ok..:D

Family humor
 

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her.":eyetearss

The following are all answers written by children taking exams...

1. "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

2. "H3O is hot water, and CO3 is cold water"

3. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

4. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

5. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

6. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

7. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

8. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

9. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

10. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

11. "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

12. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

13. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

14. "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

15. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

16. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in his fight."

17. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

18. "Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

19. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

20. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

21. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

22. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

23. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

24. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

25. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

26. "Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

27. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

28. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

29. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

30. "For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

31. "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

32. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."

33. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :eyetearss

ROTFLOL!!!! I love #33

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow." :lol tears

Thanks Lori!! I needed that today! :D

NP I Knew you would like those ;)









Hope everone else does too ;)

you girls are a trip :)

man....i am slammed at work!!!!!!!!!!! anyone want to come and help???

Ahhh Mandee What happened to staying home and not working?
You did do that right?

what do you do for a job? I'll come and take Maggie for a week, so she won't distract you!! :p :)

hehe...nah, i can handle that LOL

i run a property management company. we have over 100 rental houses right now

oh wow. I can see how you're busy!!

wanna come help?

I give up. I got maggie one of chattiesmom's silk harnesses. the day I got it, I had maggie in her car seat and she chewed it in half. so cindy gladly fixed it for me. now, i have it on her here in my office, she just walked up to me, i noticed it was around her butt and not her chest...i look down and she had chewed it in half again!!!

i give. little brat!!!!!!!!!

When did you go back??? why did you go back?