How should I tell hubby...
 

My hubby is a full time college student and this is his last year. He is attending a private engineering school that is pretty hard, so he is usually wrapped up doing homework of an evening. He has been an intern with the same company for three times now (Fall of 05', Summer 06', Summer 07') and now he is starting to work part time for them during the school year. That usually takes about 2 hrs more a night and he is working 8-3 on Saturdays. I feel as though I never get to see him. We use to be so close. On top of that I bust my butt one day a week to keep our place clean, and if the house isn't clean I get a real uncomfortable feeling. We have an 8 month old so the place gets pretty dirty fast. I just can't keep up with it. He is exhausted, I am exhausted. Before he went back to school I never had that distant feeling with him. :( How can I tell him that I feel like we never see each other and it's doing us no good? I know he wants to keep his foot in the door with this company, but the school he attends has a 99% job placement rating every year.

Another thing that is bothering me is the fact he is so stuck on moving far away. He even said if it meant having no more children then so be it. He always wanted three kids, why the change? I just don't understand. I think he is over stressed and won't tell me. I think he knows I'm not happy with the way we never see each other and how the house is messy. I just don't know what to do and say. I need your help.....

Why don't you sit him down and talk to him about it. Sometimes somethings that we think they see, they actually don't and they have to be put right in their face to get it. Communication is the key to making your thoughts known. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you. Keep your chin up.

Thanks so much! I really hope there is something I can do.

Just keep trying. It may take some time, but I am sure that you guys will work it out.

It always help to pray first and ask God to help to use the right words, and to pick the right time for both, not when you both are toooo tired, or stress, I will be praying for you:hands:

after being with my DH for almost 30 years, I have learned one thing... dont ever think they "know" or can figure out anything.... you have to spell it out, very cleaerly... I have found a problem with alot of people is that we(women) assume that our DH can "figure out" what we are feeling - they cant...

pick a positive, quiet time and tell him how you feel. Honest, he probably has no idea what is going on around him.... no offense to men, it just is...
good luck!
d

Talk directly to him. Lay it all out on the table for him.
Have him respond to each thing that bothers you and perhaps have him
contribute what some of his concerns are also ... and you can
hopefully respond to and make reparations to some.

I am hopeful that this can be sorted out.
School, work, family, that's a lot on one plate.

Make a list and see what compromises you all can make or come to agreement on.

Good luck!

This happen with my hubby and I but we didn't have our daughter when it did. we had been married about 2 1/2 years. Work and School is all he did. after about 6 months of begging for anything time he could give me I gave up!. I move out, I told him I needed attention and if he couldn't give it to me I would find someone who could!. Well I think that helped alot because he was acting live a fool inlove chasing me down LOL. well that happened about 11 years ago and we are still here and he does take time out for my Daughter and I now. Maybe not as much as I would Really like but I can compromise :).
I hope you and your Hubby can work though this tuff time.

Sounds like yo two need to go one a date to reconnect. Then pick a quite place to sit and talk things out.

I really think it's important to keep a marriage alive. Do new things together to build your relationship and make it stronger.

Good luck hun.

It sounds like he's trying to make a better life for the entire family and he's working really hard right now to make that happen so that he has more time with you and your baby in the near future. Tell him how you feel in a positive manner, but don't discourage him from going to school. Just tell him you want to spend more quality time together. I agree with yougetthesmiles...Maybe a date night would be really good for you two :)

Get a babysitter and take him out for dinner where you can talk calmly, and undisturbed. Communication is the key to any good relationship.

Communication :thumbup:

My boyfriend and I are in the same place as you and your husband are, and we will be for the next 3-5years. :( We both work full time and I go to school full time, and he'll be starting to go to school full time soon. We're really committed to each other, but it does make things harder when you barely ever see each other. Thats why I don't want to get married until we're almost done with school. Its just to much pressure.

