Originally Posted by celstu1 (Post 1313241)

Girl,
I spent 10 years with a guy. From 19 until 28 years old. We broke up 2x in those 10 years for about 9 months each time. He heard I was doing something drastic, dating someone else, moving away maybe and he was right back up my A$$. I took him back. After the 2nd time we bought a house even though I didnt want to, I wanted to get MARRIED. He wouldnt even talk about marriage... stupid me (at 25) thought that marriage would follow the house so i went along and bought the house. Well almost 2 years later he DOES propose. We start planning the wedding... get the hall, DJ, photographer, my dress, bridesmaid dresses, decorations, etc.... and he decides he does not want to get married. So he breaks up with me, leave ME to meet with all the vendors and cancel the wedding... so I make him prepare the house for sale, all while not living there (kicked his sorry butt out) and we sell the house and I bought my own place. Its been 2 years since we broke up. (Oh the b*stard took the ring back too... it was worth $11,000 - would had made a nice downpayment for a new car!!!)
Anyways, I BARELY made it through the 2nd break up emotionally. In b/t when we were together he was always threatening to leave. Or hed get mad and leave for a night. He made me feel like it was all my fault and most of the time I felt like I was going crazy. In my head I barely knew my A$$ from my elbow.

Finally it clicked. The last breakup.... that was IT for me. The final straw. It was SOOOOOOOO HARD! I cried as I packed up the house, I cried as I signed the paperwork at the closing. I cried the next day as I signed the paperwork to my brand new (beautiful) townhouse. I cried unpacking the truck. I pretty much cried morning, noon and night! But no matter who asked me ... my answer was always "I AM FINALLY DONE!" no matter how sad I was. I would not EVER put myself through this again.

The years slide by soooooooo quickly. You have been with this guy off & on for 4 years. Imagine if you let him go 2 years ago?? You'd be over him by now. And trust me you WILL get over him!! Imagine that????

Its more painful to stay IN the situation than it is to finally set your resolve to be out of it. Yes initially getting out is HELL ... BUT you get over it. You do! However if you stay in it, you are always unsure, your selfesteem suffers, you suffer, your sense of self-worth suffers... you lose the ability to trust, to be honest to yourself and then you start to HIDE all the things that he does wrong that you know your family & friends would disapprove of, or that embarrass YOU cuz you are still with him and you know hes a D*CK! It becomes not worth it... and the years slide by as you are living them in shame of who you are and what you've become just to keep some sub-par relationship with some idiot of a guy.

don't let it happen! (((HUGS)))

Originally Posted by bren (Post 1313363)

Don't quote me on this but a friend of mine, who is also an attorney, said that you are required by law to give the ring back unless it was given on a holiday. If the ring is given on a holiday, it is viewed as a gift. If it is given on a non-holiday, it is viewed as a contract and if the contract is broken he gets the ring back. Some guys may not push the issue, but if he went to court over it, you would be required to return the ring.

Originally Posted by celstu1 (Post 1313497)

Yes... I couldnt keep the ring, he didnt give it as a 'gift' on a holiday. Therefore it was still technically HIS ring until we got married, then it becomes mine forever. I was going to take him to court for it, but after speaking to an attorney about it... I found it he would have won hands down! Believe me, I did NOT want to give him the ring back! BA$TARD!! :)

Originally Posted by RowdysMom (Post 1314141)

Hun,
You need a good therapist to help you figure out why you keep doing this to yourself. Seriously. You need to extricate yourself from this person. Oh and he needs a therapist too, but that is NOT your problem.

Do yourself a HUGE favor - STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Don't take his calls, don't answer the door, don't listen to him. He is pathological.

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>

Originally Posted by Bruce's_Mom (Post 1334609)

Well folks, I sincerely appreciated all your advice and kindness...After about a week of feeling like poop and Mr. Jerk deciding that he wanted me again, then confessed he was with someone else, then tried to take it back and wanted me again, and I had it. I told him for the first time in this entire four years to get lost. It has been really hard for me to not call or email him, but I am thus far staying pretty strong with it.

I do agree as many of you had suggested something very wrong with me as well in this situation. It started out as a sort of need to try to care for this man, and I thought the problem was he had never had anyone that really cared for him. Eventually he just wore me down the things he did eventually took a pretty heavy tole on my self esteem until it got to the point that I was unable to judge the situation realistically. I started blaming myself for the way he treated me so eventually the relationship became sort of this wierd chasing game in which I was constantly try to be good enough for him.

In a lot of ways I became isolated as well, because he would constantly veer between being extremely possesive and jealous or aloof and unaffected by anything. Eventually to be honest it embarrassed me, so I avoided people. Truth be told I was afraid of what sort of mood he would be in because he is sort of a dual personality and everything really depends a lot on his moods. He was always either exceptionally charming or exceptionally cruel, no matter what he was always very convincing and could always sort of con and manipulate me. The relationship would always swing from great emotional distance to extreme closeness. He would humiliate me intentionally rather frequently. I just felt trapped basically.

I think it is going to take me a long time to work out these issues. I also think that I will likely need to seek a therapist to help me with this. Let this be a cautionary tale to all ladies out there run, do not walk, away from a guy at the first sign he may be a wierdo!

Originally Posted by BabyFidgette (Post 1335189)

Listen girl, you have put up with TOO much sh*t with this man! Take it from me, being alone is NOT bad. I love the single life! It also helped after I read this book: He's just not that into you. Now, I'm NOT a reader, but I couldn't but this book down. Please, don't fall for his crap again. Move on and don't talk to him. He's not treating you the way you deserve.

