Help!! Trying to convince husband
 

Need help convincing my husband to let me adopt a female yorkie.
Posted Today at 08:52 AM by Monieh30
Hello everyone,

I'm new to the community and I love reading everyone's post. I often find myself tearing up as I read and view your yorkies cute pics.

I have been married for 18 years and we have a 15 year old son. I have been asking for a puppy for years (before my son was born) and he always says no, or I don't want to discuss this and leaves the room. I find myself alone more and more as they are doing the guy thing. They are usually at the gym, fishing, bowling, at the movies and playing and watching basketball or football, etc. Our conversations seems a little weird at times. Somethimes when I comment on something, they look at each other and burst out laughing.

Please note during my childhood we have always had some type of pet. We had fish, frogs, hampsters, rabbits, chickens and dogs. All of them were not at the same time of course. I often visit pet stores , read pet books and magazines. Hoping one day the answer would be yes.

Thanks for your advise
Thanks,
Monieh30

Sometimes it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permisson :0)

Amen sister! Besides once they see such a cute face and personality, it's too hard to say no!:p

I have to agree...unless your dh would be abusive to you or your new puppy....I would go ahead with plans on finding a breeder for my pup!

I agree but we dont know the situation and if this Husband is so controlling he would not forgive and make her turn around and rehome the dog.

It's not very nice of them to gang up on you like that:( Not including you in any activities and then basically making fun of you is pretty crappy, I'm sorry:unlove: Anyway, I'd love to see you get a Yorkie but would be afraid that your husband would demand that you get rid of it, so it would be best to have his blessing first. Is he soft-hearted at all, such as with children or friend's animals? If so, you might get away with the "ask forgiveness" thing, but if not, it could be awful for you and the dog if he wants it out of "his" house.

Good luck with this, I really hope that you can get a baby to love! I don't know what I'd do without my little girls, they are my constant companions:love:

Oh dear, this doesn't sound like a happy situation for you. I don't know of course the dynamics of your relationship. but I would suggest to really talk with your husband, try to find out just exactly what are his objections. If he says " I don't want to talk about it now", say Okay, let's set some time aside tomorrow to talk about this. This is important to me. Don't accept Nope I never want to talk about it.
You could say to him; Having a dog is very important to me. And I need to understand your objection(s). We are all adults here. You have your interests and passions; I want to pursue mine. Please help me to understand your concerns.

Wow that's hard, I guess you have to know your husband. My husband didn't want me to get another dog because he was so crushed when our last two cats died. I waited a while because I didn't think he was ready to get attached again. I explained how it was really important to me, but I felt like I needed his support because sometimes I would need his help. He agreed we could go look, but he didn't really want to get involved. Well, that lasted about two seconds and he feel in love with Joey immediately.

On the other hand, we have had men who write into YorkieTalk and want to know how to discipline their Yorkies, they think the Yorkies is just like any other dog, just small. This just isn't true, Yorkies are really different and you need to learn how to train them, but mostly you need patience. If a pee spot on the floor will drive your hubby nuts I suggest you get a different breed. I do think you might need to learn how to communicate with your husband and son better. Do you ever tell them that what they are doing hurts your feelings? The plus side is it’s so wonderful that your son and father have bonded so well; this is so important to your son’s well being, but your husband needs to learn that you have needs too. A Yorkie is perfect for the time in life when your children don't need the nurturing, but you still need to nurture.

I JUST went through this with my BF.

He is a cat's man. Plain and simple. He hates dogs (they smell, bark, yip, bite, jump, cry, smell, bark, smell... his words!) and was pushed down by one when he was 4 years old. He was even afraid of my mom's chihuahua who is not a barker or yipper or biter, lol.

He eventually became "tolerant" of my folks' dogs but every time I mentioned I wanted one, he freaked out.

But then I had it. I HAD to have one. "It's me or the dog," was his response. So after he threw a little tantrum "I thought you knew me" (lol) and waited for him to calm down a bit, I, very calmly, explained that there is something about a dog's companionship that I cannot get from him, from my friends, or from our cat (who does, incidentally, think he is a dog). Dogs only smell if they are not kept. I referred him back to our cat who was awful when we adopted him.