I don't know what I would say in your situation. If the money he gets from his job isn't that vital, I'd just tell him that no "foot in the door" position is worth harming your relationship over. Good luck. :D

Thanks! You all have such great advice. I think it was because we were super close and now it's just like man I wish you were home some. It hurts my feelings some because he always seems to find excuses on ways to be away from home. That's okay, but when I want a little break he gets upset. The other night I was crying telling him I wanted to take a bath because I hadn't had one that day and he basically told me his homework was way more important than my bath. I don't know if his education IS getting to him because I feel like a kid sometimes. Nothing I enjoy is ever important to him. Like me going to school to be a dog groomer. It's always let me do what I need to do and if you have time you can do yours. Just like with the bath situation, it usually takes him around 3 hrs a night for homework, so that night if he finished in time I got a bath. It wasn't I'll watch the baby for 10 minutes while you go wash off. :( I feel like such a pee-on.

I think that school is just getting to him. Be patient and see what happens when school is over. I know that it seems like it is going to be forever, but it is just a little bit longer and then he is all done. See if anything changes. But you really need to get him alone and UNDISTACTED by everything and talk to him about what you are feeling. I would just focus on your wonderful son and let him do his own thing right now until you are able to talk to him. Talk to him about setting up a night where he can't do homework or work and get a babysitter and just sit down and talk to him about the issues that you feel is bothering you. Make a list becuase when it comes to that point you will forget everything in the heat of the moment. Stay calm and talk about it. He mostlikely has his head in other places thinking about what he needs to do to take care of his family in the future to realize that he is ruining it here and now. Men are like that. Be patient and I think things will turn out fine.

I'm sure he is just stressed trying to provide a good living for his family. You have gotten some great advice here and hopefully you will be able to get him alone (when he isn't stressed) and have a talk. In my experience, it works best to tell him the truth without getting angry and accusing him of stuff. (We all respond better when it is coming out calmly and we don't feel the need to get defensive.) Be honest and tell him how much you miss your closeness. Have some ideas ready to throw out there about how you can get back to that place in your relationship.

Also, take time for yourself! I'm assuming you stay at home with your baby. (I did too and loved it!) Take full advantage of nap time to do what you need to do to be in a better mental place--take a nap, a relaxing bath, chat on the phone with friends, etc.!! That's what I did. Now since we all know we have stuff we need to do around the house, too, I tried to involve my baby in that. I would have her set up in whatever room I needed to clean. I'd put on some music and kind of dance around while doing my stuff. My daughter thought it was really funny (and I got a little bit of a workout). I'd clean up the kitchen while she was eating her lunch in her high chair. I got really good at being an efficient cleaner!

Also, keep your dreams about going to grooming school alive! That sounds like an awesome goal once things settle down and your husband feels like everything is stable. Most guys just worry so much about "being a man and providing for everyone." Talk to him-----that is the key! :thumbup:

Everyone that has posted gave wonderful advice!!! I am a stay at home mom and I have been married 8 years, I was young and didnt know anything about married life or motherhood so i have been where you are at now and still go through it. My Husband works ALL the time but we talk about it when times get rough and thats helps wonders if you ever need to chat please PM me and I will give you my number it helps to have friends to talk girl stuff and men dont even know how to begin with that LOL

Thanks everyone for your support! I do stay at home with my son. I LOVE it and wouldn't trade it in for the world. He isn't the greatest at taking naps. If I'm lucky he naps a 20 minute nap all day. He has always been that way. I figure as long as he is happy then I'm happy. I don't know if hubby senses something because he keeps asking me if everything is okay. I'm not acting any different, or so I don't think. Maybe once the baby is in bed I can get him to spare a little time to talk. I don't want to do it around my son. We have always been great about communication. That is what is weird right now. It's like he isn't here for me.

KristiC- BTW I'm a Kristi C! LOL My mom is my best friend, but she doesn't get out much due to her anxiety. My other bff lives 2 hrs away and is a full time college student so she keeps pretty busy. Other than that I really don't have any friends. Being in a small town there isn't much to do or place to meet other moms. :( It sure sucks! hehe

Hey I really mean anytime you want to chat just PM me, you sound just like I was 8 years ago but I promise it will get better every Marriage has times where things just dont go the way it should and like every man(well mine anyways) LOL sometimes they just dont think about marriage and what will help, they think we know it all, and if he keeps asking you if everything is ok then its time to sit down and talk about how both of you are feeling.I know time is very limited but make the time! I have to do that when by the end of the day I am so tried i just want to go to bed. My mom sounds just like yours and my bff has 3 kids lol so she doesnt have alot of time but we try to make Saturdays where its our day to go shopping and out to eat we dont have long but hey its fun ;) just give me a shout anytime you want!