Company Policy - Humor For Your Day!
 

New Company Policy:


Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wear Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will received 104 personal days a year.

They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.

Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of three minutes, the stall door will open, and a picture willl be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

-- SMILE AND HAVE A NICE DAY!!!

Oh my....another reason why I enjoying being at home!!!:D

I've seen that before and got such a kick out of it:) I really thought about printing it out and posting it at work (I'm the Dir. of HR at our company) but there's always those one or two employees with absolutely no sense of humor that will take it seriously and make a big fuss - ugh:(

LMBO !! (laughing my BUTT off - rather than LMAO) Trying to stop cussin in my net lingo lol -

that's too funny and I can see some bosses actually going for it

I would laugh at this except a lot of it happens in my work place :) haha

That's what I was thinking.. I think some employers already go by this.

The toilet use and lunch break sections were especially funny. :D