I stole a Yorkie....
 

I knew that would get your attention! Actually, the Yorkie stole me, I think. Here's the deal: My 17y/o daughter was given Pippa for Christmas/Birthday 2004 by her boyfriend. Pippa was basically thrust apon us ( and our dogless home)because he didn't even ask if he could buy our daughter a live animal! Anyway, of course I fell in love with Pippa right away.
Now the problem is that Alyssa says I have "taken over" her dog. I admit it-I have, but she's never home-she works, and socializes with friends during the summer and is in school and works during the school year. I feed Pippa, bathe her, cuddle with her, play with her. Pippa knows I'm the momma and loves me, making Alyssa jealous. It is coming to the point that it is causing friction between us. Alyssa is doing things to try to spite me and manipulate me regarding the dog, using her as a weapon. She has even threatened to take Pippa and give her back to her boyfriend to live at their house-they have 6 outside dogs-mostly rotweillers, and a pit bull!!!!
Sometimes Pippa will ignore her when Alyssa calls her and will run over and jump in my lap-this infuriates Alyssa and she comes over and roughly snatches Pippa from me.
I have tried to explain that Pippa has bonded with the person who provides her needs, not just the fun stuff. I am trying very hard not to seem so attached when Alyssa is home, it is just soooo hard. I am overprotective of Pippa and have not allowed Alyssa to haul her off to a friends' house for the day that have 6 small children-I was afraid they would drop her, let her out the door, etc... Alyssa always says "it's my dog, don't tell me what to do" but I always win because I simply won't let her leave with Pippa!

HELP! What should I do??? I've thought about giving her boyfriend the money he paid for her so it becomes a non-issue, although I don't think they'd go for that. Pippa is such a useful tool for her.

id say deff pay for the dog just remember your the mother and your taking care of the dog not her its your dog now not hers i was gonna say mabee get her another dog but the same thing would prob happen sorry im not much help i would deff pay him tho good luck

Well first off, it's not your fault things worked out that way. You are Pippa's provider. You care for her and show her affection. Ofcourse she's gonna come to you.

Your daughter is never home, so she doesn't really know her well. I understand she has school and work but if she cant take care of her, then she shouldnt have accepted her.

Pippa has you and I think that's great!

I would say get a second yorkie but that wouldnt help either. The amount of time she's gone, well, that second pup would be stuck on you as well.

They always run to the ones who are there for them the most..and that's you!

I dont think there's anything wrong with it. You take care of her right? So you deserve her love!

Okay. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, because I mean it nicely. This is Your house, your underage daughter, her non-family member boyfriend, and a wonderful little yorkie who loves you as her mommy. Since you take care of her needs and give her all the attention, tell your daughter to back off! You are the one in charge at your house...not your daughter and her boyfriend! I'd smack the living daylights out of my teenager who backtalked me, or snatched a precious dog from my lap, or blackmailed me with the dog. I'm from the old school! Good luck and hang tough!

There is really nothing you can do about this. Obviously, the dog loves you because you feed her, play with her, bathe her, etc. My husband is jealous because Esme follows me around and not him, but dogs KNOW the difference. Pippa knows that YOU are the one that keeps her alive and happy! :) You could try paying for her, but I don't think that's going to work... YOu can just keep doing as you are, and hope your daughter realizes that YOU taking care of her dog is making her life MUCH easier. These guys are HARD work. When I was living with my parents, we had two pomeranians and I didn't do a thing for them. My mom did it all. Now that I am married, in my own home, with my own yorkie, I now realize how much she actually did for those two dogs!!! Good Luck! I know this is a very difficult situation, but your daughter will probably thank you for this later.

I just wanted to add that I wasn't jealous of my moms relationship with the pomeranians, but IF I HAD BEEN, she would have handled it the way eensor said.

Ditto on that .... I would of gotten cracked...lol..while I was living in my mom's house.. I was to follow her rules....that was it..that dog is now yours

My House My Rules
 

Well said eensor :thumbup: Old saying is My house My rules.

I think I'm completely out of Estrogen!!! Yesterday and today I just haven't had any patience for young people who are out of hand! LOL :D

I think you should just get another Yorkie - that way you each have one (just kidding!)...

This kind of reminds me when I was a jr in high school... my cat had died, (of very old age, and passed away in surgery that I was paying for, the vet wrote it off though since the cat didn't survive) anyways, my parents then got me a new kitty... I did everything for the kitty, it slept with me ect, but right after graduation I had moved to another country (germany) and couldn't take the cat with....

so it stayed with my parents for the 2 years I was gone, when I came back, I got a place of my own, where I could have my cat.

