| Willow | 08-14-2007 03:41 AM |
I only have a minute to check in...
I am in TN for my cousins funeral.
Yesterday was the calling hours for my cousin Justin. It was 6 hours long. I got to see my cousins youngest 2 children for the first time. His son, Joshua, named for my brother, will be 5 months old on Thursday. He was the first of Justin's children to be there, so I asked if I could hold him.
I was totally unprepared for how much he would look like Justin. I should have expected it. I picked him up and he looked right at me and grinned and I swear I could have been holding Justin in my arms. I had to give him back, not because I didn't want to hold him, I was just too overwhelmed. He is such a beautiful baby. I did hold him again later, for hours, and walked around with him...but it is impossible to hold him without crying and just knowing that I was able to hold a piece of my cousin even though he is no longer here.....
Non of the family had ever seen his youngest daughter who is 2, but she was there with her mom yesterday and my Aunt Hazel held all three of Justin's children in her arms at the same time. Cameras went off like crazy it was such a special moment.
His dog tags are in the casket with him. Someone had told me the dog tags were still in Iraq but my other Aunt told me that no, they were in the casket and that they had done a DNA test to prove that it was Justin. That destroyed all hope I had that they had made a mistake. I didn't know DNA tests had been done to prove it was him.
It was a long day yesterday and right now I feel all cried out but today is going to be another long day and sometimes it just takes for someone to say one thing to start us all again. My cousin Vernon, Justin's older brother, hugged me plenty yesterday! These boys and their parents were my surrogate family, they are like brothers to me. This sounds horrible, but I have been closer with my cousins than with my own brothers. Both of my brothers are here as well so I will be sure to hug them before we separate again.
Justin is the first Blackwell to die in combat in over 100 years, since the civil war. He is the first of our immediate family line to pass on.
Yesterday a PGR gave my Aunt a statue of a soldier hugging Jesus. | 