Originally Posted by RowdysMom (Post 1335254)

Hi Bruce's Mom!

CALL THAT THERAPIST TOMORROW (if you haven't already). Don't put it off - he is sure to contact you again - too much history of that, so do what you need to do to be strong and get your life back together!

Originally Posted by Bruce's_Mom (Post 1337511)

I did make the call, but only after he contacted me again...I have pretty much blocked him from all personal accounts, etc, but I neglected to see if that could be done here at work, and arrived to this.

Dear Allison,
I want you to know that I love you, and always will. I hope you understand that it is just too emotional for me to think that after all our time and history together you are willing to just toss me aside. Sometimes when you are like this it makes me feel as though I never meant anything to you. I guess I am going to have to move on with my life now, the good news is I have met someone very special. In a way she reminds me of you, only better in every conceivable way. When you decide not to be so immature about this contact me, because it is just ridiculous to me you would throw even our friendship down the toilet.

Love you Always,
Brian

Needless to say that was enough to make me pick up the phone that moment. He makes me feel as though I am crazy, and it really is having a negative impact on other parts of my life...CHEERS TO THE SINGLE LIFE!

Originally Posted by BabyFidgette (Post 1337524)

Now, what did you do? Did you ignore him? I would suggest ignoring him. But if you just can't, I'd write him back and say...I'm glad you found somebody else, so have I. So stop writing me and let's move on. :animal36

Stay strong, you can do it! You are better than his crap!

Originally Posted by Bruce's_Mom (Post 1337511)

I did make the call, but only after he contacted me again...I have pretty much blocked him from all personal accounts, etc, but I neglected to see if that could be done here at work, and arrived to this.

Dear Allison,
I want you to know that I love you, and always will. I hope you understand that it is just too emotional for me to think that after all our time and history together you are willing to just toss me aside. Sometimes when you are like this it makes me feel as though I never meant anything to you. I guess I am going to have to move on with my life now, the good news is I have met someone very special. In a way she reminds me of you, only better in every conceivable way. When you decide not to be so immature about this contact me, because it is just ridiculous to me you would throw even our friendship down the toilet.

Love you Always,
Brian

Needless to say that was enough to make me pick up the phone that moment. He makes me feel as though I am crazy, and it really is having a negative impact on other parts of my life...CHEERS TO THE SINGLE LIFE!

Originally Posted by Bruce's_Mom (Post 1337557)

I ignored it, that was really all I could do...This is something he has done in the past, he creates new women in his life, at one time when we broke up he claimed to be engaged for example, and generally these things check out to be lies used to lure me back in. It is only when we are not broken up he likes to get with other women, and then it has just been awkward one night stands...Or he does this thing where he will lead women on, people like our law school classmates, etc then tell me they are hitting on him and tell them 'Oh I am sorry you got the wrong idea, Allison and I are together you know.'

The problem is he does not have any concept of what he wants, from me, from himself, or for anyone else. Well that is not THE problem, but one of many!

Again, thank you all for your support the last day has been super rough and I have been really fighting the urge to talk to him about this. Talking to you folks is a healthier substitute!

Originally Posted by BabyFidgette (Post 1335194)

Something similar happened to me! We moved in together and got engaged. He proposed, and get this...we would have been married 2 years today, which I just realized right now (Aug 27). LOL See how much I give a crap, hugh? He also left me with all the cancellations and such. My mom lost so much money. But I'll be damned if I would have given him back the ring! He paid about $8500 for it and I kept it since HE broke it off. I sold it back to the jeweler for less than half of that when I was "ready." Now I'm SO glad we didn't get married b/c I am so happy and better off without his crap. So, to the original poster, celstu1 is right. You WILL get over it. Hugs to you!

Originally Posted by celstu1 (Post 1337883)

Funny, Ive been a single girl now for 2 years and 2 days! hehe we broke up aug 26, 05! We were supposed to get married June 24, 06. Im WAAAAAAYYYY better off! Funny thing is, he NEVER goes AWAY!!!! HE broke it off after 9+ years and I keep away from him yet he always finds a way or a reason to keep coming back to me! Last year for xmas I got a coach pocketbook, wallet & keychain ($330) from him! Hes a NUT!!! I want nothing to do with him at all, its all a head game on his part to see if he can keep me around in case he needs me. HAHA Im sooooo all done! After 2 years of being broken up, I thought I knew what angry was, I thought I went through 'anger' LLOONNGG ago, where I wanted to slap him silly and yell my head off! Oh no... anger, the real true anger is when you can finally just walk away and realize how good it is to be free of that WEIGHT! :)

Originally Posted by Bruce's_Mom (Post 1337511)

I did make the call, but only after he contacted me again...I have pretty much blocked him from all personal accounts, etc, but I neglected to see if that could be done here at work, and arrived to this.

Dear Allison,
I want you to know that I love you, and always will. I hope you understand that it is just too emotional for me to think that after all our time and history together you are willing to just toss me aside. Sometimes when you are like this it makes me feel as though I never meant anything to you. I guess I am going to have to move on with my life now, the good news is I have met someone very special. In a way she reminds me of you, only better in every conceivable way. When you decide not to be so immature about this contact me, because it is just ridiculous to me you would throw even our friendship down the toilet.

Love you Always,
Brian

Needless to say that was enough to make me pick up the phone that moment. He makes me feel as though I am crazy, and it really is having a negative impact on other parts of my life...CHEERS TO THE SINGLE LIFE!