Death and dogs?????
 

Need a little advice and/or opinion.

To make a long story short, we moved my terminally ill mother-in-law (mil) to live with us because I was the only one that did not work and could take care of her as she got fragile. She was only here for two short weeks before she passed; cancer is a very painful thing. I took care of her with the help of hospice. Although she was in a lot of pain and yelled and moaned all the time, the dogs got used to her pretty fast. Her hospital bed was stationed in my family room, so me and the dog/kennels moved downstairs to the couch. My babies slept really good and I knew they would, as long as they knew I was right there. We moved mil to Hospice House on a Thursday night so we moved upstairs. Everything was fine. I got a call Friday morning and by the time I got there, she was gone. The problem I have is Ally. She will be two years on New Years Eve at a little over 3 lbs. Ever since mil passed, she is deathly afraid of her kennel. She has never been like this. I've moved her kennel from my bedside (arm's length) to the couch again and it doesn't work. It has been a little over a week and she shakes with fright when I go to put her in it at night. It's like putting a cat in water. What do I do? Do I put her in with Tia; she has a medium size kennel and they would both fit comfortably. I felt so bad for her last night, I reached down, opened her kennel, and put her in the bed with me. She was still restless though. Is she feeling the loss? She has never been this way. Advice....opinions...

First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law. Prayers being sent your away. I think dogs can sense things so she may realize that your mother-in-law is no longer around. I would try putting them in the cage now, if they do not get aggressive. Eventually, you may can move her back to her own kennel. I would also try giving her treats in the kennel to get her to feel comfortable in it again. Good luck to you and your babies.

Thanks. They all get a treat when they go in their kennel at night; it helps me give my older pek her meds at night. Tia is around 4.5 - 5 lbs, but not agressive. She is still a baby though at 9.5 months and will probably want to play when Ally wants to sleep. I just don't know what to do. Her heart was just pounding last night and she was shivering as I carried her upstairs last night to put in her kennel. The kennel is cleaned on a regular basis and she has not had any type of accident in there...I keep looking.

my condolences on the loss of your mother in law

Dont force her in. Let her play upstairs for a little then when she is relaxed try putting her in with a treat. Good Luck to you and so sorry about your loss.

She won't go upstairs any more. I have to carry her and if I put her down, she runs downstairs. Even with the kennel downstairs, she won't go in it.

I wonder what happened in the kennel that's so traumatic for her. I hope you find a solution soon.

you said your mother in law moaned and yelled is it possible that when she was in her crate she could hear it and not escape from it so now she thinks if she gets back in her crate this will happen again.

I can't think of anything different for her and her kennel, other than mil passing. Yes, she did hear the yelling and moaning, as both my babies were about 8 ft away from her, their kennels next to me and the couch. They slept fine though. Both did not cry at all to get out of their kennels at night because of the noise. Ally even slept fine when I moved her upstairs the first night. I feel so bad for her and know that this is so traumatic for her...and can't find an answer. I'm going to try to put her in the kennel with Tia tonight. I don't want to leave her downstairs by herself.

Thanks everyone. MIL is in a better place, with no pain. She was misdiagnosed for years and finally found out this summer she had lung, liver and bone cancer with 6 months-1 year to live. Cancer basically ate her alive and she didn't make the 6 months.

I knew you were going to move her in with you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could help with your problem. It sounds like something has scared her. Perhaps if she is not alone in it, as you mentioned, she may fare better. You can try that and if that doesn't help, I don't know what to suggest. She may be fine if she's not alone though.

I don't know how much this will help, but I was a Hospice Volunteer Coordinator/RN and although had to retire. But animals have a real sense that humans cant really seem to understand. We all know how intelligent our little furbabies are, and wish they could tell us whats wrong, but we just have to be patient with their behaviors. I would not push her to do anything that frightens her. Is there a problem if you put her in bed with you? If you do you may never get here back in her crate. My bichon sleeps in a crate and sometimes I know she's not feeling well or is scared of thunder, I'll keep the door open and allow her to sleep with me if she feels she needs to. I think they can sense the change also, even though your mother in law was only with you a few weeks.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that! Bone cancer is one of the most painful cancers there is! I hope that Hospice helped, it was the best part of my nursing career! Good Luck with everything and keep us posted on how she does, by the way she's a real cutie!

whats weird is that my grat uncle had cancer and was in a hospice care place. They had a live in golden retriever that lived on the premises and it came and laid at his door the night he passed. Dogs probably do sense more than we realize.

Well, I carried her upstairs, shaking and shivering the whole way, and put her in with Tia. I didn't hear anything at all last night, but I think I stunned both of them. At around 3 am, I heard jingling (from the little bells on their ID collars) so I got up and took them out. All three of us fell asleep afterwards on the couch downstairs. I felt so guilty and sad, I worried all night. I feel I'm torturing my baby, but I don't know what's wrong and how to fix it. She is just terrified of going to bed, upstairs, whatever, since mil's passing. I'm going to keep her in with Tia until something changes to make me change the sleeping arrangments again.

Dogs do grieve. The best thing to do for a grieving dog is to first understand that the dog is missing the owner but to watch for serious signs of depression like inappetance or lethargy in which case you need to see a vet.

The other thing to do is distract the dog during the day -- a short walk, a game, some yummy treats, and of course human companionship. Short bursts of distractions work best and exercise is very calming for a dog and has a way of picking up their mood. You may have to coax for play but use a high value reward system (white meat chicken always works great for us when using high value rewards).

I wish you and the dogs well.

Lifting you and your family up in our prayers. Praying for peace for all of you including Tia! :hands:

Peggy, Monkey & Maddie :daisy: