In the end, I admit it: He was my baby
This is the last picture I ever took of Eddie alive.
The day I have dreaded since joining YT came as a crushing blow on my birthday, June 20, 2018: The dog I refused to call "baby" and always accepted as a big dog's equal lost his fight with lymphoma and died in his sleep after undergoing his third chemo treatment. He was 14.
Eddie is just the latest in a large class of YorkieTalk members who joined about the time I did in 2005 and whose dogs got old together. I have witnessed the utter devastation displayed by others whose dogs passed before Eddie and I see the gratitude for each and every day from those whose dogs are slowing down.
Anyone reading some of my blogs in the last few years knows I've been preparing for this moment since Eddie turned 10. Just the double-digit number made me realize that he was indeed a senior dog and wouldn't live forever. I vowed then to love and appreciate Eddie every single day for the rest of his life. When his time finally came, I wanted to have zero regrets. I wanted there to be no uncertainty in anyone's mind, especially Eddie's, that he was loved beyond measure. When that day came, I honestly felt I lived up to that promise.
What surprises me now is it did little to take away my sadness. Yes, he was loved and he knew it and everybody I know knew it, but he was still gone. The boy I vowed to protect against the cold, injuries, predators, boredom and little-dog haters was gone, and in the end there was nothing I could do about it.
What confused me until just recently is why this loss hit me so hard. Eddie is the sixth personal dog I've owned and lost in my life, nearly all from old age. They will all hold a place in my heart forever, but if I’m honest, I have to admit this loss is hitting me much worse than with any of them.
When I discovered my wife shared these same feelings with me, we talked about what Eddie meant to us. Yes, we were proud of the way we raised him and proud of the dog he became, but it was more than that. More than any of the dogs either of us have had in our lives, Eddie, as a wee Yorkie, needed our unending protection throughout his life. We made no decisions on our daily activities, our vacations, our dinner engagements, etc., without considering Eddie. How many hours would he be left alone? When would he be fed? Who could we trust to care for him? When was his next appointment at the groomer? What threats existed on our walks or travels with Eddie?
The list was endless. As much as I defended Eddie from little-dog skeptics his entire life, telling them that Eddie was at least as capable as their dogs in everything from obedience to agility to socialization at the dog park, Eddie was indeed more vulnerable. Other dogs escape the house and wander for days at a time before either returning or ending up at animal control. I wouldn’t think of allowing that to happen with Eddie. Other dogs could walk in a crowd or defend themselves against attacks. Eddie, I picked up and defended against all threats.
My wife and I realized that in those ways, Eddie was indeed an infant his entire life. Imagine the bond between a mother and her infant child. The mother instinctively realizes that her baby is 100 percent reliant on her protection, and she provides that protection with an unmatched diligence. Gradually, the child grows up and accepts more and more responsibilities. Relatives, teachers, coaches are allowed to share in the child’s protection. Then one day, the child becomes an adult and the mother releases her grip and watches her one-time child take on his or her own responsibilities.
As much as a Yorkie does indeed mature, he or she is always reliant on us 100 percent. It’s like the mother having that infant for 14 or more years. Can you imagine the bond she would have then with this child who needed her protection each and every day throughout his or her life? That’s exactly the level of responsibility a Yorkie owner accepts without second thought.
With that realization, it finally hit home that YTers are right. Our dogs are babies. That’s why some use baby strollers to walk their dogs in a crowd. They are protecting them. That’s why they wear clothes when going out in the cold. They are protecting them. That’s why they go to the groomer every few weeks. They are proud of their babies.
So, yes, after denying it for my entire time at YT, I admit it now: Eddie was my baby. And it hurts beyond measure that I couldn’t protect him forever.
Love your babies and be proud of who they are. The bond you have is real and lasts for eternity.
Comments 7
Total Comments 7
Comments
A wonderful memorial tribute to a well-deserving pup who so inspired us all. Thankful for your video work--Eddie continues to inspire. | |
Posted 07-21-2018 at 08:40 AM by KatysMom |
Thank you so much. | |
Posted 07-25-2018 at 01:52 PM by alaskayorkie |
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Kitty last September and I still miss her so much even tho I have 2 new yorkie boys. I know how you feel. Deepest condolences. | |
Posted 08-03-2018 at 07:13 PM by Kitty51 |
It's not nice to make me cry when I am at work. Your words are beautifully written and absolutely hit home. I won't let them walk out of the garage onto the front lawn until I have looked around to make sure it is safe. They are our babies and we are blessed to have the responsibility to care for them. | |
Posted 09-05-2018 at 03:15 PM by maxdog |
Wow you nailed it. We all worry about safety for our babies. And they are family. Eddie was so blessed | |
Posted 09-08-2018 at 06:08 AM by horsnaround |
Thanks, everyone. It's been almost 3 months and I still can't have a conversation about him without breaking down. We recently rescued a 1-year-old Yorkie who is a delight and is slowly filling the hole we have in our hearts, but the tears for Eddie persist. | |
Posted 09-09-2018 at 10:45 AM by alaskayorkie |
Thankyou for writing this. What you expressed so eloquently, clarifies for me the new thoughts and feelings a new yorkie mom is becoming aware of. These sweet little ones kindle feelings of protection and care reminisant of times caring for our young human children, feelings we may have thought were gone forever. | |
Posted 12-30-2018 at 01:15 AM by BabciaDorota |