My yorkie hates my house...and me, I think
 

I have a problem (well, several, if you've kept up with me on this site). I am not the best mom, but I am trying SUPER hard to have more patience and be more consistent with Nozzle. Now the problem, after coming home from vacation, is that Nozzle is NEVER excited to see me and ALWAYS excited to see my friends or go over to their houses. At home I try playing with him, and he kindof gets into it, but never the way he does at Kasey and Alan's house (they watched him while I was gone), where he will run himself in circles. There's never any tail wagging when I come home, he's always in his kennel, he runs away from me and won't eat treats I try to give him for coming when I say to or sitting or going potty outside. I keep trying harder and it seems to be getting worse! I really, really do not want to give up and give him away, but I feel like I can do no right by this kid! I thought dogs were forgiving but Nozz doesn't seem to do that. Kasey watches him often for me and never notices any of the same traits I do...it's like he's two different dogs! Any advice (besides give him up...I know if I were smart I would but I really want to love the heck out of this dog)?

This is very strange. How old is Nozzle? Did you go on vacation soon after getting him? Are you trying too hard and maybe overwhelming him? I have found that Yorkies are very sharp and intuitive. They can pick up on our feelings and unspoken thoughts much more than I would have ever guessed. Your last sentence makes me think you have not really bonded yourself. You say you would give him up if you were smart and that you want to love the dog, as in you don't yet. His name, itself, while cute, sort of pinpoints a negative aspect of puppies. How have you handled pee/poop accidents? Do you punish, holler, scold extensively? Could it be that you are not sure you want a puppy?

Everyone does not take to a pet right away. I fall head over heels immediately. That is why I cannot go look at puppies until I am sure the breeder is right, all my questions are answered over the phone, and I am ready to bring one home -- because I will when I see them. Some take time to bond and there is nothing wrong with that. So, it may be nothing is wrong, you two are just taking longer to become close.

Once you decide you do love this puppy, I will bet he will decide he loves you back. I just have never seen one not return the love genuinely offered.

I don't really have any advice but I just want to say that I really admire your honesty.

I am very sorry that this is been a difficult experience so far having a puppy. perhaps the stress your feeling is what the puppy is picking up ... AS what was mentioned in a previous post , puppies and do pick up on their owners emotions and feelings towards them. They are especially prone to any kind of negaitivty or rough handeling or treatment. Not saying that this is what has happened . Just mentioning it because puppies are very sensitve to changes, noise or any type of sudden movements , which may or could have scared him, without even knowing it.
I am tying to say this in a thoughtful manner without being hurtful. And to be supportive, not unkind.
Maybe, offereing treats, and trying to play with him one on one on the floor letting him come to you. Remain still , allow him to come to you. Let him jump in your lap if he wants to. Offer him toys and squeak them try to engage him in play. See if he will let you play with him on his own terms. Puppies love to play, and usually can't resisit a good playtime with someone willing to play on netural terms. Try not to make eye contact. This can be a threat to any dog. Talk to him in a high pitch voice, a puppy loves it. Spend lot's pf time playing with him, then petting him softly. See if he rolls on his back for a belly rub. If he does this is a great sign. My Suzi loves to be petted right behind her ears. most pups have certain petting spots they just love to be petted the most. Your puppy will come around. Try not to take his rejection personally. He needs time to warm up to you. He will. Try some of these methods and perhaps more YTer's will have ideas that can help you as well.
Best wishes to you.

Nozzle is about 5 months old now. I've had him since he was about 6 weeks (too young, yes, but I live in Japan). Getting a puppy was not the smartest idea I ever had, but I wanted to try it and I thought I did good research and found a breed that was small but would be good for me. It's been, needless to say, harder than I ever imagined. I would say you're right...I'm not really bonded with him...it seems to come and go. House training hasn't been too big of an issue, especially lately. Kasey took him outside one night a month or two ago and discovered that Nozz likes going outside vs. the pee pad (he still has them but only uses them when he's home by himself). That alleviated many of our potty training battles...I just take him out every couple of hours and first thing in the morning, etc. He still has accidents, but not many. The problem I've been having there lately is for no good reason, I'll go to take him out and he'll get away from me and cower in his kennel instead of going outside when I KNOW he's got to go really bad! We've had some submissive peeing incidents here, but I can't tell you why that's happening. Like I said, I've tried not to punish or yell, but I've been inconsistent. So a lot of this is my fault, I know. The thing that makes me so sad is that I'm really trying to get better and I make huge efforts to come home and play instead of doing homework, cleaning up, etc, and it doesn't seem to pay off in the behavior he shows me vs. my friends (the tail wagging, wanting to be picked up, etc)...
I appreciate the questions...

