear you are suffering like this though.

Try the meds, I used them after my husband passed on at such a young age, when you have a trauma like this, those pills help. Not a 'forever' medication though. I took them for a few years. I am off them now and can face the world.

Bless your heart! Your mom would be proud of you.

And for Connie, I echo Shadow's words ....

A bereavement group is where others who have experienced a loss in their family/friends go to talk, get counseling, lean on each other to help them through it. Usually hospitals, community centers, and churches offer them.

Maybe we could start a 'grief group' here on YT. People are always experiencing loss of one kind or another and we trust each other here. I don't always trust strangers with my emotions, I'm not always comfortable discussing painful things with just anyone.