Dogs typically only bite, bark, jump if they are not trained and are allowed to continue to do this. He calmed down and once he realized just how much a dog meant to me, he agreed to go look at them. And, low and behold, once we were there just to look, he said "I like him. If you want him, you can get him."

That was 12 days ago (15 including the convincing). He went from fearing dogs to kissing Zeus on his face, letting him jump on him and taking him out for walks/runs.

That was my story. It really just depends on your guy.

Maybe if you explain to him that you are lonely and making girlfriends takes a lot of time, and having a puppy can progress that faster (small dog play dates at your local dog park is great! Or even a Yorkie Club in your area :) ). And then you'll always have someone at home with you when they are out doing the guy thing.

Making it about "you" instead of "him" might help.

Good luck to you!

I think you really need to find out the reasoning behind him saying no. Does he hate animals? Is it because he doesn’t want the responsibility of owning a pet? Is he just being difficult, and doesn’t realize how much you really want this?

If it’s because he absolutely hates animals and there is no hope of him falling in love with it, it would be a bad idea to bring one into the home where it may be mistreated. Especially a Yorkie, because as mentioned by another poster, they are difficult to potty train and can be very frustrating for someone who didn’t want it to begin with.

My fiancé said no when I first asked about getting one, but I could tell he didn’t mean it. I just kept mentioning it and it only took a couple weeks until he sent me a text with a pic of a puppy that said “okay!” Now he is more in love with Jaxon than I am (if that’s even possible)

I guess you need to be able to read your spouse and if it’s something that he is truly dead set against, there may not be much you can do. Aside from picking out the puppy and dumping the hubby!!:tongue004

I grew up with dogs as pets and before Vivi, was owned by two loving and large golden retrievers. My significant other, did not grow up with dogs and although he tolerated my retrievers, he was not as anxious as I was to replace them after they died of old age. After bringing house rabbits, a hedgehog, a hamster, and a guinea pig into my studio as pets, I finally decided that what I really really wanted was a dog. I love all of my animals but a dog is in a whole different category. They are like people to me. I decided to get a yorkie...in my logic, if my SO didn't mind bunnies, how could he resist a small dog. I went out and found Vivi and brought her home and at first, he was angry with me. It didn't take long for this tiny puppy to win him over as I knew she would. Sadly, Vivi was ill her entire life with liver shunt and I saw such a loving and kind side to my partner. He put his plans for us to travel aside many times because I couldn't leave her in the care of anyone. He was also supportive of my finding a new puppy after Vivi passed away as he knew by then what an important part dogs play in my life.

It all comes down to knowing your husband and what he is capable of. If he has a soft spot for animals, then it might work, but if not, it could be heartbreaking for you and the puppy. Only you can answer that question.

I think it has to do with your character more than your man decision. If you can stand up to him just go get a puppy. Your a grown women that should be able to make your own decisions. You've giving your man a son now let him give you a puppy.

My hubby loves our Maggie, but he does sometimes get irritated when we have to plan our schedule around her potty. She potties only outside and I won't have a doggie door because I would not want her in and out unattended. We have to get someone to let her out when us or our kids aren't home, and they are 18 and 21, so not around all that much anymore.

You need to think about whether that will a problem, for long days and/or overnights. If not, then go for it. Make sure you look at it from his side. Potty is the only reason I'd say a cat is better than a dog.

When we got Maggie, my brother's cat was on his last legs and I figured they'd be able to watch her from time to time. A few weeks before the cat died they found a kitten outside! That would probably have been ok.....but then they adopted a second one and found yet another one! Haven't tried Maggie around them, they are bigger than she is. So much for her staying there. I can have them come let her out, but haven't figured out how to go away overnight when the kids aren't around. She would get so lonely alone all day.

From the little bit that you wrote, it sounds like there's more going on here than just denying you a pup...but I could be very wrong. It seems your son is being taught the disrespect your DH gives you. That said, I would press him for a valid reason he's not "allowing" you a dog. Your son is 15, you've paid your dues - what the heck? Sorry, but in my house, everyone makes sure mom is happy and respected, and it comes down from my DH. I am far from spoiled, and have worked full time my whole life, including while I raised my kids. I work my tail off for my family and they appreciate me for it...and yes, my DH needed a little prodding before I got Rocco, but after working out the details, he was in agreement. Good luck to you. Let us know what you decide.