Domo!
 

Thank you, that actually helps in it's own way!

Okay, you have had a rough start. The poor little guy was taken away from mom and siblings too early but I understand that is more the norm in some areas. You left on vacation when he was really young and that sort of interferes with the bonding as he may think you are going to leave him again. Sounds like potty training was a battle but now has smoothed out.

Just realizing you two did not have the best start is a good beginning to turning it around. Now, I would not try to push too hard. Get on the floor with him a lot. Play with toys and then as he becomes interested, include him on his own terms. Take the stress off you both by realizing this may take some time. He is still a puppy, so I beleive you can easily win him over, it just will take awhile.

Try to always use a gentle voice. Find something you really like about him and make a point of letting him know. That way your voice will be sincere. Watch what things your puppy does respond well with your friends and then try to do those same things. You might even have to limit his time with them. Maybe they spent your vacation time with him at a very impressionable stage and he has bonded with them to the point he sort of resents not being with them all the time now.

I think you have identified the problem early enough to fix. It will just take a lot of patience and an open heart. I hope you let yourself fall for this little one. It will be so worth it! Good luck to you both.

I'm sorry that you are having trouble bonding with your puppy. I had some problems with Cash and what really helped us is clicker training. As soon as Cash realized that we could work together, we had a great relationship.

Good luck.

I think a clicker is a great idea! Also, be sure you aren't projecting your own fears onto the doggy. Thor doesn't get very excited when I leave or come back, but I'm HAPPY about that because it means he doesn't have separation anxiety. He will excitedly great other people who are just uncles and aunts, but that's okay, because ultimately he comes back to MOMMY.

I would make sure that you are the one who feeds him as much as possible - maybe even give your friends a food that doesn't taste as good for them to feed when they are around. I'm sure they will understand you want to bond with your puppy.

Also, as people said, puppies can't resist play. If he's a little timid now, don't push. Maybe stand off to the side, and throw a toy away from both of you. I don't think there's a puppy in the world who can resist chasing a toy! Don't worry if he doesn't bring it back right away, let him stash it somewhere. I used to take a couple dozen rolled up socks and throw them down my hall one by one. Thor would go hide them somewhere and come back after a few minutes to get the next one.

Hope this helps, and I am SURE that with persistence and patience, he will grow to love you like no other. Dogs are built for this.

Some other stuff: when you say there's been submissive peeing, does he do this with you? I think this doesn't necessarily indicate that he hates you, but maybe he fears you. I know it's awful to think your dog is scared of you, but just know that you can correct it. As someone else said, non threatening language includes: avoiding eye contact; positioning your body to face slightly away from him; kneeling on the floor so you are closer to his level; and don't try to reach over his head. If he approaches you, scratch his chest gently rather than his ears, for example.

Go slow...sometimes it doesn't happen over night. We have a rescue & l want to be over her BUT I've found that as I give her attention in very small doses, she is warming up to me instead of running away.
If she is different at you friends...why not take her over there & just observe how they interact with her. When you get home mimic that.

Do you think you may be trying too hard? Just love him, if you get all anxious and worried the pup will pick up on it. Relax....love him....let him make the first move!!!:aimeeyork

Thanks everyone...I'm trying everything I can...but it's like starting from scratch every day! Today I come home and he starts shaking for no good reason...I had to pick him up to take him outside (and he had to go bad enough to leave a little pee mark on his towel, even though his pee pad was right in front of him)...he'll come up to me but then sit there shaking with his ears pinned back. The kid is definitey afraid of me. I've now thrown about 6 black socks and every toy down the hallway--after letting him sniff every one--he is laying down like he's in trouble behind me. I'm trying to keep him with me in the house so he gets a little more used to it...I've started a timeout corner for when he's bad (he snapped at me last night...he got sent to timeout). I don't think he can distinguish when he's in trouble and not so maybe that will help? I don't know. He shakes when I try to teach him stuff too, and I'm using the most gentle voice I can muster. I'm at the point where I'm all but ignoring him so I don't get flustered and he doesn't get all scared...arrrrghhhh...

