Originally Posted by broodizt (Post 1950736)

Dearest friends,

I don't know how I have the strength to write this. I ache all over and the tears will not stop. My sweet baby Merlin went to Rainbow Bridge today. I cried and struggled at the vets for many hours, trying to determine what the definition of "qualify of life" is. I tried to determine if there was any hope of him getting better, but the vet said because of his advanced age, he would not be able to really improve, only stay the same, living in darkness, bumping into everything, crying at night either from pain or disorientation, unable to stand without his legs wobbling, never wanting to eat and only eating very small amounts only to appease us. He hated being incontinent. He teeth probably hurt him because we could no longer have them cleaned. His collapsed traecha sometimes made it difficult to breath, especially in hot weather. I wondered if he were in pain, but the vet said she could not determine that. I know he derived some comfort from me holding him, but all he really wanted to do was sleep. And then he became wrestless in my arms, only wanting to be in his bed to sleep. My vet did not rush me, but she did say that I was postponing the inevitable. She could not say how long he had, but she did say it would probably get worse, and then he probably would suffer. She said she would support my decision whatever it was. I cried. I cried and cried. And then Merlin lifted up his little head and with the last of his strength, he licked away my tears. I could no long bear him living this way. I knew he was not happy. I somehow found the strength to tell them that I was ready to let him go, but still I cried and wet his fur with my tears whispering "I love you, I love you so much, you are the love of my life". Then they came in and took him from me in order to put in the IV's. I felt so very lost. Up until the last second I cried for some answer, IS THIS THE RIGHT THING? Then I thought of him coming home again, to the same dark, sad world, nothing changed, no chance to be happy again, but only get worse. I cannot even see the keyboard, so many tears for my sweet baby Merlin, so amazing, so very sweet and loving. My heart cannot bear the pain. When she put in the syringe, it was quick, his body went limp in my arms. I sobbed and sobbed into his frail and wasted llittle body. I sat with him for hours, unable to let him go even then. Then they gently wrapped him in his little blankey, and picked him up and took him away. I will be getting his ashes next week. I still cannot believe he is gone. My world feels so empty. It all seems like a dream, that after almost 17 years, my sweet baby is not here anymore. How do you ever mend a broken heart? Thank you for all your love and support through all this, blessings to you all. Much Love, Shellie