Please Check Paperwork We are struggling each day with the loss of our little girl in June. We were so lucky to have Ashley in our lives for close to seventeen years, and we were grateful for each precious moment we had with her. I've wrestled with whether I should share our experience more publicly, since I know how difficult it is for those who have lost their babies and hesitate to risk upsetting anyone further. However, I hate to think of anyone experiencing a problem so I've decided to share our experience. Like many people, we were comforted when we were able to bring Ashley's ashes home with us after we had her cremated, especially knowing that she would be with her two sisters that she loved so much in her lifetime. My husband first looked very quickly at the papers we received when I brought Ashley back home with us. I also looked at the paper work quickly and saw that the certificate of private cremation had Ashley's name on it. It was and still is a painful time for me, so I guess I didn't look very closely. In September my husband was more able to cope with looking at Ashley's paper work. He spotted a problem as soon as he looked at it. My husband normally sees every detail, but this is something I can't believe I missed. It had Ashley's name, but under her name is a spot where it has the name of her family. Ashley's certificate had a different family name than ours. It upset us, but we figured it was just a mistake, and we decided to call the pet cemetery to ask them to re-issue a new certificate. The more I thought about it, though, it started to occur to me that possibly they could have mixed up Ashley with the other family's baby. I didn't tell my husband because I knew how upset he would be. When I reached them the next day, they of course apologized and told me that they would immediately mail out a new certificate. I was very shaken by it all, and they knew it. I told them I still would never be sure that we had our baby. They assured me that it was her, and they told me that I could open the ashes up and find the original paperwork there. Once I told my husband my doubts when I came home from work, I saw the color immediately drain from his face as he thought of the possibility of not having our baby. We opened up the ashes immediately, and we definitely have our little girl, but we were really upset by it. It was a mistake that shouldn't have happened as I think they need to be careful with the paperwork too, but neither of us were angry. We were certainly relieved, and it was a painful experience. Luckily, things were resolved with us. I would like to remind everyone to check the paper work immediately so, if there is a problem, it can be rectified. I realize how difficult it is to cope with the loss of a beloved furbaby and I am so sorry for the pain it causes. I truly hope my post doesn't cause anyone more pain. |
Oh no! What an awful situation to have to go through. I'm just sitting here thinking about it and my emotions are all over the place. Thank God everything turned out to be as it should have been, and just a clerical error... it could have been worse. I think that's why there are two labels... it has happened before, hopefully not often. |
So very sorry for your loss. I have always thought how beautiful your babies pics are in your avater. |
Thank you both for your kindness. It does help to heal my broken heart. It is comforting to know that there are people who understand how deep the loss is, even after five months have passed. Those who know us well understand how Ashley and her sisters were the center of our lives and how difficult it is to live happily without them. Most other people assume that, after five months, we should already be "over it," especially since Ashley lived such a long, full, and mostly healthy life. I really appreciate your support. |
How upsetting that must have been for you both...im sorry for your loss of your precious Ashley....i have lost pets in the past and know the incredible pain of it..In time you really will be able to just think of the loving times with her and it wont hurt quite so much..:) |
I am so sorry for your loss and the additional pain caused by someone's mistake. I am glad it turned out you had your babie's ashes and she can RIP. |
Thank you so much for sharing. So sorry, for the loss of your little Ashley. What a beautiful baby she was and what a wonderful family she had for almost seventeen years. Your love for her reads in every line written. |
I appreciate how sweet everyone is, and I won't forget your kindness. With the loss of our other little babies, the pain is still deep and the love is very powerful. I wouldn't want it to be any other way. The difference is that time has healed some of the painful feelings, but it is a bit too soon with Ashley. We talk about all of our little girls often, and an overwhelming feeling of joy overtakes us as we remember how special they made our lives and how lucky we were to be their mom and dad. They were our babies and our lives revolved around caring for and loving them and helping them to feel secure and loved. The love we feel will last forever, even with the passage of time. My husband still regrets the fact that we buried our first Yorkie, Jolie, in our backyard. We planted a beautiful tree for her with pretty flowers surrounding the area. I do love that area, but since we will move from here one day, it still upsets him that we will have to leave her behind. Knowing how he feels about this, I can't imagine how devastating it would have been if we were given the wrong ashes instead of Ashley's. I also would have been distraught if we had. I brought Ashley to our vet after she passed away in my arms at home, and I was given paperwork from them. Ashley's ashes had a copy of the paperwork contained with her ashes, so I am certain that we have her remains. I hope this post saves someone else the hurtful experience that we had. Thank you again for your support and for caring. It means the world to me. |
I'm so very sorry you had to go through unnecessary pain because of that. It is painful enough. Bless your heart! |
I am so touched by your story of Ashley. What a difficult time you and your husband have had since her passing. I'm glad you shared this with everyone. It might help someone someday. Ashley was a beautiful little girl. I know how painful it is to lose a pet that was a part of the family for 17 years. In December, 2006, my 17 year old silver chinchilla/himalayan cat died of cancer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. |
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I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I hold Cassie's urn often, and still cry in missing her, I can't bare the thought of ever having to open it, reading your posting my heart felt the pain that you have gone through. Picture of Cassie is in our avator she is forever is in our hearts. What a gift each and every precious fur baby is to us all, God knew they were needed in our lives. Hugs to you from us both, Patti and Jack |
