please tell me what you would do :O( I am soooooo mad and totally hurt :mad: :( Please tell me what your thoughts are on this or what you would do... We have Teddy bear 4lbs of yorkie and our Golden retriever. Well whenever we visit family I find someone to dogsit with Chloe because I don't think it's fair to impose in someone elses house with an 80lb dog. I'm not happy about doing that but always do and then we take Teddy with us. I am always very careful to make sure he behaves. He wears a belly band if he needs one or not so as not to make a mess, I take his crate so if he needs to be out of the way. We are supposed to go to my mother in laws for Thanksgiving for a few days but today when my husband mentioned finding someone to watch Chloe she said find someone for both of them. :confused: Her excuse being that they don't get to wpend enough time with me when Teddy is there (such crap!) I said right away that I just wouldn't go because I was not leaving Teddy with someone I don't know for that kind of time. Now I feel like no matter what I do...Go and take him with and I will feel unwelcome go and leave him with someone I don't trust or don't know and I will feel angry and worried the whole time...eigther way now the holiday is ruined no matter how it plays out! This just has me in tears! :( |
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As difficult of a situation this is... It is always best to honor the request of the homeowner. How long will you be gone? Is it possible to stay at a dog friendly hotel/motel near your MIL? Then you can still take Teddy but not impose on your MIL. Yes he will be alone for few hours at a time, but you will still be the one to care for him. Or is she close enough to make it a day trip? I know this is not the response you were looking for and I know you are feeling hurt, but again, it is not your home and you are the guest. Another option is to find a sitter who comes to your home to take care or both of them. I hope you find a solution. |
Well, that's how a lot of people feel..with mine, I don't take them if I'm going somewhere and they dont' want them there..If it's close by, put her in an xpen for the day..I know your feelings are hurt, but, I learned a long time ago, some people just don't want dogs in their house, and you have to respect them for that...My in-laws never cared for my dogs, but, I had the attitude that, this is my dogs house as much as mine, if they're coming here, then they deal with my dogs..You're just going to have to decide, if you don't want to go to dinner, then don't go, but, don't get upset with his mom, as hard as it is, it's her house..:( |
Oh dear! What a terrible position for them to put you in. I think the best way to handle this is to call your mother-in-law. If she told your husband to tell you, then she probably doesn't want to cause confrontation and upset you. I would kindly explain that you don't feel comfortable leaving him with a stranger for that long. Also let her know how upset you would be worrying about him if he was at home and don't that to be a distraction from spending quality time with her. Reassure her that they will get to spend plenty of time with you and Teddy will be out of the way. I'm sure she probably just doesn't understand how much it means to you. If you aren't owned by one of these wonderful furbabies, then you just don't get it. :rolleyes: Try to make her understand and I'm sure she will change her mind. Good luck and keep us posted! |
I would stay at a hotel and just go for dinner. Your MIL can have you for a few hours, then to to the hotel and spend the rest of your time with the furbaby. Do they have any dogs? |
Wow, what a predicament! What problem does your mother-in-law have with having a 4lb Yorkie come to visit if he is as well supervised as you say? Has she had problems with him being there before that you know of or could tell (if maybe she wasn't saying anything). How many people will be there; maybe she's afraid he'll get hurt (stepped on, etc, I'm grasping for ideas here)with alot of people around. Hopefully you have a good enough relationship with her to maybe talk if over with her and see what, if any, the problem really is, and see if you can get her to change her mind. If not, well, unfortunately it's her home, so I suppose you'd have to abide by it. I can see how that would put a damper on the day, not only missing your baby but maybe some hard feelings towards the in-law. Isn't there a close friend of yours that you could entrust the care of Teddy with while you're away? Hey, I see other posts...yea, the hotel idea is a good option also. |
I feel your pain. We are going to my parents for Christmas this year (the 1st time in 10 years) and told them I was bringing both of my dogs. Yes, I told them - didn't ask. A few weeks later my mom called with concerns about bringing my 7 month puppy. She doesn't want my pup to mess up her house. I explained the belly band and that I was sure he wouldn't mess in her house. She then told me she was concerned with all the family there that someone would step on him. I told her that was okay - I have a front pak that would be attached to me that he could stay in. She had no more excuses. I am the ONLY one in my family who has a love of pets. I grew up without any and so now I have 3 pets. It is so hard for my family to understand so if she refused to allow my yorkie pup and my 5 year old mix, then I just wouldn't go. I realize this is a little different than your situation since we are talking my mother vs. mother-in-law (my MIL has a maltese and would never have an issue with me bringing my dogs) but just know you aren't alone in your feelings. I am so sorry she asked you not to bring your baby. Maybe explaining to her that your furbaby is actually your child and you couldn't imaging leaving a baby in a cage for week might help her to understand your predicament. |
Thanks for your thoughts girls. I have just been in tears or on verge all day since this phone conversation. I may be over reacting but it isn't just about this day it will now be in my thoughts every single time we go there weather she gives in and lets him come or not...if that makes sense. She has had dogs in the past and likes dogs but hasn't owned any since her last one died probably 10 years ago more because of no time for them. They do have a cat who pees all over the house and it isn't as if her house is anything special...quite the clutered mess infact. There will be alot of people there so don't know if him being stepped on could be a thought. I hate to say I just won't go because then that means that I am seperated from my husband and children for the holiday and don't know that it is something my husband would let happen anyway. Fact is though that we have just moved here this summer from Alaska (we are military) and don't have any close friends in this area so there isn't even someone to think about. The closest we can come is someone from hubby's work (people I really don't know at all) Cloe stays with someone from his work because they have another golden and they really love her but I don't know if that is even a possibility for her this time as it is a holiday and they will probably go to thier families house who also lives in Florida. As far as the hotel goes, Even if I had the money for that right now I don't believe she would let us do that so if I said it she would just say no and then I will be there with Teddy and feeling awkward the whole time knowing she didn't want him to come. Worse yet is that this will be a problem now forever more especially since I am planinng on getting a baby girl after Christmas. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I just need to get this off my chest! ;) |
Have yorkies and they will go where I go ... if they are not welcomed neither am I . I am respectful and just excuse myself. Our yorkies become our children ... do you leave your children home?No.. at first my 82 year old MIl did not even know why we would get another dog after all these years... and now she loves them and ask about them all the time... they love her ... and we are careful with her when we go to her house . On the other hand my sister in law does not have a dog and she built a new home this year , after a few drinks she invited J2 over ... they stayed in their pack and play and were the best . We all got to enjoy ourselves . |
I always go stay at with my parents during the Holidays (thanksgiving and christmas) so of course Lacy goes with me. Thankgiving we always drive 20 minutes for dinner with our family, but Christmas is at my parents house and the family comes to us. Where we go eat for Thanksgiving, they don't like animals in the house...luckily it is only 20 minutes away so I only leave her for a few hours. It did come up about possibly traveling 2.5hours to my cousin's house for Thanksgiving this year, and I told my mom right away that I would only go if Lacy was going because I wouldn't leave her all day. In your situation, I would stay in a hotel and only go to her house for dinner...if she objects to you staying in a hotel, tell her sorry but Teddy is traveling with you so you can't stay with her. I have only left Lacy once on a vacation and always try to take her with me when I travel. |
Call her up and address it, explain to her that it's a package deal (and your reasons), she can take it or leave it. If you want to be reasonable (which I own I sometimes don't depending on who the person I'm talking to is): make a deal to keep Teddy in your room as much as possible and to crate him a reasonable amount of time, perhaps there's something specific that bugs her about Teddy (ask her if there's something and see if you can work something out). I understand people who don't want dogs in their house but they need to make allowances for the dog people they invite into their homes. I wouldn't leave Teddy with a stranger, an 80 pound dog can take some messing 'round with, a tiny Yorkie can't. I wouldn't leave him at any motel room either, they can steal him. |
Thats why we always have Thanksgiving and Christmas at Our house. My Husbands family arent dog people |
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I feel so bad for you. I understand how you feel ,there is no good solution. If he goes you feel bad, if he stays you feel bad. Does your Husband support her decision? Since it is his mother, he should help you come up with a solution to the problem. My Mom is mad because I am boycotting Thanksgiving this year. I dont like the Aunt who is hosting the dinner, so I am taking my family and going to the beach instead! Woo Hoo! |
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Ahhh I wish you guys lived closer to me then you all could come for Thanksgiving to our house..hehehe.:D I feel your sadness....a long time ago when I had two male Yorkies I took them everywhere for the holidays to my mom's house. Then one year my brother wanted it at his house so my mom said ok. He told her to tell me that we were welcome but not our two Yorkies. Same problem as you but I decided they didn't want my dogs so I wasn't going. So to make a long story short my husband and I went out to dinner on Thanksgiving which still left the doggies at home for a couple of hours. To this day I feel bad about my decision but today I am older and wiser. I was a very young stubborn woman (now I am an older stubborn woman..lol) and if all possible have Thanksgiving with your family....your baby will be OK for a couple of hours. Leave plenty of toys/food/music/tv on and all will be good. ;) |
I feel for you. We have a 33 year-old niece that lives out of state who is very allergic to dogs. For nine years, our first yorkie was the only dog in the family. When she would come in for the holidays, we couldn't bring our dog. :((( I would ask her nicely if she could puh-leez see an allergist and TRY a prescription for Claritan or Zyrtec. She never really gave it a try. Then, 3 other family members all got dogs, and the 4 of us dog owners seem to be the ones who take turns hosting. Now everyone is on her case to at least try something so her visits can be more bearable. Basically, my husband says he works soooo many looong hours at work, that when he gets a holiday or vacation time-off, he wants to spend it with his dog because he gets to see her the least. If we can't bring the dog, then he won't go! I think the fair compomise is the fact that you will be bringing a crate along. And it will be YOU tending to your pupster, not anybody else. I just don't understand people who won't let the little dogs in. I can understand the big dogs, but we have 2 big labradoodles in our family that are invited for the holidays. The more the merrier! I am a little freaked out over leaving my dog unattended in a hotel room. What if someone (maid, room service employee) comes in the room while you are out, sees a yorkie and steals it???? Too bad you won't be in my area-I would babysit for you while you participated in your family gathering. Maybe there is a YT member near where you will be going who can help??? Good Luck! |
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This is why I do all the holiday get together, this is also the reason we live out in the country, my kids all have large dogs, so all the dogs and all the people can all come and enjoy themselves, I do make sure the relatives know we have dogs before they come and how many and they are welcome to bring theirs, last year we had 15 people 8 large dogs and 3 little dogs for Thanksgiving, everyone had a blast, of course the big dogs stay outside. we do have a heated area for the large dogs if the weather is bad. |
I try to have the holiday parties, but I only get away with that so often. Loki and Sammy shouldn't have to spend the day alone, so we either bring them with and bring their crates or I stay home. Or we only stay a few hours. Some people just dont understand that you cant leave Yorkies home alone all day like big dogs, especially ours that are housetrained and go outside, therefore need to be let out, and because they are used to someone being home all day. Good luck. I tend to dread Holiday season... Luckily MY mom is awesome and she loves her grandpuppies. She was over today and she's like, why dont we do crab legs and fondue so we dont have to cook a turkey or ham :D |
I feel so bad for you :( It's a hard situation for sure. My mom has decided that even though she has 2 dogs, and 2 cats, her bf's allergies are bad and I'm no longer welcome to bring my furkids over *rolls eyes*. I'm not happy w/the decision, but I have to respect her wishes in her home. Sometimes I don't go over because I don't want to leave the furkids, and sometimes I do for short periods of time. |
I think you need to take a step back and look at the situation for both sides: You have every right to do what works for your family & dog. But, you have to respect what you MIL want and doesn't want. If you can't stay at your MIL, then what about a hotel. If you can not afford a hotel, then maybe your family will choose to stay home. Your MIL has every RIGHT to ask you not to bring the dog! Her house, her rules. **If I was going to visit someone who said they didn't want my dog. I would be completely respectful of that. I would then make other arrangments that worked for me. |
Things like this make me glad all my family I spend holidays with live within an hour's drive. :rolleyes: |
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If you're coming to Florida, you can leave the dogs with me. I'll gladly babysit. I'll be home all Thanksgiving weekend. PM me if you need my help. |
I pray you can work this out. Your actions could set a precedent for years and visits to come. I don't really have anything else to offer than what has already been said. I'm just imaging that if you have spent years living so far from family & are now close enough to drive, it might be very important to keep the lines of communication open with your MIL. My heart breaks for you that you are in this predicament. |
That is a difficult situation. Some people just are not dog lovers. I personally just do not let how my family members reaction are feelings toward my furbaby bother me; hard for some but better in the long run. I respect there wishes if they do not want my furbaby in their homes. But if they come to mine oh well that a different story. I really feel bad for you. I hope it works out. |
Maybe this is rude...but when it comes to my little monkey i dont think i'd care.... I dont have anyone who I trust enough to let her stay with except my parents. Since that wouldnt be an oprtion if they were in a diferent state i would say if she doesnt go i dont go. She wouldnt expect you to leave one of HER Grandchildren at some random neighbors house so why should you leave your doggy. |
You can just tell her(if it's Florida), with gas prices like they are, that you won't be making it this year..then just make a meal at home for your family.. You can't really compare kids to dogs..a child is a human being..most people like kids, but aren't exactly dog lovers.. My in-laws love the g-kids to death, but when it comes to dogs, they just aren't dog people |
I would start with asking your husband to talk to her and find out why, since she is his mother it would probably be easier for him to ask why she has asked you not to bring your baby. It may just be that she is afraid of him getting hurt or being in the way,and if he tells his mother how you would keep him in a playpen,keep a belly band on him and the such,ther may not be any problems. |
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