Not feeling the "bond"
 

I don't know if I'm crazy but with my first pup I felt immediately attached to. But the second pup I got a few months ago, I'm not feeling the same way. They're different and I should expect that I should feel differently, but I almost want different dog. I don't even think I'd Miss him too much if I gave him away!
Doesn't that sound a bit cold? But for some reason, my heart's not going there.
Have any of you felt the same way?

You know what that's perfectly normal especially after the loss of a dog. My Troy died May 2013, somewhat rapidly after being diagnosed with a neurological disorder. He was only 3.5, almost 4. It was hard.

I went a while without a dog, then baby sat my cousins boxer puppy for a while. I loved him but he was big and wild. Then I got notice that I was approved for a yorkie breeder in March2014. I had been on that waiting list for a year and forgot I was on the list.

So in May I brought home Emma. I loved Emma but wasn't sure she and I would connect like Troy and I did. He was so different personality wise. I did think Emma should have been more "Troy like" but even with human kids we know we can't necessarily compare.

Emma has become my dog compared to my daughters. She's sweet and has her own personality which I'm happy with. When I looked for a new yorkie, I wanted a healthy, happy dog and that's what I got. We will all have that special animal that has that spot in our hearts that will be hard to move but that's the importance of memories. We will always have them.

With your new puppy, it will come in time. You will build a relationship that's special for the two of you. Unique in kind but nonetheless significant than the other. Hang in there. It helped for me.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I totally understand the why you'd feel that way.
But I haven't lost a dog - I just got a second puppy. So I have two dogs now.
I want to get a different dog!

Oh you might have bit off more than you can chew. LOL
Do you want to stay with two dogs or you think your new puppy just doesn't fit your lifestyle and household? It's nothing wrong with knowing that and returning back to the breeder/finding a new home. Better you know now that later when you've made some attachments and the dog may be harder to rehome as it gets older.

Did you go through a breeder and go through an interview/approval process with the breeder? If you did, contact the breeder and tell her of your problem. She should be able to give you some guidance in this area.....I am concerned you may "talk yourself" into getting rid of this second baby....try to think on a more positive aspect, rather than not wanting this particular baby and wanting another dog instead. I can not honestly say I have ever had an owner that did not "bond" immediately with their baby....it may be because the majority of my owners have been on a waiting list for a year or more may have a more positive effect with anticipation, excitement, etc....it could be any "vibes" I may pick up on with a prospective owner are addressed before they ever get the puppy....I dont know. Give this baby a chance to work its magic on your heart....concentrate on the emotional connection you made with the baby when you initially picked it out, and work on that aspect. What drew you to that particular baby initially....you were attracted to something about that baby or you would not have selected it! Give it a chance......I hope you can work through this......that baby deserves your unconditional devotion!

I am definitely more impatient with the second puppy when it comes to pad training. I think having dealt with it with first pup, I'm a bit tired of cleaning up the mess.
I do want two dogs. I would have more if I could! He's almost there with the pad training.
But do breeders take them back for another pup? I think if I do get another dog, I'll look for an older one.
I'm sure owners have different affinities Toward their dogs. Some are just more special to them than others....

There's nothing wrong with you or how you're feeling~~for whatever reasons, you two may not be a match and if that's the case, it's only fair to your new puppy that you find her the right home as soon as possible. However, maybe you just need to take a breath, observe, and enjoy what your new pup brings...And perhaps you'll feel the connection. I do believe that it is critically important you think of your new puppy first and foremost and do what is right for her, because she deserves to be everything to someone who will feel the bond and the love. You'll make the right decision as long as you put what's best for her first!

"You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother."

My Yorkie boys are very different, but I love that about them. Can't imagine one without the other.

Look beyond the frustration of potty training and focus on positive things. He is probably sensing your frustration and apathy and that can cause behavioral problems and distance between the two of you.

What is your second dog's name? Are both your dogs boys?

I'm sorry you and this pup are not bonding. Could he be bonded to your other dog? And just sees you as someone who lives there.
My daughter has 2 cavs. And they are bonded. The male is very affectionate to my daughter but not her husband and the female is affectionate when she wants to be but mostly not and rarely with my daughter.
I feel bad for the pup if he is not attached to anyone. Maybe he just wasn't the right fit for you. I am having trouble saying this. ? Maybe he needs someone else. I just don't know.

