Setting Boundaries. Any advice appreciated!!

[Anila]

Hello!

My 1 year old Yorkie, Ani Bear, is the love of my life.... BUT...

...I need some guidance on how to set boundaries with her.

I feel guilty if I'm not attentive to all her needs for play, cuddles and comfort, which I LOVE... but I also have to take care of myself and get some work done.

How do I handle this without breaking her heart or mine?

Here's a few more details...

I'm home every day with her.... She's never spent a day without me.... I don't have children, so she is the focus of both mine and my boyfriend's life.... My boyfriend, when not traveling for business, is also completely smitten with her.... Needless to say, she has lots of attention.

When my boyfriend travels, it's just her and I which makes me the source of 100% of her needs. I love her so much, but I'm terrible at setting boundaries so that I can get my work done and take care of myself.

Any help and guidance would be awesome!

[diva_vida]

I want to hear the answer to this also. Do you ever put her in an expen or crate while you're in the house? Or does she just follow you around? When I first got my puppy Reese I was literally driving myself crazy because I was letting him dictate my life. Everything was revolving around him, the first weekend I had him I barely even ate lol. So for my own sanity, I realized that I had to leave the house and go do something for myself. Now I'm perfectly fine with putting him in the crate/expen and going to the mall, grocery store, and just doing what I need to do around the house without him running around after me. I had to tell myself that he will be okay even when I'm gone. Most of the time he just sleeps! I make sure that he has plenty of safe toys and maybe 1 or 2 treats. I also take him to doggie day care at least once a week to let him run around with other dogs. Even though I work, when I have a day off I usually take him there just to have some time by myself to relax or get things done around the house lol. You probably will need to start out slow so you won't cause her to have separation anxiety from such a drastic change. There seems to be a lot of other people on here that are home most of the day that can probably give you great advice!

[Wylie's Mom]

Can you be more specific about where you're needing boundaries? That may help garner some feedback...

[Anila]

Originally Posted by diva_vida

I want to hear the answer to this also. Do you ever put her in an expen or crate while you're in the house? Or does she just follow you around? When I first got my puppy Reese I was literally driving myself crazy because I was letting him dictate my life. Everything was revolving around him, the first weekend I had him I barely even ate lol. So for my own sanity, I realized that I had to leave the house and go do something for myself. Now I'm perfectly fine with putting him in the crate/expen and going to the mall, grocery store, and just doing what I need to do around the house without him running around after me. I had to tell myself that he will be okay even when I'm gone. Most of the time he just sleeps! I make sure that he has plenty of safe toys and maybe 1 or 2 treats. I also take him to doggie day care at least once a week to let him run around with other dogs. Even though I work, when I have a day off I usually take him there just to have some time by myself to relax or get things done around the house lol. You probably will need to start out slow so you won't cause her to have separation anxiety from such a drastic change. There seems to be a lot of other people on here that are home most of the day that can probably give you great advice!

Diva Vida's Mom,
I'm smiling from ear to ear. I'm laughing actually because your description is me, It's so wonderful to hear I'm not alone. You hit the nail on the head... I allow her to dictate my life. With my boyfriend gone this week, and only one of us here to give her attention, it's so much more pronounced and isn't working for me. I was considering taking her to daycare one day a week from now on... not only for my sanity but for socialization.

I put her in puppy playpen where her bed is when she was a baby... but since then she's had free reign of the apartment (we live in nyc).

I've wanted to get her a crate, but not sure what kind to get. I'm not a fan of the wire crates, and she would likely break out of anything too easy to get out of.... Any ideas?

Thank you so much for your insight!!

[Anila]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Can you be more specific about where you're needing boundaries? That may help garner some feedback...

Dear Wylie's Mom, Wylie looks like the cutest little puppy in the world.

I allow my Ani Bear to run my life. She was crated as a puppy (actually put in a puppy play pen/apartment where she would sleep and spend time when I was out), but since she was about 7-8 months old, she's had free reign to follow both me and my boyfriend around. When I attempt to work, she puts her paws on my hands on the computer and essentially argues with me to play ball with her.

I also responded to another comment on my thread that may give some more details.

I suppose another question that has surfaced is "How much time should I allow her free reign and mommy time, and how much time should I make sure both she and I have a break?

