Please Check Paperwork We are struggling each day with the loss of our little girl in June. We were so lucky to have Ashley in our lives for close to seventeen years, and we were grateful for each precious moment we had with her. I've wrestled with whether I should share our experience more publicly, since I know how difficult it is for those who have lost their babies and hesitate to risk upsetting anyone further. However, I hate to think of anyone experiencing a problem so I've decided to share our experience. Like many people, we were comforted when we were able to bring Ashley's ashes home with us after we had her cremated, especially knowing that she would be with her two sisters that she loved so much in her lifetime. My husband first looked very quickly at the papers we received when I brought Ashley back home with us. I also looked at the paper work quickly and saw that the certificate of private cremation had Ashley's name on it. It was and still is a painful time for me, so I guess I didn't look very closely. In September my husband was more able to cope with looking at Ashley's paper work. He spotted a problem as soon as he looked at it. My husband normally sees every detail, but this is something I can't believe I missed. It had Ashley's name, but under her name is a spot where it has the name of her family. Ashley's certificate had a different family name than ours. It upset us, but we figured it was just a mistake, and we decided to call the pet cemetery to ask them to re-issue a new certificate. The more I thought about it, though, it started to occur to me that possibly they could have mixed up Ashley with the other family's baby. I didn't tell my husband because I knew how upset he would be. When I reached them the next day, they of course apologized and told me that they would immediately mail out a new certificate. I was very shaken by it all, and they knew it. I told them I still would never be sure that we had our baby. They assured me that it was her, and they told me that I could open the ashes up and find the original paperwork there. Once I told my husband my doubts when I came home from work, I saw the color immediately drain from his face as he thought of the possibility of not having our baby. We opened up the ashes immediately, and we definitely have our little girl, but we were really upset by it. It was a mistake that shouldn't have happened as I think they need to be careful with the paperwork too, but neither of us were angry. We were certainly relieved, and it was a painful experience. Luckily, things were resolved with us. I would like to remind everyone to check the paper work immediately so, if there is a problem, it can be rectified. I realize how difficult it is to cope with the loss of a beloved furbaby and I am so sorry for the pain it causes. I truly hope my post doesn't cause anyone more pain. |
Oh no! What an awful situation to have to go through. I'm just sitting here thinking about it and my emotions are all over the place. Thank God everything turned out to be as it should have been, and just a clerical error... it could have been worse. I think that's why there are two labels... it has happened before, hopefully not often. |
So very sorry for your loss. I have always thought how beautiful your babies pics are in your avater. |
Thank you both for your kindness. It does help to heal my broken heart. It is comforting to know that there are people who understand how deep the loss is, even after five months have passed. Those who know us well understand how Ashley and her sisters were the center of our lives and how difficult it is to live happily without them. Most other people assume that, after five months, we should already be "over it," especially since Ashley lived such a long, full, and mostly healthy life. I really appreciate your support. |
How upsetting that must have been for you both...im sorry for your loss of your precious Ashley....i have lost pets in the past and know the incredible pain of it..In time you really will be able to just think of the loving times with her and it wont hurt quite so much..:) |
I am so sorry for your loss and the additional pain caused by someone's mistake. I am glad it turned out you had your babie's ashes and she can RIP. |
Thank you so much for sharing. So sorry, for the loss of your little Ashley. What a beautiful baby she was and what a wonderful family she had for almost seventeen years. Your love for her reads in every line written. |
I appreciate how sweet everyone is, and I won't forget your kindness. With the loss of our other little babies, the pain is still deep and the love is very powerful. I wouldn't want it to be any other way. The difference is that time has healed some of the painful feelings, but it is a bit too soon with Ashley. We talk about all of our little girls often, and an overwhelming feeling of joy overtakes us as we remember how special they made our lives and how lucky we were to be their mom and dad. They were our babies and our lives revolved around caring for and loving them and helping them to feel secure and loved. The love we feel will last forever, even with the passage of time. My husband still regrets the fact that we buried our first Yorkie, Jolie, in our backyard. We planted a beautiful tree for her with pretty flowers surrounding the area. I do love that area, but since we will move from here one day, it still upsets him that we will have to leave her behind. Knowing how he feels about this, I can't imagine how devastating it would have been if we were given the wrong ashes instead of Ashley's. I also would have been distraught if we had. I brought Ashley to our vet after she passed away in my arms at home, and I was given paperwork from them. Ashley's ashes had a copy of the paperwork contained with her ashes, so I am certain that we have her remains. I hope this post saves someone else the hurtful experience that we had. Thank you again for your support and for caring. It means the world to me. |
