Originally Posted by ChicagoSoul (Post 1017053)

Thank you very much to everybody who replied or felt like replying.
The showing of support has been overwhelming. For those people who are going through the same situation, remember that you are not alone. There are good hearted people on this forum that are capable of such degree of compassion and love that is truly rare in this day and age.

You will hear some ignorant individuals say that our loss should not devastate us because each of us has lost "just a dog." It is not true. What we lost is a piece of heart where each mother stores the love for her only precious baby. When the baby is gone, this heart aches and bleeds.

Like so many of us on this forum who went through a similar experience, I did not want another puppy. My mother and my boyfriend talked me into having it. I simply went along with their decision. However, it was the best decision under the circumstances.

The experience of nurturing another baby has been incredibly healing. Dulce, even though she is just 9 months, has been behaving as if she understands something. She is constantly all over me. She follows me everywhere and gets excited over every little thing. Her love and her devotion fill the void. It is very empowering to be needed and wanted, and loved so much. Every little milestone in her life starts to feel, once again, like my own personal achievement as a mother.

To me, this concept of being validated as a mother was no less important than the possibility of having a loving companionship every day. Once I lost Manya, the first thought was that I failed as a parent. I should have been able to save her and I did not. That's where, I believe, my lack of desire to have another puppy came from. It is the fear of failing again that drove me to burry the idea of ever getting another Yorkie.

It is not over for me yet. The pain is still there. Most likely, it will always be there. I cry periodically, especially when I see Dulce fitting into Manya's clothes or sleeping on her bed. I also cry when I see her running away from me because the resemblance with Manya just before she died is striking. I call Dulce Manya sometimes. Not intentionally. It just slips from my tongue. It makes me sad. But you know what, I am capable of loving this tiny creature and loving her strongly. It feels phenomenal to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.