only a few weeks left with my lil boy
 

i stumbled upon this site when looking for yorkie breeders and decided to join in the hopes that others might know what i'm going through. my guy rufus was diagnosed with prostate cancer on 5/27/2010 and the doctor gave him 7-12 months and sadly that time is fast approaching. he begun having trouble walking, unable to put weight on one of his back legs and is always holding it up. we took him to our local vet who now said his prostate is greatly enlarged. he is going to his oncologist on thursday and we are prepared to hear it is his time. whether she says it or not, we know it is. he needs to wear a diaper in the day because he leaks pee and and within the last month or two he needs to wear a diaper at night bc liquid and feces come from him uncontrollably. i had a long talk with him last week and i finally understood that this is no longer the dog i spent the last 8 years with. he's a shell. he is just tired. knowing this doesn't make it any easier. he has been at points the only friend i had and my biggest worry is i will not love another yorkie. all i know is he will not be here come may and watching these days go down is the biggest heartbreak i've ever experienced. greater than the loss of my grandmother who actually died ON my birthday. that being bc her death was the most unexpected thing that could've happened and i had to deal with it at THAT moment. i couldn't go back. i didn't have any clue. this time is different bc i've seen this dog almost every day for 8 years since i was 14 and i've watched him go downhill the last 11 months. i dont mean to push my belief in god, but even as someone who's not an avid church-goer, but still a believer i asked god to give me a few things: strength, rufus' 8th birthday and if it was in the cards, give me his 8th anniversary with us which was march 15th. rufus was born on january 3rd. he gave me the strength but its fading as time comes closer, and he gave me the other two. thats all i asked for. not a cure or a miracle bc i accepted that wasn't going to happen. i don't feel guilty at THIS point, idk how i'll feel when it's over, but i feel such sadness and heartache, and i just want rufus to know i WILL be okay and i want to make him proud of me. thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry and your post has me in tears and I can only imagine how you must feel :( I know he knows you love him as much as he loves you.
I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going thru this.

I'm wishing you strength, I wish Rufus lots of love. I cannot even imagine what you are going through...My heart goes out to you, and I am sending you the brightest white light I can imagine. God Bless you...

I am so sorry you are having to face this with Rufus. I know it must be a very difficult time. Sounds like you have given him a loving and blessed life and he will leave you with some wonderful memories. I am thankful God granted your prayers and has given you strength so far and your two milestones with Rufus. I pray you will continue to be strong and always keep Rufus close in your heart and memory. For Rufus I pray a minimum of discomfort and that he understands the breadth of your love for him. God bless you both.

I am so sorry Rufus is so ill and his time is near. I know you are keeping him pain free and thank you for not letting him suffer. I will keep Rufus and you in my prayers and hope that your time of great grief is also filled with Rufus' love for you.

I have no words of wisdom to share, I just wanted you to know my heart is with you and Rufus in this difficult time. Being a first tine dog owner, and having fallen madly on love with him, I can imagine what your heartbreak is and it has me in tears. If you ever need someone to listen, or feel lime you need to go somewhere where people will truly understand just how important Rufus really is to you, feel free to come back and post. We mint not be able to physically be there, but we are with you in spirit. May god continue to give you strength.

welcome, I wish you and your lil one strength and comfort.

Prayers & hugs are being sent to you & Rufus. There is no doubt in my mind of the love you feel for him and I am certain that Rufus knows it too. I saw my dog fade (more due to age in our case) & it too was difficult to watch. One morning when he barely had enough strength to get up, we knew it was time to say goodbye. Thouh it is one of the hardest things to do, you will get through it, and you will know when you are ready to give yor love to another lucky Yorkie.

I am so terribly sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain in your heart. Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet Rufus. God bless you and heal your broken heart.

I am so sorry you and Rufus are having to go through this. It is so sad, my heart is breaking for you both. Sending prayers...

My heart is aching for both you and Rufus. I will keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort. This post touches very close to home - we are dealing with "old age" issues with our elderly Boxer, Boo, who will be 15 on May 5th.

I am so sorry that you are going through this very difficult time.. may God bless you and give you the strength needed to get through it..Hugs to you both

I am so sorry. It sounds like Rufus will leave you with wonderful memories.

I'm so very sorry that you are going thru this with your Rufus. Cherish every moment you have together and keep your precious memories of him in your heart. Sending prayers and hugs to you both.

I'm sorry you are facing the loss of your beloved Rufus. My heart aches knowing what you are facing. It isn't easy. It is just one of those things in life that we must face if we love a little yorkie. You must know that Rufus knows he has been loved and cared for by your through these years and he will be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge.

I'm so sorry:cry: Rufus is lucky to have such a loving owner and I know it must hurt so much to see him like this, and to have to let him go. But it's the most loving thing you can do for your little guy, so that he's no longer in pain:( My heart breaks for you!