I'm so very sorry you had to go through unnecessary pain because of that. It is painful enough. Bless your heart! |
I am so touched by your story of Ashley. What a difficult time you and your husband have had since her passing. I'm glad you shared this with everyone. It might help someone someday. Ashley was a beautiful little girl. I know how painful it is to lose a pet that was a part of the family for 17 years. In December, 2006, my 17 year old silver chinchilla/himalayan cat died of cancer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. |
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I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I hold Cassie's urn often, and still cry in missing her, I can't bare the thought of ever having to open it, reading your posting my heart felt the pain that you have gone through. Picture of Cassie is in our avator she is forever is in our hearts. What a gift each and every precious fur baby is to us all, God knew they were needed in our lives. Hugs to you from us both, Patti and Jack |
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May I suggest... take 4 pictures of her gravesite, one during each of the seasons, and put a bit of the dirt from the site in a baggie. Then, cut a few flowers when they bloom, and dry them, and snip a twig from the tree you planted in her memory. You could purchase an urn or one of those oak boxes from the vet and have it engraved with her name, and put these things in it, along with anything you may have kept, a favorite toy, a tooth, a lock of hair, a collar or charm. This at least would be something you can take with you. I truly believe that a pup's spirit leaves the body immediately when the body ceases to function, and I believe their spirits stay with us and follow us wherever we go. They are always with us, it's just sad because we cannot see them any more. Not saying anything here, as I have my own collection of tiny boxes (and one large box). My intent was to bury the boxes, because this was there home while they were with me on this earth, but the ground here is not cooperating so I keep them in my bedroom. And I am going to be brutally honest with you... your posts about your babies past totally undo me everytime I read one. I am sitting here once again trying to stay composed enough to convey my thoughts to you in the kindest and most gentle of ways... I am crying so much my own pups are getting worried about me... well here goes, and I am only going to say this once... You and your Husband are such dear, sweet , good people, and you both have so much love for your precious babies, even now that they are gone. It upsets me to no end to hear the pain of your losses, the pain from having all this love and nowhere to put it. The constant ache in your hearts... it doesn't get better, and it won't. My heart breaks for you both. I know that you know your babies could sense when things were not 'right' with you. Do you think they would ever want you to feel like this on their passing? I don't know of any other way to say this, but you need, more than anyone I know or have ever known, you need to get another Yorkie to have in your lives. I know this may be hard to comprehend, but the cycle of love doesn't end... it only continues. And I am only speaking from experience, but the hurt cannot begin to heal until you can give that love you still hold so dear in your hearts to another Yorkie in need. The pain will not go away, because Love isn't made to be withheld, it is made to be given. The main excuse people give is they are not ready. Were any of us 'ready' to love a Yorkie? From all I have heard, no one ever expected to feel the intensity of the love that has grown in their hearts for their little ones. It is truly amazing. You both need to have this in your lives again, soon. If you are truly not ready... I will understand, but then please do it for me. Please get yourselves another little one to have in your lives. Know that my heart will bleed for you both until you do. Love and Hugs Always, Kathy |
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I thank the Lord for guiding Jack and I in our search for another yorkie after loss of our Cassie. I truely believe God led us to our Baby Blessing, and HE didn't let it stop there so came to be Dollie and then our precious Prairie Bea. I feel so Blessed to have them as they sure have helped me through much this past year, and have helped many times to put smiles on my face, and now Jack's once again. Hugs, Patti and Jack |