My parents said NO WAY... we love the cat and it is staying with us, he has bonded with us... maybe after a few months after you are settled you can take it.... well that cat is STILL living with my parents (it is very old 20yrs)

The point of my story is that, I had no choice but to respect what my parents wanted and thought was best for the cat... animals bond to people, we don't chose they do.... remind her of this, and that if she loves this puppy that she will accept that the best thing for her puppy is to let it be with who it wants to be. You are that puppies pack, and to take you away from her is wrong.

Time to put your foot down and remind her that this is your house, you pay the bills, ect... ALL things in your house are yours, no matter if they were gifts or not, even the clothes on her back.

Like I tell my kids, when you pay ALL the bills of the household then you can be in charge, until then, it is my rules... the dog may have been gifted to her, but it is now part of the household, part of the family. Next time tell her to have her boyfriend buy her a necklass.

What is best for the baby? PERIOD!!!!!!!
Has your daughter paid the vet bills? bought food, toys, meds, flea and heartworm treatments, taken care of her teeth? Add all those expenses up and present her with a bill...she pays- she says! She doesn't-too bad!...
I would have a talk with that presumptious twit of a boyfriend, too. Who does he think he is bringing living creatures into a household without asking? Tell him to learn some manners and respect. BTW, that goes for your daughter too. I am a grandmother and my family better damn-sight respect me. Tell her "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"..Might also write up an agreement that all parties sign..Put in whatever terms are important to YOU!..Good Luck!!!!!

I don't take it the wrong way at all
 

Thanks for the support. I don't want you to think that Alyssa acts like this all the time, she's really a good girl. She just doesn't know how to control the situation... Believe me, she tries to manipulate me but doesn't end up winning-ever. It's just the constant butting heads about the baby that's driving me crazy. My husband says that I fuel it by reacting when she starts stuff up-he says I should just reply matter-of-factly and leave it alone or just ignore when she starts. Many of times I tell her she will not take Pippa into a potentially dangerous situation, and she storms off-BUT she doesn't take Pippa. I'm really trying to cool it about all the "baby love" because that makes her madder. I know that she will forget all about her soon enough, because Pippa is obviously NOT her priority-only when it's convenient. My husband says to give it time and Alyssa won't even care anymore.
I will keep you all updated. Thanks again!! Any comments appreciated!

I think it's sweet that you feel as passionate about it as me-in fact I think youv'e been in my head-your thoughts on the boyfriend! Yes, I do want to sit down with them both and have a heart to heart. I'm thinking I will talk about a contract, or something like that if necessary. But my plan is to tell the boyfriend, "Thank you for the gift to our FAMILY of Pippa. We love her to death, and she is definetely a member of our family now". I am prepared to have the money ready and say, "if i can be assured that this whole thing about "your dog, my dog" will never come up again, I am prepared to refund the money you paid for her".
We'll see if that works. Actually, "the boyfriend" is a pretty good guy, even if he is a little stupid. I think he will try to talk some sense into Alyssa as well. He does respond to me pretty well.

I'm "a littles less talk and a lot more action" type I guess! I certainly would not reserve affection for Pippa in her presence though. Pippa won't understand and your daughter needs to be told "end of discussion." Just my buttinsky opinion though! You know your family dynamic better than we do! :)

I think it is a matter of respect. If my daughter did that she'd be in big trouble, and I would keep the dog, as you're the one cares for the dog. Remember you have the dog in you're house, and that's 90% of the law. I would threaten to take her to court. It just makes me mad when kids are so ungratefull. Went through that with my son. It's not worth the head aches.

Here's what I would do:

Write up a list of all the things you do with Pippa - when you do them and how long it takes.
Give your daughter the list and tell her that these things are the reason Pippa bonds with you. She can do all those things to make Pippa bond with her - alas, now it is her choice :)

Good luck with it!

I think your daugther should understand that Pippa has bonded with you because you are her caretaker. You spend more time with Pippa than her. I know is going to be hard. I agreed with the others is your house is your rukes deal. Please dont stop showing Pippa attention when your daugther is there cause Pippa doeant understand the situation between you 2. Good luck.

It sounds like your daughter is acting VERY imaturely for her age. You (I'm assuming) pay the vet bills and buy the food for Pippa. Plus you show her the love and attention she needs. Hopefully you can establish her as your dog before your daughter is of age and moves out. I would hate to see her torn from her mommy!

