Death and dogs?????
 

Need a little advice and/or opinion.

To make a long story short, we moved my terminally ill mother-in-law (mil) to live with us because I was the only one that did not work and could take care of her as she got fragile. She was only here for two short weeks before she passed; cancer is a very painful thing. I took care of her with the help of hospice. Although she was in a lot of pain and yelled and moaned all the time, the dogs got used to her pretty fast. Her hospital bed was stationed in my family room, so me and the dog/kennels moved downstairs to the couch. My babies slept really good and I knew they would, as long as they knew I was right there. We moved mil to Hospice House on a Thursday night so we moved upstairs. Everything was fine. I got a call Friday morning and by the time I got there, she was gone. The problem I have is Ally. She will be two years on New Years Eve at a little over 3 lbs. Ever since mil passed, she is deathly afraid of her kennel. She has never been like this. I've moved her kennel from my bedside (arm's length) to the couch again and it doesn't work. It has been a little over a week and she shakes with fright when I go to put her in it at night. It's like putting a cat in water. What do I do? Do I put her in with Tia; she has a medium size kennel and they would both fit comfortably. I felt so bad for her last night, I reached down, opened her kennel, and put her in the bed with me. She was still restless though. Is she feeling the loss? She has never been this way. Advice....opinions...

First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law. Prayers being sent your away. I think dogs can sense things so she may realize that your mother-in-law is no longer around. I would try putting them in the cage now, if they do not get aggressive. Eventually, you may can move her back to her own kennel. I would also try giving her treats in the kennel to get her to feel comfortable in it again. Good luck to you and your babies.

Thanks. They all get a treat when they go in their kennel at night; it helps me give my older pek her meds at night. Tia is around 4.5 - 5 lbs, but not agressive. She is still a baby though at 9.5 months and will probably want to play when Ally wants to sleep. I just don't know what to do. Her heart was just pounding last night and she was shivering as I carried her upstairs last night to put in her kennel. The kennel is cleaned on a regular basis and she has not had any type of accident in there...I keep looking.

my condolences on the loss of your mother in law

Dont force her in. Let her play upstairs for a little then when she is relaxed try putting her in with a treat. Good Luck to you and so sorry about your loss.

She won't go upstairs any more. I have to carry her and if I put her down, she runs downstairs. Even with the kennel downstairs, she won't go in it.

I wonder what happened in the kennel that's so traumatic for her. I hope you find a solution soon.

you said your mother in law moaned and yelled is it possible that when she was in her crate she could hear it and not escape from it so now she thinks if she gets back in her crate this will happen again.

I can't think of anything different for her and her kennel, other than mil passing. Yes, she did hear the yelling and moaning, as both my babies were about 8 ft away from her, their kennels next to me and the couch. They slept fine though. Both did not cry at all to get out of their kennels at night because of the noise. Ally even slept fine when I moved her upstairs the first night. I feel so bad for her and know that this is so traumatic for her...and can't find an answer. I'm going to try to put her in the kennel with Tia tonight. I don't want to leave her downstairs by herself.

Thanks everyone. MIL is in a better place, with no pain. She was misdiagnosed for years and finally found out this summer she had lung, liver and bone cancer with 6 months-1 year to live. Cancer basically ate her alive and she didn't make the 6 months.

I knew you were going to move her in with you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could help with your problem. It sounds like something has scared her. Perhaps if she is not alone in it, as you mentioned, she may fare better. You can try that and if that doesn't help, I don't know what to suggest. She may be fine if she's not alone though.

I don't know how much this will help, but I was a Hospice Volunteer Coordinator/RN and although had to retire. But animals have a real sense that humans cant really seem to understand. We all know how intelligent our little furbabies are, and wish they could tell us whats wrong, but we just have to be patient with their behaviors. I would not push her to do anything that frightens her. Is there a problem if you put her in bed with you? If you do you may never get here back in her crate. My bichon sleeps in a crate and sometimes I know she's not feeling well or is scared of thunder, I'll keep the door open and allow her to sleep with me if she feels she needs to. I think they can sense the change also, even though your mother in law was only with you a few weeks.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that! Bone cancer is one of the most painful cancers there is! I hope that Hospice helped, it was the best part of my nursing career! Good Luck with everything and keep us posted on how she does, by the way she's a real cutie!

whats weird is that my grat uncle had cancer and was in a hospice care place. They had a live in golden retriever that lived on the premises and it came and laid at his door the night he passed. Dogs probably do sense more than we realize.

Well, I carried her upstairs, shaking and shivering the whole way, and put her in with Tia. I didn't hear anything at all last night, but I think I stunned both of them. At around 3 am, I heard jingling (from the little bells on their ID collars) so I got up and took them out. All three of us fell asleep afterwards on the couch downstairs. I felt so guilty and sad, I worried all night. I feel I'm torturing my baby, but I don't know what's wrong and how to fix it. She is just terrified of going to bed, upstairs, whatever, since mil's passing. I'm going to keep her in with Tia until something changes to make me change the sleeping arrangments again.