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We open our hearts so completely to these precious pups, and it’s no wonder that the love for them seems to be always overflowing. There is such a warm feeling and so much joy whenever I think about my girls. There are always risks when you open your heart and love so completely. Do you do it anyway, knowing it also means having to cope with the sadness when you lose that person or animal you love so dearly? I’ve asked my high school students this question many times, usually as it relates to literature. It’s a discussion that I always find very meaningful. It is always worth that risk to me, for that love is everlasting, even in death. Because of that, we definitely will take that risk again with another pup. I agree with you about their spirits always being with us. We do have our little tins of our girls in our bedroom but I realize that they only contain their physical remains. I love your idea about a memorial for Jolie. Thank you so much for that and everything else that you have done to touch me so deeply. You are right about getting another pup. We plan on getting two, probably not at the same time, as soon as we can properly care for a baby and give it the time and care it needs. We’ve never thought of it as being able to replace Ashley. We know that’s impossible and wouldn’t want it that way, anyway. Loving her so deeply and loving a new baby have nothing to do with one another. We couldn’t help but love another baby. Dogs love so unconditionally, and our babies have taught us all about that. Getting another pup won’t stop us from mourning our little girl, but I know it will bring us a lot of happiness. My husband still needs surgery on his arm, and although we were hoping it would be in the next few weeks, we might have to wait a little longer. Walking with the way his arm the way it is now is not safe. He took far too many risks trying to care for Ashley and it’s not a good idea for us to bring another little one home until his surgery is behind us. We never thought he’d have to wait so long for the arm to heal enough for him to be able to have surgery. It has been over seven months since his injury and five months without Ashley. If there was a way for us to bring another one into our lives now, we would surely do it. The only way I can leave each day to go to work is knowing that my husband is safely staying put; I wouldn’t be able to leave otherwise so we need to wait a little longer. All things worth it are worth waiting for, right? You wrote so beautifully about the feelings of living without a Yorkie. Your words about John and I and our capacity to love moved me to tears. I know I’m not doing great, but I still don’t think I’m just living in the past. Our last year with Ashley’s dementia was devoted completely to caring for her, making her feel loved and secure. She kept me very active, and we walked a couple of miles a day on most days. Our lives and hearts centered on her. Every decision we made and everything we did was based on what would make her feel happy, loved, and safe. Even with CCD, she was loving and responsive with us, and she felt loved. We spent many sleepless nights and only left her home alone when absolutely necessary. I say all this because, when life was completely revolving around this little baby, living a life without her was a huge adjustment. A lot of people thought it might be a relief after she died, but they were wrong. We would have done anything to continue caring for her as long as she was happy. Considering the change and how we poured our hearts into Ashley so much her whole life but especially with her last year, I think it's just a difficult adjustment. I'm unusually hard on myself normally, but I think for once I'm giving myself a break and considering it normal to be feeling like this after what we've experienced. If you met me you wouldn't be able to tell about how I'm feeling inside. My students still talk about her (the ones I also had last year and the ones who still visit me this year), and it makes me happy. I mostly am a very happy, optimistic person. Kathy, you have comforted me and helped me on numerous occasions and I can’t thank you enough. You took away a lot of the fears I had about Ashley’s last few minutes as she lapsed into a coma in my arms, and my mind is more at ease. You are such a kind soul, and I appreciate you. Thank you for caring so much. We will always love our girls, and that love inspires us to want to bring other Yorkies into our lives. Thanks for the push and for wanting me to be happy. With Love, Lisa |
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Thank you so much for sharing your story of Cassie with me. She was such a precious little girl and I can tell the love you still feel for her. I'm so sorry about the pain you feel. To me, it shows the intensity and depth of love you shared. I feel the same way about my little girls. I lost my mother when I was still in college over thirty years ago, and I still feel a love that burns so bright in my heart and guides me in everything I do. I don't think the pain is bad when it is because of a love so beautiful. I'm so glad that you have more blessings in your life. It sounds like your babies have made you happy and have helped you during difficult times. I wish you love, health, and happiness for all of you in your family, including your daughter Jackie. My best friend for over 35 years, Diane, was deeply religious and very spiritual. While she was sick, she carried around a list of people she was praying for, especially when she went for her chemo treatments. I have a three year old voicemail saved on my cell phone from her where she talks about my becoming more of a prayer . I learned to pray much more because of my dear friend, and that's a great things. It's part of her legacy. I will pray for health and many more blessings for you and your family. Love, Lisa |
You are one of my favorite YTers. You always have such kind words for everyone. I'm so sorry you have gone though this. When my first Scottie died we debated whether or not to cremate. We chose to bury him in our yard under his favorite tree. I would be very upset and in my opinion they owe you more than an apology. |
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I am so sorry for the loss of your baby in June. I am glad to hear you have your baby. ...RIP Sweetie. |
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I am so glad you posted this. I know it will make all of us aware of what could happen. I thank you for that. Bless you and your family and I love your Avatar. Yes, Lola is a special friend that has taught me so much. I feel they are put on this earth to teach us and to love us. Lola is in my Avatar, she is still a sick girl but we watch her closely. Thank you for all your kind words. Bless you and your family. Lissette |
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so many of us here understand your great pain! it doesnt seem to get any easier no matter how much time has passed and we will never "get over" losing a family member. i know so many people do not understand. several of my coworkers gave me a hard time when we lost nika and told me she's just a dog. but they do not know the blessing it is to have them in our lives and how much our time with them means to us. they dont understand the deep love we feel for our babies. we are lucky to know how wonderful it is to have such a powerful feeling of love for them! no matter how great the pain is from losing them its all worth it to have that love and the memories and for our lives to be touched by them. im so thankful you're always there for everyone here with beautiful kind words and understanding. especially when in the world there are so many who do not understand and think we are nuts! i think of her all of the time and it still hurts so bad. the tears still come all the time. i would do anything to hold her again. as time passes i miss her more and more. im so glad i have zowi (nika's furmomma) and i cry and hold her in my arms and i know she knows why i am crying. she completely understands. she misses her baby too and understands my pain. shes so great at comforting me! i see nikas beautiful eyes every time i look into zowis eyes. they were just about identical except zowi was twice nikas size and nika had floppy ears, zowis stand straight up. thank you for the comfort you have given me and so many others, and thank you for always sharing it really does mean a lot. i am so lucky i got to be her mommy and ill never fill the whole in my heart from losing her. i wish we couldve been together forever she was so loving and caring. i also have a terrible feeling that the fluids she was supposed to be given in the emergency hospital were not dripping and that is why she passed. when i went to visit her that sunday morning before she passed away i saw the doctor there do a double take and seemed like she was fixing the iv to drip, like it had not been and seemed like she was trying to do it quickly before i looked back. i shouldve checked but just seeing how terrible nika looked broke my heart and i didnt think that something like that would happen especially when she was the only patient there at the time. we didn't think we were gonna lose her either. i guess ill never know. and they charged me less money than originally estimated so thats another reason i feel they didnt do everything they were supposed to be doing for her. it breaks my heart though and i will always wonder. i have found a different emergency vet to go to if its necessary. im glad that the ashes really turned out to be ashleys and im sure shes with you always in spirit and definately in your heart. you gave her 17 beautiful years of love and she knew how much she was loved! thanks again so much for being there! im glad to have people like you here! sending you a hug! ~ carrie |
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Thank you so much, Carrie, for your beautiful post. It helps so much to have the love and support of others love their babies with all of their hearts and who truly understand the pain of losing a baby so loved. Your Nika sounds like she was such a special little girl. She will forever be a part of you. I understand what it is like to put your heart and soul into loving and caring for a little one. When you surrender yourself so completely to them and then lose them, your heart breaks. Our sweet little Kiwi had congestive heart failure, but I really thought she would be okay after we treated her for it. The medication that we put her on for her heart affected her kidneys, so I took her daily to the doctor for sub-q fluids to flush out her kidneys, to receive a vitamin shot, and for her doctor to examine her heart and lungs. Her doctor kindly only charged me for the fluids. He felt that she was better off being home with me than staying at the hospital for a few days if I was willing to take her there daily for a few weeks to flush out her kidneys (it was a 45 mile trip round-trip). When she started to eat again and to get better, I was so excited. We spent so much special, alone time those few weeks, especially with our long car rides to the doctor (my vet is wonderful and I would travel any distance to have him treat my little girls), and I told her how much I loved her. When we lost her from an eye infection that her body wasn’t strong enough to fight because of her other health issues, it was devastating. I know everything was done that we could have done to help Kiwi until she was