Hopefully I will be back one day...
 

I'm going back into lurking mode... I had a tough realization this week that this is not the right time for me to be getting a Yorkie.

A co-worker died on Monday, right in front of me. I did everything I could to save him, but I could not. I worked with him for nearly 7 years, and he was more than a co-worker, he was a friend.

My parents are essentially telling me to "get over it". I sure wish it only took 4 days to get over it, but it does not and it will not. This incident changed me forever, it was a traumatizing event that will never ever leave my head. Get over it is not the right thing to say.

I've realized that I wanted a dog because I am so unhappy with my current living situation.. I mean, I love dogs, and one day I WILL have my Yorkie because I love the breed... but I was putting too much pressure on the dog to make everything ok and to make me happy again. While I am sure it would have cured some of the loneliness, it's MY job to make me happy, not my dogs. I will never be happy in this house, it's easier to be alone than it is to be ridiculed for having feelings and being sad and traumatized from watching someone I care about die and not being able to help him. Every extra cent I have will now be saved to get me out of this house and far far away. When I am settled somewhere else and content, I will continue my search for the Yorkie I know will bring me much love and joy. One day.

Thank you for all your advice, I will carry that with me until I am ready to resume my search. Hug those you love and make sure they know you care, including your furbutts. Things can change within seconds, literally. Another hard lesson learned.

Take care everyone.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That hsa to be so traumatic and put a big hole in your heart. One day when the time is right and you are in your own place and not subjected to other people's insensitivities your Yorkie will be waiting to help heal your heart. Please check in from time to time to let us know how you are doing. Hugs

Ahhh!!! you are most definetly in shock!!! and that wold be the norm for anyone. my heart goes out to you, but remember you done all you could to help this poor man, but we cant always make everything better, doesnt mind how hard we try!!! hope you will soon feel well!!! Love WendyX Fifi:aimeeyork And Lulu:animal36

What a horrible thing to have to witness. I'm so sorry you did. Yes, it does take time to "get over" things like that. (if you ever really do) As you are finding out, it affects your whole life.

If your living situation is that bad, I hope you can get out ASAP and get on with your own life and be happy.

I am so sorry that that happened. :( I can't imagine how you feel. My prayers are with you. :love:

I can totally understand your feelings. I promise you will get over it but you will never forget it. I pray that you find peace and if you ever want to talk, just pm me.

Thinking of you and hoping that you soon find the peace and happiness you deserve. take good care of yourself.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. They are greatly needed. As a first aider, I do not feel like I did all I could to save Steve's life, and I have a lot of guilt. I am not the only one who feels that way. We are all trying to help one another through it, but it is hard. A week ago I had no idea how much my life was about to change...

I spoke to a grief counselor at work, it didn't help much. I think what helped me the most was our group session because it got me to see that I wasn't alone in how I was feeling. I was taught that showing emotions is wrong, so it's a tough process for me. I can't hold it in because it's so raw, but lord knows I try.

I'll check in every now and again... I am hoping that changes aren't too far away and that things will get better.. for now, I'm focusing on saying goodbye to a co-worker and friend and getting past the feelings of guilt... not sure that can happen, but I'm trying...

Jenn, Take it one day at a time and you will get through this. Sorry for your loss.

Oh my, what a difficult thing for you to go through! I'm so sorry your parents are not supportive and understanding. I'm sure this is not by any means something you will "get over" quickly.

I'm happy to hear that you are working to get yourself into a better situation; that you are making YOU a priority. And you made a difficult but very mature and smart decision about waiting to get a puppy. I think you are making great strides already towards getting there! Keep it up, and you will have your puppy before you know it!

In the meantime... :hug:

I am so sorry about your friend, what a horrible thing for you to have to go through. It sounds like you have carefully thought things through for your future and I wish you the best of luck. ~ Jean

Jenn,
Sorry you had such a bad thing happen. It is hard. Things will get easier with time. Just take one moment at a time. Do not be hard on yourself. You need to grieve, and cry and talk about it. I am a stranger to you but you could IM me and I will listen and I know how hard this must be for you.

Your family is just being unsupportive. I don't wanna make this about me, but I understand. When my best friend died in 7th grade my mom dismissed it too. She said, you'll get a new friend to walk to school with, get over it.

I did get over her death somewhat, but I remember when I need some support, I do not turn to my mom. I did not get over how cold she was.

I will put you in my prayers. Let us know how you are doing.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Although, you will never forget, you will eventually get past the initial feelings of guilt, shock, hurt, anger, etc. Experiencing and going through these feelings are part of the healing process. And, for those who tell you to "get over it", say that over their own feelings of inadequacy. Because they feel awkward and don't really know what to say nor how to "make it better", that is what they say. It sounds like you're doing what you can in the meantime; talking to a grief counselor, group therapy, etc. As more time passes, and you begin to feel "healed", you will be able to move on with your life. At that time, you'll be ready for a puppy of your own. I wish all the best and send my prayers out to you. God Bless. :xmascand:

i am very very sorry about your friend!! :(
PLEASE DON\'T feel guilty, though... AT ALL!! everyone mourns differently and a couple of days is not enough time for most people!! so please don\'t feel guilty for that!! :(
SENDING YOU A TON OF HUGS AND PRAYERS!! :hands: i hope you get the comfort you need to help you through this time! please keep your head up, keep the faith, and everything will work out for you!
again.. i\'m sorry!! xoxo.