I am sorry for your loss

:hug:Sending you a hug today Sandy...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Rest in Peace sweet little Meika.

Each and every one of you who post touch my heart in a special way that defies all words. I know it must be hard to read my posts, and I am sorry to spill my pain over all of you..... however I am grateful to all of you for allowing me to speak freely and grieve and be frustrated, and angry, and sad without holding back. Some of my closest friends have to back away at times, as they cannot handle the pain I am feeling.

Wednesday was terrible, I was so full of doubts and questions. My BF flew in, and is also grieving, and full of questions. Jeannie, you are so right, I am too detail oriented, wanting answers I know are impossible. Kristin, I know what you are saying that we can't control every movement and protect them from every possible thing, they need some freedom. Unfortunately, Meika was always over reactive to any strange noise and movement and would be the one who would grab onto something before thinking about it. I could never change that, and that was the thing that lead to her demise.

Gardeners searched for toads and didn't find any, and I am uncomfortable knowing that a possibly poisonous toad is still lurking outside. We will continue to rake and look, and watch the other 3 pups.

I do have periods of peace, which are interrupted by moments of deep sadness. I have had a long discussion with the manager of the 2 vet clinics on their lack of emergency support on Sundays, and about the receptionist that put me on hold 3 times when I first called, without even listening to my first words of panic, and the lack of an anti-venom or proper education of the extremely toxic toads on our island. I have Googled and learned so much, it seems I know more than she does about these toads, and she has asked me to share all info gained with her and their vets. Of course I will, no one should ever go through this. I realize too that there is a possibility that Meika's diabetes (plus I totally suspect she may have had Cushings too), and the amount of toxin she received, contributed to her sudden death. I'm exhausted, and trying to rest and welcome peace when it comes.

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost beloved fur kids. I have lost 2 before, but this one is the worst ever. I know things will get better, and I will wait. My other 3 furgirls are adjusting, and taking on different personalities; it is noticeably more quiet around here. It is very interesting, and I'll tell you more about it later. Thank God I have them or I'd probably just go drive off a cliff.

I wish I could give each and every one of you a big hug and thank you in person for your caring support. You don't know how much it means.

Warmest Aloha,
Sandy

You've been in my thoughts and I've been praying for you. I'm glad you have your other babies.... I think too that my other ones really helped me get through the worst after Peek passed. Driving off a cliff, sorry but I laughed... I would have too just to be with my little buddy, and to stop the pain of missing him so badly. But then my others would have suffered, so I had to stay here for them. I know now too that I was in shock for 1-2 weeks right after his passing, and didn't realize it till I started to come out of it. Then I was shocked that I was in shock, I knew his death was going to affect me very deeply, but the intensity was just crazy unbearable at times.
Hugs to you and the pups...

You truly know the pain I am in, and I am so sorry you had to go through this recently. It is also good to hear there is hope that things will feel better one day, and I will wait for that. I have felt like I am losing my mind; I can be thinking happy thoughts of Meika, then joking about her little quirks, and right out of the blue cry so much I get sick and can't eat or sleep. Waiting for peace.

I too have been thinking about you & Meika the last few days and I pray that you find peace really soon. I put myself in your shoes and hold Hannah really tight as the thought of losing her one day breaks my heart. I once had to take 2 calves to my vet and one of them died while the vet was trying to determine what was wrong with her. I lost it and my vet told me that if you have them you will loose them one day. His words have stuck with me and enter my mind almost everyday. I realize that all we can do is love and care for them and make sure that they are as happy as they can possibly be. You did that for Meika and will continue to do that for the rest of your babies so I hope that somehow you can find peace in these words. Take care!!

It took me probably a month before I'd stop having flashbacks to taking Minnie out of the ER for the last time. The thought would just randomly enter my head no matter what I was doing. It makes me tear up right now as I'm writing this. But this insane pain finally started to go away for me and the memories became more about my best friend as opposed to losing my best friend. I think, and hope, the same happens with you and Meika, but I think you have a lot more grieving ahead of you for now. It just has to hurt this badly to lose such an incredibly special friend. Just no healthy way around it.

Sorry, when I wrote I hope the same happens with you and Meika I didn't mean the random thoughts, but the thoughts eventually becoming happy ones. I phrased that sentence pretty badly.

Sandy, you do not need to apologize for sharing your pain. Everyone is here to support you as you grieve. It says a lot about you too that you are already working to help prevent other families from experiencing a tragic loss like yours.

Starting with the receptionist who put you on hold without listening to your cry for help -- totally unacceptable. Sounds like the first vet office that I ditched. Our current vet and ER always ask, "Is this an emergency or can you hold?" and they wait for the answer.

It is terribly frustrating not having easy access to a 24 hour emergency vet on weekend and holidays. Even for us, our nearest ER is a 15 -20 minute drive. An eternity in an emergency.

I am thankful you have the comfort of your 3 girls, and that they have each other. Praying for them and you to find your way through this and have peace again.

oh Sandy this is so you, while you will never bring back Meika you will probably wind up saving other pups because of your unselfish act to educate the people at the vets office about this situation. The problem with our yorkies and terrier pups is how they want to take on the world, so many of them attack and approach creatures triple their size, it's the thing we like about them, but also the thing we fear most when owning them. Even though we would like to keep them in a bubble we can't since it would crush their spunky personality. Unfortunately time will probably be the only thing that helps, the pain will always be there, it just gets duller and more bearable. Thankfully you have other furbutts to keep you on your toes and on occasion make you smile.

This MI winter has been the worst and we still have a couple of feet on the ground, so I mentioned to my husband that Lola and I would like to fly to Maui to give you a big hug of comfort in person, but dang that man he is just not on board with my idea, so another cyber ((((((((hug)))))))) is all I got.

Please keep communicating your feelings...it not only helps your heart heal, but it gives you opportunity to remember Meika. Share your thoughts, your stories. She will give you the strength you'll need to grieve, endure the pain and eventually move on. It helps to "talk" to her in prayer, in your thoughts and memories. After losing Spencer, years ago...that's exactly what I did. It made me feel close to him...still to this day, before falling asleep, I tell him good-night and that I'll always love him, I remember him fondly and I still miss him dearly. Let her help you...

I can't get my mind off you Sandy, I hope and pray each day gets a bit easier for you. We all handle it differently, so it's difficult to give advise, we all have our own time even though it's something we never really get over.

My prayers are going out to you, your boyfriend and hope the other three munchkins will adjust. :heart to

Oh my... I have tears in my eyes... and my heart is breaking for you. for all of us who have lost our little fur loves. Don't say your sorry, you have to vent. We understand more then most. I know you will be there the day I have to come to you and the rest of my yorkie talk friends with a broken heart.

You are so special to use your own tragedy to try to help others, particularly so soon after losing Meika. I know so many of us here are deeply shaken to the core by your loss of Meika, so very sad about it, and we would do anything we could to help you, comfort you, and give you hope. Please continue to share with us; it's probably good to write your feelings down, and we really understand how great your loss is. I hurt too when my friends are hurting, and I wish I could make things better for you.