Everyone is so right. I think we can work this out without making money the issue. I love the idea of making a list of all I do and how long it takes me-especially the hour long walk we take everyday (BTW, I've lost 10 lbs since starting to walk Pippa!! Bonus..:-)
There is just no way I could stop loving on Pippa just because Aly is around-that was silly to even suggest. I'm going to talk to her tonight-take her out to ice cream or something. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my daughter over this, and she just needs to know that I do love her more than anything and I'm sorry I've "taken over" her dog, but that somehow I fell in love with this little dog, and that won't go away. Pippa sleeps with her every night anyway, and I have never tried to make her stop that, even though I felt Pippa should sleep in her own crate at night. We need to compromise, but I'm going to insist that when it comes to Pippa's well being, I will have the last word.period.
I feel that she doesn't always think about how things will affect Pippa emotionally, Yorkies are very sensitive-and Pippa also feels the tension, and that's not good. If having her dog's best interest at heart is mean and hateful and overcontrolling on my part, then so be it.

This was kind of my thought. Just who is the adult here? (I did like the "smack the living daylights" line. :D )

I think that a dog will always establish one member of the household as their favorite. Sydney is my dog (a gift from a friend) and my fiance didn't want a dog at all...but she was a gift so what could he do. Now he loves her...and she prefers his company to anyone else's. Even though I am the one who feeds her and grooms her, she still loves him more. But what are you gonna to do? I'm just happy that he loves her b/c she is still a baby and somewhat of a pain...so that would be awful if he still had the "I didn't want a dog in the first place" mentality.

Anyway...to make a long story short...Pippa has obviously chosen you as her mom...and your daughter needs to get used to that idea.

Anyone who has had a teenage daughter probably can relate. I am the adult, and I do exert my will in the situation, but it's more of an Attitude than an Action on her part. Clearly I opened myself up for judgement on this, and perhaps I'm not the perfect Teenager parent (hey anyone, let me know if there are classes-I have a 13, 16, and 17 year old-I;m at a loss everyday on how to deal) My kids are not out causing trouble, and for that I'm thankful. They are respectful to other adults at all times-something I have always felt very strongly about. Perhaps I have painted Alyssa in a bad light, which I did not mean to do. THis is practically the only conflict I have with Aly right now, which is more that I can say for most teenagers and their mother.

Anyway, I know what you mean, and thanks for reminding me to be the adult.

OUCH! Tough spot!
 

I know that as a mother, you want to do what is best for Peppa, but at the same time, keep peace with your daughter.

My suggestion to you would be to apologize to your daughter, not that you did anything wrong, but your daughter has very hurt feelings right now. I would apologize for the dog falling in love with me and not her. Tell her that's not how you had planned it, it just happened that way. I wouldn't throw in her face how she hangs out with her friends and doesn't spend time with the dog. That will just cause more hurt feelings and friction between you.

You need to read between the lines and choose your battles WISELY. You don't want her coming back in 10 years and have her tell you how you ruined her life because you took her dog. Believe me, it can happen.

Offer to buy her another dog. I wouldn't pay the boyfriend or her. Go somewhere you and your daughter and ask her if you could buy her another dog. One that she can pick out. One that she can call her own.

She feels cheated right now and probably thinks that you turned her dog against her and she doesn't think that she's done anything wrong.

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but that is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Do what it takes to keep peace.

Best of luck!

She is just being a jealours 17 year old. Remember our boyfriend years (?) she thinks that your "taking over" and that's the only way she knows how to react. You can't help it that Pippa loves you more, you spend so much time with her and dogs do know who really loves them with all their heart. So keep taking care of Pippa, if you talk to your daughter just explain the way things go with animals, maybe she just doesn't understand what needs they have. If it gets right down to it, buy her off!$$$ She'll soon realize that your not doing this on purpose, turning Pippa against her :confused: ...

You can tell your daughter if this is your dog she should start feeding (including buying the food),bathing, taking her for daily walks, etc. without any excuses about having a social life and not having time or forgotten to do it. ( Since it's her dog not yours) this will not be easy for her since you stated she is busy and there for she would have no choice to give you the furbaby without any drama because she knows now first hand she doesn't have the time to take care of her. Just a thought because she sounds a bit like me when I was young and my boyfriend bought me a puppy and my dad ended up doing everything till of course he outright refused to do everything for my dog to prove the point it really wasn't my dog anymore since I wasn't caring for him.

Write up a list of all the things you do with Pippa - when you do them and how long it takes.
Give your daughter the list and tell her that these things are the reason Pippa bonds with you. She can do all those things to make Pippa bond with her - alas, now it is her choice

I whole heartedly agree!!!! :thumbup:

I love that idea and maybe combined with the list idea will solve the problem right here and now :)