:thumbup::thumbup:

definitely true! My mom wanted one, her boyfriend said no.... so after a while of asking, I bought Harley and we all ended up loving him to pieces! My moms boyfriend even loves him, harley sleeps on him.. :)

I understand that you are trying to be an obedient,kind and loving wife. However there is another side to that coin,,,being a gentle,kind and loving husband,putting the needs of your chosen mate above yourself.
A bit more than 10yrs ago I wanted a dog,husband didnt want another dog in the house. We had and still have a large dog. I told him that my heart had a need to love something that was entirely mine. Someone that was MY lil friend and that I wanted a dog. I also explained as nicely as I could that I wasnt asking his permission,that I had a need that was not being filled,that it had nothing to do with him. There is a part of your heart that belongs to your dog that noone else can understand. I wasnt asking for him to understand how I felt,I was asking for him to honor my wishes as I have always tried to honor his. He asked that I look at the pound and I did. I did not find my new friend there. I continued my search and found a tiny,male poodle. His name was "Kings Spunkey Bunkey" and he passed away last march at the age of 9. That is how I ended up here on YT and found Mina. I still miss Bunkey and can even tell Mina about him,because I can say anything to her. My husband realizing how much Bunkey ment to me and insisted that I get a new friend and he is as in love with Mina as I am.

I pray that your husbands heart will soften towards your need and that if you do get that special little friend that both of the men in your life will see the joy that it brings.

Get rid of the controlling husband. He's selfish. I have a friend like this also the only difference is he won't let her have a dog or cat, but she has hampsters, lizzards and other creatures. He used to go off on cruises with his son for months at a time and she would be alone with her critters. Then his son got married and he stays home and complains about her critters. She finally told him if he didn't like her pets to get out so far he's still there complaining

I just have to add. A husband is not a husband if he doesn't support you in every way.

Well it looks like your husband is really teaching your son to disrespect you.... Laughing at you??? WTF That's not nice at all.

I say lose the husband and get the dog. I can't believe you need permission!!!

I'm sorry, but I had overlooked that in my initial reading of your post, OP.

I agree with a previous poster that there is something else going on. I don't agree with how some of the posters have been talking to you, but I do agree that there seems to be a complete lack of respect for your.

Does he frequently laugh at what you say? Do you feel inferior at all or in any way (to either your husband or your son)?

Based on just a couple of things you have said, it might be wise not to get a dog at this point. Of course, *no one* here knows how your relationship is, but it doesn't look entirely positive based on the things you have mentioned.

I hope we're wrong, and that your husband is actually supportive in other things (perhaps he is afraid of dogs like my BF and doesn't like to mention it/let it be known?)

For me a marriage is founded on trust, respect,, and love. Even though my husband loved dogs, and we have a big dog, with another big dog on the way, I wanted a Yorkie. A small dog. I would never have thought not to talk with him about getting this little one.

I did how-ever surprise him at the dinner table, when our trainer/breeder and some friends were over for dinner, saying I want a Yorkie, one from Ilona. There were a couple of reasons for this; a) he respected Ilona as the trainer for Magic b) he could ask questions of Ilona about the breed c) Ilona could see how he was feeling about "ankle biters". We then also had a discussion the next day. He said to me; Honey I can see your heart is made up. Are you sure you want another dog; never mind a show dog? I said yes. My sis wants a small dog; and I want to do agility. Ilona said she has no concerns about Magic and a small dog. And you know Ilona's Yorkies, has any of them been ankle biters? He said no; I just don't like small dogs; but if you want to, which I know you do, then sure go ahead. To put this in context, he was not only agreeing to a "small" dog but the showing and training expense of a show dog, which is not cheap as he knows.

He took about ooh let's say 48 hrs to be totally smitten by Razzle, and has said to me, God I never thought I'd be a small dog lover, but Razzle oh he's changed my perceptions.