Also, I need to purchase a crate, but not sure what kind to get. I'm not a fan of the wire crates? Any suggestions?

Thank you so much for your response and inquiry! Any help would be wonderful and greatly appreciated.

[Harrysmum]

Well, she's one year old - so not exactly a teensy puppy - do you ever leave her 'home alone'?!!?

Ok, in our house, Harry just 'is', he's just part of our household.

When he was a baby, things were different - house-training, feeding, checking-up-on, making sure he's not getting into mischief etc.... But after a few months, when all that was sorted, he just sort of fitted into our lives...Prior to that, we had a puppy playpen that we would pop him into if need be, to keep him out of danger

If he needs a cuddle, then he gets one - if I need to cuddle with him, then he gets loads...!!! If I need to get on with something then I do - he might come and nudge me - I'll pick him up for a couple of minutes, then continue with what I have to do....

He used to come into the bathroom with me (probably because I was worried that he'd go and chew some wires that he shouldn't...more of a concern to me than peeing! ) but now he doesn't...and hasn't since he was about 6 months old?

I just let him do what HE wants to do, be where he wants to be...just live his life, really - with us the very happy, fortunate skin-parents to have a little boy like him Sally + Harry xx

[yorkietalkjilly]

All dogs needs to be taught to endure a period of confinement, if nothing else, to help them learn how to hold their bladder and bowels but also to learn to stay safe and confined during times of a home emergency/ the dog's illness/injury/recuperation or while mommie is busy - like our children in their cribs or playpens.

Just use the same rule of thumb you do with putting your baby down for a nap or bedtime - allow him to understand that now is bed/crate time and no matter how he fusses or cries or screams, he needs to accept the situation, trust you to eventually come for him and eventually, a smart child or dog will learn over time that mommie told me it's time to stay here alone and I need to get busy doing that BECAUSE I've also learned that no matter what, I'm here for a while and besides, I don't have to endure this very long and furthermore, I'll get a nice reward when it is all over and she comes for me. Dogs live in hope of what's to come and can actually learn to delay their desire for instant gratification and control themselves during crate confinement, knowing the end will always come, thanks to mom, and then I'll have lovely rewards and fun.

With dogs, I always slowly work up to their time in the crate little by little. First, you just encourage him to walk into it, by tossing in treats or toys and praising him lavishly in a happy voice when he walks into it and of course, comes right back out after a sniff. Allow that to take place over a few days and then you close the door, stand there in front of it and make your dog wait inside the crate for a few seconds before he gets out. Then lavish praise and a couple of treats as you "Release" him and open the door. Gradually increase his time inside little by little - working slowly up to longer and longer periods if he just doesn't go lie down on his bedding on his own. No reactions to sad whines or cute growls to get him out of there immediately - you are in training mode. Stay professional.

If you slowly desensitize him to stay in his crate little by little and work up to longer and longer stays, not responding to any cries/barks/whines/scratching on the door, he'll gradually become used to being in it, knowing that he must stay in until you come for him and that once he's been in there as long as 30 minutes, besides always being praised and treated upon you allowing him out with the word "Release" as you open the door, he's immediately taken outside for a pee/poop session as a bigger reward and allowed to run off his tensions.

I make a huge show of introducing the dog to the "Happy Crate" - by talking in a high,squeaky, happy voice as I tell him "Crate up!" - like he just won the lottery - and clap and celebrate as he's put in it, smiling and making happy sounds the whole time, where I then toss in nice, luscious bits of treats and a few toys or things to keep him busy and then I stay "Stay" in an upbeat tone of voice and walk away. If he begins to whine or bark, I tell him "Relax" as I'm walking away. I leave the room for short periods of time and return clapping, smiling/happy and let him out with a "Release", much praise and a couple of treats, being sure that if he's been in there as long as 30 minutes, he is always taken outside immediately to relieve himself. The dog comes to count on this as stays in the crate and of course, once he's housebroken, he doesn't necessarily even need to go pee/poop after a short crate stay and if he chooses not to go out but wants to stay in with you(yes, dogs eventually stop ALWAYS wanting to go outside every chance they are given) and is clean in the house, don't make him. Just toss a ball or toy for him to clearly reward him further for his stay in the crate and allow him to run off any tensions - no matter how much he might have whined or cried during that last session.