Aw. :( It can take a while to erase a fear once it's been implanted. Maybe you can think of this as a "patience growing" opportunity.

Have you tried bribing him? Give him some really nice treats. Don't force him to eat them out of your hand. Lie on the floor and toss one, again, a few feet away from you and a few feet away from him. Let him eat it. Gradually put the treats closer and closer to you. If he seems to hesitate at a certain point, don't push him. It helps if he makes the decision to approach you.

Also, I might stop all corrections for now. Yes, you may have to deal with a little monster a few months from now, but you two will have a developed a bond that can be the basis for loving corrections. If you haven't read anything by Karen Pryor, go ahead and google her name. Many trainers believe in ONLY using positive reinforcement. So if you do well, maybe the two of you will bond AND he'll learn to behave. :)

Finally - is there a park or another area you can take him to? Often dogs behave differently in different areas.

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Finally finally: I think it's fine to "all but ignore him" for the moment so that he can find his way back to you. Feed him, entertain him, speak to him softly, and let him come to you when he's ready.

I found this link you can read and see if it might help you at all. Your situation tugs at my heart because it sounds like you want it to work but something just isn't meshing between the 2 of you. You might not relate to the whole thing but parts of it might be helpful and it also has some of the same advice others have already given.

I think my Puppy is Scared of me...

How nice of you to find a link that matches up so much with Nozzle's situation! It sometimes helps just to know it has happened to others before.

More good advice! I am also a believer in positive reinforcement. I do use a stern voice but try not to ever let that get to a holler. When they are puppies though, just sweet and gentle. I wish I had gotten into the clicker training. I may read up on it again and try with my next puppy. Off to google Karen Pryor myself. Always more to learn!

you left your dog when you go on the vacation, and he is probably mad at you for leaving him. my advice would be to spend time with him, play with him. do some training with him and reward with treats. you need to build trust with him again.

my friend was sad when she came to pick up her dog from my house one day because her dog was ignoring her and kept coming to me instead. so i gave my friend the treats and told her to do some commands with her dog, like sit down,...etc.. to get the dog's attention.

hope this helps. :)

I had a terrible relationship with Cash before we clicker trained the Karen Pryor way. Now, we are best buds and little June is being initiated into the clicker training. I know I already posted about training in this thread, but I can't tell you how much it has helped me. I would have had to give Cash away hadn't it been for that. So you can understand why I advise you to use it.
It truly tells your dog that you are on his side and that you love him.
Please try it. Good luck.

Going to try it
 

I'm going to try the clicker training...I was checking it out today at work and I like it in theory. It's last ditch, but I will try. Not real sure what to do in the meantime besides kindof ignore him. He did the submissive pee thing again this afternoon, but I didn't acknowledge, just cleaned it up. He did, however, actually come out of the bathroom, which surprised me. When I came out to sit on the couch he ran over to me...I didn't say anything but just threw a treat...he's right in between my feet now. I'm throwing treats anytime he does something good, sits, licks my toe...seems to be going ok. I wish the clicker stuff could get here faster! I looked for anything clicky today to start with but didn't have any luck.
I was super afraid to say anything about this on here...thank you all for being super supportive!

Question
 

Ok so every thing was pretty peachy...til he made the "I have to potty" whine and I tried to get him to follow me outside. As soon as I did that (treats in hand), he squatted on the living room rug! I didn't acknowledge that but then he went to poo on the rug, and that's when I said No! and grabbed him to go outside. He ended up pooing right before we got out and then didn't go at all outside--he's decided potty time is scary and not to use pee pads anymore...how do I deal with this???? He's gotta go!!! I'll mention though that he was ok once we got back in and I broke out the socks again...

Ok, firstly I am glad that things are looking up for you and your little boy. Secondly, you have to remember that it is going to take time. You have to be patient with him, never touch him in anger, keep your voice to that cute tone that dogs love and treat him for doing something right.

Some babies are super sensitive and I know that it takes time for YOU to get used to that. I have a puppy now and although I get a bit discouraged sometimes with her potty training (she peed on my bed last night:(), I decided to not get angry or frustrated.