So in my roundabout way, I am saying it is always best to discuss getting an animal with your husband. If he is adamantly opposed, well then depending upon your needs and beliefs, you either shelve the idea or go your own way, and once settled in your own house/life, get your dog.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: I agree! Great post!

Discussing with my husband is not asking for permission. It's about respect and I would expect him to do the same. Of course I want him to immediately agree with me but if he doesn't, I'd just have to work on him a bit! :D

:yeahthat: Definitely this.

Communication is the number one problem in marriages, and the number one resolver in them.

I have been reading this thread and kept telling myself "stay out of it", but here I am. I am what my husband called "a very epowered female" - he liked that about me so no problem. I don't hear that in your narrative.

Perhap you if you really want a dog tell your husband you want/need to discuss your plans with him, and it he give you that "i don't want to discuss this" you may want to tell him that if he walks away you might consider his lack of willingness to discuss this with you as his way of giving you permission to proceed with your plan (that he has not thus far listened to).

Now I can see that this might get ugly and if it does you have to make your decision from there. But it is never correct to allow your husband and/or on disrespect you -- and if tht is happening you need to understand you ARE allowing it. If that is OK with you, them I'm sure we will all be OK with it and you too. Just hate to see you without your own little furbutt to love!

PS Yorkies are difficult to potty train, so don't kid yourself in that area, it can be frustrating and perhaps more difficult with no support.

What ever you decide will be right for you and your family ;) Your sound like a loving and caring person!

My dear, why do you need permission? Are you not an adult with a sound mind? Even if you don't work outside the home you are an equal partner in a marriage. Get yourself a dog to keep you company. It sounds like you need some. That is if you have the time to spend with the dog and the patience to train it.

I do not know the situation in your house but, my husband wasn't too keen on getting a dog either...it took myself and friends, that are dog lovers too, to convince him...He worked all kinds of hours and I was alone alot of the time (second marriage..I have grown children he hasn't any)well he fell in total love with Sadie! then we got Lillie who is an absolute baby and LOVES her pop! and NOW we have Bentley...His reasoning behind not wanting animals is that it hurts to much when that dreadful day comes...but, I told him...they give us so much happiness while they are here...My husband LOVES our furbutts...He isn't a small man...BIG biker guy...It's hilarious when we take them for walks...people just stare at him..LOL...
I would ask your husband the reason why he is so set on not having a dog...He may fall in love with him/her and he may not....If you make the decision to go ahead and get one without him knowing it could turn into a bad situation....I would sit and talk with him...I wouldn't get one behind his back. JMO

Oh honey, I don't have much in the line of advice to give, but when I read your story, it made my heart hurt for you.

Please never buy from a pet store, you may be getting more heartache than you want to bear.

I believe your husband has to be onboard with getting a yorkie. There is so much cost involved in the basic care of a yorkie ie. shots, spray/neuter, general health issues, yearly examine, dental cleaning, the list goes on and on. Let alone if there is a major health diagnosis, like in my case with the recent surgery with my girl Zhoie and several follow up appointments will be necessary, in general it was several thousand dollars with more to come. It's simply not fair to the dog when you accept responsiblity of being their owner to not be willing to go to that expense at whatever the all costs.

I'm just saying, Zhoie would have received the care she needed, but I thank the Lord I didn't have to have a comfrontation with my husband over it...being on the same page is extremely important.

Pm me.... Im a guy who has a little yorkie. It was my choice. I'm a deep sea diver( i work in the oil fields offshore), and i snuggle with my little guy every second i get. I miss my wife and my little boy every second of everyday i'm gone. Wanna talk man stuff, come talk to a deep sea diver.... ha

Infact, i spend 90% of my time in between jobs, with dickie sleeping on top of my face.
Ive had big dogs since i was a kid, but a pit bull lying on your face just does not work;)

I would like to than everyone for their prayers, thoughts and suggestions. My husband isn't crazy, he's just firm and stubborn. He won't hurt the puppy if I brought one home, but I don't won't the tension in the household. Especially around my son and the pup. Please keep me in your prayers. I hope that you will allow me to remain a member even though I don't have a Yorkie..I've learn so much and I feel that I have made several friends.

Monieh30