Opinions Please About What Is Going On
 

Its been a while since I started a thread in Yorkietalk. I needed some honest opinions from fellow YT members. Hubby and I have been married for a little over a year and I have been feeling the changes. I am now in my home country visiting my family for 3 months and he is in Costa Rica working for 3 weeks. I feel that he doesn't care about me so much anymore compared to dating days and we have only been married for like a little over a year? For those who are married, is there a difference between how your man treats you before and after marriage? If there is, is there a big difference?

Say when I fell sick and I tell him, the next day or after he doesn't remember/care to ask (I don't know which). If I ask him why he keeps forgetting, he'd say he is too busy with work (could that be an excuse all the time?). Today, my father-in-law met up with my parents for the first time as my FIL flew in from Canada just for meeting up with my parents. I have told hubby yesterday. Today, he didn't call to ask. It is a Saturday morning in Costa Rica. So I called him and mentioned it and he was like "so how did it go?" but it felt like he had forgotten about it and I had to remind him and then he asks questions. I imagine if you really love and care about a person, your wife and your dad is meeting his/her parents for the first time, you'd be really excited and will at least remember to call and ask or hop on to chat to ask. He was also very excited as he is going out today with his colleagues in Costa Rica (his first work trip there) but does it mean that I have to be sidelined?

I am very dissapointed because I feel he does not care about me....over time, I am feeling more and more tired.

Oh honey give it time. My husband and I have been married for 38 years and there are always ups and downs. IMO men and women are soooo very different in expressing their feelings. We went for years with my husband traveling all the time and me at home with kids. It didn't seem like we talked much and if we did it was aboaut trivial things...he did his thing and I did mine but we always knew we loved each other. I had several "talks" with him and things would get better for a little while and then I would have to remind him again...and again....and again. Things and people do change and it will never be like it was when that first bloom of dating fades...IMO. We are so much closer now and talk about things again. We have had several really bad health scares and that has made us (him) appreciate what we have and he is awesome. I think we all have the feelings at one time or another that you are feeling but don't give up yet. Patty

My husband do not plan to have any kids and I am afraid that because I have been away from him for 2.5-3 months, it is bad. He said he is out with his colleagues at the moment but when I call him, no one answers...I am having a bad diarrhea at 4am+ and is not able to sleep. Its just that I feel every time I needed him when I am sick or something important is up, either he never remembers or he couldn't care less and that includes my birthday.

I just had a "talk" with him 2 days ago and he has forgotten. He just doesn't care.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes we already know the answer before we ask the question. Was your dating life really that much better than the married life? I would continue to some thinking and when you see each other again, sit down and have a major heart-to-heart. If things don't change for the better and you're still feeling this way then do what you need to. I hope everything works out for you.

Perfectly said and the same here. 35 years on September 13. They can be a challege but if you love them it will work. You have to remember one thing we can be pretty hard to live with ourselves. And the two secret words are Communication and Trust. If you have that you can work any problem out.
1 year, Patti58 can you remember your first year.LOL

What if I love him but I don't feel that he loves me anymore?

What if I love him but I don't feel that he loves me anymore? He was already divorced once...I can't help but think what will keep him from a second?

Maybe it is because you are separated so soon after marriage that the two of you have not settled into a routine. Give it time when you are together again and maybe you will have gained a whole new perspective on your marriage.

?Honey, I know you are worried sick and I feel so bad for you. My husband traveled for weeks at a time too and I was left at home to wonder. And we all do that...just sit and imagine all the things they are doing. Do you trust him? Please have a face to face talk when he gets home and let him know how you are feeling. Patty

hey there - for what it's worth - it's really hard for people to live up to our expectations - I found after my 1st marriage...I expected too much (and we were young) and now know that if you just take the good with the bad - things go alot smoother.....

In my life - I try to live thinking - "Don't sweat the Small Stuff" and things go alot easier. Men aren't the same as we are...they really aren't. What WE may think is something wrong - they may see as perfectly normal behavior. If you've only been married a year - I would think he still loves you - he just may not show it like you think he should - but whatever happens - the best of luck to you and I hope you work thru it.

My husband and I have only been married for 9 years (or will be 9 on Aug 2) and we hit a rough patch about 6 years ago. We couldn't agree on anything it seemed. Quite by accident we found our own method of "counseling".

I had bought 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and spent evenings putting it together alone. One of those evenings my husband joined me. This had been a few days after a nasty argument and we hadn't been talking much. What started out as just two people doing a puzzle, turned into meaningful conversation and getting to know eachother all over again. It didn't happen right away either. Those first couple nights of putting the puzzle together we didn't talk, but it is hard to not talk to someone when you are sitting at the table together every night.

It is now a once a month tradition. Once a month we either get out one of those old puzzles and put it together again or we splurge and buy a new puzzle.

I know you and your husband are apart right now, but may I suggest that when the two of you are together that you find something to do together that you both enjoy. It doesn't have to be something that costs money either. It could be as simple as putting a puzzle together or going fishing or sitting on the back porch sipping tea and just relaxing and talking.

I hope that whatever happens you find happiness and that you feel better.

Gosh, that's worthy of a Reader's Digest story!! That is such an inspiring story. Who would think that something so seemingly mundane would be a form of counselling? I just think that's beautiful! :)

That's wonderful!:)

:thumbup: Good post :)

aww I'm sorry your feeling that way. I would give it time. I have been maried 33 years and the first few werent that great, but take 1 day at a time, and talk to him..till he understands how your feeling, I use to walk around mad and it got worse by the minute, now I say my mind and so does hubby, so we never go to bed angry at each other :) good luck sweetie

This topic brought back some old & sometimes uncomfortable feelings when I saw it....Years ago my sister & I used to call each other all the time constantly complaining about our husbands.."You'll never guess what he did /said this time!"..this would go on for a few years,then one day WE even got sick of our own whining & complaining to each other... & it surly did nothing for the closeness we felt toward our husbands( or lack of)...then we started talking about ourselves & how we weren't so innocent in the unhappiness we where feeling....it took a lot of soul searching & brutal honesty to come to terms w/ our own responsibility in this...we where expecting our husbands to fix every thing ...we where expecting them to be responsible for our own ego & well being & when they couldn't, we hated them for it...the things we where attracted to them for we now despised...strong & confident was now arrogant to us... a go getter, someone who got things done was now interpreted as controlling ....some one who knew how to take care of every thing was now a know it all...some one who was attentive was now providing for the family & gone more & is interpreted as neglectful ....we started looking at things from his point of view ,the responsibilities he now has to take on....we even had to admit that even in the way we spoke to them was uncalled for at times...we would never have spoken to our neighbor or co worker that way, but we saved it for him...we realized that the bottom line was we did this to ourselves, we needed to find things in our lives to make us feel useful, a reason to get out of bed, we had to stop being so dependent on them, they probably didn't want that responsibility anyway....stop wanting them to protect us...we had to look at it as our men are here to share our lives, not be our lives...happiness is not a given, nor is it automatic,it's hard earned....things defiantly improved dramatically when we stopped all our nonsense, I now try & see things from his point of view & I must say a sense of humor goes a long way too....:)


I'm not saying that this is going on in your case but what I am trying to say is maybe there are some expectations you may be disappointed in ...but we have to bear some of the responsibility also for our own unhappiness...And yes things constantly ebb & flow through out a relationship, there are days your heart goes pitter patter just looking at him & then there are those days you can't stand to look at him ..that's real life ....I hope you guys can work your issues out also...