Puppies are puppies and they don't have a lot of bladder and bowel control. He doesn't do it to upset you or because he doesn't love you, he is simply a puppy, honey.

It took me two years to potty train Cash and even now he sometimes has accidents (Funny thing is I made washable potty pads for June and now Cash uses them all the time (he used to use my bathroom rug). I am hoping that little June will see what he does (he gets treats after he uses them) and mimic him.

I understand that you are frustrated with him (I absolutely understand because I used to get soooo angry with Cash), but you need to prove to him that spending time with you is equal to having fun.

Sorry for the long post, but my last comment is that quick movement and harsh tones will make him fear you. Remember that he is a puppy (repeat this to yourself) and that he WILL get better with time.

Ps. You are both going to get much better with the clicker training! Best of luck.

I'm laughing...I don't mind the long post at all!!!! You could write a book and I would read every word!
I am definitely trying to avoid the fast movements...I'm just stuck with him and the potty-ing...He is usually very good and either holds it til I take him out or goes on the pee pad. Lately, though, he holds it for extrordinary amounts of time and will just not go for a long long time if he gets scared. I guess I'm confused about whether to just let him go wherever or risk him getting scared but going in the right place. I actually wasn't mad at him tonight, and I think he realized that because he recovered pretty fast.
You are definitely a God send friend...
PS...I'm thinking good things will happen for June...I absolutely believe older dogs are the best teachers...:animal-pa

Hehe, glad you are happy to read what I write. I tried to get June to go on her pee pad by placing her there and keeping her there until she peed, but she got a bit scared and now she won't do anything. She just lays down and goes to sleep:rolleyes:!
Now, I just keep her in her pen when I can't supervise and hope that Cash will train her! It doesn't help to get mad or frustrated. They will eventually learn, so give him a break and build your relationship first.;)

Hi there, you've gotten a ton of good advice already. When I was potty training, I had several pads around the house so I could put him/her on one as soon as I saw signs of pottying. then I would say "do your stuff" then I would treat. As they got better I eliminated a couple of the pads--slowly.

sounds like you two are on your way to bonding. Do you think that when you pick him up from your friends home that he may be thinking you are taking him from his home and sees you as a "bad person"? When you pick him up, do you play for a few moments or do you just pick him up and leave with him? I think it might start from that point and how he perceives who you are in the scheme of things in his little world. He may just not understand where his home truly is.:confused: I would say make sure that it is a good/fun goodbye when he leaves the other houses and goes with you. If he is not happy to leave, this will probably carry over when he's home with you. You have said that he is afraid of you and hides in his kennel. Their kennels are usually their "safe" place. And the submissive peeing is another indication of fear.

When we first got ours, I would lay on the floor and let them come over and sniff me and get to know me. then I would slowly get up, for example, on my arms, then elbows, etc. while they came over to get to know me.

Just let him figure his boundaries on his own terms and I am sure that you two will be best buddies real soon. Good luck.

I think you've gotten some good advice here, I would try playing with his toys by yourself. Get down on the ground, throw them up in the air, bat them around - pretend to be a puppy.

When I first brought Lexi home, she was pretty scared. I got down on all fours and pretended to be a dog ready to play. She warmed up instantly.

Lots of positive reinforcements!

Not sure if someone mentioned this, but why not have your friend (that your pup likes so much) to come over and spend some quality time with you and your pup. Does he act differently with your friend in YOUR house?

Harley and Nozzel are the same age and we probably got them around the same time.

When I first got Harley I kind of regretted it. No not kind of. I really thought I had made a huge mistake. I felt like you feel now.

I was overwhelemed, I was confused, I thought he didn't really like me.

Now Harls loves the crap out of me. I mean... this guy won't let me go to the bathroom alone, he waits for me beside the shower, he helps in the kitchen and he sits by my bed while I study. Why? I don't know. We started out with a bumpy start but somehow we really did end up bonding. He loves me. Nozzel'll love you too. Believe it.

You might think: Nozzel doesn't like me. I didn't think Harley liked me either. But I fed him long enough and he changed his mind.

You might think: I don't like Nozzel. Well let me tell you something... when a yorkie decides he loves you, it's a relationship you can't get out of. You'll learn to love Nozzel because he'll eventually adopt you. And you can't get a restraining order on him, so you'll have no choice but to go with it.