stronger, but when you completely surrender your heart to these babies, it is so painful to lose them. It still haunts me that we may have missed something with Ashley. I took her to the doctor often, usually every two months and more if needed. Her doctor told us that it was unnecessary to have her checked out so often, but we wanted to make sure that we were doing everything possible for her and to be proactive in her care. Ashley acted like a puppy her whole life, but she just slowed down a bit and got tired more easily. Her doctor was amazed at how well she was doing a week before she died. Her heart and lungs were strong, and she was a happy little girl who was still walking a couple of miles most days, weather permitting. She was not feeling well a few days later, so I took her to see him. He thought it was a stomach bug, but he thought she'd be fine. I wish that I had made more of it when I described how Ashley was acting, because I knew in my heart that something was wrong. Ashley died two days later, one month short of her 17th birthday. I wouldn't have wanted my baby to go on living for my sake if it meant she would have had to suffer, but I hope I didn't fail her. There is nothing that my husband and I wouldn't have done for Ashley if she needed it, regardless of what it would have cost. Ashley was my love and heart. She still is, and so are her sisters. It haunts me that there was probably something with Ashley that we didn’t detect that I thought were her Canine Cognitive Disorder symptoms or problems caused by the gas pockets in her stomach. We had done blood tests not long before and she was doing so well, especially for her age. I understand the doubts you have about Nika at the emergency hospital. The doubts can drive you crazy, though. You did everything that you could do for your beloved little Nika, and she knew you loved her. It is so obvious the love you have for her still just by reading your posts. You gave her a great life. I know it’s different for me since Ashley was almost seventeen and lived such a full life, and I understand how difficult it is for you to lose Nika. I don’t think you can ever be ready to lose them, so instead you live each day cherishing the moments you have with them. I would just stare at Ashley just sleeping beside me, each time filled with such wonder and love. Every time she’d flail her paws to reach for me when my husband would hand her over to me to take her for a walk, I’d laugh. I can still envision each one of my girls in my head, with different aspects of their unique personalities. Although it won’t stop me from loving another one and surrendering my heart completely, I think it’s wonderful that the love of our beloved babies stays so strong in our hearts and minds. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope memories of your sweet Nika give you a reason to smile. |
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You and your husband are amazing people, and I'm thrilled to hear you plan to bring another pup or two into your lives. I know these babies will be blessed to know your love and devotion, just as your three girls were so very lucky to have you. Every post you write is heartfelt, geniune, thoughtful, caring....I could go on and on - I look forward to seeing what you post every time you write something. You've more than earned my respect and I'm proud to call you a friend. Love and warm hugs to you, Bonny |
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I 'm sorry that I didn't see this post when you wrote it, but it has warmed my heart greatly and makes such a huge difference in the way I am feeling. There are a number of people at Yorkie Talk that I truly look up to, and when they validate who I am as a Yorkie mom, it really helps with the fears I have of a finding a reputable breeder who will trust me to raise one of their precious babies. You are such a wonderful mom and such an advocate for our pups, so the fact that you believe in me, means a great deal to me. It's kind of how I felt when the parent of one of my students asked me if I would be legal guardian of her daughter if anything happened to her. She didn't know a lot about me other than the relationship that I had with her daughter, but she trusted me with what was most important to her in life. It was a huge honor for me, and I see your words about me as a suitable Yorkie mom as an equally important honor. Your love for your babies is so undeniable, overflowing, and everlasting. Your support of me uplifted me a great deal. Thank you so much for that. Bonny, you don't know too much about me, but I think you know that I am thinking of you and your babies, even though you haven't heard from me. I know you are busy and don't want to intrude in your life. Your babies are on my mind constantly. I hope they are well and that you are enjoying the moments you have with them. My heart and prayers are always with you. Kathy's post really was beautiful, and I am so touched and humbled by what both of you have written. Once John has the surgery and is able to walk around and take care of a baby when I am at work, we would love to add another Yorkie to our lives. Thank you again for believing in us and for your beautiful words of support. Although I never thought I'd make friends when I came to Yorkie Talk, I am surely grateful that I have. Your friendship makes me very happy. Please give your babies some extra kisses today from me. With love and kindest regards, Lisa |
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