It's a learning process but if you work it right, your dog will soon learn that the best thing for him is to relax in the crate, lie down and relax/sleep while you are gone or busy working and that once you do return to him and the crate, he will be released and amply rewarded and all his pleasure endorphins suddenly released when he's lavishly praised with many smiles and handclapping, allowed to go out, run, play and treated for his long-suffering(from his point of view) patience at staying in the crate while mom was busy or away. The dog comes to count on that end-game reward-celebration during his crate stay, even a longish one, having learned to trust that you will always return to him, let him out with a smile and happy voice and there will be a big party for him at that time - so he lies there and goes back to sleep, ever trusting in you to ultimately reward him pretty soon now.

And eventually, when he's older, a lovely smile and a happy "good boy" and a tickle/pat or all that he needs to let him know his crate-stay was a great thing he just did for you. You don't always have to hold a party upon his emerging from the crate - unless you want to - and if my dog's been in a crate for 30 minutes or up to two - two and a half hours very occasionally - I usually want to celebrate with him - but he won't necessarily need it like he did during the first 6 months to year of training while he's still learning about controlling his behavior for the big reward session to come.

[gemy]

You can get a hard sided crate - made of plastic. Vari crate is one model here in Canada that we have.


I personally like the wire crates because there is all around see out for the dog.


My car crate for my Yorkie is the smallest size, safety factor here and is a hard sided crate.


I crate my dogs when I clean, or am out to work.


I think that I would build up to about 3 hrs per day, take it slow like YorkieTalkJilly instructs.


Have a routine for yourself and the pups. Go to the gym, out to the hairdresser etc, or just for a jog yourself. Try to set a schedule and stick to it.


Have friends in for lunch and have your pup in the crate for at least part of the visit.

[Lovetodream88]

If she is potty trained and your house is doggy safe I would let her have full run of the house. If not you can use baby gates and an exercise pen or even a baby play pen during the day. Maybe you should try tiring her out a bit before you start working like go for a nice walk, play fetch or something to burn some energy and then put her in your work room with you and a comfy bed and a few toys. You also might want to look into a kong that should keep he busy for a little while. Then maybe in the middle of your work day take a break and go for another walk or another thing that burns some energy. While I think all dogs need to learn how to entertain themselves some what mine in her 7 years has never been left alone but she also will sit and play with a toy or chew by herself or at my feet while I am doing something. Working there minds can tire them out to like do a dog puzzle or work on training things like sit and lay and then other tricks.

[Maximo]

I do not believe it is necessary to crate or confine a dog when you need to do your thing, like work or take care of your needs -- unless it is a safety issue for your dog.

I trained my 2 Yorkies by establishing a daily routine. They are with me almost 24 hours a day, and they know when to expect meals, outings, and so on. They also know when I need to work or do my things.

We have brief play sessions or together time during the day, but then I say, "Time to work." Although I have 2, they do not self-entertain.

I take them to a park to walk after dinner and that usually tires them out for the rest of the evening. They also come along with me on car errands during the day because they love car rides. The rest of the time, they usually chill in their beds or watch things out the windows.

Having a daily routine helps establish expectations and has a calming effect.

[pstinard]

I crate Bella at night when I go to bed, and I crate her when I am out of the house (for 3 to 4 hours max). I use a hard plastic pet carrier that is big enough for her to stand and turn around in, and put two soft baby blankets in the bottom for her comfort. She likes her crate, and will run inside when I say "crate!" At night, we put on the crate on the night stand so she can see us in the night if she wants to. If she needs to potty, she will wake us up in the night, but she can usually hold it for 7 hours (Bella is two years old now). This is the one we use:

NATURE'S MIRACLE Advanced Double Door Pet Suite Pet Carrier | Carriers | PetSmart

We use the 23" long X 15.25" wide X 13" high for Bella, who weighs 7 pounds.

[yorkietalkjilly]

Originally Posted by Maximo

I do not believe it is necessary to crate or confine a dog when you need to do your thing, like work or take care of your needs -- unless it is a safety issue for your dog.