No one knows when the right time is to get a new pet after losing one. You'll know when the time is right, follow your heart. A new companion will never replace your Rufus, but may help you to smile and lessen the pain just a little bit (I speak from experience). BIG hugs to you and your little man:love:

My heart is breaking you you and little Rufus and I'm sending prayers and hugs to you both. He knows that you love him dearly and that you will always carry a part of him in your heart.

thank u guys for ur support. it truly does help a little. since im working the final week of april i have a one week reprieve and it will most likely be the first week of may. i just want him to know how thankful i am for everything he's given and taught me - forgiveness and unconditional love and that i will be happy again.

I am so sorry you and Rufus are going through all of this. Thoughts and prayers being sent.

I'm so sorry for the decisions you must make for little Rufus. Since you have some time; try to do some special things with him that he loves (or used to love) and make his last days great ones.

Be kind to youself too.

My heart breaks for you. I wish you strength during this time.
i can tell how much Rufus is your world and what he means to you.
cherish the time you have left together and know we are here for you.

Kiss that little boy me

thanks guys for all your support it does help. i can feel myself being so selfish. i look at my babys pictures growing up and i look at him now and it's no longer the same dog. everybody says your dog will tell you and i keep waiting for him to tell me "you'll be okay, you can let me go," and i wind up getting frustrated bc i haven't felt that moment yet, and then having not felt it, if i put him to sleep, i feel guilty and if i wait too long i feel guilty. i just want him to know how happy he's mad me, and that another dog can make me happy too but that i'll never be as happy in the same way as i was with him. ive had rufus since i was 14 and those were very formative years in which u grow so much and the greatest gift i've found in reading a book is that u should try to figure out why ur dog came into ur life when he did and i'm so lucky i know the reason. i got him the end of 8th grade and i was a lonely kid and he got me thru high school all 4 years and sometimes the only friend i had. im blessed to know thats what his purpose for me was. and i can honestly say he's done his job above and beyond my expectations. the other comfort i find is not turning my back on god or my faith and everytime i feel weak i just turn to god and thank him for these 8 years. i dont ask why. i just say thank u for giving me the greatest gift anyone's ever given me. in october i had never felt weaker and i just turned myself to my faith, even tho i'm not an avid church goer and i just talked about how weak i was and how i just needed something to lift me up, and that's when i suddenly felt a power from above made me realize why this is happening now and when that dawned on me that i'll be moving out next year 3000 miles away to los angeles, now IS the right time so that i can get that closure, say goodbye. so it's not after i move and it's not right before i move and have it jeopardize my journey and make me not leave the nest bc i'm sad. it's just the right amount of time for me to heal b4 i proceed to the next chapter of my life without rufus. i so want to make him proud of me. he is the reason i am who i am today. i have great parents, but it's rufus who was always there. i read about ppl who 10 years later still are living 10 years prior and it makes me worry for their well being that they haven't healed and i dont want to be like that. i want to live my life happily with rufus knowing i can do that and it's bc of him that i can be happy again. i dont want to not love another dog. rufus may have not liked other dogs, but all he wants is for me to be happy. the hardest part is facing being in the room when it happens. that's whats killing me. i've had ppl tell me i shouldn't be there bc of my emotions and i've had ppl tell me they haven't and felt guilty. i dont want to abandon my dog and i dont want it to just be what's easier for me. after all he's been there for i know i should be but the thought of watching someone put my dog down rips my heart out of my chest with the fear of how do i live in that moment and what do i say to bring to a conclusion our life together. thank u for letting me rant and listen it really does help to speak how this is hurting me.

Only you can decide if you should be in the room with him. And you should not feel guilty if you decide it is just too much for you.

Despite the efforts of my Vet and my friends to convince me otherwise; I chose to be in the room with Casper, my little Maltese. I was a crying mess and I probably stressed EVERYBODY out including Casper. I relived that moment over and over, for a good while after. It all happened so quickly; much more fast than I thought. There did not appear to be any pain .. . he just went to sleep.

I think I would do better today; having been in that moment once before, but it sure is hard and I don't think it's for everyone. So don't let people tell you that you SHOULD do it. Only YOU and YOUR VET know that.

You obviously love your dog ~ so try not to feel guilty because you are making your decisions out of love. I will caution you that guilt seems to come along with any death; but try not to let it if you can.

I feel tears in my eyes reading your post and I feel the hurt in your words. Please take good care of yourself and I hope you have friends and family around you right now.

I read your other thread, looked at your album and read this thread. Bless you. This is the most painful, thoughtful and unselfish decision you will have to make. I've been there. There's guilt - any time that you have to play God and decide that it's time. But time will heal you and help you understand that what you are doing is the ultimate unselfish gift that you have to give to Rufus. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Karen

I am so sorry for what you are facing with Rufus. The love you have shared with him, will go on and on; nobody can take that away from either of you.

You will be giving him the greatest unselfish gift when you set him free of the broken down body he is now in, and let him rest in peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you near that day.