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May I suggest... take 4 pictures of her gravesite, one during each of the seasons, and put a bit of the dirt from the site in a baggie. Then, cut a few flowers when they bloom, and dry them, and snip a twig from the tree you planted in her memory. You could purchase an urn or one of those oak boxes from the vet and have it engraved with her name, and put these things in it, along with anything you may have kept, a favorite toy, a tooth, a lock of hair, a collar or charm. This at least would be something you can take with you. I truly believe that a pup's spirit leaves the body immediately when the body ceases to function, and I believe their spirits stay with us and follow us wherever we go. They are always with us, it's just sad because we cannot see them any more. Not saying anything here, as I have my own collection of tiny boxes (and one large box). My intent was to bury the boxes, because this was there home while they were with me on this earth, but the ground here is not cooperating so I keep them in my bedroom. And I am going to be brutally honest with you... your posts about your babies past totally undo me everytime I read one. I am sitting here once again trying to stay composed enough to convey my thoughts to you in the kindest and most gentle of ways... I am crying so much my own pups are getting worried about me... well here goes, and I am only going to say this once... You and your Husband are such dear, sweet , good people, and you both have so much love for your precious babies, even now that they are gone. It upsets me to no end to hear the pain of your losses, the pain from having all this love and nowhere to put it. The constant ache in your hearts... it doesn't get better, and it won't. My heart breaks for you both. I know that you know your babies could sense when things were not 'right' with you. Do you think they would ever want you to feel like this on their passing? I don't know of any other way to say this, but you need, more than anyone I know or have ever known, you need to get another Yorkie to have in your lives. I know this may be hard to comprehend, but the cycle of love doesn't end... it only continues. And I am only speaking from experience, but the hurt cannot begin to heal until you can give that love you still hold so dear in your hearts to another Yorkie in need. The pain will not go away, because Love isn't made to be withheld, it is made to be given. The main excuse people give is they are not ready. Were any of us 'ready' to love a Yorkie? From all I have heard, no one ever expected to feel the intensity of the love that has grown in their hearts for their little ones. It is truly amazing. You both need to have this in your lives again, soon. If you are truly not ready... I will understand, but then please do it for me. Please get yourselves another little one to have in your lives. Know that my heart will bleed for you both until you do. Love and Hugs Always, Kathy |
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I thank the Lord for guiding Jack and I in our search for another yorkie after loss of our Cassie. I truely believe God led us to our Baby Blessing, and HE didn't let it stop there so came to be Dollie and then our precious Prairie Bea. I feel so Blessed to have them as they sure have helped me through much this past year, and have helped many times to put smiles on my face, and now Jack's once again. Hugs, Patti and Jack |
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We open our hearts so completely to these precious pups, and it’s no wonder that the love for them seems to be always overflowing. There is such a warm feeling and so much joy whenever I think about my girls. There are always risks when you open your heart and love so completely. Do you do it anyway, knowing it also means having to cope with the sadness when you lose that person or animal you love so dearly? I’ve asked my high school students this question many times, usually as it relates to literature. It’s a discussion that I always find very meaningful. It is always worth that risk to me, for that love is everlasting, even in death. Because of that, we definitely will take that risk again with another pup. I agree with you about their spirits always being with us. We do have our little tins of our girls in our bedroom but I realize that they only contain their physical remains. I love your idea about a memorial for Jolie. Thank you so much for that and everything else that you have done to touch me so deeply. You are right about getting another pup. We plan on getting two, probably not at the same time, as soon as we can properly care for a baby and give it the time and care it needs. We’ve never thought of it as being able to replace Ashley. We know that’s impossible and wouldn’t want it that way, anyway. Loving her so deeply and loving a new baby have nothing to do with one another. We couldn’t help but love another baby. Dogs love so unconditionally, and our babies have taught us all about that. Getting another pup won’t stop us from mourning our little girl, but I know it will bring us a lot of happiness. My husband still needs surgery on his arm, and although we were hoping it would be in the next few weeks, we might have to wait a little longer. Walking with the way his arm the way it is now is not safe. He took far too many risks trying to care for Ashley and it’s not a good idea for us to bring another little one home until his surgery is behind us. We never thought he’d have to wait so long for the arm to heal enough for him to be able to have surgery. It has been over seven months since his injury and five months without Ashley. If there was a way for us to bring another one into our lives now, we would surely do it. The only way I can leave each day to go to work is knowing that my husband is safely staying put; I wouldn’t be able to leave otherwise so we need to wait a little longer. All things worth it are worth waiting for, right? You wrote so beautifully about the feelings of living without a Yorkie. Your words about John and I and our capacity to love moved me to tears. I know I’m not doing great, but I still don’t think I’m just living in the past. Our last year with Ashley’s dementia was devoted completely to caring for her, making her feel loved and secure. She kept me very active, and we walked a couple of miles a day on most days. Our lives and hearts centered on her. Every decision we made and everything we did was based on what would make her feel happy, loved, and safe. Even with CCD, she was loving and responsive with us, and she felt loved. We spent many sleepless nights and only left her home alone when absolutely necessary. I say all this because, when life was completely revolving around this little baby, living a life without her was a huge adjustment. A lot of people thought it might be a relief after she died, but they were wrong. We would have done anything to continue caring for her as long as she was happy. Considering the change and how we poured our hearts into Ashley so much her whole life but especially with her last year, I think it's just a difficult adjustment. I'm unusually hard on myself normally, but I think for once I'm giving myself a break and considering it normal to be feeling like this after what we've experienced. If you met me you wouldn't be able to tell about how I'm feeling inside. My students still talk about her (the ones I also had last year and the ones who still visit me this year), and it makes me happy. I mostly am a very happy, optimistic person. Kathy, you have comforted me and helped me on numerous occasions and I can’t thank you enough. You took away a lot of the fears I had about Ashley’s last few minutes as she lapsed into a coma in my arms, and my mind is more at ease. You are such a kind soul, and I appreciate you. Thank you for caring so much. We will always love our girls, and that love inspires us to want to bring other Yorkies into our lives. Thanks for the push and for wanting me to be happy. With Love, Lisa |
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