I trained my 2 Yorkies by establishing a daily routine. They are with me almost 24 hours a day, and they know when to expect meals, outings, and so on. They also know when I need to work or do my things.

We have brief play sessions or together time during the day, but then I say, "Time to work." Although I have 2, they do not self-entertain.

I take them to a park to walk after dinner and that usually tires them out for the rest of the evening. They also come along with me on car errands during the day because they love car rides. The rest of the time, they usually chill in their beds or watch things out the windows.

Having a daily routine helps establish expectations and has a calming effect.

I couldn't agree with you more that dogs should live out and about at all times with us and participating in our lives and shouldn't be crated except for safety. But safety is paramount with our tiny Yorkies, many of whom are door-darters and they all need to be able to stand being crated for the times, especially if one lives alone, when strangers are in and out the doors working about the home or need to be safe in their happy little den at times in their lives when life's events are unusual, the routine suddenly changes or there is an emergency, they are recuperating or rest-confined and most dogs learn to really take advantage of their den time by zoning out and sleeping.

When workmen are in and out of the house, Tibbe is usually crated for safety or on his leash in my lap, though if I'm very involved myself in the project and men or going in and out of the doors, he's crated in his airline carrier or shut in one of the bedrooms. Still, one never knows when a worker may open a bedroom door and out he could dart.

When the power was out at home for 3 days during an ice storm a few years back, we stayed at my sister's house and Tibbe often took to his airline crate when her larger terrier got too rambunctious or he just needed to feel secure, a little bit of home. At night I feared Tavi, her 20 lb. terrier, might come into the bedroom and bother Tibbe; or, not being used to being in Tavi's territory, he might try to pee in her house as some sort of marking behavior or get into something unsafe there so he slept in the bed with me in his carrier most nights.

Crating in a regular-sized, wire crate is invaluable during housebreaking training as it trains the dog to hold himself while in his den/crate. Tibbe hasn't been in his wire crate for years now and it's been stored away but he's been well trained to accept staying in any crate quietly any time he's asked. At home, that is - at the vets' - I often hear him barking for attention the moment I walk into the door - lol. Poor vets.

Any time I tell him to "crate-up" and go into his little airline carrier that sits at one end of the couch, tucked in the corner between the back and side den walls at the end of the couch, and he happily runs into it and lies himself down, allowing me to close and lock the door and walk out of the room or briefly leave the house if I want, accepting that it's his crate time, that I'll return soon and release him and that he'll be amply rewarded once I do. Of course, I never leave him in that tiny airline carrier but for brief training periods or sometimes when workmen are in and out the doors while working on the plumbing, furnace, etc.

When I leave the house for a while, he's free to live out and about in his home. He's totally clean in the house when I'm away and never chews on electric wires, drapery hems or eats furniture. Usually, he goes into his little den/crate on his own almost every day and sometimes several times a day, especially if he's feeling independent or unhappy with me, where he then naps. He even sleeps part of the night there if we fall asleep in the den or he's bedded himself down while I'm still watching TV, cleaning the kitchen or move him off my lap after a while. This sometimes seemingly can offend him and he makes straight for his little crate, apparently to sulk for a time. I think he sees it as his own little space that is all his own and feels quite comfortable in it.

[SirTeddykins]

I think it's a case of changing your own mindset. Because these dogs are little, people (including me) tend to treat them as little babies instead of canines. They are taught boundaries when they request your time and you decline it by averting your eyes following a NO or a command which means you're not interested.


For example, Teddy always wants to be on my lap. I love it when I'm watching TV but I need to get research done, etc. I can't have him typing for me So, when he asks to come up by putting his paws on the couch, I say to him, "Go lay down." He knows this means that he's not coming up and I'm not engaging with him. He then entertains himself with a toy or goes to his bed or whatever.


When he brings a toy to me, I ignore him. If I engage him every time he does this, of course he'll think that he can demand my time. Like you, I have a life of my own and I think its just changing your mindset to be okay with your little one entertaining themselves and living AMONGST you but not on top of you every minute.


Hope that helps? It was a hard lesson for me to learn but we're 15 months in now and my dog is spoiled and happy and independent which is great. He's just like mom..ha