I think one of the main things that caused us to bond was the fact that I insisted he be in the room with me all the time. I think he probably thought it was because I had a crush on him, but it was really because I didn't want him to pee somewhere. I'll let him believe the crush thing, though.

But the big thing is: he sleeps in my room. Not in my bed, though. But in a crate beside my bed. He feels like he's part of the pack. He is, after all!

As a puppy I took care of him when he was extremely sick. I honestly thought he would die. But he didn't. And I don't know if dogs care about such things but it seems like he hasn't forgotten that I was there for him.

We play together. I throw the ball, if he brings it back to me he gets a bit of his dinner. I feed him his dinner one kibble at a time every time he brings the ball back.

About punishment... I do punish Harley. He may get that little rumbleseat popped if he decides to pee somewhere he knows he shouldn't. But after I finish fussing I show him some love and usually half-way through my fussing he's trying to lick me and cuddle. He's the worst person to argue with.

Ways to bond with your dog: Let him have an article of clothing of yours in his crate so he can smell you when you're away, let him sleep in your room, spend quality time, groom your dog every couple days, or go to obedience school.

I would suggest touching your dog softly. Even though I do pop Harley's behind now and then I do massage him every day. We sit in my recliner and I pet him, touch his paws, scratch his belly, play with his ears, snuggle him, tell him he's a good boy and let him take a nap in my lap.

Your dog knows you're frustrated. It's not a secret. Yorkies are little ninjas. They know everything. Just calm down and so will he. Currently he's scared of you. Perhaps because you're so tense and he feels negative energy from you. Just be neutral for like a week. I promise things will get better.

Wow! So many caring yorkie lovers here, I could just cry!!! I agree with everyone-patience, consistency! I don't have the same situation, as my yorkie is 9 years old, but he was a puppy mill rescue, so we did have the fear factor in common.

Your puppy wants to love and trust you, and he will! With Sammy, I always kept him in the same room with me (for the potty training!). He was afraid of a human voice, so talking was out. This made it harder-but here's how it did work for us, and you may be able to use it too.

I sat on the floor for HOURS every day! At first, he would just cower in a corner. But when he did come to me, I mostly ignored him-until that little paw came up to touch me (and that's when we bonded!). I just sat there on the floor (and eventually we made it to the couch) with a book or the tv (and he was so scared i couldn't even open a can of pop), and held him. cuddled him like a baby, stroked him when he wasn't too scared. then i was able to coo and not scare him. Every time I moved or made any noise, we were back to square one, but each time, he recovered faster, approached me sooner, and was scared for shorter periods of time. I think the trust really came in when we started going for walks together, but that was months later.

Everyone says not to treat your dog like a baby, but, for sammy and i, this is what worked for us.... I mean, how can you not love a baby? Now, I am slowly starting to let him act like a dog again! I'm sure Nozzel will show his love for you, as you fall for him, too.

since you said that he used to be good with pee pad and going outside to go potty, maybe it's because of recent changes in his life that made him start having accidents again. (maybe because he was staying at your friends house and now he is back at your house?)

things that happen in dog's life can add stress to them since they dont understand what is going on. so i think that given some time and working with him, he will pick it back up and not have accidents in the house once he gets used to the new situation again.

every dog is different. when i am working with milu, i won't use negative tone, because she is very sensitive, she doesn't understand the negative tone, she just gets scared. so with her personality, i have to always use positive reinforcements only, because nothing else works anyways.

i turn everything into a positive experience for her. like potty training, she LOVES her pee pad, because she knows that she will get a treat and praise everytime she goes there. so she loves her pee pads. basically, with every problem that i encounter, i try to think of a way that will be positive but still discourage her from doing things i don't want her to do.

i don't know about clicker training. but i did go to puppy school with milu, and i think that you don't really NEED a clicker, just have a key word, and it works the same as a clicker.

our keyword for milu is YES. everytime she does something good, i say YES. and YES = treat. always. you have to be fair and consistent leader to them. if you are unfair, then they don't respect you.

i wish you good luck with your baby, and don't hesitate to ask if you are having anymore problems working with him. there are a lot of knowledgable people here willing to help. :)