Dogs do grieve. The best thing to do for a grieving dog is to first understand that the dog is missing the owner but to watch for serious signs of depression like inappetance or lethargy in which case you need to see a vet.

The other thing to do is distract the dog during the day -- a short walk, a game, some yummy treats, and of course human companionship. Short bursts of distractions work best and exercise is very calming for a dog and has a way of picking up their mood. You may have to coax for play but use a high value reward system (white meat chicken always works great for us when using high value rewards).

I wish you and the dogs well.

Lifting you and your family up in our prayers. Praying for peace for all of you including Tia! :hands:

Peggy, Monkey & Maddie :daisy:

Im sorry for your loss.
I dont quite know why your little one is acting like this, but dont force her.. just give her time and Im sure she will come round.
I really do believe that animals can sense death...
I know when my gran was ill my schnauzer cross wouldnt leave her alone, usually she is very playful but around my gran she was really calm and would just sit at her feet constantly.
I know when my gran died Jess was very quiet for a week or two and really not herself.

When a family members dog was put down both Jess and my nana's dog charlie howled and howled all day and were not there selves for about a week afterwards.
Jess did the same when charlie died.. its very strange.

Okay, now she is refusing to go in Tia's kennel. I thought things were going good because she followed me upstairs yesterday (only because she was excited; told them they were going for a walk). She didn't shake as much last night when I took her upstairs, but she just didn't want to go in. I gently placed her in there. I just didn't know what else to do. She can't sleep in the bed with us because she is so small that I think about smashing her all night. Both of us don't get any sleep. I really want to keep the kennel at night for safety; I know where they are and what they're doing. I don't know how a vet can help. She doesn't seem to be in any pain and is acting, for the most part, pretty normal. Some times she clings more and sometimes she wants her space a little too much, which is unlike her.

What do I do??? This Friday will be two weeks.

I'm sorry to hear your mil has passed. Try calling your vet and asking if Melatonin or Remedy might help. With everything going on in the home she maybe a little mixed up with her days and nights. Also, my sister is a firm believer in spirits and believes in leaving windows and doors open so the soul can travel. She also believes in smudging the house to remove negative energy (please those of you who think this is horse hockey-I said these are my sisters beliefs, but it can't hurt and after our house was robbed I did smudge-figured what could it hurt).

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother in law. Cancer is such a hard way to go, for both the person ill as well as their family. My prayers are with you.

As to your question... do you think it is possible that she has entered into a "fear period"? Occasionally dogs go through these (I think there are normally at least two in a puppies life, although I forget the time frames for these) But perhaps your mil's death so happened to precede, or possibly initiated, this fear period. Admittedly, I'm no expert, but I seem to recall that these times are characterized by new and intense fears to objects or places that were previously benign... but that the period passes fairly quickly. It sound like that may be what's going on, and if that is the case, then just wait it out, crate her with the other dog for now, and be VERY careful that you don't by word or action give her any reason to think that her fear is a valid one (i.e. baby/soothe her when she is in that anxious/fearful state) as that might only make it a more long lasting issue.

Good luck with your baby, and may God be with you and your entire family right now.:)

I'm sorry, I didn't read that she now was having an issue with the other puppies kennel as well, although my advice is still the same, if this is indeed a fear period. Perhaps try googling "puppy fear period" to see if that seems to be what is going on, because if it is, there might be even better strategies for dealing with this out there.

I just finished reading the entire thread and...

I think that your own anxiousness may be the issue here. You said that you feel guilty and worried when you have to put her in her crate at night... and I'd bet almost anything that she can sense that. I'd bet that initially she sensed the sadness and grief in your home... and that the guilt and worry she has been sensing from you ever since has VALIDATED that she has a REASON to be fearful. Did, when she first became agitated, you speak in a soothing voice, maybe tell her "It's okay"? I know that may seem like the natural, comforting thing to have done... but dogs don't think like we do. When they hear "It's okay" in that soothing voice, what they hear is "It's okay that you feel fearful/stressed/anxious right now" and it serves to reinforce their fears. They think they are being praised for being fearful!

But if this is the case, then I think what you need to do is pretty simple. Try retraining her to her crate, only rewarding calm behavior with your attention. This may mean ignoring her and letting her cry it out again, which is sooooo hard, I know! (I'm sure you went through that process when you first got your baby, but it would probably help to start from scratch again. But, if she came to you already trained, please feel free to pm me and I can go over the steps with you - it's really pretty simple.) While you are doing this (this is really important!) you should never feel guilty, worried or anxious! You KNOW that there is nothing wrong with her being in her crate. She is not hurt, she is not in any danger... she is completely okay, just scared and with no reason to be. When you take control of the situation and reteach her that anxious/fearful behavior is NOT okay... She will be fine and right back to loving her crate.

Good luck, and I really think and hope that this will help you. And again, I am very sorry for your loss