I would say it can happen that you don't "connect' immediately with a pet. I brought home a kitten many years ago, when I was 19-21, that needed a home because northern New England winters are harsh for animals surving in barns in warmer months. The lady who told me about the kitten loved its double paws...turned out, I didn't, but it wasn't because of his paws. It was because I grew up with lap sitting, shoulder riding cats, super personable and rub-a-dub-dub ankle rubbing, super loving cats...heck, I was raised by a cat we had for 16 years until the exterminator sprayed her with poison...and this kitten turned out to be an outdoorsy hunter, not an indoorsy snuggler and we didn't connect in the same way I wanted and thought we would. He also wasn't well socialized and would attack hands after only a few seconds on petting. But that cat would leave a second floor balcony to go hunt, then run at the side of the house, right up the wall to the second story, and leap and twist and turn, flying through the balcony fence rails, onto the balcony to be let back in, then yell until I opened the glass slider for him. I have never seen anything like it...LOL. He answered only to the can opener. Then one day, he curled up one shoulder while my baby boy slept on his daddy's other shpulder ... So sweet..I still have the photo. That cat was phenomenal with my infant son, slept with him to protect him, just like when I was growing up...but he was never a lover kitty although he possessed great love.

I thought I disliked double paws until a feral mom delivered a double pawed kitten many, many feral moms later. This kitten was my baby...his choice...was a lover, lived in my lap or on my chest, ran through the house calling 'mum-mawh, mum-mawh' if I got out of his sight, loved paper balls to play with beside my chair while I worked, loved to watch paper go into the printer, then come out the top, etc. I lost him at 13 months old tragically and I was inconsolable!!! My hubby tried to cheer me up with another tiny kitten, which we fostered and he stayed with us forever, despite having three siblings of my double pawed kitty already. Their mommy let herself out of the kennel at the vet's office between her spay and her vaccinations and was never seen again. Of course, it didn't work to console me. The 'replacement kitty' just required me to work at a new relationship for which I was not ready or seeking.

My point is, if you don't connect now, you may in the future, even if it is acceptance of the new pet for its own special attributes...not because it is the picture of our prior expectations.

I cannot tell you how to handle the situation...only relate my own experiences. I am sure you will figure out what to do...hugs.

Is there something wrong with the new pup from your perspective? Does it seem to be happy and devoted to you? Give it some time. They do pick up on any moods so, I'd be careful with the pups emotions.... that might sound corny... but they are very perceptive.

Just a thought, work this out for yourself maybe, pick out the positive characteristics of your new pup that make him unique, admire those characteristics, praise him for those characteristics out loud, spend a little extra time with just that pup in your lap while watching a movie or something.... put a little extra effort in to developing a relationship with your new guy.... you both deserve to be be happy. If this pup is of good character and demeanor and you do decide to "trade" him in... please don't get another dog. I believe, it just doesn't work that way. Obviously, they are not a pair of shoes or an article of clothing or a car.. There's something about moving them from one home to another that is or could be very detrimental to their little psychies for the rest of their life. I wish you and your new guy all the best!

After a few months the bonding should be there. I'd be concerned that if it's not there by now, it's not going to be.

I'm surprised we don't read about this more often on YT. We meet hundreds to thousands of people in our lives, but only a few we 'click' with and become friends. I'd assume it would be the same with animals.

Excellent point; I totally agree!

I might be different from some but I usually bond instantly with my animals especially a baby. If you feel no real bond/love for this pup then I say go back to the breeder and or rehome this pup so he can feel the love he needs and deserves. You are being honest by admitting the lack of bond with this pup and it happens but just make sure your heart is really in it before you get another one. Make note of why you are not bonding and avoid those puppy features in the future. Do the right thing by this pup if you do not bond soon. Is someone else in your household bonding with him?

My puppy Reese is my first dog ever! I never had any dogs while growing up. So when I first got him almost 2 months ago, I literally almost returned him to the breeder (didn't do that because I wanted my money back and she would only give it to me if she was able to sell him) and almost sold him to someone through my job. People would ask me if I loved him and I couldn't answer. I was just so so so tired of watching him 24/7 and cleaning up his mess and regretted what I got myself into. I guess it was buyers remorse? Now after 2 months and getting into a flow and schedule, I can truly say that I love everything about him even when he gets on my last nerve! I really think it just took both of us time to get to know each other. Hopefully everything works out!

Way too many people do not know what they are getting into when they get a pup and that is a big reason why there are so many homeless and shelter dogs (cats too). I'm glad you gave your baby a chance as there are so many that do not!

I dont know if your younger or older. But when my kids was home i had a momma pailon who i loved. Butshe had two puppies one died and the lady didnt want to care for the baby . Momma had to be spayed and just wouldnt nurse the baby. So i did. She was really small maybe 4 lbs. so bevcause she was the baby i attatched to her not the mom as much.but i felt i coud not love two dogs i favored one. The puppy. Had the mom 12 years because of the two years i gave hertomy sisterinlaw, she. Left her outside. Which we neverdid. No misquito treatment. I gother back loved onher babied her till she died. Then baby died 13 years. So after that i became a one dog person a doxie 17 years. Got a papilon an recently got a yorky and guess its my age i have noproblem with two. Maybe your in that phase now. Can children or hubby pick up and make him their fav?

I also thank you for being so up front and those responding being kind and not judgmental. Its so easy to get wooed by babies. They draw us in but they get bigger and more to handle, i hear of people taking them to the pound. Which i would rehome instead. Or give the pup to someone free. Ijust can't understand how they could get rid of such sweet babies, now this could be one reason, no pets allowed then to ill to care for them and no one to take them.it broke my heart my bro. Went to the pound. A senior lady was crying holding her yorky. The pound lady asked if she was ready. Broke my heart. I find because im a senior i look at my babies as my kids. I have got so frustrated with my papilon. She is testy and a barker and can be nipy if she dont want to do something. BUT i cannot get rid of her no more than i can an un ruly child. But thats me now. If it isnt working and no way can you handle it. Then find a loving home for him. Nothing wrong withthat.

Allright no judgement here, and so glad you are honestly sharing your feelings.


First of all, don't expect to *feel differently*, I know that you do and I believe you, and it is what it is; but the question you ask yourself is why do I feel differently? Your answer is what-ever it is.


Now I will share, that I bond differently with each dog. And when you have multiple dogs, the second dog owned, has to hoe a different road. A different road to your heart. And you have to give a different way in.


He/she will always be different to the first who captured your heart. And bonding doesn't happen (usually) overnight, especially with a second dog. You see, you consciously or un-consciously have the expectations for your second dog to live up to your first dog.


I think you should give yourself and your new puppy a true chance. Have you worked on your relationship with your second dog? Took him in your car, walked him separately, played with him separately, set him on your lap, looked deep into his eyes, watched him move and play, and tried to understand what makes his little heart tick? Have you massaged him all over? Tickled him pink, played with his feet, and snuggled him close to you? Have you treated him as you did your first dog???


To bond with a second dog, is quite frankly different to the first. You have all this *other stuff* going on. Introducing new pup to current dog, making sure they interact safely with each other. You now have multiple responsibilities that are just now penetrating your consciousness. Vet visits, exercise, playtime, vacation, etc etc.


After all above is said and done; if you gave it your best shot, then act soon to return to your breeder.

I don't think you said much about the personality of the pup and how he reacts to you, like people and like kids not all pups are the same. Does he show you the same type of love and attention the first pup did or perhaps he is more attached to your other dog or person in the house

I never felt that bonded or connected with my last yorkie, and it was pretty much like that from when I got him at 4 months old and I felt it was a result of his personality. He never acted like he cared that much about me, and after having three other yorkies that acted like I hung the moon I could feel and see the difference and it was a big disappointment. He would never sit in my lap, or even near me on the couch, he would run when I tried to pick him up, if I cradled him in my arms he would turn away from me, it was like I had this dog that I took good care of that was constantly giving me the cold shoulder. I really felt like he did not like me and that he was never happy. I knew early on something was not right but since I bought him from a show breeder and cut his bangs and gave him a trim shortly after I got him home I knew I would have a hard time getting my money back so I hung in with him, but believe me I thought a lot about bringing him back. He also turned out to be high maintenance , he was not easy to train and extremely aggressive with other dogs, and in spite of having access to his potty pad 24/7 he still wet in various places in the house. He peed a lot 8 times or more a day, I felt like I spent half my life on my hands and knees cleaning the area around the litter box his pads were kept in, he was hard to groom his 4 lbs turned in to 40 lbs and heaven forbid he got some burrs or something in his hair, 2 neighbors would have to come over to help me hold him down, forget about brushing his teeth, simply impossible. I have no problem with taking care of a pup but it made it harder that he never showed affection towards me, I felt like he spent his whole life mad at me, it really was very sad. After he passed I said no more dogs I went a year until I realized I missed having a pup, but boy was I worried that I would get another one that had the same quirks, luckily I am very happy with Lola and both of us share a strong and happy bond and I think she hung the moon. Good luck because I know how conflicted you must feel

to this day you would not believe how many friends and neighbors have and still say to me, how lucky I am with Lola that I deserved a good dog, isn't that odd, I never realized how other people did not like Kirby (my last yorkie) I honestly feel embarrassed that I had a dog that I swear never liked me, I know many will think< well they can sense it, but he was distant from the beginning, I still wonder to this day what would make me not like him when I loved with all my heart all my others dogs. And I think most know how crazy I am about Lola.

I have this relationship with our senior weenie. Don't get me wrong I love her and I take care of her just like I do every other pet in our house....but I don't have a bond with her like I do with Winnie. She does get that from my husband though! We adopted her from a friend because my husband felt sorry for her!

I do have to ask is this because you now not sure about the breeder that you bought him from and the problems you have had with him since you got him from the Breeder?

I just ask because of what you posted about him. Your posts are the last two at the end of this page.



http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/gen...yorkies-5.html


I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Maybe you're feeling the way you're feeling because of all the problems he's had since you got him and your fear that more will go wrong.

You expected a happy puppy experience and got a puppy that's too young, has ear mites and kennel cough, and he gave your other dog ear mites.

I'd give him a little more time, let him get healthy, then see how it goes. If your contract allows it I'd rehome him myself rather than sending him back to that dirty place.

Could it from being tired? When I first got Callie I was 19 an although having grown up with dogs did not realize how much work they really were when you are doing it all on your own. I reached a breaking point where I cried and cried and moved Callie crate into the living room and told my mom I couldn't do it. After calming down I moved the crate back and changed my mind. If your tired is there someone who could puppy sit every once and a while? If he came from a bad breed I would not send him back.

Are you just scared this puppy is going to have genetic issues?

Thank you everyone. I agree with a lot of you and thank you for sharing your experiences- it puts me more at ease about how I feel.
Luca is healthy now and I havent had any other problems with him. I love having another dog. Maddie and he play together all the time. They are 4 months apart. He's almost there with the wee wee pad and that is definitely not the reason I'm not feeling as close to him.
I'm a stay at home mom and dreamed all my life of getting dogs (my family growing up didn't like animals). I'm unbelievably excited to have them now - not just one, but TWO!
But as someone mentioned here, I think it is his personality. He's affectionate, but other than the licking he doesn't have much of a personality. My husband feels the same way and jokes he was inbred b/c we got him from a questionable breeder.
The reason I love yorkies is their soulful eyes, their people-like personality, I fell in love with the breed instantly.
But I guess Luca is a bit of a disappointment. I feel I'm treating the puppies more or less the same way. I even think I give Luca more attention since he's younger.
Don't get me wrong - He's adorable - but I guess I'm just a bit disappointed. After so much waiting to finally get dogs, I have one that I'm not that crazy about. Hence the disappointment.
Thanks again sweet ladies/guys!

I am so sorry. It sounds like you and your DH suspect something is wrong with Luca. Have you discussed this with your vet? I'm hoping he's just the quite/shy type which I'm sure a lot of people would love to have. I so wish I lived closer to you so I could see him in person. Maybe other Yorkie owners who have babies with the same personality you described will chime in and shed some light. If you are truly unhappy with him please consider rehoming him while he's young. It will make it much easier on him. I'm wondering if there are test you can have done to see if he is in fact inbred? I wish I could help more!

:thumbup:

I know when I bought Dutch home (my second adopted yorkie), I didn't feel close to her at first. I thought it was too soon after Brandi had passed and I couldn't stop making the comparisons to her. But over time the bond between us has gotten so close that now I can't imagine life without her.

One of the things I stopped doing was comparing their personalities. When I stopped doing that I saw Dutch completely differently. I absolutely fell in love with her quirks and instead of trying to change Dutch so that I would bond with her I changed so that she could learn to bond with me. I made special time to play with her with no interruptions (at first I didn't even answer the phone). I get on the floor every night and wrestle, play tag and hide and seek with her every day. She has such a high energy level, it was kind of hard to calm her down to cuddle. Then I got to thinking why should I try to change her youthful exuberance? Instead I encourage it and channel it into positive energy for her (so she doesn't destroy the entire house) I accepted her quirks and let her be who she is.

As a result a very standoffish kind of pup now is beginning to seek me out for cuddles. I just sort of let it happen without forcing it or being disappointed because she isn't what I want her to be. If you do decide to keep her, try to make alone time for just the two of you on a regular basis if it's possible. Play her favorite games and let her learn bond to you instead of concentrating on you bonding with her